Named executor in parents will -help!

[mousefanmichelle]

Before my mom passed away 6 years ago, my parents chose me to be the executor to their estate. My dad is sticking with that decison still and has said that I have the final word on all things regarding his estate as outlined in his will. Now I have read the will and it's full of legal mambo-jambo that I don't really understand. I need help. I guess what I really need to know is what does being the executor entail really?

I don't want to be the executor because both of my sisters (oldest and middle) will make my life a living hell when my dad dies. They think that whatever my dad has belongs to them and then some. They are greedy and feel they deserve everything. I don't want to deal with that. I have told my dad as much but he won't change it. In fact my middle sister has told a family member that she will fight me on everything legally because even though I am the exec. I don't have final say on anything. I told my dad this too. He still holds his ground. Everytime my dad and I talk he tells me that this is paid up and the checkbook is stashed here or whatever else he needs to tell me in case he doesn't wake up the next day.

As it stands my middle sister lives with my dad and if she found him dead she would clean him out and then call my oldest sister and then me. If my oldest sister found him dead she would take a few things she felt entitled to and then call me. If I found him dead I would change the locks. Ugh! I really don't want this job.

So what does being the executor really mean to me?

TIA!

 

[PatsMom]

An executor's job is to carry out the instructions in the will. If there are enough assets to fight over, typically the executor hires an attorney (paid for as an expense of the estate) to assist. So you would not be doing this on your own.

As executor, you are in charge of gathering information on the estates assets and liabilities and accounting for them to the probate court. You will pay the expenses of the decedent and the estate from the estate's assets. If assets (such as a home) have to be sold, you will oversee and account for that process.

When the estate is ready to settle and pay out, will will make a final accounting to the probate court and pay out the estate as directed in the will. The probate court is where another beneficiary of the will could challenge the validity of the will.

It really isn't difficult with a good attorney to assist you. This is a pretty abbreviated version of the rules. If you check your state's web site or possibly the probate court's web site, some have booklets explaining an executor's responsibilities. You are also entitled to reasonable compensation from the estate for your services.

So as executor you don't have the "final say" - the will has that. You just make sure the wishes of the testator are carried out as they are expressed in his will. The only time you might have a final say is if the will has a provision regarding siblings agreeing on division of personal property. Some people leave a memorandum listing who they wish to receive what. Some list specific items in the will such as I want my daughter Agatha to receive my 3 carat diamond ring. I've seen these clauses state something along the lines of I hope my children can agree on an equitable division of property but if they can't the executor decides.

As executor you are also responsible for estate tax returns, if required by state or federal law.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

The estate is in trust does that make any kind of difference? I know that there won't be any probate issues because of that (at least that is what I am told).

The will does state that the property is to be divided 3 ways - between us three girls. Can't sisters can 't fight that can they?

 

[bettymae1121]

The estate is in trust does that make any kind of difference? I know that there won't be any probate issues because of that (at least that is what I am told).

The will does state that the property is to be divided 3 ways - between us three girls. Can't sisters can 't fight that can they?

If by "property" you mean personal items like jewelry, pictures, cars, boats, furnature, collectables, etc. then while they can't fight that it should be shared equally (your dad has $10,000 worth of personal stuff, you all each get $3,333 worth of stuff), they sure can fight over who gets what (no, Dad wanted ME to have his gold watch...you can have his pots and pans!). If they want to challenge the amount (one of your sisters thinks she "deserves" to get it all), then they'd have to challenge the will in court, I believe.

I'm very lucky. My two brothers and I wouldn't dream of fighting over our father's estate, and my DH is an only child! I won't ever have to deal with squables like this. I wish you luck!

 

[bumbershoot]

The following isn't about the money...just about the stuff.


Something my grandmother did in the years before she went into Alzheimers and 10 years later died in a nursing home, was to start marking items in her home for who would get them. She actually attached stickers to the bottoms, or tags if needed, with the names of people.

