My son's teacher told him his mother was dishonest!

[Mermaid02]

...I pulled a book order out of his backpack and it had a 4/13/04 due date on it so we filled it out yesterday morning and sent it in. The teacher told him she already sent that in and the due date on it "looks like your mother's writing" HELLO???? WHY would I forge the due date on a book order?? He was pretty upset.

So I went to see her this morning and let me say, I am a very direct person. If you have a point- MAKE IT, don't "pussyfoot" around. Anyway, I said to her "Mrs. Smith, about that book order, I did NOT write in that due date." to which she said, "Whoa- you are very hostile" I said, "No I'm not, I just wanted to be sure you knew I didn't write that." and she said, "Well it's not MY writing. You are very hostile, I just got in here. Don't come in here like this again." I said, "I am not hostile. Maybe someone helped you make out the book order forms and wrote the wrong date??" and she snapped at me "NO" and acted all meek and so forth, which believe me she is NOT. She's married to the school superintendent.

Anyway- I'm done with her. She can talk to my husband from now on.

 

[Stepharoonie!]

 

[tiggersmom2]

You were much nicer than I would have been! That woman would have given me an apology, no ifs, ands or buts about it!

 

[DSNY FN]

Good for you teachers can be so high and mighty and sometimes they cross way over the line. I am glad you spoke up about this as most never do.

 

[Ella2]

Hmm, well, gee, it sounds like you WERE rather hostile?

Why the big stink? She just told your son that it looked like you entered the date. Maybe your SON entered the date? It doesn't sound like she said to your son "your mom is a liar". Maybe she was just trying to help figure out why the date was in there already and was making an educated guess.

Honestly, if a parent had come into a classroom like that...I would have said the same thing. Personally my approach as a parent would be to be a little KINDER and just say "it seems there was a misunderstanding about the date on the form" and go from there. Perhaps she would have responded MUCH more positively if you were a little less "direct".

Just my two cents.

 

[Jolie C]

Book Order Date Forgery..... Boy, that sure sounds like a profitable crime!

I can't believe the teacher didn't give you the benefit of the doubt and then had the nerve to question your ethics in front of your son. Plus, it sounds like she can't handle confrontation if she thinks you were being hostile. Some people are as weird as a three dollar bill.

 

[CheshireVal]

Sounds like a big misunderstanding on both sides. Teachers really don't like to deal with parents who just sort of march in unannounced and get angry, especially first thing in the morning!

I'm not saying you were ugly or that she was undeserving, but, take it from a teacher, parents can be very scary sometimes so we tend to get a little on the ultra-defensive side sometimes.

 

[Mermaid02]

Believe me, I was not "hostile". Direct? Yes- very much so. Maybe people who like to sugar coat things would consider that hostile. I'm sure there was some logical explanation- maybe an ed tech wrote it.... it was not the teacher's writing. It was not my son's writing either.... he is in 1st grade.

Jolie- you said it better than me.... to question my ethics in front of my child is not part of her job description. I went to the principal who backed me up last fall when this teacher took my son aside and told him she was "disappointed" with his orange shirt, black pants and green hair gel in his hair on Halloween... told him he was "inappropriate".

 

[Kermit]

I don't blame you for being upset. She shouldn't have said anything remotely negative about you in front of your DS. And don't even get me started about her being married to the superintendent. That's entirely inappropriate. I know some school districts don't have rules against it, but they should.

 

[SeaShelley]

Originally posted by Ella2
Hmm, well, gee, it sounds like you WERE rather hostile?

Uh, er, gee....no it doesn't. Perhaps you need to read the original post again. Mermaid was attempting to clear up a situation that obviously upset her son. I would have done the same thing.

As far as the teacher's comment about not coming into her classroom like that again.....I would have assured her that I would abide by her wishes and take everything straight to the principal from this point forward.

 

[CheshireVal]

Actually, at least in the schools where I've worked, parents aren't really allowed to come in all confrontational like that. If they have a beef with a teacher they're supposed to make appts or contact them via email or voicemail.

 

[CEDmom]

Did the teacher actually tell your son that you are a dishonest person? If not, then personally I'd rather save my trips to school for bigger issues.

 

[Boo'sMom]

Originally posted by CheshireVal
Actually, at least in the schools where I've worked, parents aren't really allowed to come in all confrontational like that. If they have a beef with a teacher they're supposed to make appts or contact them via email or voicemail.

This is the part that I find the most offensive about our public school. The teacher v. parent mentality....isn't the common goal to work together as an advocate for the child? Why is it always "us v. them"?

The teacher certainly could have handled the situation better. I for one feel that as a taxpayer I have EVERY right to question the conduct of MY CHILDRENS' teachers. Not only are they employed by my taxes, but I've trusted my children in their care 8 hours a day. If she's going to fly off the handle over something as minor as this..how is she handling the pressure of being with 20 or so first graders?

