My Uncle died - what should I send?

[lovehoney]

My Uncle died last night. We were expecting it, he has been in home hospice since Thanksgiving.

As an adult I haven't had to deal with too many funerals. Should I send flowers, a plant arrangement, food?

They live 120 miles away. How do I find a place to send something? How much do you spend?

I'm Catholic but my Uncle is Methodist - should I send a Mass card or should I just send a sympathy card? I hate not knowing what to do.

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

 

[StephMK]

I'm sorry for your loss.

Does your family have any requests? When my aunt passed away last month, my uncle requested donations to a few charities in lieu of flowers. I like the idea as it's a gift that keeps giving. Maybe donate to the hospice or something related to his illness? I would think whatever card you feel comfortable sending would be appreciated.

 

[Hedy]

First of all, my sympathies.
Did your uncle have a fund or a preferred charity in his obituary? That's generally my first stop. If you decide to go with flowers, I like Hallmark flowers-they're fairly average priced, and you know the quality.
I'm Catholic, and personally I only send Mass cards to other Catholics, but JMO.

 

[lovehoney]

I haven't called my Aunt yet. I haven't worked up the courage yet. My uncle died at 3am this morning. My Dad called me this morning with the news.

My family seems a little different when it comes to death. When my Mom died we didn't have a church funeral (she didn't belong to a church) - Instead we had family gathering at my other Uncle's home with some prayers, food and music. One of my Aunts made a little program with my Mom's picture, birth and death date and some poems. It was a very nice gathering and what my mother would have wanted. Mom was cremated so there was no internment.

My Dad says they are having a gathering on Sunday. He was a little short on details so I'm going to have to call my Aunt.

Do you think I should wait to call? They are probably super tired and might not even know what they are doing yet. When would be an appropriate time to call?

I will wait to send something until I know more.

 

[Dreaming of Disney]

I would wait until maybe tonight to call. They probably need time to arrange things. I would also see if you can bring some food to the the gathering whenever that is.

My Grandmother died last Wednesday and we didn't have enough food for everyone that showed up for the reception after mass. My sisters and I ended up going out and getting more stuff.

I agree with everyone else about sending memorials instead of flowers. We had WAY too many flower arrangements. While they were very nice and I'm glad people remembered my Grandma, we didn't know what to do with all of them.

Usually in the obituary it will have a place to send memorials.

Hope this helps

 

[Hannathy]

If taking food think about taking beverages. We really appreciated people who sent coffee and soda, most don't think to do this.

Does she have any Children you could call so she doesn't get a million calls?

For the flowers, My sister and I sent to my cousin recently when our Aunt, her Mom, died an arrangement that was flowers in a Yankee candle, They turn the lid upside down and fix a small arrangement in it and then when the flowers are gone they have the candle as a remembrance. We figured she could take it home after the funeral. It was very nice and I just found a local Florist where she lived and called them to do it and they knew what I wanted and delivered it, It was about 30-35 dollars I think but definitely not more.

 

[rapmarks]

when my father died, my family most appreciated plants that they could take home or plant. They still have most of them. Sending food is nice. We had almost 20 in the immediate family who flew in from all over and taking care of meals was a real stressor.

 

[shelly3girls]

I am sorry to hear about your uncle. I think food or the memorial both sound nice. I received a fruit arrangement when my father passed and it was nice having it around the house.

As far as the mass card is concerned I would say do whatever you feel comfortable with. I am protestant but many of my friends were Catholic. I appreciated both sympathy cards and mass cards knowing the thought behind both.

 

[blessedby3]

I am sorry for your loss. I would first send money to a charitable organization if he had one he liked. I wouldnt send flowers. I always think that a nice plant with maybe a few fresh flowers put into it is a much better idea. The flowers will just die, but the plant can be taken home and appreciated by his family.

 

[annakris1973]

Since they live 120 miles away, I would send a fruit basket or similar gift basket with a nice sympathy card. There are lots of companies out there, like Harry and David who sell them. If you aren't planning on making the trip, I would definately call your aunt and make your condolences, and it will be a nice pick-me-up if your basket arrives a few days after the chaos of the funeral.

Sorry for your loss.

 

[Kellydelly]

If you were close, send flowers to the funeral home. If you weren't that close, send a food gift to the house. I would suggest Cheryl & Co cookies. I love their gift baskets.

http://www.cherylandco.com/catalogue.asp?action=showgroup&id=567&subcat=57&t=glitter+and+gold

You could send something like this with a sympathy ribbon on it.

 

[LetsgoDisney!]

I'm really sorry for your loss. When my Mom died, I really appreciated the people who sent food because it was the last thing I wanted to worry about- A Heavenly ham and Turkey were delivered and it was great- sandwiches, ham and eggs with breakfast etc. Take care- Donna

 

[~Kathie]

I'm sorry for your loss. If you are traveling to the services, you should ask if there is anything the family would like you to do. Maybe they'll want you to read at the service, or organize the food or something.

A charitable donation is good too....whatever the family prefers.

When my father died 4 years ago, the entire week surrounding his death and the funeral was very hectic. We received many cards and flowers which were greatly appreciated.

3 weeks after the funeral, things had calmed down a bit, but the hurt of losing my father really started to get to me. It was then I received a beautiful house plant from a very good friend. It was a big surprise and brought me out of my funk.

When I called her she told me that when her mother died, her SIL sent her flowers 3 weeks after the funeral and it was wonderful. Now she always does it.

 

[twoeeyy]

local florist can make all the arrangements for you to have a plant, fruit basket, flowers delivered for you.

Or you can get a phone # to a florist in your Aunts town and call them directly yourself. ( I am a florist myself and I definately reccomend calling yourself ) If you call them yourself you will find out exactely what they can do for you. You will also save on the wire-out fee that your local florist will charge you.

 

[englishteacha]

I'm so sorry for your loss. When my mother in law passed away, we received lots of flowers, but as mentioned above, we had so many we didn't know what to do with them all. We still have plants that were gifts, and food was a nice gift since none of us were in the mood to cook. Since Mom(in-law) died of lung cancer, she requested donations be made to the American Lung Association, which many people made in her name. If you're uncomfortable calling your aunt, you can probably get the info you need from your parents or your cousins. My mom fielded a lot of calls for us which was a blessing. We received many sympathy cards which were nice to get. It's nice to know people are thinking of you. In all, do what feels right.

 

[Darcy03231]

My sincere condolences to you and your family. While I know many will disagree with me, when my uncle died I sent my aunt a sympathy card and enclosed a check made payable to her and told her to use it in any way she needed. Given their ages they were pretty much living on social security and finances were very tight. I couldn't see donating to a charity or sending flowers when I knew she really needed money and that it was going to be much harder with only one ss check instead of two. I received a lovely thank you note from her. My cash gift was very much needed and appreciated.

 

[elf]

When I've had to send something I usually call the funeral home the family is using and have them suggest a local place and call them directly. Usually they do a nicer job, when they know they are recommend from the home. Tell them if you want to do fruit or flowers. I always like to send a gourmet basket because I remember afterward when everyone was gone family would get more appetite and look for something to munch on.

 

[bluedoggy]

First,My prayers are with you and your family. We lost my FIL 3 weeks ago, alzheimers - long process. So we have just gone through this too. I would suggest, first try to find out what funeral home is handling the arrangements. They would have arranged for the death notice to the local paper (which you may be able to access on-line) and it may be stated what they would like - ie: donation to cancer society in lieu of flowers or ??? If they have a religious affiliation you could make a donation to the church in their memory - even state specifically what you want the church to do.

 

[lovehoney]

Thank you for all of your great ideas and comments. The DIS is wonderful!