Need advice for DS, possible ADHD? Help

[Jessd]

Hi. I hope this makes sense.

We are having some issues with our son. He is 10, will be 11 next month.

He has always been an easy going kid, a bit shy and has always been a good student. Starting maybe the beginning of last school year, he has been having some problems.

He seems to forget alot. He doesn't remember assignments given. He has no motivation anymore. He doesn't seem to care if he gets in trouble for not doing his work. We have tried taking privlidges away from him but it doesn't affect anything. He doesn't have a behavior problem, he doesn't get in trouble in school or anything. He doesn't have many friends because he mostly keeps to himself. A big problem is that he lies all the time. He is given these assignments once a week, a packet for Language Arts. They had the packets last year and he has the same teacher this year. I figured that they would possibly have the same sort of assignments so I kept asking him about it. He said that the teacher wasn't giving them. Well, here comes a grade check in the mail and he wasn't turning them in and was getting an F. I called his teacher, who is an amazing man and he said that he will let him make them up. He thinks DS has a real talent for writing. Making up the work will bring his grade back up to an A because they were very big assignments. We went through all of this last year too, same class, same missing assignments.


His lying is starting to be a big problem. It has gotten to the point that I don't know if he is telling me the truth when he tells me something. He seems to be in his own world sometimes. He is also very figity. It seems like he can't keep his hands still, like they have a life of their own. He cannot sit still.

I took him to a therapist, she thinks that he may have some kind of hyperactivity disorder, but didn't want to test when I mentioned ADD or ADHD. She wasn't much help, she kinda drifted out of the picture and then wasn't returning my calls. I want to find someone else to take him to but am not sure what I need to be asking them. My SIL is about 20 years old and acts exactly the same way. She acts just like he does. Could it be something inherited?

Does anyone have any advice? I don't know what to ask or what kind of doctor to take him to.

Sorry to ramble on, but I didn't know where else to go for advice.

Thanks,

Jess

 

[MoniqueU]

I would definetly follow up on getting him tested. If only to give you peace of mind. And the lying you need to somehow put a stop to. Maybe you need to have a daily or weekly signed sheet with the teacher on all his homework.
I can say from my personal experience I used to read books like 3 to 5 a week then out of the blue I can not concentrate to read a book any more for the past maybe 3 years or so? I want to read books I still buy them with the intention or reading them becaus I have always loved to read books but I just can NOT concentrate on a book for that amount of time. I can read a message board where the topics change and info changes though so go figure. So I can somewhat relate to what your sons intentions may be and how it may have just come on out of the blue like that. However I do think you need to get on top of the lying anyway you can.

 

[staci]

You may want to post your question on the Disabilities board as well as there are a lot of parents over there who have dealt with add/adhd etc.

I would definitely test him. From my experience during college (teaching degree) you son sounds like he definitely has some charactaristics towards add. Has he had problems in the past or is this a new thing?

I also had one girl in my 6th grade class who had real problems with remembering assignments. She really just could not write them down and remember her planner, and remember to check her planner, etc. She did have some learning challanges, but was very bright and not classified. We allowed her to use the classroom phone every day after school was dismissed to call home and leave a message on the answering machine about her assignments. For some reason, this worked better for her.

For now, I would try to have a meeting with the teacher, your ds and yourself so that you can all get on the same page regarding homework assignments/policies. But I would definitely look into getting him checked. After going to college I am 98% sure that I should have been diagnosed with add but never was. It is possible that your ds has 'flown under the radar' of other teachers by being quiet. Unfortunately, sometimes only the disruptive students get the extra attention required to push for a diagnosis at the school level.

 

[clh2]

. Well, here comes a grade check in the mail and he wasn't turning them in and was getting an F. I called his teacher, who is an amazing man and he said that he will let him make them up. He thinks DS has a real talent for writing. Making up the work will bring his grade back up to an A because they were very big assignments.

I can't offer any advice related to ADD or ADHD, but I do have a thought regarding the quote that I have above. While it is nice that the teacher will let him turn in the assignment late, and if it brings his grade up to an A, what is the penalty for turning in an assignment late? What will his motiviation be to turn in his work on time if his parent is going to "work it all out" for him?

Hugs to you, it sounds like you've got a lot of things going on. Is it possible for your school district to do the testing?

 

[jamzots]

Hi!!