When she broke her hip, went to the nursing home, and her reverse mortgage took effect, and my mom and aunt cleared her home, it was so easy to simply divvy up the belongings at that point, because she had done that.

She had made things so simple and clear.

My mom, decades before she died, actually gave me a few items she wanted me to have, since she didn't want those things linked to her having died. So I got a pearl necklace and some other things like that, and that's really all that was important to me.


Could your dad do something like that with his possessions? Figure it all out, then sit everyone down (perhaps with his lawyer in attendance), and talk with everyone? Laying it all out, so that everyone knows what will belong to each sister.


Seems like the nicest way to do things, rather than relying on a will, especially when you know your sisters are already planning to fight.

 

[aprilgail2]

Something my grandmother did in the years before she went into Alzheimers and 10 years later died in a nursing home, was to start marking items in her home for who would get them. She actually attached stickers to the bottoms, or tags if needed, with the names of people.

.

My mom did that--pick up anything she owns and there is a G, M or a K on it depending on who that thing is supposed to go to LOL.

 

[robinb]

From the description of your sisters, it's clear why your father selected you to be the Executrix. I know that you would rather not deal with the drama but set your father's mind at ease and take on the responsibility. He knows you are the only reliable daughter.

 

[barkley]

get the 2010 newly published nolo guide on being an executor. it explains what the laws are in all of the individual states and provides general information on what being an "executor" means. also get at least one book on the specifics of wills/executing for the state your dad lives. if you live in a different state from your dad find out if it's even legal for an out of state resident to execute an estate (in some states it is not, in some states a monetary bond of your own funds-NOT the estates-is required).

that said-just b/c you are named "executor" in a will, even if you do all the duties of one, you may not ever legaly become the executor. in some states, unless probate occurs the person becomes the personal representative of the estate. which can be good b/c it can save $$$$ in legal fees, but be bad b/c you don't get the "letters and testimentary" papers that can make dealing with some issues go a lot easier. also-if an estate does'nt go through probate, in some states that means the fee that an actual executor gets paid for their WORK (and it's WORK) is not legaly payable.

dh was named executor in his mom's will. she has a "simple" estate so it won't be subject to probate. "simple" is the understatement of a lifetime. unless a person dies with incredibly well put together paperwork it's what dh and i now refer to as being given a large box with dozens of double sided puzzle peices you have to put together-but no pictures of the individual puzzles to reference. trying to figure out what credit card accounts have to be closed, where bank accounts are, where the information for the current years taxes are (and if last years were filed), what kind of health insurance/time frame for still receiving bills (can take up to a year for them to wind through multiple companies and medicare before you know the final co-pay)...then if the person has a car or other assetts that have no co-owner or p.o.d. you have to wait that state's period of time before you can access (40 days in california) during which some assetts continue to cost money (like car insurance or storage units), or have to be stored (like cars when the deceased lived in an apartment that you can no longer leave the car at). then there's what would seem like minor "housekeeping" issues-canceling cable and cell/landline phones, internet access...well, most won't let you without a copy of the death certificate which depending on where you live can take awhile to aquire, and even then it can take multiple phone calls and letters to establish that you have the legal right to terminate services.


i'm told if things are set up CORRECTLY in trust it can be much easier, but there are plenty of badly done up trusts, and even more elderly people who have moved assetts outside their trusts which means those assetts get dealt with separatly.

if you don't want to be executor you can pass on it-and the court will name someone else (preference going to the alternate choice in the will if an alternate has been named).

as for personal property, if there's squabbling now no amount of putting stickers on things will settle anything. unless it's written word for work who gets what specific items, then by saying things get divided into 1/3 each sib-you end up having to sit and argue over what the value of every iota of stuff your dad has is worth, and with nasty family members it can become heated.

 

[manning]

As executor you are also responsible for estate tax returns, if required by state or federal law.

