Nanny / Caregiver Issue

[disykat]

Oh good grief. I came in late and admittedly skimmed through, but why the pile up?

I live on the opposite end of the US from the OP and had no help, was a SAHM, etc. Very different from the OP, but even I have heard of baby nurses. I don't know anyone who had one, but I've most certainly heard of them. I can also relate to the OP in that I would be concerned if I hired a nanny who had no way to get the baby out of the building in an emergency. Come on people, every mom wants what they see as best for their child. Not every care giving situation, babysitter or whatever, works out. Regardless of income or where we live, we have that in common. Why the nastiness?

How dare she hire someone and not be satisfied? The nerve! REALLY???

 

[sunshinehighway]

Oh good grief. I came in late and admittedly skimmed through, but why the pile up?

I live on the opposite end of the US from the OP and had no help, was a SAHM, etc. Very different from the OP, but even I have heard of baby nurses. I don't know anyone who had one, but I've most certainly heard of them. I can also relate to the OP in that I would be concerned if I hired a nanny who had no way to get the baby out of the building in an emergency. Come on people, every mom wants what they see as best for their child. Not every care giving situation, babysitter or whatever, works out. Regardless of income or where we live, we have that in common. Why the nastiness?

How dare she hire someone and not be satisfied? The nerve! REALLY???

She didn't say the nanny couldn't get the baby out during an emergency. All she said was the nanny couldn't get the strooler with car seat attached and baby in side down the steps on her own.
Besides it seems most people are on her side until she really started getting nitpicky with the humidifier.
It's not nastiness to tell someone they are asking too much.

 

[msjprincess]

She didn't say the nanny couldn't get the baby out during an emergency. All she said was the nanny couldn't get the strooler with car seat attached and baby in side down the steps on her own.
Besides it seems most people are on her side until she really started getting nitpicky with the humidifier.
It's not nastiness to tell someone they are asking too much.

I'd probably have trouble with that also. I lived in a second floor apartment when my middle child was born. I left the stroller at the bottom of the stairs most of the time because it was difficult carrying it up and down the stairs. I can't imagine doing it with the baby and car seat in the stroller.

 

[frndshpcptn]

She didn't say the nanny couldn't get the baby out during an emergency. All she said was the nanny couldn't get the strooler with car seat attached and baby in side down the steps on her own.
Besides it seems most people are on her side until she really started getting nitpicky with the humidifier.
It's not nastiness to tell someone they are asking too much.

Sorry - thought I did say that. She can't get the baby down the stairs - which means in an emergency she can't get the baby outside the apartment building

 

[frndshpcptn]

I'd probably have trouble with that also. I lived in a second floor apartment when my middle child was born. I left the stroller at the bottom of the stairs most of the time because it was difficult carrying it up and down the stairs. I can't imagine doing it with the baby and car seat in the stroller.

Unfortunately the stairs go from the outdoor sidewalk to the main floor where the elevator is to get to the floors where the apartments are located. There's no where to leave it without leaving it on an NYC sidewalk.

 

[sunshinehighway]

I'd probably have trouble with that also. I lived in a second floor apartment when my middle child was born. I left the stroller at the bottom of the stairs most of the time because it was difficult carrying it up and down the stairs. I can't imagine doing it with the baby and car seat in the stroller.

Many people would. Somehow that morphed into the nanny having huge mobility issues and being practically unable to move.
Its somewhat funny that the OP described the baby nurse ( that she liked) as being Mary Poppins. Mary Poppins did what she wanted, not what the parents wanted. They parents were clueless and needed her to show them how to be better parents. Somehow I doubt that's what the OP is looking for.

 

[sunshinehighway]

Sorry - thought I did say that. She can't get the baby down the stairs - which means in an emergency she can't get the baby outside the apartment building

She can't carry the baby? Why would you have someone watching your infant if she's unable to pick her up and walk? Why wouldn't that have been your first concern rather than her difficulties with using the stroller?

 

[bethy]

The hired baby nurse has been a thing in NYC for a long time. I knew someone who employed one there in the late 80's.
The nurse (in white uniform) worked for them for a month caring for their baby.
On the other hand, this family thought we were a little odd handling all the care ourselves. We were a military family overseas having a baby. No relatives around, we supported each other. I remember being tired, but we managed.
Back to our regularly scheduled programming.

In the super granola Pacific Northwest we call these wonderful women Doulas. I'm happy for any woman who is able to have one - be it a hired helper, a grandma or any other supportive woman. I know most women in our culture do not have this kind of help and it's very hard. Moms definitely benefit from getting support.

 

[bethy]

I agree with everyone else that you should find a new nanny. The reasons don't matter expect that you are uncomfortable. A mom-baby relationship is a new thing for your DH to get used to. I hope he is supportive of the change. Loyalty shouldn't play in so much at this short amount of time.

Just to weigh in on the baby nurse- I know families in NYC & Boston that have them. I've heard them referred to as a night nurse. The Boston families also have live-ins (a nanny who lives in the home). All this while mom has 8months maternity leave AND dad gets 6months. I don't think it's the norm or anything and definitely not where I live, but amongst our very fortunate friends, it's very common. I'm sorry people are judging you for it. You had one, they helped- good for you! No explanation needed.

Why NOT get more help if you can afford it and want it? There is no shame in doing so, IMO.

 

[msjprincess]

Unfortunately the stairs go from the outdoor sidewalk to the main floor where the elevator is to get to the floors where the apartments are located. There's no where to leave it without leaving it on an NYC sidewalk.

