My sister thinks I'm bipolar

[minkydog]

And the sad thing is, she might be right. I don't think I see myself as others see me. Right now I am depressed and sad and its all I can do to keep myself "upright".

DSis has bipolar II. She had a major breakdown last fall, so she is very tuned in to this sort of thing.DS22 is also bipolar and has attempted suicide twice. I have had episodes of depression since I was about 14, but no mania. The only time in my life that I have not entertained daily thoughts of suicide is the 18 months I was on Effexor.

About 2 months ago I decided to go off the Effexor, because although I felt GREAT on it, full of energy!, I could not sleep. I've been fighting insomnia(and taking Ambien) ever since I started that drug and I'm just sick of it. So I weaned myself off with the help of Prozac to ease me through the withdrawal syndrome.:sick

So you'd think I'd feel better, right? No. I'm just ANGRY. I don't want to go back on the drugs, but everything sets me off, especially my family. I feel like I"m going to go ballistic nearly every minute of the day. Its complicated...At this point I'm just trying to get through the weekend. I'm calling my doctor and a psychologist in the morning. Thankfully I have some Xanax here and I'm using that very judiciously. But it's a huge temptation.

 

[laurie31]

Have you considered going to an ER tonight?

I know you said you're calling your doc in the morning. Please, if your temptation gets stronger, don't wait - go tonight.

I will pray for you.

 

[cabmom]

Minkydog, my thoughts are with you.
You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Do seek medical advice. I don't know anything about being bipolar, but know about ppd.

 

[freckles and boo]

I have read many of your posts. You carry a very heavy load and I am sure there are days when it feels overwhelming. Although your sister has some insight, don't let her diagnose you. Can you get some respite care for your son so you can take time to take care of yourself? I agree you should talk to someone sooner rather than later if you are feeling particularly sad.

 

[breezy1077]

 

[java]

You are taking steps to check on yourself and that's a great thing.
You have siblings with the disease and you know the signs. The MANIC behaviour is the big key. The crazy highs and severe lows.
Be strong and do what needs to be done. Remember you are in control.

 

[perla75]

And the sad thing is, she might be right. I don't think I see myself as others see me. Right now I am depressed and sad and its all I can do to keep myself "upright".

DSis has bipolar II. She had a major breakdown last fall, so she is very tuned in to this sort of thing.DS22 is also bipolar and has attempted suicide twice. I have had episodes of depression since I was about 14, but no mania. The only time in my life that I have not entertained daily thoughts of suicide is the 18 months I was on Effexor.

About 2 months ago I decided to go off the Effexor, because although I felt GREAT on it, full of energy!, I could not sleep. I've been fighting insomnia(and taking Ambien) ever since I started that drug and I'm just sick of it. So I weaned myself off with the help of Prozac to ease me through the withdrawal syndrome.:sick

So you'd think I'd feel better, right? No. I'm just ANGRY. I don't want to go back on the drugs, but everything sets me off, especially my family. I feel like I"m going to go ballistic nearly every minute of the day. Its complicated...At this point I'm just trying to get through the weekend. I'm calling my doctor and a psychologist in the morning. Thankfully I have some Xanax here and I'm using that very judiciously. But it's a huge temptation.

I am so sorry you are going through this. It is truly a frustrating & aweful thing to experience I have a family member with rapid cycling bipolar disorder & I have a few close friends who battle bipolar disorder as well.

Make an appointment with your doctor as soon as possible. There are alot of choices of medications to choose from, and sometimes it takes a while to find the right "cocktail" for you. You might want to ask for doctor about trying other classes of meds. I have a close friend who takes two different meds-one for the mania and one to help with depression.

Hang in there-it will get better.

If you can't sleep tonight, try to do some research on the meds that are out there. Sometimes reading about the answers is comforting & can help ease your mind.

 

[nannerbadnanner]

Please go to the ER tonight or at least call your therapist. It sounds like you need some help now, not tomorrow.

I have read your posts through the years and you have always been so brave and strong under such adversity. Prayers for you tonight, but please seek help as soon as possible. Lack of sleep alone will make you do some things that are out of character.

 

[honugirl]

There is a type of bipolar where you cycle to "normal" moods, not the extreme highs that everyone thinks about, but you still cycle down into the extreme lows. My doctors thought that's what I had until I fought them and proved that I had a pituitary tumor. The hormonal fluctuations were what was causing the moodiness. Good luck! It's not an easy thing to fight. If you're having problems and really down in the dumps, call someone. There are suicide hotlines available 24 hours a day. Don't wait until tomorrow, get help today.