To clarify, you are responsible to file the paperwork, not pay any taxes out of your funds. The estate pays those and if there are not enough funds to cover taxes the unpaid taxes are forgiven. The heirs are not responsibe for unpaid debt.

 

[manning]

The way I understand it anything in a trust is not governed by a will. In otherwords all assets in the trust will be distributed according to the instruction of the trust.

I am the executor of a relatives trust. He has it set up in a will that everything outside the trust will go into the trust upon his death and the trust will distribute everything.

He also has the trust set up that anyone who contests the trust is automatically disinherited. That part I am happy about. Everyone gets what he wants them to get and if someone contest all I have to do is tell them I am following the instructions to the letter. Nothing more, nothing less.

My only advise is to start to inventory everything now.

 

[barkley]

The way I understand it anything in a trust is not governed by a will. In otherwords all assets in the trust will be distributed according to the instruction of the trust.

I am the executor of a relatives trust. He has it set up in a will that everything outside the trust will go into the trust upon his death and the trust will distribute everything.

He also has the trust set up that anyone who contests the trust is automatically disinherited. That part I am happy about. Everyone gets what he wants them to get and if someone contest all I have to do is tell them I am following the instructions to the letter. Nothing more, nothing less.

My only advise is to start to inventory everything now.

not to discourage you, but it is'nt just a matter of you telling someone that you are following the instructions of his trust or will and that being the end of the matter. an executor holds a fiduciary responsibility to both the estate and the beneficiaries of the estate-and is legaly liable for administering that estate in accordance with the law, not nesc. what the deceased set forth in their will, and there are legal requirement for noticing and keeping a paper trail.

if a person contests the will it generaly involves lawyers, and that means the executor getting legal representation on behalf of the estate (and idealy the estate has money to cover this). it can be costly and time consuming (it's not totaly unusual for an estate to balance the cost of legaly defending itself against one of these and opting to pay off the contestor if it would result in less cash outlay, and the contestor is'nt likely to have the resorces for the estate to recoup their legal expenses in the event it wins).

a trust if set up correctly is great, but depending on how the assetts outside the trust are set up, they might not even be eligible to go into the trust despite the wishes of the deceased. anything co-owned, or with right of survivorship belongs to the individual(s) named (it's not unusual for an elderly person to have a child's name on an account as a co-owner for convenience only, but i believe only washington state has passed a law where the instructions in a will can override banking law for these).


i realy suggest that anyone who will be doing this read up well in advance. given that both the feds and most states are changing the way they calculate and tax inheritances, and existing wills and trusts were written under old guidelines and rules-future executors could be in for a whole new line of responsibilities.

 

[EvelynMarie63]

I have a question for whom could possibly know the answer. I come from a big family ( 7 brothers & 1 sister) and mom pretty much brought us up alone. Now my mother has Alzheimer's and I believe that my sister has signed papers to be mom executor and my oldest brother has done the same in NY. My question ~ I would think that they both would need the other siblings concent ?? She (mom) never made any arrangements. There's is no house. Just little the money she has in the bank.

Wait for a reply

Evelyn

 

[golfgal]

I have a question for whom could possibly know the answer. I come from a big family ( 7 brothers & 1 sister) and mom pretty much brought us up alone. Now my mother has Alzheimer's and I believe that my sister has signed papers to be mom executor and my oldest brother has done the same in NY. My question ~ I would think that they both would need the other siblings concent ?? She (mom) never made any arrangements. There's is no house. Just little the money she has in the bank.

Wait for a reply

Evelyn

IF she has less than $50,000 in assets there will be no probate/estate to settle. It is possible that your sister has power of attorney, which is different than being an executor. Once your mom dies that power of attorney is no longer valid. If your mom didn't put anyone else on her bank accounts what will happen is the state will freeze that money until it appoints a representative, it may be your sister or brother or it may not. They then will distribute the funds according to what the state decides. In a small estate like it sounds like your mom has, it will be evenly distributed among all of her heirs-all of her children.

