My sister is dead - UPDATE regarding THIS thread page 15..

[2bemarried]

C. Ann so sorry to hear of your loss.

 

[luvmydogs]

I am so very very sorry for your loss, C.Ann. My prayers are with you and your family. God Bless you...

 

[C.Ann]

I'm back again.. It's been a long night - and an even longer day..
Hopefully I will make more sense today than I did last night.... Shock has turned to anger - anger has turned to numbness - and numbness is turning into resignation..

I have three solid facts - my sister is definitely dead; I have the date that she died; and I know where she's buried.. The circumstances surrounding her death and the time period leading up to it remain murky at best and I've spent a lot of time today trying to decide how to proceed from here..

I read back over this entire thread just now and I can see where I was rambling and babbling to the point where nothing was making sense and I'm sure it left a lot of you scratching your heads trying to figure out what I was talking about.. Although there are some parts of this story that I don't want to reveal here (out of concern for my sisters child), the majority of the questions that have been posted are fairly easy to answer and I would have no reservations about answering them for the police or anyone else - if it will help me to understand how and why this tragedy took place..

My sister met and married this man while she was out west in the military service. They settled in MI and ever so discreetly "he" began to isolate her from the family.. Contact with us was very minimal and what contact was made hinted of fear and abuse.. If contact became too frequent he would up and move her to a different location.. Forwarding addresses were non-existent.. Private telephone numbers became disconnected numbers and we would have to wait and wait until she found a way (or the courage) to contact us again.. After quite a few years of marriage, they had a child - which was another piece of the puzzle that didn't fit as my sister was ADAMANT about never wanting to have children.. Once again, they were on the move - and all contact came to a screeching halt.. We had very little info on her DH and certainly not enough to be of any real use to us in tracking them down.. Then a little over 2 years ago my other sister - who lives in the southwest - got a lead and obtained a telephone number.. Sure enough, it was "him" - and he gleefully delivered the shocking news that our sister had become "mentally unstable" and he'd had her committed to a pyschiatric hospital.. However, (according to him anyhow) our sister (as well as her doctor) did not want her family to know where she was and he refused to divulge any further information as to her whereabouts.. He was quite happy to report that he had divorced her though, remarried, and was doing an excellent job of raising their child.. My sister pleaded with him to tell us where she was - or to at least let her talk to our niece - but he refused.. Several other family members made contact with him as well and were treated in the same manner - basically that "he" was in charge and if we didn't like it, it was too bad.. Eventually that phone number was disconnected as well - letters pleading for info were returned with no forwarding address - and the trail went stone cold.. Until last night that is - when in the spirit of the Christmas season, he decided to blindside us with the news that our sister had thrown herself in front of a moving train two years ago and died instantly.. However, his "generosity" ended there - once again he would not divulge her whereabouts ("she wouldn't want us to know") nor would he grant permission for any of us to have contact with our neice.. So - that's pretty much how I ended up here on this board asking for help..

In the light of day - having mulled over what little information I have - it seems clear to me that my sister was a victim of domestic abuse.. The classical pattern is there - isolating her from family; keeping them on the move; leading a secretive lifestyle; etc.

The questions I still have are fairly simple - but I don't think I'll ever get the answers..

If my sister did in fact become mentally unstable, what part did "he" (and her life with him) play in that?

Was she in fact the "nameless" person in that newspaper article?

If not, then how did she die?

Why would he be willing to tell us that she was dead - but not where she was buried?

Why won't he let her daughter speak to us? In the minimal amount of contact we had with him over the years (including last night) we never indicated that we didn't believe his "stories" (sometimes you have to play along in hopes of tripping the other person up) so just what is it that she might say that he doesn't want us to hear?

----------------------------------------

As so many of you have mentioned, the police dept. is the logical place to start, but until I can process everything that has happened - and info that continues to trickle in - I think it's best that I not contact them quite yet..

Another email arrived today - with a photo.. It also contained some contradictory information that I can't really post here.. At this point it's a game of "cat and mouse" - hopefully he'll make the big "trip up"..

