My wife's family does not want me at Thanksgiving

[CharlesTD]

My wife's family has asked her to come to Boise on Thanksgiving but have asked her to not bring me. Her Mother said, "Can't your husband get together with his parents, we just want to see you."

My relationship with my wife's family has always been cold. No one has ever told me that they disliked me and no one has told me off but the relationship is chilly. They basically ignore me and do not reply when I speak to them. Considering we just see each other once or twice a year, I basically just ignore their coldness.

My wife was told by her parents that they really do not like me. What should we do?

If that happened with my Dw I would say thank you and gladly go to my mom or dads place and let her go do her own thing but that is just me.

 

[It's A Happy Day]

My family now is me, my husband, and my children and we spend our holidays together. If it is extended to our other family members - parents, grandparents, etc. then it is shared as a family unit and is explained as such. Her parents need to understand that your whole family is 1 unit and major holidays are expected to be spent/shared together. Our families live within 1/2 hour of each other so we have dinner together and then visit and do desserts at others homes and this works for us. But in your situation I think her parents need to be set straight that major holidays = all or none but it is whatever your family will be comfortable with that you need to do.

 

[dis ms.]

I must have missed something--when did he say they didn't like him being on the computer? I didn't realize that was part of the problem.

You didn't miss anything. I think answerer must be privy to more details about the situation than the rest of us...somehow...

 

[Stacey2grls]

Your wife chose you as her husband, it is her life, her parents need to accept you out of love for her. If they cannot do this your wife needs to tell them this is the way it is, if they cannot accept it, than they should be out of her life. I do not envy your wife's position, but, she needs to stand up for you. Good luck.

 

[Saffron]

I think it's quite telling that your wife thought it was a good idea!

 

[Kahana-ri]

My mother dearest, who recently no longer cares for my husband knows - its all or none. She had put me in the position to choose before and I chose my husband and son. She is a bit more pleasant now.

 

[S. C.]

When my dad was married to his 2nd wife I liked her and knew that she was good for him and made him happy(my mom and dad were married for 40 + years and she died from cancer). I enjoyed talking with step mom, but sometimes i just wanted the one on one time with my dad and yes this is when i was in my 40's. Maybe this is what they want/need and didn't communicate it very well.

 

[Zurealsoon]

Married for 15 years. Wife thinks the best approach is for her to spend one Holiday with her family on her own. I would go to my family (who like me!) on that date. My wife can not force her family to like me, can she?

I know someone who does this......not everyone enjoys their spouses relatives.

 

[ryan840]

When my dad was married to his 2nd wife I liked her and knew that she was good for him and made him happy(my mom and dad were married for 40 + years and she died from cancer). I enjoyed talking with step mom, but sometimes i just wanted the one on one time with my dad and yes this is when i was in my 40's. Maybe this is what they want/need and didn't communicate it very well.

That's totally understandable, but not on a major holiday, IMO. I think it's prety rude of them to ask that of her.

 

[jipsy]

Hmm...

If your wife goes to be with her family this Thanksgiving and leaves you to be with your family, strictly because her family asked her not to bring you because they don't like you - guess what! After 15 years, THEY WON. You'll never be welcome to another family gathering.

The question is, questioner, is this something you and your wife can live with? Separating at family occasions (weddings, funerals, holidays, etc.) for the rest of your lives? Do you even like being with her family?

If it is something that really doesn't bother you to let her go while you do your thing, then do it.

Personally I could not. My family would never do that in the first place, but even if they did, I would tell them that I would not be attending without the husband that I LOVE and chose to spend my life with and wish them a happy holiday while I went with you to your family's dinner

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I think it's quite telling that your wife thought it was a good idea!

Exactly, that is what my thought was.

 

[PaulaSue]

Sorry that is rough.


IMO, you are married and get the package deal, all or NONE. By the way they acted I would do none.

 

[raammartin]

Have you had to deal with this for 15 years??

I could go either way on this one. I'd either say is a) All or none or, b) Kiss it! Your loss!

 

[the kabuki]

Quite frankly, if you sit and ask a whole bunch of questions like you do here, I wouldn't want you at my Thanskgiving gathering either!

Quite frankly, this response is rude. What the heck is this supposed to mean? Are we missing some details?

 

[raammartin]

I think you should go with her anyway & stay off the computer while you are there or they might think it is rude. Stay for quite awhile just to make sure you've warmed them up to you again.

I didn't see the "computer" comment. Did I miss something?

 

[disykat]

I believe the computer reference was due to the fact that questioner/conversationalist spends quite a bit of time on the computer posing situations. Quite often they are along the vein of "people at work won't talk to me", "no one wants to hear my vacation stories", etc. I think many of us get frustrated with the questions, because people answer thinking the situation is real - when it may just being posed for "fun".

I have no problem with questions just because - I think that can be interesting at times. However, I'd like to know when responding if it's a real situation or a made up one. I, for one, hope that many of these are made up or I feel kind of bad for him/her. I don't really feel like it's worth taking the time to answer an emotionally charged question (due to my own inlaw issues) if I think it's just a way for the OP to pass time.

I've gotten so I click on his/her posts now just to see whether people are answering for real or getting irritated. A new, fun game on the DIS, I guess!

 

[eeyore kelly]

perhaps he can get "C" to invite him to their house!

It would be a thanks giving dinner for 1

Good answer, questioner. I mean answerer. Whatever.

Maybe C & Q could invite A over for their dinner. Wait it would still be a dinner for 1

I think it's quite telling that your wife thought it was a good idea!

Do you think there is really a wife?

I've gotten so I click on his/her posts now just to see whether people are answering for real or getting irritated. A new, fun game on the DIS, I guess!

Got a new clip art for "their" posts

 

[Pam]

Quite frankly, this response is rude. What the heck is this supposed to mean? Are we missing some details?

 

[ksjayhawks]

Your wife needs to tell her family that you guys won't be joining them for Thanksgiving. You two are a married COUPLE, not two persons sharing an apartment together. For her to go on her own, sets a bad example all the way around. I find it astounding that she would even think of doing this!

 

[momof2inPA]

Let your wife fly out (or drive), and you surprise her by joining her family the next day. Then you can see the looks on their faces as they all squirm uncomfortably. Better yet, don't wash for a few days and show up totally drunk. That would be a Thanksgiving to remember.