First let me say a public forum wouldn't be my first choice to "air" my dirty laundry. However it seems I've arrived to a place in my life where I really have nobody to talk to and I value the advice here I've read from many of you that have been in this situation. I've long since lost contact with any type of "girlfriend", and I am not ready to discuss this stuff yet with family....that creates a different situation in itself.
My dh and I have been married almost 10 yrs and have been together 13. We have one ds (8) who has a number of "special" needs. I have had to become a stay at home Mom for him even though it is not what I would have chosen for myself...I have no regret about that though, I love my son more than anything. We did own our own business which I was very active in running while taking care of my ds. Last year the business failed and my dh when to work for a company making a pretty good salary.
Honestly, even though I don't want this breakup I must admit we have had years of "problems". Infertility, special needs son, financial problems and my recent car accident. All of these things are not marriage breaking however if the union isn't strong to begin with they can be devastating.
I really don't know where to go from here. I have no job....I have a son that needs me available and a dh that no longer wants me. I am still going to physio for a car accident and at this time unable to work anyway. I hope this will be only a couple more months. Where do I find a job that will let me start after 9 as my ds must be driven to school every a.m., and end at 3 because he must be picked up. He can't drive the school bus like other kids, he can't go to just any babysitter. That job must also let me be off at least 1 day a week to take him to a special hospital we go to 1 1/2 hrs from home. I must also be off at least 3-4 hours a week to meet with Dr's and school staff. After all that I need to make $30,000 a year to support us.
As well as being sad and afraid I am angry. He's the one that's given up but my lifestyle is the one to change. We live in a nice house in a nice community and my ds goes to a nice school. I take yearly wdw vacations (always without dh) and drive a nice vehicle. I thought we were both working towards the life we wanted to give our son.
What do I do now? He is actually being fair and reasonable at this time and so far we are actually getting along better now. I think if I can put my anger on the back burner we may be able to reach some kind of temporary solution My dh wants us to both continue to live in the house with him paying the bills and moving to the bsmt. A second option was for us to get 1 apt. and have my ds stay in the house and us move in and out each week. Amongst other things my ds has an autism spectrum disorder and stability and routine are everything to him. He couldn't handle moving between us weekly. We would alternate living in the house and apt. Has anyone done or heard of anything like this before? These things can only work if we are civil to each other as arguing all the time in front of my ds is not okay. This is my issue I think my dh can do this but I am really bitter.
If anyone is still reading any advice would be appreciated this is very new and I still feel very raw. I don't want a bitter divorce, we have to do better than that for our ds. At the same time I don't want to be a doormat and just let him control what happens next. I am not out to get him, don't want to take him to the cleaners, just want a fair and reasonable resolution that has be left with my dignity.
My dh and I have been married almost 10 yrs and have been together 13. We have one ds (8) who has a number of "special" needs. I have had to become a stay at home Mom for him even though it is not what I would have chosen for myself...I have no regret about that though, I love my son more than anything. We did own our own business which I was very active in running while taking care of my ds. Last year the business failed and my dh when to work for a company making a pretty good salary.
Honestly, even though I don't want this breakup I must admit we have had years of "problems". Infertility, special needs son, financial problems and my recent car accident. All of these things are not marriage breaking however if the union isn't strong to begin with they can be devastating.
I really don't know where to go from here. I have no job....I have a son that needs me available and a dh that no longer wants me. I am still going to physio for a car accident and at this time unable to work anyway. I hope this will be only a couple more months. Where do I find a job that will let me start after 9 as my ds must be driven to school every a.m., and end at 3 because he must be picked up. He can't drive the school bus like other kids, he can't go to just any babysitter. That job must also let me be off at least 1 day a week to take him to a special hospital we go to 1 1/2 hrs from home. I must also be off at least 3-4 hours a week to meet with Dr's and school staff. After all that I need to make $30,000 a year to support us.
As well as being sad and afraid I am angry. He's the one that's given up but my lifestyle is the one to change. We live in a nice house in a nice community and my ds goes to a nice school. I take yearly wdw vacations (always without dh) and drive a nice vehicle. I thought we were both working towards the life we wanted to give our son.
What do I do now? He is actually being fair and reasonable at this time and so far we are actually getting along better now. I think if I can put my anger on the back burner we may be able to reach some kind of temporary solution My dh wants us to both continue to live in the house with him paying the bills and moving to the bsmt. A second option was for us to get 1 apt. and have my ds stay in the house and us move in and out each week. Amongst other things my ds has an autism spectrum disorder and stability and routine are everything to him. He couldn't handle moving between us weekly. We would alternate living in the house and apt. Has anyone done or heard of anything like this before? These things can only work if we are civil to each other as arguing all the time in front of my ds is not okay. This is my issue I think my dh can do this but I am really bitter.
If anyone is still reading any advice would be appreciated this is very new and I still feel very raw. I don't want a bitter divorce, we have to do better than that for our ds. At the same time I don't want to be a doormat and just let him control what happens next. I am not out to get him, don't want to take him to the cleaners, just want a fair and reasonable resolution that has be left with my dignity.
Try to hang in there.
