Need advice from parents of older toddlers

[SG131]

I'm concerned about both really. I have mild anxiety (diagnosed) so hard to tell if my condition is fogging my judgment here. I'm also surrounded by a bunch of vague specialists that give vague answers to everything asked. I wanted to know if it's normal behavior for a 14-month old to carry two random objects, one in each hand, and no one seems to give me a proper answer. Haha

I think a lot of the vague answers are due to covid. My oldest is 5 and has a few issues saying certain letters correctly. The teachers said they're seeing a lot of that because the kids have been in masks so long that they don't see faces to mimic. Kids your sons age have never known "normal" and the effects of that are just starting to be studied. But honestly, at 14 months old, I wouldn't worry yet. My friend's son literally said maybe 10 words up until the age of 3, then one day about a week before his speech evaluation, he started saying a million things. My little cousin was also the same way and he's now doing amazing things as a young adult.

As far as the other things, those also sound pretty normal for his age. Tantrums definitely normal as they don't know how to express themselves any other way. Playing, putting a toy in their mouth is normal play for that age. My 16 month old literally puts everything in his mouth right now. And if its not in his mouth he's just taking all the toys and throwing them on the floor. He can drive a car around, but other than that really doesn't understand how to use the toys yet, he's just exploring. He also loves sticking his finger in any of his baby sisters orifices, ear, nose, mouth.

The fact that your son makes eye contact is a big plus. Lack of eye contact is a big indicator for autism. Honestly, unless there is something more glaring, I don't think you will get anywhere even with a private evaluation at this age. It is typically too soon to tell if certain behaviors are things kids will grow out of or signs of a larger problem. There is a kid in my son's class who is text book ADHD. His mom tried to get him diagnosed, but the doctor said they won't do it before age 6. You could see if early intervention is able to put him on a tracking program where they continue to track his progress and then if at some point he does dip below age appropriate level they can more quickly provide services.

 

[DLgal]

The fact that your son makes eye contact is a big plus. Lack of eye contact is a big indicator for autism. Honestly, unless there is something more glaring, I don't think you will get anywhere even with a private evaluation at this age. It is typically too soon to tell if certain behaviors are things kids will grow out of or signs of a larger problem. There is a kid in my son's class who is text book ADHD. His mom tried to get him diagnosed, but the doctor said they won't do it before age 6. You could see if early intervention is able to put him on a tracking program where they continue to track his progress and then if at some point he does dip below age appropriate level they can more quickly provide services.

I have two very autistic kids. They both make eye contact and did so as babies/toddlers. That is not a solid indicator at all.

Also, it is absolutely not true that an evaluation at this age is useless. Both my kids evaluations between ages 15 and 16 months uncovered very real problems that were promptly addressed with therapy. The earlier you get interventions, the better the outcome. In the case of my youngest, he has Global Developmental delays in all areas and his therapy between ages 16 months and 2 years was absolutely life changing for all of us. It made a massive, massive difference for his ability to benefit from further therapies and special education preschool. The "wait and see" approach has been proven detrimental to children with developmental disabilities and that is why they are changing the screening guidelines.

 

[SG131]

I have two very autistic kids. They both make eye contact and did so as babies/toddlers. That is not a solid indicator at all.

Also, it is absolutely not true that an evaluation at this age is useless. Both my kids evaluations between ages 15 and 16 months uncovered very real problems that were promptly addressed with therapy. The earlier you get interventions, the better the outcome. In the case of my youngest, he has Global Developmental delays in all areas and his therapy between ages 16 months and 2 years was absolutely life changing for all of us. It made a massive, massive difference for his ability to benefit from further therapies and special education preschool. The "wait and see" approach has been proven detrimental to children with developmental disabilities and that is why they are changing the screening guidelines.

My oldest was in to see a couple different drs on the way to his adhd diagnosis and a few of the drs used eye contact as their primary indicator, not sure why they focused so heavily on that then.

I didn't say evaluations are useless. My two youngest are fosters who because of their past were evaluated as babies and are tracked via early intervention. But, if these other specialists have said the child is ok and early intervention deems they are on target for development and require no intervention at this time, I'm not sure then also paying for a private evaluation would yield any different results.

