My husband says I should...my parents say I should.....what do you think??

[AllyandJack]

Some people may have seen previous posts of mine where I refer to my abusive job situation. I almost had another job, but didn't get it. I was so angry, I called this guy and asked why. He said it was because I didn't bring up salary!!! We went to a second interview and everything was perfect, but he didn't bring it up, so I figured it would be something discussed later or he would simply make an offer and I could either accept or refuse. Honestly, it wasn't a big deal....I figured it would be OK and didn't see the point in saying "So, how much does this gig pay?" I don't know....maybe it's my inexperience in the whole job-hunt thing.

So.....this job I have now is a bad situation. I cry the entire way home and, in the morning on the way there, I hope that I'll get into a car accident so I don't have to go in. I won't get into the specifics, but I've been known to have these episodes that, according to my husband and mother, resemble seizures. I shake and cry uncontrollably and, on occasion, have passed out drooling on myself and mumbling. These people are, literally, driving me crazy.

So, yesterday, I had to make an emergency appointment with my doctor because I did something to my back and couldn't sit down. I have colitis, so the back pain concerned me for reasons other than just discomfort. Turns out, I have a fractured tailbone. I have no idea how I did it, but it's done. The doctor tells me not to drive for a few days and that I should take today and tomorrow and it's convenient that there is a 3-day weekend. So, I call the office and tell the partner that I have to have an MRI tomorrow (today) and that I'm not supposed to drive or be in a constant seated position for a few days - I'm a lawyer, my whole life takes place in the seated position!!! He says "Oh, so what time do you think you'll be in tomorrow after the MRI." I told him that I couldn't come in. He said, "Oh, so we'll see you on Friday then." I had no idea what to say, so I just said "OK." Then I started shaking and crying and I couldn't stop. This is just one in a long line of horrible things they do to me on a daily basis. But, the office manager hurts her back and can't come in for 3 weeks and it's no problem - because she's the partner's sister in law. Honestly, I sometimes think I'm living in some movie because I would never think that people could be treated this way in real life. I feel like Cinderella. We have a law clerk who works in the office - a student that I manage. I have to answer the phone and he doesn't! The receptionist will spend hours on a personal phone call and I'll have to jump and grab the phone while the STUDENT sits there. Why? He's the son of a client.

So.....I've been looking for another job for about 9 months now. Nothing. I just keep going back to this one because I have student loans to pay and I have guilt about putting them into forebearance. I think about quitting and not finding another job for years - nothing has come up in 9 months, so it could take years to find another job! We'll still be able to pay the bills with my husband's income, but I feel guilty about not contributing. And the thought of sitting at home....for possibly months and years.....makes me want to scream!

So, I don't know what to do.....continue to take the abuse and put my mental and physical health in jeopardy or quit and run the risk that sitting at home with no money in my own pocket will make me just as depressed.

What would you do? I WANT to quit and feel it's the best thing for me and my husband, but I have all of these reservations and guilt.

 

[barrett7890]

I know it's easy for me to sit here and give advice without knowing your financial situation.....but i would say definately quit! I was in a job i was unhappy with (not because of anything in particular), got a new job and my entire personality changed....i never even knew i was that unhappy until i got told i had the new job.
life is too short to be miserable
if money is an issue, consider taking on something just to get by on unitl something better turns up??

 

[shortbun]

You asked for my opinion, here it is.
Leave your job. Send your resignation letter in today.
Do it now. You will find a job or create one.
Wait til you see how great it feels to resign!!!! Do it today.
Don't let the &*#!@) get you down for one more hour.
Love yourself enough to do what is best for you!!!!
Sounds like others already do.
Have a wonderful day. No need for guilt at all!!!
mimi

 

[TEENEE]

Quit that awful job before you end up hurting yourself or saying something that could cause more problems down the road. No job is more importand than your health. You may have to take a job to get by until a good job comes along. You will be happy and healthier if you just get out of there.

