My mother is trying to take over....

[wilda]

We are all excited, although I have one "worry" about the trip - we each have very different "styles" of vacationing. My family is very spontanous and like to just enjoy the moment...where you and mom are very "scheduled and planned" people. Bob and I have talked about it and we hope that we will all be able to relax and enjoy the vacation together. We will try really hard not to interfer with whatever it is that you and mom want to do and I am sure there will be times when you and Mom want to go off on your own (as will we). We do not want you and mom to ever feel that you have to stay with us and go on the "kiddie" rides, we know that there is alot you will want to see as well." [/I]


I think your approach on this was excellent. You made it sound as though you didn't want to impose/interfere on their trip.

My husband and I have taken our 8 year old GS to WDW twice. This last trip in December my daughter and her BF decided they wanted to join us. They ended up staying in a different hotel (they were at POP, we were at BWI). I am typically the person-in-charge; however as soon as they indicated they were coming along all of my plans and expectations changed. I realized that she was going to want to experience a lot of the attractions, etc with her son. We took a back seat, let them drive the plans, and gave them plenty of space. We talked about it before we left, and let them know we would spend as much or as little time with them as they wanted. It worked out pretty well. They are not big planners and are pretty laid back, so my booking the Fantasmic package was appreciated. But that was the extent of my planning.

It will all work out- it's Disney so it has to be magical!

By the way, we're in Smithfield!

 

[TarzansKat]

I'm right there with you, OP! Actually after our vacation last year, after the past two years of going with family, and some just me and DH prior, but mostly with family prior, I finally put my foot down and basically told everyone that this year my DH, myself, and DS3 would be going alone. I felt rude and awful and about a thousand other things, but I have never been on a trip with just my DH and DS, we've always gone away with other people. I really felt it was time for us to have "our family time" and do the vacation "our" way. Our last trip I have some very fond memories, but I was so maxed out with us breathing down each other's necks (read no splitting up ever) that on our last day, I took my son in his stroller, said he needs a nap and proceeded to walk around the World Showcase by myself. DS did fall asleep, so I wasn't fibbing! Anyway, that was one of my most relaxing vacation moments. I took pictures of us, and I remember that as one of my walks around the world. So take it from me, set up the boundaries now! My family always says we'll split up and we never do. It can be way too much.

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

It looks like everyone has given you great advice already. Parents, especially Mothers, can drive you insane.

So I'm just offering some magic in the hopes that talking with her gets her to see the light.

 

[Mckymousefn]

I to cherish the memories i have with my grandparents from when i was young.... like you do & you want your kids to have those kinds of memories as well. Just remember, its for the boys .... and i hope your mom can see this to, because if she doesn't and keeps having tiff's about it, the boys will pick up on it and it can ruin it for them as well. Good luck!!

 

[catgirl]

I tell anyone who wants to join my vacation, that I would love to have them along. I let them know they are welcome to join my plans, but If they wish to have a different plan, that is fine, but don't expect me to toss my plan aside. I may alter my plan if you have an idea I like better. Everyone has different styles and to make the most of your vacation you need to what makes you happy. Vacations are expensive, short and don't come often enough, we need to make the most of them!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Millie12591]

our trip to Disney and I am trying not to get really angry!

When I was a child, we went to Disney every few years and my mother planned our trips and we even called her the "general". She was in charge and she planned almost every minute of our day... *sigh*

Now fast forward to 2008 - I am an adult, 39, with my own family and we are going on our first trip to Disney with our children DS (7) and DS (5). My parents are coming us and we were thrilled they wanted to come BUT my mother is getting increasingly worse about the "planning" of our trip.

She wants to "map out" exactly what we are going to do each day (each minute) and my husband and I are much more "laid back" people. We want our children to enjoy themselves and just "live in the moment". Yes, we do have certain definative plans (ie:"Stich" lunch, certain days for certain parks, etc). but we do not want to plan every moment and "rush" the boys through because we are running 5 minutes behind. know what I mean?

Last night she called to tell me that we would only be going to the park from opeing hour until about 11:30 am. Then we could leave and go have lunch, go swimming at the hotel etc. and maybe come back around 4:00. I nicely explained that we want to spend all day at the park (unless DS 5 gets too tired) and she got mad! I have tried to say, "well mom, if you do not want to do that then why don't you and dad meet up with us later" and that did not go over well either. It seems that I have to agree with her to make her happy and that is NOT going to happen.

How do I (without hurting her feelings) get her to back off? I am afraid she is going to ruin this vacation before we even get there! My husband and I are regretting ever planning this vacation with them and I hate feeling that way about my parents.

any advise? has anyone been through this?

First off, you won't be able to do this without hurting her feelings.

Proof of that is her being mad when your nice enough to say she has other options if you don't agree with her planning. It's tough to make these decisions, and I can appreciate what your going through, my DH's sister can be this way, that's why we won't go on vacations with her, but since she's to much of a control freak she wouldn't want to go on vacation with someone that she couldn't control anyway. I hate to say that about her, but it couldn't be more truthful.
Sorry, this isn't about me.
Your just going to have to be strong and tell her you love her and having her come, but if she can't just go with the flow then it's going to be a very hard trip for her and maybe she should think about changing plans or not coming at all. Just brace yourself for the storm that will come, because it will come without fail. But either way you're going to get your way, she will either come along side of what your wanting to do, or she will cancel coming with you. I know this is hard to do, and I know that your afraid of her reaction, but wouldn't you rather deal with that than her ruining your vacation?
One thing to try is maybe have her plan a part of it (maybe one whole day), maybe if you give her a portion of the planning she will be satisfied and leave the rest to you. But you have to say this is the only part you get to plan. LOL It's an idea. Or break up certain parts that you would be OK to let her plan. I don't know your tolerance level, only you do, but don't what ever you do let her ruin your trip, this is to exspensive of a trip to allow even mom to ruin it.