It has taken me all of last night and part of today to read this whole thread. It has been both funny
and sad
at the exact same time. Don't leave out shocking
I feel for those of you who go through this with your in-laws. While my in-laws are far from perfect, they are far from the monster-in-laws I have read about here. This is what I deal with:
MIL - Judgmental? Yes. Mean? No. FIL, Judgmental? No. Mean? No. Does he think he's the best most amazing father & grandfather ever because he conveniently forgets about his years as a violent drunk? Yes. They come every Christmas for a 10 day stay in my tiny house. They never go out, they watch my TV, eat the food, leave crumbs and used tissues all over the house, talk with their mouth full, tell us endless stories about people we will never meet, never ask us details about DD8, DSS20, or ourselves, and never tells us about the details of DH's siblings, nieces or nephews for TEN DAYS!!!!!. By the end of the 10 days I am ready to be committed to an asylum. DH stops communicating with everyone after day 2 and crawls into a shell until they leave. They always come when we are off and DH feels like we need to spend every day there with them. I mean DD and I go about our regular business as much as we can the week leading up to Christmas thru NY, but there isn't that much to do. I try to keep busy in the kitchen. You would think I was Betty Crocker from the amount of time I spend in the kitchen baking and cooking. I need to occupy myself because I cannot lock myself in my room (Dh's 1st wife locked herself in her room and they are still upset about it to this day (like 18 years ago people get over it).
We have tried going to them (1500 miles) for Christmas, and it's worse. It's cold, and I cannot hide in the kitchen or run misc. errands.
For the 1st 5 years DH and I were together, all my ILs wanted to talk about was DH's ex. They hated her. They had nothing nice to say ever. Don't get me wrong, I have no wish to hang out with DHs ex, but gosh, she's the mother of his son. She is pretty nice. She's a little nutty, but she is is ex not his wife. DH never says anything bad about her to anyone (once in while he will to me, but never to anyone else) and quiet frankly if he did bad mouth her I would not have married him. Anyway, for the 1st five years DH and I were together as soon as DH was not around they would just launch into how horrible she was. Finally, after I had DD, I told them I did not want to talk about the ex anymore. Their marriage was in the distant past, and I have been around for long enough for everyone to move on. We have a great life together. The Ex is a great mom, and has always been (mostly) more than gracious toward MIL & FIL. That was the last time they trashed-talked her to me.
The worst thing I can remember is when DD was born they came for a visit when she was 4-5 weeks old. They told DH before they came that I needed to make sure I covered myself up or left the room when I breastfeed. Seriously? You are coming to my house. **** you! At the time, I used a glider and ottoman in front of a TV to nurse. There was a love seat across from the glider and a couch behind the glider all facing the TV. They came and sat in the loveseat facing me as I nursed the WHOLE week. Never one did one of their cheeks touch the couch that did not face me directly as I nursed their GD. I always thought that was so weird, they wanted me to move or cover up, but then choose a front row seat. During this same visit, FIL bragged on and on everyday about how many diapers he had changed, but never touched DD's diaper. MIL let me know how unhappy she was that I forgot her birthday (three weeks before they came - DD was 1 week old). I should have asked her where my birthday wishes where. DD cried non-stop until she was 5 weeks old. They barely held her, did not help me, made things messier and actually harder. At the time DH was working 80 hours a week and could not help much. They just sat and stared at me nursing for a week, and made things all around more difficult. The day after they left DD stopped crying and smiled for the first time. She never cried like that again. I know it was a coincidence, but I felt like she was on to something
Again, they are really not that bad. This is really the worst of it. They mean well. They love me. They love my kid. They want to be with their son. I can suck it up for 10 days a year.
Only 3 weeks til they get here
Merry
Christmas to me.
PS - did I mention I drink lots of adult eggnog and wine when they are here?



MIL - Judgmental? Yes. Mean? No. FIL, Judgmental? No. Mean? No. Does he think he's the best most amazing father & grandfather ever because he conveniently forgets about his years as a violent drunk? Yes. They come every Christmas for a 10 day stay in my tiny house. They never go out, they watch my TV, eat the food, leave crumbs and used tissues all over the house, talk with their mouth full, tell us endless stories about people we will never meet, never ask us details about DD8, DSS20, or ourselves, and never tells us about the details of DH's siblings, nieces or nephews for TEN DAYS!!!!!. By the end of the 10 days I am ready to be committed to an asylum. DH stops communicating with everyone after day 2 and crawls into a shell until they leave. They always come when we are off and DH feels like we need to spend every day there with them. I mean DD and I go about our regular business as much as we can the week leading up to Christmas thru NY, but there isn't that much to do. I try to keep busy in the kitchen. You would think I was Betty Crocker from the amount of time I spend in the kitchen baking and cooking. I need to occupy myself because I cannot lock myself in my room (Dh's 1st wife locked herself in her room and they are still upset about it to this day (like 18 years ago people get over it).
We have tried going to them (1500 miles) for Christmas, and it's worse. It's cold, and I cannot hide in the kitchen or run misc. errands.
For the 1st 5 years DH and I were together, all my ILs wanted to talk about was DH's ex. They hated her. They had nothing nice to say ever. Don't get me wrong, I have no wish to hang out with DHs ex, but gosh, she's the mother of his son. She is pretty nice. She's a little nutty, but she is is ex not his wife. DH never says anything bad about her to anyone (once in while he will to me, but never to anyone else) and quiet frankly if he did bad mouth her I would not have married him. Anyway, for the 1st five years DH and I were together as soon as DH was not around they would just launch into how horrible she was. Finally, after I had DD, I told them I did not want to talk about the ex anymore. Their marriage was in the distant past, and I have been around for long enough for everyone to move on. We have a great life together. The Ex is a great mom, and has always been (mostly) more than gracious toward MIL & FIL. That was the last time they trashed-talked her to me.
The worst thing I can remember is when DD was born they came for a visit when she was 4-5 weeks old. They told DH before they came that I needed to make sure I covered myself up or left the room when I breastfeed. Seriously? You are coming to my house. **** you! At the time, I used a glider and ottoman in front of a TV to nurse. There was a love seat across from the glider and a couch behind the glider all facing the TV. They came and sat in the loveseat facing me as I nursed the WHOLE week. Never one did one of their cheeks touch the couch that did not face me directly as I nursed their GD. I always thought that was so weird, they wanted me to move or cover up, but then choose a front row seat. During this same visit, FIL bragged on and on everyday about how many diapers he had changed, but never touched DD's diaper. MIL let me know how unhappy she was that I forgot her birthday (three weeks before they came - DD was 1 week old). I should have asked her where my birthday wishes where. DD cried non-stop until she was 5 weeks old. They barely held her, did not help me, made things messier and actually harder. At the time DH was working 80 hours a week and could not help much. They just sat and stared at me nursing for a week, and made things all around more difficult. The day after they left DD stopped crying and smiled for the first time. She never cried like that again. I know it was a coincidence, but I felt like she was on to something

Again, they are really not that bad. This is really the worst of it. They mean well. They love me. They love my kid. They want to be with their son. I can suck it up for 10 days a year.



PS - did I mention I drink lots of adult eggnog and wine when they are here?