My sister's mad at me.....

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

Sorry but I think you are wrong and that it wasn't very nice what you did. Your sister specifically asked for one of two photos that were very similar with the intent on giving it to your Mom. Your DD decided to in essence "take" the gift. That is wrong. It isn't like you didn't know what your sister wanted the photo for.

I disagree...I think this was a communication issue.

The bride and the groom BOUGHT the copyright - it wasn't for anyone to give away. The bride and groom own the photos, just like Disney owns Mickey Mouse.

I think it's perfectly appropriate for the bride and groom to gift a photo of the bride's grandmother from her wedding and the sister (aunt) should back off and say, no problem.

The OP should have mentioned it to her daughter and the sister (aunt of the bride) should have asked the bride directly. So, both sisters were in the wrong.

But, in the end, the bride shouldn't be the one to have to give up a photo that's rightfully hers to give.

The mother and the aunt should both say mea culpa and leave it at that.

The bride (granddaughter) should ABSOLUTELY be the one gifting this photo to her elderly grandmother.

Auntie needs to go find another gift.

 

[C.Ann]

I disagree...I think this was a communication issue.

The bride and the groom BOUGHT the copyright - it wasn't for anyone to give away. The bride and groom own the photos, just like Disney owns Mickey Mouse.

I think it's perfectly appropriate for the bride and groom to gift a photo of the bride's grandmother from her wedding and the sister (aunt) should back off and say, no problem.

The OP should have mentioned it to her daughter and the sister (aunt of the bride) should have asked the bride directly. So, both sisters were in the wrong.

But, in the end, the bride shouldn't be the one to have to give up a photo that's rightfully hers to give.

The mother and the aunt should both say mea culpa and leave it at that.

The bride (granddaughter) should ABSOLUTELY be the one gifting this photo to her elderly grandmother.

Auntie needs to go find another gift.

Very well put..

 

[Abbie]

Why not make it easy and have your DD give a photo of themselves? That way your sister can still feel right about the situation and your DD can still give grandma a nice photo from the wedding.

I guess I just needed to type it out to think it over and try to come to a solution because that's exactly what came to me as I posted!

I spoke with my DD a few minutes ago and suggested that Grandma would love a picture of the bride and groom, and let her aunt give the other one. She was agreeable to that, so I've emailed my sister and made the offer.

In all honesty, it never occurred to me in Sept. that my DD would probably plan to give these photos as gifts (I think that's what we're ALL getting!) so I wasn't thinking when I told my sister I'd be glad to order one for her. I was just trying to be helpful and save her the cost of ordering from the photographer.

Our family is very close, so this will not be a big deal, but this sister is one you must walk on eggshells around because you never know what she will take offense to and I don't like being on the outs with her. Love her to death but oy!

 

[beachlover9395]

I spoke with my DD a few minutes ago and suggested that Grandma would love a picture of the bride and groom, and let her aunt give the other one. She was agreeable to that, so I've emailed my sister and made the offer.

That was exactly the solution I was going to suggest and I think it's the perfect compromise. Good job and hope everyone loves their gifts.

 

[cdepauli]

I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about.
First -- your DD paid ALOT of money to have the pictures taken. She has first dibs on them. And I think it is sweet she wants to give her Grandmother a Christmas gift.
Second -- who says the picture idea was first taken by the OP's sister? Don't you think it more likely that the bride saw the pictures first and thought of several Christmas gifts at that time.
Third -- if it was so important to the OP's sister she should have communicated with the bride, it is her niece and not some stranger.

So, while I understand your sister being bummed that she has to think of another gift I do not understand why she should be angry. Actually she sounds like she has entitlement issues.

Good luck, hopefully when she is less emotional about it she will see that the facts lie in the bride's favor.

ITA! OP, your daughter and her husband paid aaaaa lot of money for a photographer at her wedding. I actually think it's really bad etiquette that your sister would take advantage of a photograph that another person paid to have taken and then also get upset when the OWNER of the copyright, who also paid for the photographer decides to gift their own property. If your sister wanted to give your mother a thoughtful gift featuring a photo of mom and her boyfriend then she should have her own photo taken (whether that would be one she took herself or paid someone to take for her).

Your sister is not one bit entitled to give that photo as a gift. Also, if she really were that set on the idea, she should have spoken to your daughter, who would have been well within her right to say that she already had that idea.

 

[Kit'smommy]

I think your compromise sounds great.

However, I do not think you or your daughter have anything to feel guilty about anyway. I can't imagine asking for a picture taken by a photographer for another party to give as a gift.

I framed several pictures from my early December wedding and gave them as gifts that Christmas and would have felt it was strange if another family member had asked for copies to give as gifts.

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

I guess I just needed to type it out to think it over and try to come to a solution because that's exactly what came to me as I posted!

I spoke with my DD a few minutes ago and suggested that Grandma would love a picture of the bride and groom, and let her aunt give the other one. She was agreeable to that, so I've emailed my sister and made the offer.

In all honesty, it never occurred to me in Sept. that my DD would probably plan to give these photos as gifts (I think that's what we're ALL getting!) so I wasn't thinking when I told my sister I'd be glad to order one for her. I was just trying to be helpful and save her the cost of ordering from the photographer.