 

[luvmydogs]

We all have the obligatory complaints about our jobs, but yours are WAY beyond the norm, and I'm sorry your TRULY unhappy. No job is worth risking your physical and emotional health. Crying and hoping you get into a car accident so you don't have to go to work--oh, sweetie, no one should have to feel that way! I do understand when you say you'd be bored and worried about not contributing monetarily, but you have your dh's support, and I say get out now. Who knows, it may not be months until you find work again--something better may be right down the road. Best wishes to you...

 

[mickeyboat]

How large is your firm? Is there someone in HR you could speak with discretely? I wonder if there are others in your firm who feel the same way.

What kind of law are you interested in practicing? What section of the state are you willing to live in?

I passed the NH bar in 1995. I went to law school in NC and was not able to find a legal job in NH because I didn't know anyone and did not go to the right law schools. After 6 months of trying I took an accounting position in a manufacturing plant, just to have something. It was supposed to be temporary. I am still here. I always thought I wanted to practice law but 8 years and two kids later, I am not sure that is the right vocation for me. I am not foreclosing the possibility of practicing law some time in the future but I am not interested in doing it now.

Good jobs are hard to come by. I would hate for you to quit and not be able to find another job in the legal field. But if you are willing to do something else for a while, by all means, quit what you are doing now. You should not have to suffer at work. You spend more time there than anywhere else. Your job should not make you miserable.

Let us know what you decide. If I can help you in any way, let me know.

Denae

 

[cinmell]

QUIT! Your health and sanity are much more important than job that makes you miserable. You will find something, just keep looking. If you quit, think of all the time you will have for job searching and interviews . Good luck with your job situation and MRI and I hope you are feeling better soon.

 

[Disney Ella]

I've been there and I finally just quit - with no other job lined up . (I didn't have kids then and could do that, fortunately) I don't do the type of work where there are plenty of other jobs out there, and I knew there wasn't going to be another job the next day, but I just couldn't take any more. I don't remember what the last straw was, but I remember calling DH and saying that I just couldn't do it. He said, "So leave, just walk out of there right now." I had lost 20 pounds in three months. I felt sick every morning driving to that place and I started dreading Monday on Saturday morning. This place also had relatives working there who could come and go as they pleased.

I took a job working for a temporary service, but fortunately only had to do clerical work for a few months. (I am not knocking clerical work, but it's just not for me.) The temporary company told one of their clients about my background and I was assigned there to write reports. After nine months, I got the job I have now and have had for 10 years. I had only been at the terrible job for about three months and just rolled that time into the time I worked temporary and freelance on my resume.

Obviously, no one wants to leave without having another job, but sometimes there is no other choice. Your health and sanity are too important. Even if there are no other openings in other firms right now, maybe they use other lawyers as consultants occasionally and you can do that for a while. There is always something bright, hardworking people can do. And there are many employers who do appreciate bright hardworking people and don't treat them like crap.

 

[AllyandJack]

I'm a lawyer in MA....it's a small firm. I worked at a big firm but the layoffs started and I found this job because I knew my division was next on the chopping block.

Anyway....I've had numerous conversations with people there about the issues I have - mainly being treated like a law clerk and being asked to do the job of three people. They coddle me for a week or two and then it's right back to treating me like crap while the other associates get treated like....well....real lawyers.

I'm taking the NH Bar next month because that's where I live, but I don't hold out any hope for that helping me. I just don't out there, but I just can't believe that not a single firget it....I had good grades. I have over 70 court appearances. I manage two law clerks. Yet, I don't even get so much as a rejection letter in response to my resumes. I know there are tons of unemployed lawyers m in MA wants to hire a lawyer with experience and a good academic background. I don't even want to work at a big firm. I'm not asking for the six figure salary. I just want to work somewhere where I don't feel like shooting myself every night.

But, I agree with everyone that this is no way to live. I want to have kids in a year or two and I don't want to still be affected by this then. I just needed an outside opinion.....I need someone who doesn't see or talk to me every day to tell me that this is not a normal or even a healthy situation to be in.

