My mummy is in the hospital UPDATE post #119

[luvmy3]

I'm so sorry for what you both are going through.

 

[Briarmom]

 

[charming23]

Ember,

I too have been following your story and you have done everything you could for your mom and you should not be blaming yourself. I know how hard it is. I went through the same thing when my dad was dying. It was hard to realize that there was nothing more I could have done to prevent what was happening. Your mom is so lucky to have a daughter like you who has stuck by her side through all the ups and downs.

You and your mom are in my thoughts and prayers

 

[a1tinkfans]

Ember
You and your mom are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry you all are in this terrible situation. Please know that we're all out here sending calming vibes your way.....again, so sorry,,,,you are an amazing daughter, remember that!

 

[Freyja]

My heart breaks for you. I´ve followed your struggles here on the Dis and please don´t ever question the love and caring you have showered your mother with. You are an amazing daughter and she is very lucky to have you. Keeping you in my thoughts and sending best wishes for comfort for your mother.

 

[mickeyboat]

Ember - you have been an amazing daughter who has been incredibly devoted to her mother. She has been so lucky to have had to taking care of her for such a long time. I know this is a very tough time for you.

You might remember me mentioning that my FIL passed away a little over a month ago, after spending some time in hospice care. One thing you need to prepare yourself for is that your mom will probably be behaving in odd ways - not like her old self. Make sure you don't take anything personally.

Please keep us posted, and don't forget that we are here to listen.

Denae

 

[autumnpalm]

I am so sorry to read this.

Please know that you and your family are continually in my prayers.

 

[safetymom]

I am so sorry. It is terribly hard watching a parent suffer.

 

[minniecarousel]

Oh, Ember, honey I'm so sorry. Things are happening that you (& your Mom) have no control over. The hospital is the best place for your Mom now. You took care of her at home as long as you could. It's time to move on to the next phase. She will be well cared for - you have to believe that!

Take care of yourself. You are in my continued prayers.

 

[dislaney]

Sorry you are going through this.

 

[snoopybabe]

Ember
and prayers. I have been following your story & keeping you & your mom in my prayers. You are a wonderful daughter and you have not made mistakes but helped your mom.

 

[Keli]

You haven't made any mistakes. As much as you want to keep your mom at home often that is just impossible with terminal cancer. You cannot control this disease, unfortunately all you can do is cope with it.

My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

 

[bumbershoot]

My heart breaks for you. I´ve followed your struggles here on the Dis and please don´t ever question the love and caring you have showered your mother with. You are an amazing daughter and she is very lucky to have you. Keeping you in my thoughts and sending best wishes for comfort for your mother.

Freyja said what was in my mind just perfectly.

The problem with hospitals is that they follow regulations first and not the care of the patient. If she's suffering and it's not time for her medications according to their charts, they won't help.

I'm only 29 years old. I'm not ready to lose my mummy. I don't want to be an orphan.

Things might be different in Canada where you are...but maybe you just need to get "Shirley Maclaine" on them, from her role in Terms of Endearment. Just make SURE they are caring for her. We had to stay on top of the horrible hospital here in Tacoma, because they just kept forgetting things with my FIL. His chart was really long, and the nurses weren't reading even the important parts, and they forgot things. So keep on them if you think they are neglecting/ignoring her.

I was only 30...I know the feelings...I'm so sorry. Though I still have my father; I didn't realize yours was already gone...I'm even sorrier.

 

[Melmac]

I don't post very much here but I wanted to say that I have been following your posts about your mum and I am very sorry about what you and your husband are going through. Keeping you all in my thoughts

 

[tar heel]

Your mom is a hospice patient and should be continuing to get palliative care while she is in the hospital. Call your 24-hour hospice nurse line and get them involved.

 

[minniebeth]

Ember, hugs for you and your mom!

 

[disneymarie]

Last night my mother was unable to stand. Her legs simply would not support her and she couldn't get off the couch. We called our nursing team for help and someone came out right away. The suggested we go to the hospital for her safety as without being able to move she couldn't stay here.