 

[Daddy's 'lil Princess]

I don't know where to post this. I'm a single father that works in a school for children with special needs and I'm not sure if this is where my paranoia started, but I'm desperate for guidance. I am seriously concerned about my soon to be 14 month old and old's development. We are waiting on EI to visit, but he has been seen by an OT and Speech and neither found anything alarming, which didn't ease my worries. His pediatrician is not worried either and seems to think he'll catch up, yet all of my internet searches and books I've read say otherwise. Could any parent here willing to share please tell me if any of this seems alarming to you, should I look for a new pediatrician?

Areas of Concern:
x Hand flapping a lot, no matter the emotional state
x Tenses upper body, holds mouth open or does a shake in excitement (seizures ruled out)
x Does not seem to understand much, if you ask where is mama or dadda
x Receptive language is my primary concern x Mouths toys all the time, plays appropriately only 10% of the time
x Likes to touch children, not sure if this is a pro or con. Seems very interested in them. Loves starring at them

Areas of Strength:
+ Understands "no"
+ Sometimes responds to "come here"
+ Always has had amazing eye contact
+ Checks in with me during play and during unfamiliar situations
+ Mimics certain sounds of gestures
+ Points, but does not look back at me
+ Waves when he wants to
+ Claps all the time
+ Loves to stare at people, especially new faces
+ 9/10 name response, his strongest skill really..
+ Babbles jargon, says dada but no attachment
+ Loves grandma, only affectionate with her really
+ Eats everything and anything
+ Sleeps for 9 hour stretches
+ Walks, and makes his wants known by reaching mostly

Scroll to the end of my extremely long reply, sorry for that, For my honest thoughts on your post. I really took your situation to heart.

As a father of a (happy birthday) 6 year old, your post throws me back to the days of mentions and my heart hurts as I KNOW the feeling you are having. Our daughter was born with several orthopedic concerns , which we were aware of as ultrasounds revealed. Tibia Hememelia (bone deformation between the knee and ankle, missing bone and severe curviture) in her rgith leg, Bi lateral club feet, lower spine deformation( curved spine? scoliosis?) A few Fused ribs, and teh leg with the Tibia H- the Hip was deformed and never formed so she now has a permanent (for now?) Dislocated R-Hip. Sorry im not a dr MOM knows the exact names if i messed them up.

OK saying that we were already planning thinking etc how this is going to work etc Life challenges. But we had a GREAT orthopaedic Surgeon and team working with us to prepare. SO the BIG day! here she comes everything was ok standard , min jaundice got the suntan lamp for a few days she was tongue tied and couldn't breast feed so it was clipped. YAY we are home LOVE her. After a few visits to Children Hospital (was a very frequent event every other day) Tibia hemimilia is apparently quite rare so dr's were very curious to see and we were working on casting bi lateral correction etc,
One day an intern caught what appeared to be a heart murmer....This is where things got HARD. A few checks and Here we go Our 5 month old baby Now revealed she (basically) 1.5 lungs and the right side lung wasnt attached to the heart and was causing hypertension.

NO dark details here the next 4-6 months were extremely trying as we where being transitioned back and forth from Ottawa CHEO to Toronto SICK KIDS. staying at Ronald McDonald house sleeping Hospital waiting room couches, the whole experience put me into auto pilot. I wont lie I was scared but stayed strong for mom and baby. SO.. several heart surgeries thorocodomy and cardiac procedures valve replacements and a ton more things i cant even fathom to remember (moms Know) over months we finally fixed the plumbing giggle.

PHEW! then after her final procedure they went to (extrabate?) pull the assisted breathing tube from her lil body and her vocal cords got paralyzed. so few more weeks of monitoring and such finally was decided that we could transfer back to OTTAWA CHEO . SO now we were dealing with HOW can the baby Breathe? tracheotomy...Mom knows was the fear. Counted our blessings when one day in the hospital ENT decided to try one more time to pull the tube........... As the tube left contact The LITTLE.. BaaahhWaaahhhh Mom and DAD cried. She would be fine / partial paralysis but monitored and honestly i think we are in the clear as she can scream real loud now lol XD.

OK.. Now back to the legs and ortho....as OF course we stopped all procedures until the plumbing was figured out then we will look at the frame skeleton so she had the procedure that portion of her right leg amputated and went through that process also castings etc and we are still going through the restrictions / limitations of it and other factors its just our normal for us now but does get hard at times. OK so saying all this all before she was 1? maybe 2. so saying this she still has cardiac appointments (life) othopedic steps as of now just monitoring growths and functions etc. its just the the way it goes. But she is an amazing lil girl.