 

[Lewski709]

Don't do it to yourself or your family ANYMORE. You need to take care of yourself. Your Law Degree will contibute plenty in due time and the loans can be held off on, call them and let them know you aren't working. You will find something else.

 

[Kimickey]

I know how you feel. about a year ago, I was feeling the same way you did. I would go to work and be in a pissy mood, because I hated my job. Well my boss could tell that I was not happy and confronted me one day about. I told her everything I was feeling whether she wanted to hear it or not. I told her I wanted certain things to change and if they did not I was going to leave. Well I guess they did not value the content of my work, and I work hard. After we had our talk, A LOT of things have changed. She now respects my job and I respect her job as a supervisor. Now our work inviorment is so plesant. She has become a very good friend. With that said.

Your mental & physical health is way more important that job. Think of your stress that you are feeling your husband and family are feeling some form of stress too because they love and care for you and it hurts them to see you like this. There is nothing more important in this world than "YOU"!! Take care of you first! Girl quit that job and never look back. You don't need that kind of anguish! I wish you the best in whatever choice you make for your life. JMO

 

[dixiegirl]

I have been in that position myself and I stayed way too long at the job that I had - should've left months earlier. It was affecting my whole life - my mental and physical health, my family and friends, etc. and it's just not worth it.

I left the job without having another one. We could handle $$ living off of DH's job and it kept me motivated to find something else. Good luck with whatever you decide to do but make the decision based on what is best for you. Hugs and pixie dust.

 

[Tiggeroo]

I guess I"m the lone dissenter here. Here are some things I would try before quitting. Go see a career counselor/employment service. Have your resume analyzed and see if there is something you could be doing to find other employment. Is your job search reaching the point of current references being checked? If so, omit the name of your current employer until somebody is very interested. Just list your job duties. Get some help with the job search, go on-line, contact head-hunting firms, etc.
Get some counseling. Find out if there is more going on under the surface, get help managing the stress. Follow the chain of command at your firm, and have a meeting with the highest up, and those causing the problems. Put in writing what you want to change, and get in writing what they are willing to do. While you do all this continue vigorously job searching.
The reason I am saying this is that in my oppinion you look more attractive to potential employers while you are still employed. Once you leave your firm you will have no way of knowing what references this employer will give you. It is tougher for them to give you a bad reference if they still have you working there. The employment market is tough right now and if with some counseling and stress mgmt. techniques you can stick it out where you are you may be better off in the long run.

 

[tar heel]

I think you give this a lot of thought. What you wrote about the student loans and sitting home making you want to scream makes me think you may not be ready to take the step of quitting with no job.

But, since you feel like you COULD quit financially, why don't you really take the bull by the horns and try to make this job better. Even if the people are still jerks and the job is still bad, YOU will feel better if you put up with less or at least make it clear that you feel like you aren't being treated fairly. Start by calling and saying you can't return to work until Tuesday. You might even have your doctor to fax them something if you think that's necessary. Since YOU supervise the clerk, add answering the phone to HIS duties.

Stand up for yourself, girl. You said that after previous conversations, you were coddled (???) for a little while then it was back to the status quo. What did you do when that happened? It's really easy for me to say all this b/c I was the world's biggest doormat in the awful job I once had, but I'm older and wiser now and wouldn't put up with nearly as much except I have a child in college and two more to go and could not leave without a job.

It's a fact of life in today's economy that a lot of people are putting up with a lot of #$%@. My dh works until 10 or so at least once a week doing clerk work. At his office, like many, a smaller staff is doing more work and there's no $ for overtime. He's managment and doesn't get overtime, and the work has to be done by someone, so . . .

 

[izzy]

If money isn't an issue, you should quit. No reason to put yourself through this day after day - it's just not worth it.

If you want to keep busy and keep up your "lawyering" skills, why don't you see if there are any organizations that could use your skills pro bono. I'm sure they'd appreciate anything you could offer them, it would keep you busy, it would look good on your resume, and who knows what it might lead to?

 

[Lewski709]

You know what your heart is saying.

