Nanny / Caregiver Issue

[ronandannette]

Light general housekeeping, cooking and laundry is not the norm for nannies in my area.

The real crime is taking advantage of nannies expecting them to cook, clean, do laundry and take care of a child for peanuts and working them 50 plus hours a week without overtime pay. Disgraceful and shameful yet happens all too often.

Personally I would be afraid to use and abuse my nanny if for no other reason than she could turn that animosity onto my child. What goes around comes back around.

Any nannies on here that can comment? I've neither had one or been one but given that a 3 m.o. infant spends about 1/2 the time asleep (in general, not always) - without any other related duties what would you do for that part of the time?

 

[SDFgirl]

Any nannies on here that can comment? I've neither had one or been one but given that a 3 m.o. infant spends about 1/2 the time asleep (in general, not always) - without any other related duties what would you do for that part of the time?

I feel like people are unreasonably jumping all over the OP. I used to nanny part time while I was working on my Masters. It was only about 20 hours per week but I did all of those things. It's not a huge deal. She's not asking the nanny to clean her home - she is asking her to run the dishwasher when it's full, pick up baby's toys, wipe down a counter, fold some baby clothes, etc. These are all things you can do quickly within the course of your day.

And the humidifier would have bugged me too. It might have taken all of 5 minutes if she'd put her mind to it. It's not about the humidifier, per se - it's an effort issue.

 

[sunshinehighway]

Any nannies on here that can comment? I've neither had one or been one but given that a 3 m.o. infant spends about 1/2 the time asleep (in general, not always) - without any other related duties what would you do for that part of the time?

I would have done light household stuff, pick up a little, dishes accumulated during the day, maybe bake something. That was when I liked who I worked for.
I worked for another family and they seemed to slowly start leaving everything for me. I'd show up in the morning to find a sink full of dishes from the previous night and a full dishwasher. They'd leave little chores for me that could have easily been done by them. I started doing bare minimum for them. When the baby was sleeping I was reading and wasting time online.

 

[ronandannette]

I would have done light household stuff, pick up a little, dishes accumulated during the day, maybe bake something. That was when I liked who I worked for.
I worked for another family and they seemed to slowly start leaving everything for me. I'd show up in the morning to find a sink full of dishes from the previous night and a full dishwasher. They'd leave little chores for me that could have easily been done by them. I started doing bare minimum for them. When the baby was sleeping I was reading and wasting time online.

At that point you probably should have found another job working for people you liked. And just curious - how did they react when your performance changed?

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Wondering how breaks work in a situation like this? She's there for 10.5 hours per day.

Here's how the law reads in MA. I imagine NYC is similar.

The latter probably applies here is she isn't free to leave. (Hence she would be paid extra for that half hour that she couldn't leave.)

Massachusetts law states that employees are entitled to a 30-minute meal break when working a period of more than 6 consecutive hours. During this break, an employee must be relieved of all duties and must be free to leave the workplace. This break period may be unpaid.

An employee may voluntarily give up a meal break by (1) working through his or her meal break, or (2) remaining on the premises during the break at the request of the employer. However, the employee must be paid for this time.

The meal break is considered the employee's free time.

 

[sunshinehighway]

At that point you probably should have found another job working for people you liked. And just curious - how did they react when your performance changed?

Seriously, you're going to turn this on me?

 

[ronandannette]

Seriously, you're going to turn this on me?

No - snark was not what I intended. I was genuinely asking the question and personally, I don't (and very likely wouldn't) work somewhere or for someone I didn't like or respect.

 

[sunshinehighway]

No - snark was not what I intended. I was genuinely asking the question and personally, I don't (and very likely wouldn't) work somewhere or for someone I didn't like or respect.

That was what I was getting at.
My performance didn't change in the way I cared for their children but I did let them know I wasnt happy with the additional things they were dumping on me.
Reading and wasting time was just what I did when the baby slept and the older kids were at school.
In one situation I felt respected and didn't mind doing a little extra to be helpful. I would have set up the humidifier for her.

In the other situation I felt used and distespected so I wouldn't have set it up.
Its the same as any job. You are more productive when you feel like you are appreciated and respected.

 

[ronandannette]

That was what I was getting at.
My performance didn't change in the way I cared for their children but I did let them know I wasnt happy with the additional things they were dumping on me.
Reading and wasting time was just what I did when the baby slept and the older kids were at school.
In one situation I felt respected and didn't mind doing a little extra to be helpful. I would have set up the humidifier for her.

In the other situation I felt used and distespected so I wouldn't have set it up.
Its the same as any job. You are more productive when you feel like you are appreciated and respected.

And then what happened?

 

[mommysaurus]

Wondering how breaks work in a situation like this? She's there for 10.5 hours per day.

Here's how the law reads in MA. I imagine NYC is similar.

The latter probably applies here is she isn't free to leave. (Hence she would be paid extra for that half hour that she couldn't leave.)

Massachusetts law states that employees are entitled to a 30-minute meal break when working a period of more than 6 consecutive hours. During this break, an employee must be relieved of all duties and must be free to leave the workplace. This break period may be unpaid.

