My sister's mad at me.....

[Abbie]

...and I can't decide if I should feel guilty.

My DD got married over the summer. When the proofs went online in Sept. my sister emailed and said she couldn't decide between two pics, but when she did decide, could I please order one for her when I placed my order? Both pictures were of my mom and her friend (different poses), and my sister wanted to give it to Mom for Christmas. I told her I wasn't planning to order from the photographer since my DD and SIL bought the copyright and when they got their cd, I would be glad to have a print made for her.

Well, the cd is available now but my DD and SIL were planning to give one of those prints to mom for Christmas. I told my sister she was welcome to order the other print if she still wanted (which was also of mom and her friend, but in the church) but DD was giving the other pose as their gift.

Now my sister is mad at me because she asked "first". I just told her that I was sorry, but I think the bride and groom rightfully have the option to give pictures from their wedding as gifts and there wasn't anything I could do about it. But I do feel badly about it.

Should I have done something differently? I wouldn't have even mentioned that DD was giving the same gift except that when I emailed to say the cd was available and she was welcome to print #299, she specifically asked about the other one (which is the one DD is using). It's not like the first time someone would receive a duplicate gift!

 

[NY Disney fan]

Just curious, why would your DD want to give your mom a present of the pic of your mom and your sister's friend? or was it your mom's friend?

 

[phorsenuf]

Just curious, why would your DD want to give your mom a present of the pic of your mom and your sister's friend? or was it your mom's friend?

I think it was a picture of her mom and her moms friend.
And I agree, the bride and groom had first dibs to give any of their wedding photos as presents.

 

[a1tinkfans]

OH GEEZ!
As one of three sisters...heres my take for what its worth...
Did you happen to mention to your daughter that her aunt had picked out that pix as a gift for grandma already? If not, IO think you should have, you did know she asked you and you you did make it appear that you were well aware it was agift from her to give your mom....sorry, but I think you owe her an apology for a) either NOT mentioning it to daughter (who YES< should have her choice of pix to get and give, BUT, I am sure she would be kind enough to step aside for that ONE pix since it was already offered up to your sister (otherwise how did your sister get the photos to review anyway) OR B) apologize for FORGETTING to say something to the bride that sis already wanted that pix as a gift...but honestly, Its a HAPPY occasion, a WEDDING, so HOPEFULLY no real angst and hurt is left and instead happy thoughts and just a forgive/forget can take place. Good Luck!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Sorry but I think you are wrong and that it wasn't very nice what you did. Your sister specifically asked for one of two photos that were very similar with the intent on giving it to your Mom. Your DD decided to in essence "take" the gift. That is wrong. It isn't like you didn't know what your sister wanted the photo for.

 

[Abbie]

Just curious, why would your DD want to give your mom a present of the pic of your mom and your sister's friend? or was it your mom's friend?

It's of my mom, who is 85, and her 95 yr. old "boyfriend". It just sounds funny to call him that.

 

[C.Ann]

Technically the photos belong to the bride and groom.. They can do whatever they want with them.. Your sister was requesting something that does not belong to you - nor does it belong to her.. Have her call your DD (the bride and co-owner of the photos) and they can resolve it between themselves..

 

[NY Disney fan]

Sorry but I think you are wrong and that it wasn't very nice what you did. Your sister specifically asked for one of two photos that were very similar with the intent on giving it to your Mom. Your DD decided to in essence "take" the gift.

It all depeds on WHEN her DD had the gift idea. Was it before or after the OP spoke to her sister. If the DD and OP discussed the Christmas gift after sister's phone call then she (sister) is owed an apology.

 

[BelleWDW]

 

[nutterbutter2010]

Sorry but I think you are wrong and that it wasn't very nice what you did. Your sister specifically asked for one of two photos that were very similar with the intent on giving it to your Mom. Your DD decided to in essence "take" the gift. That is wrong. It isn't like you didn't know what your sister wanted the photo for.

OP doesn't know what her daughter is thinking at all times. Maybe she wasn't aware that her DD was planning on doing it. And they are the DDs pictures - it was her wedding. I think OP has her hands tied, and its really not her fault.

 

[NY Disney fan]

OP doesn't know what her daughter is thinking at all times. Maybe she wasn't aware that her DD was planning on doing it. And they are the DDs pictures - it was her wedding. I think OP has her hands tied, and its really not her fault.

It is not the OP's fault...only if she did not speak to her daughter about her sister's idea. At the end of the day, its not a tragedy. But for integrity's sake, if the OP shared sister's idea with her DD, the OP is wrong.

 

[C.Ann]

OP doesn't know what her daughter is thinking at all times. Maybe she wasn't aware that her DD was planning on doing it. And they are the DDs pictures - it was her wedding. I think OP has her hands tied, and its really not her fault.

Exactly.. OP can't "promise" something to someone else that doesn't even belong to her to begin with..

 

[Mom-to-2-Princesses]

...and I can't decide if I should feel guilty.

My DD got married over the summer. When the proofs went online in Sept. my sister emailed and said she couldn't decide between two pics, but when she did decide, could I please order one for her when I placed my order? Both pictures were of my mom and her friend (different poses), and my sister wanted to give it to Mom for Christmas. I told her I wasn't planning to order from the photographer since my DD and SIL bought the copyright and when they got their cd, I would be glad to have a print made for her.

