My husband is out of his mind!

[MsPoppinsTX]

So my DH (age 32) and his younger brother (age 26) think that they are going to be going in together to purchase some acreage for hunting purposes in the near future, around $200k in price. My BIL has been sending my DH emails with listings of the ones the can "afford." I don't know what either of them is thinking since $200k is no drop in the bucket. My DH is a firefighter and BIL is a teacher...neither of whom has the disposable income to be able to make such a purchase.

I want to be supportive of my DH's hobby but not to this extent. We have one child and hoping to have another one on the way (fingers crossed!). Once the second one gets here we'll be shelling out around $1k a month for day care. I just don't think my DH gets it. We can't afford to buy land. He has a deer lease right now that costs $750 per year and that is fine with me but getting a $100k loan (DH's "half" of the purchase) would be like $500 a month over 30 years and I don't even know if they do such long term loans for only land.

I'm really just venting since I know that we cannot do this and I will not allow it! I am an attorney and right out of law school I worked at a large firm where I made a lot of money, but I changed career paths after the birth of our first child where I make about 55% of what I was making so that I could actually be home at night and on weekends and see my daughter. Maybe we could have pulled this off when I was at that first job but not anymore. I choose work-life balance over a big fat paycheck. I choose including saving for my kids education and family vacations into our budget rather than some piece of land to shoot things on. Right now they are in the "looking" phase but I dread the day he comes to me to discuss actually buying something. These guys are nuts!

 

[Albytaps]

Time to say "Objection!" and cross examinate.

Honestly I don't know what to say to that. Tell him instead of spending that much on land to hunt on, why not travel and go hunting in new and exciting spots?

On the other hand, is the investment in real estate worth a look at to see if maybe you can turn a profit on it in the future?

 

[MsPoppinsTX]

With respect to making an investment in property, I'd say it would only be a good idea if we had the disposable income at this point to do so and not have to sacrifice putting money away for college, retirement and family fun in order to do so. I do think investing is wise and important for saving for the future, but I'd rather do that through our jobs where we can get the most out of it. Also, most of the properties they are looking at do not include the mineral rights since that is what might have some value and not the surface.

 

[kamik86]

Woah... in some places people pay to go hunting? I live in the middle of no where, well not quite but western MA is close to the middle of no where. You just walk on to state land in certain areas (when you get your hunting licence you get info about where) and you go hunting. You be careful not to get too close to the state line so you don't go over and end up with a big fine and all is good.

I have never heard of paying to go hunting beyond the cost of a license.

How often does he hunt would it be cheaper for him to go somewhere and go hunting for a weekend a few times a year?

What does he hunt for? My Dad's hunting probably evened out in cost. The years he got a deer we saved so much money in meat (we froze the venison and ate it) that it paid for a couple years licenses.

 

[CAFarmerGirl]

Eh, let them look and nod politely. When it comes down to it, they will find out vacant land loans typically require a 50% deposit.

 

[Pigeon]

Sorry. This is tough. Personally, I don't think the family finances need to be screwed up in order to support somebody's hobby.

We are going through something similar with my husband and his family, although dealing with my husband was the easy part.

His elderly parents have a vacation home with acreage a few hours drive from us that they want to get rid of in order to simplify their lives. His brother thinks it would be great if the four brothers all went in together to buy it.

Two of his brothers are doctors, and a third is also highly paid. Dh, otoh, is a teacher. The others all have grown children. Ours still need to go to college. I make a salary about equivalent to a teacher. Really, it is just his oldest brother who is completely gung-ho about this, as the other two live further away, and wouldn't get much use out of the place.

We work hard to save for retirement, build college funds and really, our house is not in the condition I'd like for it to be. We need to redo a number of things, but dh mostly does the work himself during the summers, one project at a time as we save the money for it.

Maybe his brother has well more than a hundred thousand dollars to throw at a vacation house. We do not. Nor do we need another place to maintain--our own home is plenty. But his brother just doesn't want to take no for an answer, and is constantly badgering dh about it. DH isn't interested really, but it's funny how those childhood dynamics still play out, and he just had a hard time telling his brother absolutely no way will this ever happen. He does say no, but what his brother hears is something different.

 

[eliza61]

So my DH (age 32) and his younger brother (age 26) think that they are going to be going in together to purchase some acreage for hunting purposes in the near future, around $200k in price. My BIL has been sending my DH emails with listings of the ones the can "afford." I don't know what either of them is thinking since $200k is no drop in the bucket. My DH is a firefighter and BIL is a teacher...neither of whom has the disposable income to be able to make such a purchase.


I'm really just venting since I know that we cannot do this and I will not allow it! I am an attorney and right out of law school I worked at a large firm where I made a lot of money, but I changed career paths after the birth of our first child where I make about 55% of what I was making so that I could actually be home at night and on weekends and see my daughter. Maybe we could have pulled this off when I was at that first job but not anymore. I choose work-life balance over a big fat paycheck. I choose including saving for my kids education and family vacations into our budget rather than some piece of land to shoot things on. Right now they are in the "looking" phase but I dread the day he comes to me to discuss actually buying something. These guys are nuts!

Whoa, whoa, whoa counselor. stand down, you got any prozaic? Maybe your dh and bil are just doing the "bucket" listing. I do it all the time. Your making your husband sound like some idiot who has no idea which way is up. I'm hoping thats not the case.

Do you think your husband is aware of the finances in your house?
Did you make all these sacrifices and choices by yourself? I'm thinking he had a little part to play in these decisions.
Do you consider your husband a responsible guy?

Wow, sorry but you sound like you are going off the deep end because the guys got dreams.