An employee may voluntarily give up a meal break by (1) working through his or her meal break, or (2) remaining on the premises during the break at the request of the employer. However, the employee must be paid for this time.

The meal break is considered the employee's free time.

Well if she is being paid under the table the law isn't really being firmly held. She probably just fixes herself something and eats it while baby is sleeping. Which cuts into the time she is free to perform other household duties. I don't use a nanny per se because my son is old enough to go to school and goes to daycare primarily for my childcare needs, but I do use a sitter very frequently and sometimes for long periods of time (over 8 hours) and this is what we do. She is free to eat whenever (either things in my house or her own things she brings) and I don't mind if she needs to take a phone call or something like that. Of course not chat with her girlfriend for an hour but if that doctors office calls, pay a bill by phone, something like that...put my kid in front of the tv and handle your business. My kid is also sleeping at times when she's there (either a nap or after bedtime) and she's free to do whatever then also. I just ask that the dishes she and my son used are in the dishwasher (sink is always empty and dishwashers unloaded to start with) and any toys or things they get out are put away. I don't expect laundry to be done, dishwasher to be emptied, reloaded, ran, and unloaded, etc.

I do pay her for the entire time from when she arrived to when I return no matter if some of that time my kid was sleeping and she was watching tv. Heck I've even come home late and she was sleeping on the couch. It doesn't matter to me...she's still responsible for my kid and if he woke up sick, wet the bed, the house caught one fire, whatever I'm sure she'd wake up and handle it.

I got off track, but yes, I would hope the nanny is being paid the entire time, whether or not they had a "lunch break" in there somewhere.

 

[sunshinehighway]

And then what happened?

Nothing really. They'd take care of more stuff themselves for a while but it would gradually go back to leaving stuff for me. They weren't elitist. It wasn't like a let's leave this for the help thing. They were just lazy.
I did eventually have enough. I cared about and liked the kids so I stayed longer than I should have, hoping something would change.

 

[Jaya]

After skimming through the 17 pages of this thread, I would have to say that the OP has obviously made up her mind about getting rid of the current nanny and should put more time into finding a new one and less time into asking people who don't know her, her baby, her DH, her situation OR the nanny what is essentially the same question over and over and over again. Just my humble suggestion.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Well if she is being paid under the table the law isn't really being firmly held.

Oh I totally get that. But I'm just pointing out that if it was legit, she'd likely have to pay her that additional 30 minutes pay since, according to the law, she's not free to leave. (Maybe the lawyers here can weigh in, or nannies who do work for a legitimate company.) As I'm sure you know, in the real working world, breaks are a huge deal. Companies get massive fines if people don't get the breaks they're entitled to under the law. I just thought it was interesting to think about in terms of a nanny being paid under the table where expectations aren't always crystal clear. One could see how the lines might get totally blurred when someone's on their phone or dozing off when the baby's sleeping. ("Shouldn't she be emptying the dishwasher?") Just something to consider when employing someone.

 

[cabanafrau]

OP I don't think many people here will understand because one thing I've learned in my years in NYC, is that a NYC nanny is very different than nannies elsewhere. Our busy (expensive) lives mean we expect more. I get it. You only get X hours a day after getting off with baby before it is her bed time. You have to also make time for your busy husband so your marriage doesn't fall apart. So the last thing you want to do at night is clean, cook, and set up a humidifier so you asked the nanny is she would do the humidifier. Doesn't seem like a big deal to me.

It may interest you to know that the rest of the country is quite informed about NY lifestyles, the media makes absolute certainty of that. Believe it or not, a worklife/homelife balance applies in the rest of the country as well. If the obstacles in NYC are so insurmountable for a family lifestyle, I'm sure the media would blitz the airwaves until the rest of the country held a telethon to put a stop to the crisis.

 

[roseaster]

No - snark was not what I intended. I was genuinely asking the question and personally, I don't (and very likely wouldn't) work somewhere or for someone I didn't like or respect.

You would if you had mouths to feed and bills to pay. I have definitely worked for bosses I didn't like or respect. I am sure many have.

The humidifier, on the surface, is a small request. The nanny say that she didn't understand it. We don't know why that is, but maybe she made the right choice rather than muck around with it and potentially break it, she left it for the OP. The OP said English isn't her 1st language, it's possible she doesn't read English. Truly, if that humidifier were that important the OP would have taken those 5 minutes to do it and show the nanny how to use it.

Personally, I would never expect someone to "just know" how to use the equipment in my home, be that strollers, car seats, appliances, or the air conditioning.

$10-$15 an hour is what teenaged girls (I have 2) get around here to babysit. I can't imagine that it is the "going rate" for an adult, professional woman in a major metropolitan area. Also, having hired childcare in the past, I have never expected any "work" other than what related to the kids. I expected them to cook for the kids and pick up after the kids and put any dishes used on the kids in the dishwasher. Maybe if the kid dumped juice down their front then she may try to head off the stain, but never laundry. Not for $15 an hour. I didn't care what they were doing while the kids napped, they were there to take care of the kids.