Well, the cd is available now but my DD and SIL were planning to give one of those prints to mom for Christmas. I told my sister she was welcome to order the other print if she still wanted (which was also of mom and her friend, but in the church) but DD was giving the other pose as their gift.

Now my sister is mad at me because she asked "first". I just told her that I was sorry, but I think the bride and groom rightfully have the option to give pictures from their wedding as gifts and there wasn't anything I could do about it. But I do feel badly about it.

Should I have done something differently? I wouldn't have even mentioned that DD was giving the same gift except that when I emailed to say the cd was available and she was welcome to print #299, she specifically asked about the other one (which is the one DD is using). It's not like the first time someone would receive a duplicate gift!

I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about.
First -- your DD paid ALOT of money to have the pictures taken. She has first dibs on them. And I think it is sweet she wants to give her Grandmother a Christmas gift.
Second -- who says the picture idea was first taken by the OP's sister? Don't you think it more likely that the bride saw the pictures first and thought of several Christmas gifts at that time.
Third -- if it was so important to the OP's sister she should have communicated with the bride, it is her niece and not some stranger.

So, while I understand your sister being bummed that she has to think of another gift I do not understand why she should be angry. Actually she sounds like she has entitlement issues.

Good luck, hopefully when she is less emotional about it she will see that the facts lie in the bride's favor.

 

[Jennasis]

I know technically the photos belong to bride and groom but I can't help but feel like the aunt is being shafted. She did ask first, but she probably should have asked the BRIDE first since it's her pics.

 

[jen0610]

...and I can't decide if I should feel guilty.

My DD got married over the summer. When the proofs went online in Sept. my sister emailed and said she couldn't decide between two pics, but when she did decide, could I please order one for her when I placed my order? Both pictures were of my mom and her friend (different poses), and my sister wanted to give it to Mom for Christmas. I told her I wasn't planning to order from the photographer since my DD and SIL bought the copyright and when they got their cd, I would be glad to have a print made for her.

Well, the cd is available now but my DD and SIL were planning to give one of those prints to mom for Christmas. I told my sister she was welcome to order the other print if she still wanted (which was also of mom and her friend, but in the church) but DD was giving the other pose as their gift.

Now my sister is mad at me because she asked "first". I just told her that I was sorry, but I think the bride and groom rightfully have the option to give pictures from their wedding as gifts and there wasn't anything I could do about it. But I do feel badly about it.

Should I have done something differently? I wouldn't have even mentioned that DD was giving the same gift except that when I emailed to say the cd was available and she was welcome to print #299, she specifically asked about the other one (which is the one DD is using). It's not like the first time someone would receive a duplicate gift!

No where in this does the OP state that her DD, the bride, was aware that her aunt was interested in giving one of the pictures from her wedding as a gift. And I very highly doubt that mom ever thought to say something to her DD, I know I wouldn't.

Maybe the granddaughter that it was really a cute picture of her grandmother and her boyfriend and thought it would make a great gift, as well as a keepsake from her wedding.

The OP's sister, should have let the bride know what she wanted to do and verify with the bride what she wanted to do was ok and not over stepping the brides plans.

 

[clgwli]

Sorry I think that your sister has a right to be mad. The moment that your DD and SIL said something, you should have told them what your sister's plans were. Particularly since she did ask you for the print earlier.

 

[Frantasmic]

I don't think an apology is owed because of the following reasons:

OP's sis placed the entire responsibility of the picture on the OP. When YOU order, add mine. When you get the CD, print me a copy, etc.

IMO, you should have sent her a copy. If mom got two copies, it's not OP's fault who gave what to whom.

People on this thread are also placing blame on the OP for what she has no control over.

IMO, it was nice to alert her sister as to DD's intentions, beyond that, OP doesn't need to be referee, photograph orderer, FEDEX driver, gift wrapper, or anything else.

 

[ShootingStarMom2]

Why not make it easy and have your DD give a photo of themselves? That way your sister can still feel right about the situation and your DD can still give grandma a nice photo from the wedding.

 

[disykat]

I guess I'm siding with the OP here. It seems very weird to me that the aunt wants to give as a Christmas gift something that essentially belongs to someone else. I'm assuming OP or her dd paid for the photographer, etc. and the only effort the aunt would put into the gift was to pay for a copy to be made of a picture. To me, that seems like a gift where all the effort was put in by someone else. I agree with OP that the pictures "belong" to the bride and groom and they get first dibs on giving them to anyone.

What if the OP's sister had decided she wanted to give copies of pictures of the bride and groom as presents so she mentioned it "first." Would that still be okay?

IMO, it sounds like the aunt is mad that her easy gift option is gone.

 

[Sneezie]

I guess I'm siding with the OP here. It seems very weird to me that the aunt wants to give as a Christmas gift something that essentially belongs to someone else. I'm assuming OP or her dd paid for the photographer, etc. and the only effort the aunt would put into the gift was to pay for a copy to be made of a picture. To me, that seems like a gift where all the effort was put in by someone else. I agree with OP that the pictures "belong" to the bride and groom and they get first dibs on giving them to anyone.

What if the OP's sister had decided she wanted to give copies of pictures of the bride and groom as presents so she mentioned it "first." Would that still be okay?

IMO, it sounds like the aunt is mad that her easy gift option is gone.

ITA! Well said!