My mother died.

[Octoberbeauty]

Thank you Sherry.

I have a lot to deal with in the next few days, but at some point I promise we'll get together and the drinks will be on me.

Sounds like a plan!! Praying for you.

 

[King Schultz]

I don't know if you've noticed this, but with all you're going through you keep thinking of others and talking about how you need to go back and repay the kindness they've shown you (the nurses, the doctor, the police officers).
I think that it's wonderful that you are so kind and so thoughtful of others feelings, it's a testament to your character, but please also take the time and effort to take care of yourself. I know right now there are plenty of things you need to do, but when things start to settle I hope you do what you can to find your happiness...lay on that beach, have that drink, do something just for you. Keeping you in my prayers.

Thank you for the kind words.

And I'm having a big ol' strong drink as we speak.


The other things. . . it's going to be awhile before I could enjoy them, but hopefully I'll get there.

 

[Scootypuffjr]

Thank you for the kind words.

And I'm having a big ol' strong drink as we speak.


The other things. . . it's going to be awhile before I could enjoy them, but hopefully I'll get there.

You will get there. It just takes time. Have faith and take it day by day. We are all here for you if you need us.

 

[HappyGrape]

I am sorry for your loss. I lost my family young, and it doesn't matter what age it is when you loose someone you love part of your world is also lost.

I

 

[nancygirl1]

Willy, I too offer my condolences. When you said that you now feel like an orphan I can totally relate. My dad died 6 years before my mother and when she went I felt the exact same way. I was an orphan! It was very hard for me to come to terms with it. It was very hard knowing that they were both gone and now I was "that" generation. The "old" ones. The other old ones were gone. I got used to it eventually, but it took a long time.

You know it's strange, but I've only dreamed of my parents each once and it was years after they were gone. They were both younger and happy. It was nice to "see" them again!

Blessings to you!

 

[Nancyg56]

She made it clear she wanted to be cremated and no kind of service. It isn't true. but she felt there was no one left in her life that cared aside from me and my niece, and she didn't want me to spend the money to have a service. It's in her will, so I will respect that.

Which is fine with me; but she also had a detailed DNR, which stated that nothing was to be done to prolong her life is she had Alzhiemers. And her and I had many conversations about it, so I knew what she wanted.

The past couple weeks she really went down hill; she wanted to sleep all the time, not get out of bed, ate very little, drank very little.

I went to call an ambulance several times, but I'd promised not to do anything to prolong her life if I knew she had Alzhiemers and I did, so I didn't.

I did the right thing, but it was so hard and it will haunt me for the rest of my life.

Do not let this haunt you, you did the right thing. My Mom had a DNR, and was in palliative care. She got sick and my DS called 911, who rushed her to the hospital. My DBIL was an ER doc on duty, and he and his collegues quickly determined that her condition was reversible, so we decided to treat. Once she came home she and I had a chat. She told me she was glad I had made the decision but to never do that again. My sister and I were her medical decision makers, and we kept that promise.

Your Mom trusted that you would be stong enough to keep your promise, and you kept that promise. As hard as that was, you gifted her by keeping your word. Had she changed her mind, she woudl have told you. SHe did not. You did the right thing.

 

[ConnecticutFlea]

Just checking in to see how you are.

Willy, please don't go down the woulda, coulda path. You followed your mothers wishes. You allowed her to die with dignity. I'm sure the hospice nurses did the same with your father. The difference is they were there to help guide the decision. This time you were alone. Don't be haunted because you made the right decision. I agree with Octoberbeauty, everyone feels guilt when a loved one dies. In your case you should be proud. Best. Son. Ever.

 

[Owlpost23]

So sorry for your loss.I knew I would like you because of your HST avatar.Hugs.

 

[maxaroni]

Checking in with you.

You are going through so many emotions and everything you are going through is normal. Someone up thread said that you will get through it, but you will be different. I believe that is absolutely correct. I am 60 and still have my dad, who will be 81 this year. However, my mom passed 2.5 years ago and we were all with her when she passed. She came home on hospice and lasted 2 days. We knew it would be very quick as we took her off dialysis. 2.5 years later, I still go to call her. Sometimes I "forget" she's gone. It was the hardest thing to go through. I absolutely feel like a different person since she's gone. The hole in my heart is still there and I am comforted knowing she is now healthy, whole and pain free.

Many hugs to you.

 

[Oreo Cookie]

So sorry for the loss of your mom.

 

[Tuffcookie]

Checking on you also. Glad to know your mother made her wishes clear about how she wanted things after she passed away.

Something you might find helpful would be to find a support group. My church had a grief ministry. It gave support to those that had lost loved ones. It is especially hard during holidays!

TC

 

[Pumbaa_]

I'm very sorry for your loss. I don't care what age we are, losing a parent is tough. You did what your mom wanted and you should be proud of how you supported her end of life choices. You are a good son and your mom thanks you

 

[gwynne]

She made it clear she wanted to be cremated and no kind of service. It isn't true. but she felt there was no one left in her life that cared aside from me and my niece, and she didn't want me to spend the money to have a service. It's in her will, so I will respect that.

Which is fine with me; but she also had a detailed DNR, which stated that nothing was to be done to prolong her life is she had Alzhiemers. And her and I had many conversations about it, so I knew what she wanted.

The past couple weeks she really went down hill; she wanted to sleep all the time, not get out of bed, ate very little, drank very little.

I went to call an ambulance several times, but I'd promised not to do anything to prolong her life if I knew she had Alzhiemers and I did, so I didn't.

I did the right thing, but it was so hard and it will haunt me for the rest of my life.

It wasn't easy, but down the road I am hoping you will have some peace with her passing.
Not everyone wants a service, but loved ones can still get together, remember and honor. Maybe take some time with your niece and talk about some happy memories of your mom.

 

[Mickey'sMainMami]

So sorry, sending you prayers.

 

[ahutton]

Thinking of you this morning... Take it one day at a time and we are all here when you need to talk.

 

[King Schultz]

Thanks again for the continued concern and kind words.

I'm just enduring; the shock is kind of worn off and today I just feel sad and drained.

My ma was starting to have noticeable memory issues as far back as 3 years ago, but I felt comfortable leaving her alone while I went to work everyday.

But then a year ago this past July my brother died in his sleep from a massive heart attack- totally out of the blue. My ma's mental state went downhill fast, so I took an indefinite leave of absence from work to take care of her. I don't think I really came to terms with my brothers death, and now it's all kind of hitting home.

But I know I'm far from the first person to lose a loved one, so I'll grieve as long as I need to and hope to come out on the other side somewhat okay.


Again, thanks to everyone for caring. I'm so grateful I have this place to talk through this and get prayers, support, and good thoughts back.

The day will come when I'm okay again, and I won't forget the kindness I've found here.

 

[Miskey]

I am so sorry

 

[Meriweather]

again.
It is very hard to start with and then get used to the absence and getting yourself in a new schedule with part of your life missing

I lost my parents 9 months apart and am an only child. It was very, very hard. Time does help and the good memories hang on forever.

 

[ConnecticutFlea]

Wow....I didn't realize your brother died just last summer. If I were in your shoes I would be a total mess. It's not surprising you're feeling so down.

Hope you're having a better day with your niece.

 

[Jazzybell]

I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.