Again - thank you all for your efforts in unraveling this mysterious tragedy - for your support and your prayers - and most of all, thank you for being there when I couldn't think clearly on my own..

C.Ann

 

[CajunDixie]

Sorry for your loss CAnn



as for rrsafety....notice that person only has a few posts? Ignore them.

HOWEVER, C. Ann must be prepared to answer some questions that she will find very uncomfortable (as they have confused me as well). Her local police will ask her:

Did you not find it strange that you had not spoken to your sister in TWO YEARS?

If you were told that she was in the hospital, you didn't visit her in the hospital for the TWO YEARS she was there?

You said you got alot of advice from folks on a Disney board, you mean you have been to Disney a number of times in the past two years but have yet to visit your sister who was hit by a train?

They WILL ask these questions because the police have to decide who is making things up, the brother in law or the sister and if the answers to these questions aren't good the police are likely to ignore C. Ann.

You really have no idea what her BIL told her....if the sister was supposedly in a coma or a state of health where she couldnt recognize people I can see why she wouldnt travel that far. Michigan is quite a ways from where CAnn lives. Hmm not sure where it says she's been to WDW numerous times either.

 

[twinmomplus2]

I for one can totally understand your angst in your post. I too have a sister that I love dearly who due to years of alcohol abuse and probably mental illness is estranged from the family. For years.... I think it is going on 3 now? Maybe 4? She too could be dead for 2 years and we would never know.
I firmly expected to recieve a similar phone call..... it is only a matter of time. So letting you know I am sorry from the bottem of my heart and understand how this could happen to you.

 

[lisajl]

C.Ann
I am so sorry that you are going through this.



Lisajl

 

[cati]

xx

 

[C.Ann]

Originally posted by cati
Hi there. From our pm and post here. I had an idea. Why dont all you and your family members chip in and hire a private investigator (yes, they are real). He/she could probably find out a lot more about this than you can waiting on him to make a mistake. They really are not that expensive if everyone chips in. We did that to find my dads brothers and sisters. Be sure to get one that is certified though. A good attorney (in that county)could probably point you in the right direction or even do some extensive searching on the net. They could even follow him - get pictures of your niece., etc. My DH said he would help you in anyway you wanted him to. (He is the one that is the seargant on the police force here). Just let me know.

-----------------------------

I PM'ed you.

Thanks!

 

[WDWLVR]

C.Ann - just read this through. So sorry for your loss. May you find peace and answers in the days ahead.

 

[marlasmom]

I completely understand. I was estranged from one of my sisters who was mentally unstable and did not learn of her death immediately - she had had a brain tumor which the doctor said she had had for years and probably contributed to her illness - although she was in a mental health facility for a while.

I am so very sorry - you have so much on your plate. If I can be of any help I'm a pm or a phone call away.

 

[floridafam]

Are you going to try and obtain a death certificate?

I'm confused about something. You asked if your sister was the "nameless" person in the article. Is there reason to believe it may be someone else?

If it's legal to tape record phone calls in the state you live in, I would buy a small tape recorder and start recording any conversations you may have with her X DH.

Do you have reason to believe the child is in harm's way?

You can call the Calhoun County Sheriff's Office and see what they know about the case.

You may also want to check with any federal law enforcement agencies if she died on railroad tracks. I'm not sure if they are federal property or not.

Do you suspect that she really didn't kill herself and was the victim of foul play?

Buy a big notebook and start writing everything down. Phone numbers, people you talk to, newspaper clippings, etc.

There are not that many mental health facilities in the Battle Creek area. Can you actually prove that she lived in one? Maybe her X was not telling you the truth.

I would start by getting a copy of her death certificate.

Good private investigators will help you a lot but they may not be very cheap.

Sorry this happened. Keep us posted on what you find out.

 

[jcemom]

Originally posted by marlasmom
I completely understand. I was estranged from one of my sisters who was mentally unstable and did not learn of her death immediately - she had had a brain tumor which the doctor said she had had for years and probably contributed to her illness - although she was in a mental health facility for a while.