 

[TimeforMe]

Even though Effexor might not have been the best choice for you, there are others out there that may not cause you insomnia. Don't give up hope. Hang in there and please keep us posted.

 

[moon]

Minkidog, I'm with the posters who said you should go to the ER tonight.

Are you alone?

 

[Liberty Belle]

Your sister certainly knows you better than I do, but from what you said, it doesn't necessarily sound like you're bipolar. Depression manifests itself in me with irritability and anger. If Effexor was working for you, why not go back on it? Were there side effects you didn't like? Maybe you could try something else. Duh - I'm tired and missed your second paragraph, apparently. There are other medications that do not cause insomnia. Have you tried Celexa?

Don't get hung up on the "bipolar" label.

 

[MoniqueU]

Unless you are a REAL clear danger to yourself or others and I mean severe enough for them to put you on a 72 hour hold the ER's won't do anything for you where I am at.
I just came off effexor and the withdrawls are horrible and take longer then you think to get out of your system. I got switched to prestique which is like effexor just with less side effects. I also take ambian but have been on it so long it really has no real effect on me anymore.

No one else here is going to tell you this but I would take enough of the xanax to put you to sleep. I find I sleep easier and better with the xanax then I do the ambian in a pinch. I would make it priority number one to get into the psychiatrists first thing in the morning.

And what you may see as lack of mania just may be you rebounding to what you think is an ok mood. I have never known anyone in a manic mood that actually thinks they are manic at the time, other then my one cousin but she is a rapid cycle so she can really feel everything coming and going.

Hang in there with your family and just try and keep to yourself as much as you can. If you want you can PM me.

 

[Forevryoung]

I agree with Monique- probably because I've spent the past 8 years medicated on and off (more time on).

I had the same depression/irritability issues that you have but have been pretty stable since I started Emsam 2 years ago (a MAOI that's awesome!)

Ambien does NOTHING for me. Xanex will knock me out for a few hours if I take enough of it and wait a 2-3 hours (ugh). Seroquel on the other hand will knock me out for 18 hours a day on the smallest dose in the world

Take the xanex, go to sleep, call your doctor in the morning. There is no way that I would go to an ER unless I knew that my doc wouldn't be able to help. You are doing the right thing

 

[Rebelmom67]

I really hope you go to the ER tonight.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

And what you may see as lack of mania just may be you rebounding to what you think is an ok mood. I have never known anyone in a manic mood that actually thinks they are manic at the time, other then my one cousin but she is a rapid cycle so she can really feel everything coming and going.

Right. I think wanting to go ballistic maybe "mania". Call your docs and go on the road to getting yourself some help.
I know you can do it.

 

[minkydog]

Thanks ya'll for all your kind thoughts. I didn't mean to make you worry. I took a xanax and an ambien and got tired enough to go to sleep, so I did. Since my DH is here, and well aware that I'm tilting off, I felt safe enough staying home rather than going to the ER (where they would just give me a xanax and an ambien, I'm sure.)

Anyway, I'm going to work this morning since there is no one to take my place (I'm a very busy school nurse.) There is also no access to anything I could hurt myself with while I'm there. I'll talk to my principal and make an appointment with my doctor. I haven't felt quite like this in a long, long time, but I can tell I'm not at the bottom yet.

 

[MoniqueU]

Thanks ya'll for all your kind thoughts. I didn't mean to make you worry. I took a xanax and an ambien and got tired enough to go to sleep, so I did. Since my DH is here, and well aware that I'm tilting off, I felt safe enough staying home rather than going to the ER (where they would just give me a xanax and an ambien, I'm sure.)

Anyway, I'm going to work this morning since there is no one to take my place (I'm a very busy school nurse.) There is also no access to anything I could hurt myself with while I'm there. I'll talk to my principal and make an appointment with my doctor. I haven't felt quite like this in a long, long time, but I can tell I'm not at the bottom yet.

Glad to see you made it through the night. I hope your dr. can see you right away and that you can get back on track.

 

[KirstenB]

Oh wow, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I too feel like I know you. I've learned so much from reading your posts over the years. Prayers that you can get some help and things smooth out.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

The hardest part is to make the decision to get help. Now that you have, you will find yourself again.
It does take time as you are well aware.

In addition, what about menopause? I don't know how old you are but that stuff starts to factor in. I know my hormones are wacko right now. That could accent any issues you have and make them come front and center.