 

[daughtersrus]

Something my grandmother did in the years before she went into Alzheimers and 10 years later died in a nursing home, was to start marking items in her home for who would get them. She actually attached stickers to the bottoms, or tags if needed, with the names of people.

DH has asked his father to do the same but to our knowledge, he hasn't yet. When DMIL was on her death bed in hospice a few years ago, BIL and SIL(wife of BIL) were already talking to DFIL about what they would wants of DMIL and what they want of his when he dies. Who does such a thing!

DH also has a sister that lives with his dad that is the kindest person on earth. I know that when their dad dies, BIL and his wife will have a for sale sign in the front yard within a week. From what I've been told (I really try to stay out of it as I'm only an in-law), SIL (that lives with dad) was named the executor. (She is the oldest. ) BIL got mad when he found out a few years ago and FIL and MIL added him on as executor as well. I have no idea if it's possible to have 2 executors or not. DH is the baby of the family and to our knowledge is not named as executor.

We did have a conversation with FIL after MIL about his will. We told him that we don't want to know the details but we needed to be sure that he had not named our youngest child in the will. Because she is disabled, we have set up a Special Needs Trust for her so that she will not be disqualified from any government benefits when she's old enough to get them. He assured us that the will was changed and that only his 3 children are named. It's got the famous "to be divided equally" clause but I know that there are going to be fights over who gets the antique train sets, who gets the diamond rings, who gets the crystal, who gets the antique guns...

We're hoping that FIL has chosen who gets what and has that listed somewhere.

 

[tommya60]

One way to settle the personal items value issue is to have an estate sale firm (yes, there are people who do this) come in and value EVERYTHING. Then, the day before the actual sale, the family "shops". Whatever they "buy" is listed...so if one sibling gets the big jewelry item, it goes down as big dollars. The "purchases" are totaled, and smaller totals get off set with more cash in the end. There are fees involved, but it can save a lot of bickering and hurt feelings.

 

[manning]

Two executors.....boy is that going to be fun to watch.

The trust that I am executor on has three listed but we are not of equal standing. Actually one with two in reserve.

I am the executor. If for some reason I decided I don't want to be the executor I have to declare I don't want to be. I then stand aside and the next one takes over. It is spelled out in what order we serve.

 

[EvelynMarie63]

Thank you for your quick response

Evelyn

 

[mousefanmichelle]

Yikes I think this is worse than I originally thought. I think it's time for me to re-read that will and have a serious talk with my dad about spelling out who get's the material things in his house - car, house, tv, fridge and so on.

I do know that the moment my dad dies the vultures in my family will be over there taking things and saying that my dad told them they could have it. My dh has suggested that we video tape everything in the house, room by room so that we have evidence. It is really up to my dad at this point though, I think. My dad is 80 and of sound mind and mostly sound body so it is still in his hands.

Good suggestions though - thanks everyone!

 

[Northstar]

I do know that the moment my dad dies the vultures in my family will be over there taking things and saying that my dad told them they could have it. My dh has suggested that we video tape everything in the house, room by room so that we have evidence. It is really up to my dad at this point though, I think. My dad is 80 and of sound mind and mostly sound body so it is still in his hands.

Just something more to think about.. an executor is responsible for "securing the property" to stop people from taking things before the estate is inventoried and properly accounted for.

Rather than videotaping, which will just let you know what's been stolen (and not who took it), you need to make sure nobody has extra keys you don't know about. And you can't let anybody just remove stuff saying your dad said they could have it... you have to account for everything and demonstrate that you distributed the estate in accordance with your dad's wishes. It will be way easier to have an estate sale/yard sale of everything that doesn't have sentimental value and distribute the cash from the sale.
Maybe you can get your dad to write directions for anything that has special value... photos, jewelry, keepsakes... and get him to agree that anything else gets sold?

 

[gemologygal]

OMG this thread couldn't have been more timely.