She will be in the hospital at least over the weekend and then we'll try to get her into hospice care. The problem with hospitals is that they follow regulations first and not the care of the patient. If she's suffering and it's not time for her medications according to their charts, they won't help. Whereas a hospice is there to help ease suffering.

This is the hardest thing I've ever done and I feel like my heart is shattering. We both wanted her to stay home, where she felt safe. She hates hospitals and I never wanted her to have to be there. I feel like I've made countless mistakes, even though I know I didn't. They aren't sure if her spine is compressing, if she had a stroke, or if this is just natural progression of her cancer.

I'm only 29 years old. I'm not ready to lose my mummy. I don't want to be an orphan.

So very sorry to hear about your Mom. this is an emotional trying time.
I was older then you when I went through this with Daddy, When he went down and no longer had the strength to abulate we took him to the VA. I though he needed fluids, but every thing had progressed.

Had the same exact problem with Meds too. The Hospice philosophy and the ward on a floor are differeint. WHY is it so difficult for a doctor to treat a hospice patient the way protocol is no matter where they are placed. My dad passed away before he was able to be transfred onto a Hospice floor. It was torture listening to his moans.

I begged the doctor to do something, even had them bring the ER doc upstairs to change orders, She put a Pain patch on that would take almost a day to start working. I told her he is not going to make it through the hours it takes to work. SHe said if I give him anything stronger it could endanger him. Dad passed away 8 hrs later.

I hope that Mom is transfered to a Hospice unit ASAP! Keep on them for that . I know it is difficult, but get all the support you can from the hospice network. Lean on them that is what they are there for.
Hugs to you and prayers,
di

 

[nuttylawprofessor]

Ember,

This is when it's the worst. Watching your parent leave their mortal life is about as bad as it gets. I hope you're able to get hospice/palliative teams in to help your mom.

 

[Ember]

Today my mother asked me to die. If you want to know what it’s like to feel your heart torn in two, this is a great way to get the experience. I would help her die, because that’s what she wants. I recoil at the idea because that’s my mother and I don’t want her to go. Part of me is willing to admit that I am selfish enough to want her here, even though she’s not the mother I knew a few months ago. But the rest of me, the much larger part, wants her comfort first. If I could end her life, I would.

I look at my mother now and have trouble reconciling what I see what the person my heart knows. She lost a lot of weight and she lost it so quickly that her skin hangs off her. Her shoulders are fragile looking and bony, I can see her pulse in the hollow of her collarbone. Her head often is thrust forward, as though the effort of keeping it upright is just too much, which is probably is. Her stomach, where the cancer is, is distended and painful looking.

I spent the night at the hospital last night, to be close if she needed me and to guard her. Also, so that she would know for certain that she wasn’t alone. I don’t know if she knew I was here, she was pretty confused, but whatever small part of her was aware I hope knew I was with her. That she wasn’t abandoned. I know she was afraid of being alone and if I can ease any fear at all at this point, I will do so.

The doctor tells me she has a blood infection that we are no longer actively treating. This will likely result in multi organ system failure. The doctor said a few days to a week. I've taken tomorrow off school and will continue to spend the nights here. In the morning I'll go home to shower and get dress and then go to work. After school I'll come back. My DH has promised that if I'm not here then he will be. So no matter what when the time comes she won't be alone.

To give the hospital staff credit they have been really good. Before the doctor was able to order her meds changed to higher doses the nurse asked me if I brought her medications from home. I said I had them and she told me she couldn't stop me from giving them to her if she wasn't in the room. Then she walked out. She is now on a stronger pain killer and a stronger anti anxiety medication with orders that they can be taken "liberally" when ever she needs them.

I am not ready for what's coming. My mother pieced me together and made me whole. When the world didn’t make sense, she could put it back in order and make everything okay. Somehow I know I will get through this, but from this end of the tunnel it seems a very dark path.

 

[safetymom]

I am so sorry. When my mother was dying in the hospital we told it was ok to let go. We didn't want to see her in pain anymore. It was the hardest thing to do but I know we did the right thing.

It is super tough losing a Mom. They are the glue that holds a family together. Please try to take comfort in your memories of your Mom in a better time.

I will keep you both in my prayers.