My little brother

[misskrystal]

I'm not sure whether I need advice, or just to vent, but I'm troubled by my little brother at the moment.

He's actually my half brother, he's 17, in college and lives with my dad and his mum. Lately he seems to have gone off the rails a little. He quit his college course last year because he didn't like it and started a new one a couple of months ago, but it doesn't seem to be going well, as he's consistently late and often misses lessons. I don't think he's going to last much longer tbh. If he does quit, I doubt very much that he's going to want to find a job, which worries me because I want him to have a great future and he can't do that by sponging off his parents.

He's recently started taking driving lessons, but whenever my dad takes him out, he'll start speeding and just doesn't listen when my dad tells him not to. It worries me as he doesn't seem to appreciate the fact that he can't possibly pass his test this way (as well as it being dangerous and illegal) and, at 17, he should understand that you have to follow the rules; just because you want to drive faster, doesn't make it right.

Recently he's been spending a lot of time with a female friend who has a serious boyfriend. The bf has already made it clear that he doesn't approve of the friendship and does not want my brother at his house, yet every day after college, by brother's there until the bf comes home from work.

He's also becoming difficult at home, arguing with his parents and basically showing no respect (I think he has unrealistic impressions of the cost of living and assumes that he could leave home tomorrow and find a home and a job, without any real qualifications or experience).

I suppose I'm just concerned about the person he's turning into; he doesn't respect authority, doesn't seem to be concerned about providing for his future and is putting himself in an awkward position with his friends relationship.

I'm the person he comes to with the things he can't speak to his parents about, but I'm just don't know what to tell him at the moment. I'd really appreciate any thoughts.

 

[natalielongstaff]

your brother sounds typical of a lot of young people at the moment, i hope he manages to turn things around

good luck

 

[Booknut]

I'm not sure what to advise other than maybe trying to talk to him.

The friendship thing seems strange although I think the onus is really on his friend to put a stop to him coming round as it is affecting her relationship with her BF.

I agree with Natalie, sadly it seems a lot of young people are like this. There might not be much you can do but if he decides to quit school he'll very quickly find out that having no qualifications or work experience is not very nice in the real world.

Wishing you lots of luck, hopefully this is just a phase.

 

[Goofysmate]

It's a young lad thing.
I've been through it all pretty much the same when my boy was that age.
It's very hard to keep them on the straight and narrow but you must continue to install in him the rights and wrongs of his actions without him thinking your nagging all the time, but please don't lose hope in him even though it sometimes seems to be an up hill struggle.
Your brothers hormone's are all over the place at the moment and his body is saying one thing & his head the other.
I'm wishing you luck with this as it's going to be tough for all around , but there will be light at the end of the tunnel

 

[fizz13]

wanted to send you , my 16 year old brother is acting exactly the same at the mo, and this week decided to leave college, has broken up with his girlfriend of a year and is spending way too much time with the "wrong" girl. My mum's answer was to pass the buck to me as we are quite close she though he might listen to me .
Wanted to say that just by being worried and involved makes you a great big sister, and just hang in there, be there if he needs you, offer advice if asked (although this is unlikely I agree )and gently steer. We can only do our best and he will find his way when he has no money, no car and no life. keep us updated

 

[jen_uk]

He sounds like just about every teenager that I teach! If he has these unrealistic ideas about how easy life is then I would let him leave college but make him get a job and pay a reasonable rent, I think after a few months in a boring job he may realise that its not all it cracked up to be! We have students at my college who doss about, leave and get a job and soon come back a different person once they have been into the real world! I think that the more you pressure him the more he will go off the rails so all you can really do is stand back and let him learn from his own mistakes.

Hope it all works out.

 

[natalielongstaff]

all you can really do is stand back and let him learn from his own mistakes.

sometimes that is the only option

 

[Daysleeper40]

Maybe suggest to your dad / step mum that they has a chat with him along the lines of - "it seems like you're not really enjoying your course and if you want to leave that is your decision BUT before you make any decisions about leaving I want you to know that we will expect you to be working and paying x amount of money for rent / bills if you are not in education"

My parents asked for £50 a week rent (this is going back about 9 years) which was much less than I would have been paying in a rented house and didn't ask for any money towards bills (unless I ran up a huge phone bill all by myself!). When I realised how much more I would have to pay if I moved out I appreciated my situation a WHOLE lot more.

It could be a way of reminding him that yes he is old enough to make decisions about college etc but there will be real life consequences if he decides to drop out.

 

[irongirlof12]

cut him some slack,

he needs to find his own feet and sometimes we all need to learn the hard way. If your folks did a half decent job raising you all: then he won't overstep the mark. this seems to be a lad thing- they get all arrogant and selfish.

It won't last long! However, be really hard on the driving stuff as that is most crucial to his life.

 

[misskrystal]

Thanks everyone for your advice. I'm going to have a talk with him, make sure everything's OK and let him know that he can come to me with any problems. Hopefully he'll turn himself around soon and figure out what he want to do with his life.