If it were my class...I would have apologized for any misunderstanding, and offered to get the order form in as soon as possible. Obviously the teacher forgot what the real issue was....


Hope it all works out for you...I can certainly appreciate your frustration.

 

[CheshireVal]

Originally posted by Boo'sMom
This is the part that I find the most offensive about our public school. The teacher v. parent mentality....isn't the common goal to work together as an advocate for the child? Why is it always "us v. them"?

I don't really think that's the point of it. I think it's only professional courtesy to make an appt ahead of time to talk with a teacher rather than just barge in.

 

[CBRorBust]

I am leaning towards the "teachers" perspective on this one. Having parents come in very confrontational in front of all the students is not something that she needs to be dealing with first thing in the morning. It is very possible that words got twisted from the time that the teacher said something to the time the OP heard the news from her son.

I personally do not think that a book order form is something to get all worked up about. If the teacher told the student, "you're mother is dishonest and wrote in the date herself" that is one thing. But if the teacher said, I'm sorry that I can't place your order because it is past the due date, etc. Then I think this is not that serious to be taking matters to the principal.

Regardless of what happened, I think there is a time and a place for everything, and going at it one on one in front of students should NOT be acceptable. Like others have said, if it was really concerning maybe a phone call or e-mail or a conference would have worked out better. Instead of the "hostile" approach as described by the teacher.

 

[CEDmom]

Originally posted by Boo'sMom
The teacher certainly could have handled the situation better. I for one feel that as a taxpayer I have EVERY right to question the conduct of MY CHILDRENS' teachers. Not only are they employed by my taxes, but I've trusted my children in their care 8 hours a day. If she's going to fly off the handle over something as minor as this..how is she handling the pressure of being with 20 or so first graders?

Unless the teacher actually told the child "your mother is a liar" than I think the OP could have handled the situation better as well. My DD gets upset about lots of things but if I were to storm up to her school over each one rather than calmly try to find out what REALLY happened I might as well just move there.

It's fine to take your child's feeling seriously but it's not necessary to act on all of them.

 

[4nana]

If we don't defend our children, who will? Granted, most teachers are wonderful, but I don't know where some of them get off!?

Last week my very patient daughter had it out with my GS's art teacher. It was end of third quarter. He'd been very ill with a virus - fever, D&V...you get the picture. He is 16, a Jr and a very good student, although he does procrastinate! He had an 86% in Art, but knew this one project had to be in that day or he'd get an F.

He dragged himself to school, still sick, to finish this project... completed it and told his teacher he'd hung it up to dry. The next day, his art teacher told him she was giving him an F, because he did not put it in the correct pile to be graded. Plus she didn't remember him telling her he'd completed it anyway!!

Well, let me tell you...it takes a lot to make my daughter mad. She called the counselor and the teacher, explaining he'd been ill and forced himself to go to school to finish this project. The teacher argued, he'd known about project for some time, did not have it in the grade pile and needed to be taught a lesson!

After much debate, she finally agreed to raise his F grade to a D, but would lower his 86% to a D for the whole quarter, which dropped his honor status he'd worked very hard for!@#$%^&

She ended telling my daughter, she had a son just like this who barely scraped by and 'my daughter was teaching my GS to take the easy way out and hoped she could live with her conscience'. Also, he'd not be allowed to slide an inch this quarter! Now my GS is totally discouraged - hating the class, not respecting the teacher, not even wanting to complete her class the rest of the year.

Sorry, but IMO this is going way over board and I wonder if the child learned anything??? Thanks for listening....

~ Sandie

 

[peg2001]

Originally posted by Mermaid02
this teacher took my son aside and told him she was "disappointed" with his orange shirt, black pants and green hair gel in his hair on Halloween... told him he was "inappropriate".

I remember this incident being posted. The teacher sounds about half-baked. Are you sure she didn't intentionally put the wrong date on your book order?

My DD's K teacher one day told her, "Your mother is WRONG." We just laughed it off because we knew we were right and explained as much to DD.

Peggy

 

[Mermaid02]

This happened before school and not in the classroom but in front of the office. The only child around was mine... I tried to call her earlier but she wasn't in.

The book order is not a big deal, the teacher telling my son I wrote the due date in is. We have had many problems with this teacher this year, some we have let slide, some we have addressed. I'm not the kind of person to let things "fester" and later say, "but way back when you did or said such and such."

This teacher was smug and condescending last fall about the "hair" incident and quite dismissive of me today. She's dealing with my husband from now on!

 

[Kallison]

Only 46 more school days until summer here! I would just ride it out and forget about it, especially if she is married to the superintendent, maybe that gives her a bit of a power trip.