I am so very sorry - you have so much on your plate. If I can be of any help I'm a pm or a phone call away. xxx-xxx-xxxx.

eeek...marlasmom, are you sure you want to post your phone number? maybe you want to consider editing it out and pm-ing it to C.Ann instead?

 

[eeyore74]

C.Ann. I feel for you and your sister's child.

 

[dmslush]

C. Ann, you have my deepest sympathies. I work as a Rural Domestic Advocate, and nothing in your post surprises me. Isolation is typical in abusive relationships, that is how the abuser continues his hold on the victim without having the face confrontation from her family. I have on client now that has had very, very little contact with her family because her abuser wouldn't 'allow' it and she lives in the same town as her family!!! Her family was very much like you, tried to not stir him up for fear of what he would do. I am sorry that your sister couldn't break free, my prayers are with your family.

I agree, hire a private detective. If there is a documented abuse in the past, you may be able to get custody of her daughter.

 

[accomp]

C. Ann, I am so sorry for all that you are going through!

 

[snoopy]

C. Ann, I read all of this thread this morning and didn't know what to make of it so I didn't respond. What an awful way to have to find out your sister is dead. I cannot imagine such a thing. My sister was married to an abusive man for a couple of years and I thank God every day she is away from him and now happily married to someone else.

I am so sorry that this has happened. I will keep you in my prayers that you are able to find your niece and have a relationship with her.

 

[Robinrs]

C.Ann,

I agree, find a private investigator and get this man. He is hiding something, uh DUH!

I also have a sister who has a husband like that. He moved her and their children to Chattanooga to escape us, too bad, my parents bought the house NEXT DOOR. He tried everything to keep her away from us and still does. Now my parents are gone I try to keep contact with her and can only reach her when HE'S not around.... it is so sad.

I fear the worse one day also. She is being treated for depression and forgetfulness and is ill everytime I speak to her. I know she's suffering from so much guilt it is probably killing her.

Don't give up. This sounds so classic, as dmslush said nothing about this surprises me. I feel and I think you feel he is very involved in this and your sister's life, and your NEICE's life, is worth so much more than what he's giving up.

God bless, honey, you've had some year.... Yet you still manage to come through.

Robinrs

 

[DMRick]

Another email arrived today - with a photo..

He has your email address? If so, you must now have his. In this case, the police will be able to find out the address that email address is registered to.

Was she in fact the "nameless" person in that newspaper article?

I would call the newspaper and see if they have verified the name of the person in the train accident, and sic a reporter on this, which you should have no trouble doing, since her hubby said it was her. Although if you now have the death date, and the train accident date, you prob already have your answer.

This is really strange. You have had one heck of a year.

 

[C.Ann]

Originally posted by DMRick
He has your email address? If so, you must now have his. In this case, the police will be able to find out the address that email address is registered to.



I would call the newspaper and see if they have verified the name of the person in the train accident, and sic a reporter on this, which you should have no trouble doing, since her hubby said it was her. Although if you now have the death date, and the train accident date, you prob already have your answer.

This is really strange. You have had one heck of a year.

----------------------------------------

Yes - I have his email address - and was even able to obtain somewhat of a "profile" through his registry on his ISP.. He certainly thinks quite highly - of himself....

I just found the county site out there in MI where I can request a copy of the death certificate over the internet.. I'm reading now to see if there any restrictions on who can obtain it. If she was "killed" by the train, I'm assuming it will say so.. If they are certain it was suicide, I assume it will say that as well..

Either way, I'm still puzzled why it was kept from us for two years - and what caused her to take her own life - if in fact she did..

As for the newspaper article, I'm not sure which newspaper it appeared in. He only cut & pasted the article itself..

Can someone refresh my memory as to what the daily newspapers are for Calhoun County?

Thanks..

 

[C.Ann]

This is becoming stranger with each passing hour..

There isn't any record of a death certificate for her in that county..

What county is Battle Creek in? I'm pretty sure I used the right one.. Actually I checked two counties - but no record of a death certificate..

6_time_momma : If you're out there, could you please look at the copy & paste I sent you and verify what county that would be?

Also - it may be time for you to give me the phone# of the Police Dept. that would have had jurisdiction over that location..

Thanks..