My 9 yo ds also has ADD, forgets homework, forgets books at school, ect. He also does not have any behavior problems, and yes it definatley is inherited. I have come to find out that it is not a learning disorder, since I had my son tested to be in special ed. He came back as not needing special ed, yet he cannot concentrate in school and his teacher told me that my ds cannot follow through with simple tasks. My DH has a lot of ADD tendencies and his nephews also host a number of neurological disorders. You shoud take your son to a neurologist and get him tested. I can't believe that a psychologist would not follow up on something like this. And btw, my ds' school advised me that only a neurologist or a psychiatrist can give a ADD diagnosis. When you have that diagnosis in your hand you can take it to the school and he should be able to get extra services. They call it 504 program in my district, which means he gets extra time on tests, gets an extra set of books at home, and gets to take tests in a seperate room. It's your call whether or not you want the school to know. It is truly frustrating because in a way you don't want him to be "labeled", yet you want him to get the help. In our situation, my son is not typical ADD, no behavior problems, no hyperactivity, ect. It sounds like your son is also maybe showing very mild symptoms which is harder to diagnose. It has been very frustrating for us with our school district because my son seems to fall in the middle. He doesn't need special ed, yet he can't keep up with the rest of the class, and there are no services for him. It's amazaing though that my son can concentrate when he really wants to, like with his video games. Good Luck to you and your son!

 

[WatchinCaptKangaroo]

Could be ADD, ADHD, Depression, bordem, puberty, or one of a hundred other things.

ADD/ADHD and bipolar disorder are the two diagnoses of the minute for kids now. While there are quite a few kids who do have one of these, there are many who don't and fight their entire childhood with a label because they were really just bored in class, or had other things going on.

Please always trust your gut, but don't be afraid of a diagnosis. Don't be afraid of second opnions and finding a therapist who fits what you're looking for.

Remember, tween and teenagers aren't the happy go lucky children they once were. Not all changes in behavior are a sign of a psych disorder.

 

[Steamboat Marti]

I don't know your states school laws or wether it is a federal law - but if you request in writing to have your child evaluated, in New York State they must evaluate him at NO COST TO YOU. I'd check it out!

 

[jamzots]

Hugs to you, it sounds like you've got a lot of things going on. Is it possible for your school district to do the testing?

FYI... my DS's school advised me that school districts do not test for ADD, you have to take him to a neurologist or a psychiatrist to get a diagnosis. Might be different where you live though. And I asked DS's teacher what the consequences are if he does not bring in his homework, and he flat outright told me "that's your problem" Nice huh??? I am calling the school tomorrow to advise them of this teachers poor attitude.

 

[jamzots]

I don't know your states school laws or wether it is a federal law - but if you request in writing to have your child evaluated, in New York State they must evaluate him at NO COST TO YOU. I'd check it out!

Yes, they will evaluate the child for special ed, but not for ADD.

 

[jamzots]

Unfortunately, sometimes only the disruptive students get the extra attention required to push for a diagnosis at the school level.

 

[WatchinCaptKangaroo]

And I asked DS's teacher what the consequences are if he does not bring in his homework, and he flat outright told me "that's your problem" Nice huh??? I am calling the school tomorrow to advise them of this teachers poor attitude.

Natural consequences ~ losing points, failing grades, losing recess, detention are all the schools problem. It is your choice if you want to punish your son for failing to turn in his school work to the school but the school has a responsiblity to give your son consequences for not turning in his homework.

 

[barkley]

you've gotten some great advice here. i would suggest that you talk to his md or pediatrician about getting a neurological work up. i suggest this because of the issue with his hands-for several years my hands would shake, quiver and involuntarily move-i found out later when i began having terrible headaches that this symptom can be a type of migrane or a precursor to migranes.

my 8 year old got an adhd diagnosis at age 3. it only happened because i pushed the issue with his pediatrician and insisted that we pursue everything under the sun for the symptoms i observed (we did allergy, hearing, neuro and finaly a psych. evaluation). my understanding is that hormones can play a large part in making adhd symptoms worsen, and in some cases boys who have shown little or no sign at a younger age will begin showing signs when their bodies begin to change.

best of luck-

 

[Christine]

Try to do some research and find out what type of testing services are available in your area.

I was very pleased with the "team" I ended up with (I was referred by my pediatrician). We went through Children's Hospital in Washington, D.C. They have a clinic entirely devoted to diagnosing learning/neurological/psychiatric disorders in children. We spent an entire day there and we had a psychiatrist and neurologist heading the team and several social workers under them. They tested my children for EVERYTHING (there are several things that could produce the symptoms your son is having). After our day with them, they all got together and determined what the issues were. Two weeks later, we went back and got the diagnosis. I felt this approach was the most thorough. I don't think I will feel comfortable "just" going to a psychologist.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Could be ADD, ADHD, Depression, bordem, puberty, or one of a hundred other things.

Sounds like depression to me. No friends is a big deal. I would explore that. Is he sad? What does he do on weekends?

I would get him evaluated for sure as something is going on. If he indeed is suffering punishment is not going to solve the problem.

 

[tw1nsmom]

If you suspect your child has ADD or some other learning disability you really need to pursue testing. I would start with recommendations from your family Dr. and pursue it privately on the side, but...

ADD/ADHD CAN be a diagnosis that is covered under an IEP (Other Health Impaired classification). It depends upon the degree to which it effects the childs academic, social, or emotional performance. If the disability is present, but does not effct the childs performance to a great degree then you would want to request a 504. An IEP is covered under the IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act), and a 504 is covered under the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act).

