My son wants a brother...

[Aidensmom]

but he has settled for getting a goldfish. At least for the moment.

At dinner tonight, he was asking if we could get a baby, he really wants a brother. This question has come up from him a few times in the last few weeks. I had a lot of problems in my pregnancy with my son, in fact it is a miracle he is here, and I don't want to go through that again. And either does my husband, and he has since had a vasectomy to help guarantee that. However, my son isn't really old enough to understand all that, so we tried explaining that he has a lot of advantages he might not have if we had another child, etc. He wasn't buying it, he wants a sibling.

I finally diverted him by telling him he could get a fish, and he is all into that, but I know in the next few days the subject will come up again.

How do you explain this to a 4 year old?

 

[Miranda Danda]

but he has settled for getting a goldfish. At least for the moment.

At dinner tonight, he was asking if we could get a baby, he really wants a brother. This question has come up from him a few times in the last few weeks. I had a lot of problems in my pregnancy with my son, in fact it is a miracle he is here, and I don't want to go through that again. And either does my husband, and he has since had a vasectomy to help guarantee that. However, my son isn't really old enough to understand all that, so we tried explaining that he has a lot of advantages he might not have if we had another child, etc. He wasn't buying it, he wants a sibling.

I finally diverted him by telling him he could get a fish, and he is all into that, but I know in the next few days the subject will come up again.

How do you explain this to a 4 year old?

.... And I wanted a brother or sister, too. My parents decided a German exchange student was better.

Let's just say the only thing we learned was the two only children female teenagers is a HUGE mistake

 

[tiggersmom2]

Awwww hugs sweetie. I know that when my nephew was wanting a baby my brother and SIL told him that God blessed them with one child (him) to give ALL their love to.....then they went out and bought him a puppy ....a Weimarainer.

 

[DawnCt1]

When the goldfish doesn't work you may have to actually up the ante....and get a hamster!!

 

[Michie]

Would a big brother do? I have a BIL who is 40, still lives at home with the MIL and the cats and doesnt work. I am sure you two could work out a deal.

 

[Aidensmom]

Would a big brother do? I have a BIL who is 40, still lives at home with the MIL and the cats and doesnt work. I am sure you two could work out a deal.

I don't think he is looking for a brother that is older than his mother.

 

[Forevryoung]

My mom has always said:

I have two children because I have two hands to hold yours, two sides to my lap, two eyes to watch you both, two ears to hear the important things you say, and two arms to hug you both.

It's always worked for me and my sister

ps my younger sister wishes I was a big brother instead

 

[luvmydogs]

Oh, Michie, we just have to get our relatives together. I have a 40 yr. old BIL and 46 yr. old SIL who both still live at home with their mother. Now, they both have jobs, but BIL spends his paycheck on Bingo Nights at the Fire Hall, and SIL spends hers on romance novels, beenie babies and ebaying anything with owls.

Aidensmom, tell Aiden that he could wind up with sibs like this--I know they scare the bejeepers out of me!

 

[DVCLiz]

...and ebaying anything with owls.

I don't know why, but this just made me hysterical!!

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

I think it is important to remember that a 4 year old has NO concept of what it means to ask for a sibling! Don't come at this issue from a grown-up angle, because your DS is coming at it from a 4 year old angle.

If you COULD produce a sibling your DS would be in for a VERY rude awakening! Preschoolers ask for siblings because they have a whole other perception of what a sibling would be. They don't get that siblings typically arrive as newborns. Newborns who cry a lot, and when they aren't crying they are sleeping so you have to be REALLY quiet. And if they aren't sleeping they need to be fed, and burped, and bathed, and changed, and rocked and whatever. They take up a HUGE amount of mommy's time, but preschoolers don't come to that realization until it is too late. Then they want to send the baby back where it came from! Don't feel like you have to go into a lengthy explanation for him, but DO remember that he most likely isn't wishing for a newborn. See if he can tell you more about what sort of a brother he wants. Maybe if he understands that a "brother" isn't a same-age peer he will be quite pleased to have a fish!

DS9 is our only one, but he has never wanted a sibling. I guess maybe if he HAD asked for one I would have told him there are all different sizes of families, and our family is just the 3 of us. If he persisted with "WHY?" I would have told him that's just how it worked out. Maybe try to point out other families you know with "only" children so he can see that not everybody has siblings. There are plenty of perks to being an "only", he just isn't quite old enough to appreciate them yet!

 

[Aidensmom]

I think it is important to remember that a 4 year old has NO concept of what it means to ask for a sibling! Don't come at this issue from a grown-up angle, because your DS is coming at it from a 4 year old angle.