(the reason i felt all this was important to say was everything she has gone through her development took back seats (delayed) and once all health issues were adressed she progressed over time and caught up with some of the concerns they thought may exisit or cause concern......dont at this time.)

Areas of Concern:
x Hand flapping a lot, no matter the emotional state (motor function) typically learning control of motor skills)or is just fun to flail
x Tenses upper body, holds mouth open or does a shake in excitement (seizures ruled out) ..Ok this must be a kid thing my lil one used to stare off into space as well I did get concerned and asked and check nothing....its a tad freaky for me anyways..but now we lol about it wife says she is looking at (spirits) Her DAD my DAD and MOM etc..I will be honest I seen a few times she would watch something come down the stairs and follow it with her eys and head and nothing there. I will leave it at that But it isnt that uncommon IT is spooky to see...
x Does not seem to understand much, if you ask where is mama or dadda : lol have that problem NOW as well as at that age...I feel its not that they dont hear it its them processing the proceess.. it will develop repetition. Comprehension is a whole new game.
x Receptive language is my primary concern x Mouths toys all the time, plays appropriately only 10% of the time : mouthing words is good our lil one used to look in a floor mirror and do all sorts of weird things including SHAPING mouth. Receptive LANGUAGE? If you call them do they respond? even if they just turn to look etc. where is mom where is dad? not to sure we did that game lol but she got it at some point she acknowledged the voices. pretty sure she was older than 14 months. regarding appropriate playing? IDK what that means lol again it is at the Development stage and kids are at all different levels being behind a curve doesnt mean anything is wrong stuff just happens youll just have to take my word that I felt all the same things your are kind of feeling and now that i look back smile.... Only thing i wish is I had more time to enjoy that time with her instead of analizing ...wait does that mean this does this mean that ....youll go crazy HAVE FUN and it will just happen and you will be in the same bout in the future giving advice opinions and shared feelings to others.
x Likes to touch children, not sure if this is a pro or con. Seems very interested in them. Loves starring at them : yes its funny just simple curiosity IMHO our lil one is 6 and she still analyzes and watches everything i can see the wheels turning so to speak.
But everything you have listed ....(FOLLOW ADVICE FROM medical) to me seems absolutely normal behaviors and i have experienced most if not all at some stage of my daughters life.
MY point here is at 14 months they are still developmental stages (DR's and NURSES and Specialists follow growth charts / development charts Milestones etc...if they are saying NOT WORRIED it probably because its to early to determine FACTUAL concerns IF ANY. "OT" Love these people they are your window and guide if there are any concerns. My daughter still has an OT external and an OT in the school she is in. Dr's Nurses, OTs and everything and everyone ....USE as informative TOOLS.
"..yet all of my internet searches and books I've read say otherwise." That sir is a rabbit hole i wouldn't recommend to take as sound advice unfortunately its the world we live in now. trust me everything my daughter had and has i goggled and started searching sent me spiraling into the rabbit hole (Alice N wonderland) That did nothing but increase my heart rate and drain my energy. Saying this EVEN WHAT I WRITE should be taken as exposure opinion to concerns and how it was/is applicable to my situation...life...nothing more nothing less. extract information that helps, and toss the rest away build your own opinion after you get all the choices and information. this is just how i approach things naturally in life. Just Breathe DAD.

From 1 Dad to another:
Try to relax and enjoy this time ...I know its hard and scary and challenging as we ALL want nothing but the best for our children and families. I wish i had focused more on HER than I did worrying about the WHAT ifs, is that normal etc along with HUGE life choices we had to make. Really it will suck the life out of you.
Take the issues 1 at a time....but give them time and TRY, i say try cause if you are like me things run in my head all the time, try and just enjoy the very small things simple smiles simple giggles funny feeding moments...funny Diaper(moments) maybe not funny as they happen but they are later lol. All in all sir try and enjoy the time as it goes by FAST!

BE dad and everything else just sort of lines up.
ALL in ALL at the start and end of every day and while they dream make sure they know DAD is and will always be there.

Have a great Day and weekend.