 

[AllyandJack]

I've had conversation after conversation with these people about the problems. They actually took me out of my office and put me in a cubicle with one of the law clerks and gave the other law clerk - the son of the client - my office. It was done under the guise of this other law clerk needing my help more and it would benefit her to have me near her. I don't care what the circumstances, it is never acceptable to pull a lawyer out of her office and give the office to a law student. I have to answer the phone....just me. It's not a whoever can grab it should get it thing, it's all on me if the receptionist can't get it. Forget the fact that we have a mail clerk and a file clerk. Apparently, it's much more acceptable to have the lawyer do it. Just THIS lawyer.

I get sent to court 3-4 days a week because the other two associates don't feel like driving in the snow, or the hearing is at 9am and they don't want to get up that early or it's too far a drive for them, yadda yadda. THEN, I get reamed for being out of the office 3-4 days a week and I get told that I shouldn't be in court that many days because I have things I have to take care of in the office. But, the next week when the attorneys meet - I don't meet with them, it's just the two partners and the other (real) associates - I'm penciled in for 3-4 days in court because the other associates whine and complain about something and I end up going.

We have a woman who handles all of the summonses in the office and when she's out - which is quite often - I have to do all of the summonses in the office. So, the other associates come to my cubicle and dump their summonses on me. I get to make all of their phone calls to the court to get statuses on all of their cases because they're too important to make phone calls, apparently. And, when I'm in the copy room making copies, they jump in because their stuff "has to get out." So, I'm there until 8pm photocopying because my stuff doesn't rate as important and I never get to make my copies during the day.

I've talked with these people until I just can't take it anymore. The one person I actually liked there walked out one day when she was told to wash the conference room table after one of the associates made a mess of it. The office manager told her not to do it because she's not the firm maid and it's the associate's responsibility to clean the table. The partner FREAKED out and started screaming about how when he tells someone to do something, they do it. If we didn't like it, the door was right there. He signs the checks and we will do whatever he tells us to do. If he tells us to mop the floor, we'll do it or we can just leave. Then, he took away our Christmas bonuses.

I honestly don't know why I can't find another job. I've had two interviews and neither of them asked for a reference. I recently had an agency tell me that they couldn't help me unless I was unemployed. WHY? She asked how I could work this document review job while working full time at this place. I told her I would quit this job and work hers. I don't think she understood.

I'm not one to feel sorry for myself, but I really feel like the entire world is pushing against me and no matter what I do, I can't fix things! I know things can always be worse and I should look at all of the wonderful things in my life, but it's really hard when this ONE thing comes at you day after day after day.

I really appreciate everyone's help. I appreciate everybody's input and it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who has been in this situation (not that I thought I was, but sometimes, it feels like I am).

Thank you to everyone.

 

[Pembo]

recently had an agency tell me that they couldn't help me unless I was unemployed

That sounds like the answer to your question. If the agency can help you if you are unemployed then QUIT!

Life is way too short to be miserable at your job. Maybe the reason you can't get another job is because of where you are. Perhaps other firms don't want to be accused of stealing from your firm. It sounds like your firm may have itself a nasty reputation.

Listen to your gut! The one thing I've learned in my 35 years on this planet is to trust my instincts. They haven't steered me wrong yet.

Good luck and don't be afraid to make this leap of faith if it feels right..........

 

[believe]

If you can make if financially then quit. If you want to contribute you can either get a job out of your field area or contribute more at home.

 

[JimB.]

Leave.

Now.

I once had a job I referred to as "The Job From Hell". After a period of being the company lackey, of exceeding my P & L goals by a factor of 30 - 50%, by underspending on labor by 15% & still not being able to use any OT when someone was ill, of doing the job of 3 people in my position, & not getting a penny bonus because others in the district could not pull off THEIR goals.....

I quit on 4 hours notice.

They were lucky I gave the rat b*******ds THAT much notice.


It was one of the most "liberating" days I have ever had.


If you have the support of your family, go ahead & don't look back

Good luck!