If you COULD produce a sibling your DS would be in for a VERY rude awakening! Preschoolers ask for siblings because they have a whole other perception of what a sibling would be. They don't get that siblings typically arrive as newborns. Newborns who cry a lot, and when they aren't crying they are sleeping so you have to be REALLY quiet. And if they aren't sleeping they need to be fed, and burped, and bathed, and changed, and rocked and whatever. They take up a HUGE amount of mommy's time, but preschoolers don't come to that realization until it is too late. Then they want to send the baby back where it came from! Don't feel like you have to go into a lengthy explanation for him, but DO remember that he most likely isn't wishing for a newborn. See if he can tell you more about what sort of a brother he wants. Maybe if he understands that a "brother" isn't a same-age peer he will be quite pleased to have a fish!

DS9 is our only one, but he has never wanted a sibling. I guess maybe if he HAD asked for one I would have told him there are all different sizes of families, and our family is just the 3 of us. If he persisted with "WHY?" I would have told him that's just how it worked out. Maybe try to point out other families you know with "only" children so he can see that not everybody has siblings. There are plenty of perks to being an "only", he just isn't quite old enough to appreciate them yet!

I think I am gonig to have to read him some of your post about newborns. He does actually want us to have a "baby", but like you said, I dont think he has the concept of life with a newborn!

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

I am always shocked when parents say they are having a baby because their preschooler wants one. Like they had absolutely no vote in the matter.

I have yet to meet a preschooler who really WANTS to have to work around a newborn's schedule, and be quiet, and wait for things like a drink of water or a story or a walk outside while Mom tends the baby. Most kids want a sibling to PLAY with them. But once the baby is mobile then the toys have to be kept away from the baby so he doesn't swallow them. When the baby is a toddler then he is just always up in the older one's business. It is quite a long time before a newborn is able to be a suitable playmate, and by then a lot of the charm has worn off!

I wouldn't be above telling my DS "You know, we couldn't do this if we had a baby" every time we did something that is only age-appropriate for preschoolers. Just to give him something to think about.

 

[Hannathy]

Can you have a friend come visit with a baby? My nephew went through that wanting a baby then out of town friends visited with a baby, after 2 days of crying, diapers, his toys being disturbed and everyone fussing over the baby he told my sister he had changed his mind and didn't want a baby he liked things as they were, hugged her and never brought it up again.

 

[Papa Deuce]

Darn.... I had SO MANY clothes for you! Two sets of many!

 

[WDW Poly Princess]

I think every little kid goes through the "I want a brother/sister" phase. Remember when they had those "My Buddy" and "Kid Sister" dolls?

Have you asked him why he wants a brother? Maybe you can explain why goldfish are really a lot cooler! (Oh man, am I the only one thinking of that Full House episdoe when Michelle gets a fish?)

 

[kejoda]

Well since my boys have been fighting a lot lately you can have your pick. 13, 8, and 6. Keep in mind that the 13 is a teenager and most likely will try to turn your son into his slave . The 8 yr. old is good for the most part but is devolmentally delayed so I don't think he'll go with you. The six yr old would be a good one. Have the computer close by at all times, he asks every question known to man and I don't know isn't a good answer. Also the mouth is always in motion in one way or another. Your little one will be learning all sorts of wonderful sounds. Who knew the mouth could do such things.

 

[disykat]

I would just be matter of fact that you have a one child family. No explanations or justifications as why your family choice is best are necessary (or IMO even appropriate). Something along the line of "every family is different and mommy and daddy just got one baby and that was you!".

No matter what your family size, kids wish they had input. My kids like to think their lives would have been better as only children. Tough - it is what it is!

 

[Alice's Mom]

Would a big brother do? I have a BIL who is 40, still lives at home with the MIL and the cats and doesnt work. I am sure you two could work out a deal.

This may be my parents future...my 23 year old brother lives with my parents, no job, not even a drivers license and they have cats!

My Mom always jokes that I am going to inherit him.

 

[PaulaSB12]

You could also point out that (horror of horrors) he could end up with a sister.

 

[VSL]

You could also point out that (horror of horrors) he could end up with a sister.

Yeah.

I also like this:

I would just be matter of fact that you have a one child family. No explanations or justifications as why your family choice is best are necessary (or IMO even appropriate). Something along the line of "every family is different and mommy and daddy just got one baby and that was you!".

You really don't need to justify or explain it any further than that.

I'm assuming that you're not going to start TTC just because your DS would like a brother, right? Because that really would be crazy!