 

[Betty Rohrer]

I'm concerned about both really. I have mild anxiety (diagnosed) so hard to tell if my condition is fogging my judgment here. I'm also surrounded by a bunch of vague specialists that give vague answers to everything asked. I wanted to know if it's normal behavior for a 14-month old to carry two random objects, one in each hand, and no one seems to give me a proper answer. Haha

from years of working in toddler rooms in daycare, yes a lot of toddlers love to carry something in each hand. but as a earlier poster said I would be more worried if child will not give up what is in their hands. would also be worried if child only uses one hand. yes use one more often but should use both some of the time

 

[TheExProphet]

UPDATE: My son is now 16 months, soon to be 17 months on the 4th of August. Recently took the MCHAT and I'm stuck on whether to fail or pass him on the pointing question. Here's the thing, he gestures (I call it pointing because that's what I thought it was) to objects he wants from a far and in proximity with a closed fist, with his thumb leading the direction. I usually know what he's pointing at because his thumb slightly extends that way. He doesn't fully lift his thumb, it remains flat but extended.

He does this to share interests to. He does this several times a day to request and share interest. Sometimes he will make eye contact with you and the item, back and forth. Other times he will make a noise to draw your attention to it as he "points". His babysitter also notices it and says "oh he points at things all the time" because she's also under the impression that this is pointing. He does index finger point when he presses buttons and pictures. He used to index finger point infrequently at items he wanted (when he was like 12-13 months).

Thoughts, pass/fail?

 

[TheExProphet]

Scroll to the end of my extremely long reply, sorry for that, For my honest thoughts on your post. I really took your situation to heart.

As a father of a (happy birthday) 6 year old, your post throws me back to the days of mentions and my heart hurts as I KNOW the feeling you are having. Our daughter was born with several orthopedic concerns , which we were aware of as ultrasounds revealed. Tibia Hememelia (bone deformation between the knee and ankle, missing bone and severe curviture) in her rgith leg, Bi lateral club feet, lower spine deformation( curved spine? scoliosis?) A few Fused ribs, and teh leg with the Tibia H- the Hip was deformed and never formed so she now has a permanent (for now?) Dislocated R-Hip. Sorry im not a dr MOM knows the exact names if i messed them up.

OK saying that we were already planning thinking etc how this is going to work etc Life challenges. But we had a GREAT orthopaedic Surgeon and team working with us to prepare. SO the BIG day! here she comes everything was ok standard , min jaundice got the suntan lamp for a few days she was tongue tied and couldn't breast feed so it was clipped. YAY we are home LOVE her. After a few visits to Children Hospital (was a very frequent event every other day) Tibia hemimilia is apparently quite rare so dr's were very curious to see and we were working on casting bi lateral correction etc,
One day an intern caught what appeared to be a heart murmer....This is where things got HARD. A few checks and Here we go Our 5 month old baby Now revealed she (basically) 1.5 lungs and the right side lung wasnt attached to the heart and was causing hypertension.

NO dark details here the next 4-6 months were extremely trying as we where being transitioned back and forth from Ottawa CHEO to Toronto SICK KIDS. staying at Ronald McDonald house sleeping Hospital waiting room couches, the whole experience put me into auto pilot. I wont lie I was scared but stayed strong for mom and baby. SO.. several heart surgeries thorocodomy and cardiac procedures valve replacements and a ton more things i cant even fathom to remember (moms Know) over months we finally fixed the plumbing giggle.

PHEW! then after her final procedure they went to (extrabate?) pull the assisted breathing tube from her lil body and her vocal cords got paralyzed. so few more weeks of monitoring and such finally was decided that we could transfer back to OTTAWA CHEO . SO now we were dealing with HOW can the baby Breathe? tracheotomy...Mom knows was the fear. Counted our blessings when one day in the hospital ENT decided to try one more time to pull the tube........... As the tube left contact The LITTLE.. BaaahhWaaahhhh Mom and DAD cried. She would be fine / partial paralysis but monitored and honestly i think we are in the clear as she can scream real loud now lol XD.

OK.. Now back to the legs and ortho....as OF course we stopped all procedures until the plumbing was figured out then we will look at the frame skeleton so she had the procedure that portion of her right leg amputated and went through that process also castings etc and we are still going through the restrictions / limitations of it and other factors its just our normal for us now but does get hard at times. OK so saying all this all before she was 1? maybe 2. so saying this she still has cardiac appointments (life) othopedic steps as of now just monitoring growths and functions etc. its just the the way it goes. But she is an amazing lil girl.