The school district must pay for the testing. Put the request in writing, and send it to the head of special education. If you don't agree with their diagnosis, or if they don't have the appropriate staff to provie a diagnosis they must give you an IEE (Independent Educational Evaluation), through an appropriate outside provider. They have 60 days from the time that you request an evaluation to have the testing done and to hold a meeting (CSE...committee on special education). Put everything in writing and if they tell you otherwise (and they very well may) remind them that this is covered under FEDERAL law.

Feel free to PM me with any questions you may have. I work/study with a parent advocacy organization, and if I don't know the answer to something, I will do my best to at least point you in the right direction.

 

[Jessd]

Thanks everyone for your great advice. I am taking DD to the doctor next week and am going to ask the doctor about the testing.

DS has always been somewhat of a loner, it takes him a while to make friends. He is very bright and has until the last few years done very well in school. I know that is not an issue of the work being too hard for him, he just can't keep focused.

His Language Arts teacher is a great man. He thinks that DS shows some real writing talent. It was his idea to let him turn in his assignments late and still give him full credit. I wasn't too pleased with his decision, there should be some kind of penalty for him not doing his work. Instead, we are having him write some book reports for us at home and making him do all the bonus assignments that they give them in class.

I don't know who to talk to at the school about them possibly getting him tested. DS goes to a charter school and they are in the process of breaking themselves from the school district and going directly under the state.

It just gets so frustrating. I know he has alot of potential and I just want to get him some help.

Thanks for all your help and listening.

Jess

 

[Mishetta]

I am ADHD, my DS 10 is ADHD & my just turned 4 y/o is ADHD. It is inherited. Go see a Neurologist, a Psychiatrist or a Psychologist (altho a Psychologist cannot write the scripts needed.)

For my oldest son (not knowing which way to turn) but noticing lots of problems, I went to his pediatrician first. He referred me to a psychologist & that's where DS(10) was tested at age 5. The psychologist diagnosed him as ADHD with no Learning Disabilities. He also sent a note to the Pediatrician recommending ADHD meds. So I got the initial medication script from his pediatrician. Then he developed side effects from the meds so the pediatrician referred us to a neurologist. Everything has been fine since (well, as "fine" as they get when you're ADHD.)

For my youngest, I went straight to a Pediatric Neurologist & the process was much quicker & far less a financial burden than the first time around & now my DS (4) seems to be doing fine too. He has not been suspended from school since he started his meds a month ago. (My son had already been suspended twice for his behavior issues....once at age 3 & then once at age 4.)

Some people might recommend you use the school system's professionals but I have not had any luck with them. I even spoke to the school psychologist & the school social worker regarding my son & his behavior issues & that I thoght he was ADHD too but they kept sweeping our issues under the rug & just blamed it on "behavior" & told me to get the book 1-2-3 Magic. So I just went straight to the pediatric neurologist with all the "bad notes" from my DS's teacher & I also went thru my county's mental health dept & got involved in program where my DS will get psychiatric behavioral sessions, as well as other needed help for free. Being ADHD is considered a disability today (as it should be.)

Good luck. My best friend is going through the diagnosis step right now for her just turned 13 y/o son. He has the same exact problems as you listed for your son ~ minus the lying part.

You can also go to www.concerta.net & they some insightful information there.

 

[Disneyglobegirl]

On another note along with the testing for ADD/ADHD I would take him to an audiologist and have him tested for Auditory Processing Disorder. I took my son in for testing in 5th grade for ADD and the Dr recommended the APD testing too - turns out he has APD. APD can mimick ADD/ADHD. A great book to learn more about APD is called "When the Brain Can't Hear" We placed DS in a program called PACE ( Processing and Cognitive Enhancement) and he is doing wonderful this year! Earning all A's and B's this year!!

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

My DS9 has a terrible time getting and staying focused. He gets distracted at the slightest thing, then it takes him forever to get back to what he was doing. He failed an assignment last week because after 45 minutes he had only finished half. Last night he took 2 hours to do one worksheet!

I spoke to the school counselor last week. We had requested last Spring to have him tested for a learning difference, but they never got around to it. Now, an entire SEMESTER into the FOLLOWING year, they are "catching up" on testing. Grrr. So after chatting with the counselor she said unless he is failing that the issue most likely is NOT a learning difference. The teachers and I all suspect inattentive ADD, but we were under the impression the school district can't test for it. Well, lo and behold, they CAN! His teachers complete a survey, we complete one, and the district will have a psychologist test him. The fee is on a sliding scale. If he is diagnosed with ADD we can then go to our pediatrician for assistance with meds, etc.

Good luck! I know it is frustrating. DS went through a period of lying at the end of 2nd grade. We just made a point of following up with the teachers every day until he finally realized if he lied we would catch him. Now he is better about telling the truth.

 

[jamzots]

Natural consequences ~ losing points, failing grades, losing recess, detention are all the schools problem. It is your choice if you want to punish your son for failing to turn in his school work to the school but the school has a responsiblity to give your son consequences for not turning in his homework.

I thought so!!