Our family is very close, so this will not be a big deal, but this sister is one you must walk on eggshells around because you never know what she will take offense to and I don't like being on the outs with her. Love her to death but oy!

Trust me, I understand. My sister's pissed at me all the time. It's become so comical over the years. This time she's pissed because I chose to spend Thanksgiving somewhere other than my parents. I'm 45. Her punishment? She defriended me on Facebook. Oh, the humanity!!

 

[Abbie]

Trust me, I understand. My sister's pissed at me all the time. It's become so comical over the years. This time she's pissed because I chose to spend Thanksgiving somewhere other than my parents. I'm 45. Her punishment? She defriended me on Facebook. Oh, the humanity!!

Oh dear! Hope it blows over soon! (and you know what? I think I've posted on a thread of yours in the past because our families sounded similar!!)

 

[Minnie*J*]

I guess I just needed to type it out to think it over and try to come to a solution because that's exactly what came to me as I posted!

I spoke with my DD a few minutes ago and suggested that Grandma would love a picture of the bride and groom, and let her aunt give the other one. She was agreeable to that, so I've emailed my sister and made the offer.

In all honesty, it never occurred to me in Sept. that my DD would probably plan to give these photos as gifts (I think that's what we're ALL getting!) so I wasn't thinking when I told my sister I'd be glad to order one for her. I was just trying to be helpful and save her the cost of ordering from the photographer.

Our family is very close, so this will not be a big deal, but this sister is one you must walk on eggshells around because you never know what she will take offense to and I don't like being on the outs with her. Love her to death but oy!

Glad everything worked out

 

[C.Ann]

Our family is very close, so this will not be a big deal, but this sister is one you must walk on eggshells around because you never know what she will take offense to and I don't like being on the outs with her. Love her to death but oy!

Doesn't everyone have one (or 20) of them in their families? LOL

Glad you found a solution..

 

[ShootingStarMom2]

Our family is very close, so this will not be a big deal, but this sister is one you must walk on eggshells around because you never know what she will take offense to and I don't like being on the outs with her. Love her to death but oy!

Gee, you have a sister like that too?

 

[CathrynRose]

I know technically the photos belong to bride and groom but I can't help but feel like the aunt is being shafted. She did ask first, but she probably should have asked the BRIDE first since it's her pics.

Maybe the Aunt thought the Mom would tell the bride - it's her daughter.

I kinda agree with the Aunt. I'd be upset, too. I understand the point of the pics belonging to the bride/daughter - however the OP stated the Aunt was going to order the print from the photographer, and the OP said "No wait - I'll let you have it for free, when we get the CD"

She waited, and now get's shafted.

 

[clgwli]

I think I am understanding the copyright thing differently. At least how it was given to us as an option was we had the right to buy a 'copyright' so that we could make as many pictures as we wanted. Our photographer also had a waiver we signed saying they could use our photographs any time for promotion of their business. They could use them to show prospective clients the style of the specific photographer. Also for a certain period of time they would take orders from family and friends so they could also sell the pictures they took.

So yes we had rights to all the photos. That ONLY meant we could copy them as much as WE wanted. THEY also had the right to sell it.

The OP said the sister wanted to order a photo which means she would have paid for it.

To me that means the bride doesn't own the photos any more than the photographer would.

That's why I side with the sister.

 

[Abbie]

She waited, and now get's shafted.

But, see, if I let her go ahead and order from the photographer, she would have paid $25 for the 5x7 she wanted and she still would have felt "shafted" because my mother would still be getting the duplicate photo from my daughter. And I guarantee my sister would have been mad about that too.

 

[Abbie]

So yes we had rights to all the photos. That ONLY meant we could copy them as much as WE wanted. THEY also had the right to sell it.

The OP said the sister wanted to order a photo which means she would have paid for it.

To me that means the bride doesn't own the photos any more than the photographer would.

I think you are right about the copyright issue. She could have ordered directly from the photographer. I honestly was trying to be helpful by telling her if she waited she could basically get the same item for free.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

OP made a critical mistake when she did not tell her sister that she needed to speak with the bride about the pictures. And likewise, aunt should have spoken to the bride and not her sister.

So.....

The aunt needs to find another gift.

 

[manning]

My response to sis would be "my daughter has bought the copyrights to the pictures. I have no control as to what they do. I think it is a nice thought on your part but you will have to discuss this with them."

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I don't feel that a wedding guest should take "dibs" on a photo that the professional photographer took over the bride and groom.

IMHO--this is Aunt-zilla who is just too put out to do her own thing.

OP should have been upfront and told the Aunt to talk to the Bride and Groom--so that is the only mistake that was made.

To fault the Bride and the Groom is ridiculous.

 

[Orange County Girl]

I see that you've resolved the problem already, but unless your sister paid for the photographer she has no "dibs" on photos. Your daughter sounds like a very gracious young lady!

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

I think your compromise sounds great.

However, I do not think you or your daughter have anything to feel guilty about anyway. I can't imagine asking for a picture taken by a photographer for another party to give as a gift.

I framed several pictures from my early December wedding and gave them as gifts that Christmas and would have felt it was strange if another family member had asked for copies to give as gifts.

My thoughts exactly.

OP, glad you got it all worked out.