(the reason i felt all this was important to say was everything she has gone through her development took back seats (delayed) and once all health issues were adressed she progressed over time and caught up with some of the concerns they thought may exisit or cause concern......dont at this time.)

Areas of Concern:
x Hand flapping a lot, no matter the emotional state (motor function) typically learning control of motor skills)or is just fun to flail
x Tenses upper body, holds mouth open or does a shake in excitement (seizures ruled out) ..Ok this must be a kid thing my lil one used to stare off into space as well I did get concerned and asked and check nothing....its a tad freaky for me anyways..but now we lol about it wife says she is looking at (spirits) Her DAD my DAD and MOM etc..I will be honest I seen a few times she would watch something come down the stairs and follow it with her eys and head and nothing there. I will leave it at that But it isnt that uncommon IT is spooky to see...
x Does not seem to understand much, if you ask where is mama or dadda : lol have that problem NOW as well as at that age...I feel its not that they dont hear it its them processing the proceess.. it will develop repetition. Comprehension is a whole new game.
x Receptive language is my primary concern x Mouths toys all the time, plays appropriately only 10% of the time : mouthing words is good our lil one used to look in a floor mirror and do all sorts of weird things including SHAPING mouth. Receptive LANGUAGE? If you call them do they respond? even if they just turn to look etc. where is mom where is dad? not to sure we did that game lol but she got it at some point she acknowledged the voices. pretty sure she was older than 14 months. regarding appropriate playing? IDK what that means lol again it is at the Development stage and kids are at all different levels being behind a curve doesnt mean anything is wrong stuff just happens youll just have to take my word that I felt all the same things your are kind of feeling and now that i look back smile.... Only thing i wish is I had more time to enjoy that time with her instead of analizing ...wait does that mean this does this mean that ....youll go crazy HAVE FUN and it will just happen and you will be in the same bout in the future giving advice opinions and shared feelings to others.
x Likes to touch children, not sure if this is a pro or con. Seems very interested in them. Loves starring at them : yes its funny just simple curiosity IMHO our lil one is 6 and she still analyzes and watches everything i can see the wheels turning so to speak.
But everything you have listed ....(FOLLOW ADVICE FROM medical) to me seems absolutely normal behaviors and i have experienced most if not all at some stage of my daughters life.
MY point here is at 14 months they are still developmental stages (DR's and NURSES and Specialists follow growth charts / development charts Milestones etc...if they are saying NOT WORRIED it probably because its to early to determine FACTUAL concerns IF ANY. "OT" Love these people they are your window and guide if there are any concerns. My daughter still has an OT external and an OT in the school she is in. Dr's Nurses, OTs and everything and everyone ....USE as informative TOOLS.
"..yet all of my internet searches and books I've read say otherwise." That sir is a rabbit hole i wouldn't recommend to take as sound advice unfortunately its the world we live in now. trust me everything my daughter had and has i goggled and started searching sent me spiraling into the rabbit hole (Alice N wonderland) That did nothing but increase my heart rate and drain my energy. Saying this EVEN WHAT I WRITE should be taken as exposure opinion to concerns and how it was/is applicable to my situation...life...nothing more nothing less. extract information that helps, and toss the rest away build your own opinion after you get all the choices and information. this is just how i approach things naturally in life. Just Breathe DAD.

From 1 Dad to another:
Try to relax and enjoy this time ...I know its hard and scary and challenging as we ALL want nothing but the best for our children and families. I wish i had focused more on HER than I did worrying about the WHAT ifs, is that normal etc along with HUGE life choices we had to make. Really it will suck the life out of you.
Take the issues 1 at a time....but give them time and TRY, i say try cause if you are like me things run in my head all the time, try and just enjoy the very small things simple smiles simple giggles funny feeding moments...funny Diaper(moments) maybe not funny as they happen but they are later lol. All in all sir try and enjoy the time as it goes by FAST!

BE dad and everything else just sort of lines up.
ALL in ALL at the start and end of every day and while they dream make sure they know DAD is and will always be there.

Have a great Day and weekend.

Thanks for the thorough and thoughtful reply. It was very helpful to read. I appreciate it when other parents give me heartfelt responses and share their own personal experiences and struggles. You sound like a very solid dad and I'll try to take what you say as guidance.