The OP comes off as needy and demanding with unreasonable expectations. No one and no situation is going to be absolutely perfect and the OP needs to stop listening to her "friends" about how wonderful their nannies are and how cheaply they work.

The thing I find odd is that no one here is even bothered by the fact that the OP has hired this woman and will hire someone else illegally. This is the same board where I have seen people eviscerated to claiming a 3 year old was 2, or a 10 year old was 9, or sneaking a 5th person in a 4 person hotel room.

 

[frndshpcptn]

I really don't mean to sound snobby or elitist. I'm really the furthest thing from that. We live in a one bedroom apartment and both work full time.

A baby nurse was here only at night. I didn't have the full 24 hour baby nurse - because I wanted to do it on my own as much as possible. A baby nurse is not unusual - she came from 7pm -7am. We paid her very well and got her dinner every night. That's very typical and we still stay in touch and provide her excellent references and recommend her to our friends to help her find more jobs.

While apparently it's not the norm everywhere, when I met with this nanny at first she was the one who suggested the light housekeeping and all. I checked with friends and found that was what they had with their nannies as well. And the ones who offered to make the food -- again that was an offer not an ask. I was planning to buy baby food and they were horrified I was going to give DD jarred food (which I was totally fine with - gerber or beech nut or something).

Maybe it is just different here.

 

[cabanafrau]

As far as a 3 month old sleeping a lot, leaving the nanny with plenty of opportunity to handle "light household duties", I wonder does OP ever peruse the internet for personal use during downtime at work? I'm guessing she's paid a larger wage than the nanny for her work hours, likely with a generous benefit package as well. If baby is well cared for, I'd say OP is getting a fair deal for the wages paid. For initial reasons I understand wanting to get a nanny more physically capable of fulfilling duties directly surrounding baby. For safety and ethical reasons I understand someone should not be expected to provide care for a child for 12 hours a day along with maintaining a household unless they are the child's parent and owner of the domicile.

 

[leebee]

I really don't mean to sound snobby or elitist. I'm really the furthest thing from that. We live in a one bedroom apartment and both work full time.

A baby nurse was here only at night. I didn't have the full 24 hour baby nurse - because I wanted to do it on my own as much as possible. A baby nurse is not unusual - she came from 7pm -7am. We paid her very well and got her dinner every night. That's very typical and we still stay in touch and provide her excellent references and recommend her to our friends to help her find more jobs.

While apparently it's not the norm everywhere, when I met with this nanny at first she was the one who suggested the light housekeeping and all. I checked with friends and found that was what they had with their nannies as well. And the ones who offered to make the food -- again that was an offer not an ask. I was planning to buy baby food and they were horrified I was going to give DD jarred food (which I was totally fine with - gerber or beech nut or something).

Maybe it is just different here.

I was glad someone else asked what a baby nurse was, so I didn't have to guess or profess ignorance, but once I heard the explanation I thought maybe it was someone who helped you establish nursing, set up a household routine, show you how to wash and care for your baby, stuff like that. Now I read that you hired the baby nurse to come stay in your house at night to take care of the baby, should she wake up, so you could sleep through the night? I am pretty sure that for much of the country, and certainly for everyone I know, that is MOST unusual!

 

[lovemygoofy]

I really don't mean to sound snobby or elitist. I'm really the furthest thing from that. We live in a one bedroom apartment and both work full time.

A baby nurse was here only at night. I didn't have the full 24 hour baby nurse - because I wanted to do it on my own as much as possible. A baby nurse is not unusual - she came from 7pm -7am. We paid her very well and got her dinner every night. That's very typical and we still stay in touch and provide her excellent references and recommend her to our friends to help her find more jobs.

While apparently it's not the norm everywhere, when I met with this nanny at first she was the one who suggested the light housekeeping and all. I checked with friends and found that was what they had with their nannies as well. And the ones who offered to make the food -- again that was an offer not an ask. I was planning to buy baby food and they were horrified I was going to give DD jarred food (which I was totally fine with - gerber or beech nut or something).

Maybe it is just different here.

I don't have children so I probably shouldn't even be responding to this at all.

Here's my take on the whole thing. Do what's best for your family and don't care what anyone else outside your house is doing with food, babies or their staff. I understand trying to find out what's standard but I would think a true service with a real contract would provide you exactly what you are looking for or help you outline what you are looking for. Don't fall for the mommy wars and the staff loves them stuff. I promise if you were listening to the nannies over coffee the take on their people they work for would be completely different.

First and always you should do what you want and what's best for your family. If you want to give the baby jar food, it's your baby. Who the hell cares what anyone else thinks?!?! Babies have managed to eat jar food for years and I don't think anyone has grown a new head from it. There's always ALWAYS going to be pressure for more, better and doing it someone else's way. Find your own way and hold your own in conversation.

You don't want this current nanny and that is very clear. You're going to be more and more dissatisfied with her and honestly in your mind she's already fired. Do her a favor and just let her go. Go hire from a real service.

And no it's not different in NYC. Mommy wars, worries and finding good support is across the globe.

 

[mom2rtk]

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