I wasn't suggesting you leave the stroller at the bottom of the stairs. I was just saying that I understand that it can be difficult to carry a stroller up and down stairs, which is why I left mine at the bottom of the stairs a lot.

 

[frndshpcptn]

She can't carry the baby? Why would you have someone watching your infant if she's unable to pick her up and walk? Why wouldn't that have been your first concern rather than her difficulties with using the stroller?

she wouldn't be able to use the elevator if it was a building issue. She have to take the internal stairs all the way down from our floor. I don't trust she could do that while also carrying DD.

And yes I should have realized this before I hired her. But (as I've described) it wasn't such a black & white process.

So - now we go from here.

 

[frndshpcptn]

I wasn't suggesting you leave the stroller at the bottom of the stairs. I was just saying that I understand that it can be difficult to carry a stroller up and down stairs, which is why I left mine at the bottom of the stairs a lot.

Ah - got it

 

[RainbowBrite]

Sorry - thought I did say that. She can't get the baby down the stairs - which means in an emergency she can't get the baby outside the apartment building

Why couldn't she carry the baby in an emergency? And for what it's worth, I've been a nanny for 12 years and I probably would not be able to carry one of those heavy strollers with the baby inside up and down stairs - it's also pretty unsafe.

 

[frndshpcptn]

Why NOT get more help if you can afford it and want it? There is no shame in doing so, IMO.

Thanks

 

[sunshinehighway]

she wouldn't be able to use the elevator if it was a building issue. She have to take the internal stairs all the way down from our floor. I don't trust she could do that while also carrying DD.

And yes I should have realized this before I hired her. But (as I've described) it wasn't such a black & white process.

So - now we go from here.

You complain and make up excuses until your husband gets tired of listening to you complain?
Honestly it sounds like you are just exaggerating now. You specfically complained about the stroller issue, multiple times. You didn't say she was unstable and unable to carry the baby. Either you are exaggerating or there's something seriously wrong with you and your husband being more concern with loyalty to her than the safety of your baby.

 

[frndshpcptn]

You complain and make up excuses until your husband gets tired of listening to you complain?
Honestly it sounds like you are just exaggerating now. You specfically complained about the stroller issue, multiple times. You didn't say she was unstable and unable to carry the baby. Either you are exaggerating or there's something seriously wrong with you and your husband being more concern with loyalty to her than the safety of your baby.

I think you missed the part where I said he agreed and understands - but wants to wait until after winter to deal with it.

 

[DisneyMomx7]

OP you contradict yourself. In one of your first post you mention you want caregiver to make baby food and then later on you act like you never thought of it until some new potential nannies came up with the idea

Honestly you seem to be just looking for excuses. Do the nanny a favor - let her go with a generous severance package and find someone else. Though I really doubt anyone is going to meet your unrealistic expectations, especially with the hours and pay you are offering

 

[Snap Crackle Pop]

I think that there is a bit of an elitist attitude from this thread, and a lot of entitlement.

 

[roseaster]

It started as the OP was concerned because the nanny was unable to get the stroller and the baby down the stairs without assistance and she wants the baby outdoors daily.

Disboards, in disboards fashion, morphed it into the nanny was practically immobile and would leave the baby in a hypothetically burning building. Of course she can carry the baby, the baby is 3 months old, she's not walking. The OP, herself, even said the nanny was able to get up and down off the floor with the baby, she just needed to balance herself using the furniture.

It went from there to the fact that the 1st time the nanny had to fold the stroller and get the rain cover on and off she was unable to do it without being shown how. That's where it got ridiculous and elitist and nitpicky. The nanny was just expected to know how to to these things because "it's the same stroller everyone in the neighborhood has."

The add-on of the humidifier was just ridiculous and a pile on to make the case against the nanny. I don't know why a case has to be made. I don't know why the pile on.

As for the help at night when the baby was born the OP said she had a pretty severe case of post partum depression. I'm thinking if she were that anxious and depressed (and considering this thread I absolutely believe that) that help was, probably, the best thing possible in that situation. PPD is very real and very serious and the OP is right, lack of sleep is going to contribute to her depression and anxiety. This is part of my point on mommy wars, while I totally agree that the OP is way over analyzing the nanny stuff, for whatever personal reason, the help at night was absolutely probably the best thing she could and did do at the time. Don't beat her up because she needed help. Not everyone has family that can or will help, and she is very fortunate that she was able to afford to get help. The OP being able to get rest was probably the best thing for her, and by extension, the baby.

 

[leebee]

She can't carry the baby? Why would you have someone watching your infant if she's unable to pick her up and walk? Why wouldn't that have been your first concern rather than her difficulties with using the stroller?

She CAN carry the baby, but not in the car-seat-stroller going upstairs. The original complaint is that there are 5 steps from the front of OP's building to the sidewalk, and the nanny cannot carry the baby, in her car seat-stroller, up those steps, but the superintendent is there to help and when he does, there's no problem. This bothered OP but not her DH, who feels obligated to this nanny somewhat, as she helped them out when they were "stuck". According to the original post, they hired the nanny after 2 weeks at home without a nanny; she came in for 2 days when OP developed PPD and DH feels they owe her something for that. After that OP and the baby went to OP's parents until she was feeling well enough to go back home. Many posters agreed with the DH initially, OP brought in more details to justify her position (some of which, I think, she should have included in the original post), so now many feel she's being nit-picky about stuff, somewhat entitled/elitist, and it's snowballed from there.

I'm honestly expecting this thread to be shut down at any minute now. It's WAY beyond the OP's original question.