My dh and his brother talk all the time about going to every superbowl, every year. like that credit card commercial. he gets links magazines where he gazes at all the golf course real estate that he wishes he could buy. Do I flip out? No, because my husband has a grip on reality. He recognizes that college tuition is coming up and I have faith that he does the responsible thing.

lighten up. if you two are a team and he's still doing the things he is supposed to be doing, why jump all over him because he has a fantasy of owning a hunting lodge? and I'm not going to even imagine the fight in my house if my spouse came in and told me what he would not "allow". seriously? I mean he's not a slave is he?

calm down, unless they are at the bank right now signing papers for a loan, I wouldn't flip out.

 

[QVCshopper]

Oh, I feel for you! My brother loves to shoot his guns (not hunt) and I swear his wife is the most patient person I know. He has quite a collection that must have cost a small fortune. Anyway, I guess they compromised by him buying a nice house on 12 acres, so now he has space for his own shooting range, small cannons, etc., and she has a nice house. That said, it's in the middle of nowhere up a giant dirt road. Did I mention she's patient?

Good luck. My DH once bought $1k in stock without telling me, and then it went down to next to nothing. Oh boy, did he hear it from me. Never did it again, though, it was early in our marriage. A couple has to do things together, so I think the land is a no go. Good luck with another baby!

 

[Pigeon]

OP, I don't think you are overreacting at all.

 

[MsPoppinsTX]

eliza - First of all I do not think I am being unreasonable by venting my feelings about the situation nor did I call my husband an idiot and I don't appreciate the insinuation. Second I don't know what "prozaic" is, is that mosaic prozac? DH and BIL have been talking about this land thing for quite some time and it is more than a "bucket list" thing for him. My husband knows exactly what is going on in our household regarding bills/expenses and yes we are a team but I think at times he loses sight of reality and I feel like I have to ground him and in doing so I have to be the bad guy. I think lots of people could agree with that. All I was saying is that I dread the day he comes to me with more concrete plans and is ready to go down to the bank to get the loan....because he's going to need me to get the loan.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

Maybe you need to talk to him now, before it gets too far. The more time and hope he invests in the idea, the more upset he will get when you say no.

 

[MsPoppinsTX]

You are absolutely right StichesGr8Fan and the sooner we talk it out the better. I think he already knows what my position is, but it will become a reality for him once the words actually come out of my mouth. Yikes. Thanks for letting me get it all out here.

 

[usnuzuloose]

Well even if he tried to get a loan, would you qualify? so if he did that might be a real whoa if he cant qualify.

In todays market is land really worth anything? Where we live I keep seeing houses drop in price.

You sound pretty sound about the issue. You know you have a say in the matter. These days I would rather save money. I hope it goes well. I dont think you really have a big problem. It all comes down to reality.

 

[ktlm]

Oh dear! I feel for you! That is such a Man thing.

Are they buying it for their own hunting purposes, or do they plan on charging a fee for others to be allowed to come on their property and hunt (selling hunting leases)? Kamik86, you are clearly a northerner! Down south and in the southern midwest, paying to go hunting is not that unusual. Lots of people pay fees to go on someone else's acreage and hunt thinking it will have better game opportunties as it is not hunted on as much or by as many people. I don't live in Missouri, but here is a publication they have on hunting leases:

http://extension.missouri.edu/p/G9420

OP, I don't know what kind of law you do, but I think the discussion I would have with him are the potential liability issues of having a bunch of people running around on your land with guns, and what the cost of carrying liability insurance on hunting lands, especially if they are using it for the "business" purpose of trying to make money though hunting leases might be. I'm guessing it is going to be really high.

 

[eliza61]

eliza - First of all I do not think I am being unreasonable by venting my feelings about the situation nor did I call my husband an idiot and I don't appreciate the insinuation. Second I don't know what "prozaic" is, is that mosaic prozac? DH and BIL have been talking about this land thing for quite some time and it is more than a "bucket list" thing for him. My husband knows exactly what is going on in our household regarding bills/expenses and yes we are a team but I think at times he loses sight of reality and I feel like I have to ground him and in doing so I have to be the bad guy. I think lots of people could agree with that. All I was saying is that I dread the day he comes to me with more concrete plans and is ready to go down to the bank to get the loan....because he's going to need me to get the loan.

I know you did not call him that, I'm saying that's the picture you are painting.

If you and you're spouse are in this together then he knows the reality of your house hold situation.

That's why I asked those questions and I'll ask them again.

Does he have a firm grasp on your realistic financial picture? If so maybe your should have a bit of faith. Sorry but it does not sound like you have much faith in him as an adult person. Do you worry that he's going to run out and get an 100K loan without talking to you?

You say you dread the day? why is that? He's a 32 year old adult and should be able to handle a simply "honey, here's why this is not a good idea at this time". Is he implusive? has he been messing up with the money? why do you dread saying "we've got a mortgage, we're not bringing in as much money as before"?

I apologize if I offended you that was not my intention, but from your post you make your husband sound like a 12 year old child who is unable to understand any thing. You sound more like his mother with the "I forbid him" line.

Maybe I'm lucky in that my husband comes to me with all kinds of "hare brain" things from porsches and million dollar mansions on golf courses and many times I've said to him, hon we've got XYZ to be paid, maybe after we hit the lottery".

 

[Hoppy]

OP's hubs is breaking my #1 rule--never go into business with family, especially into something like "rental" biz.

I'm usually the one with the crazy ideas. My DH is very patient. He's also a CPA. He's turned more than one of my ideas into reality....but it usually takes between 5-10 years.

Whoever posting about vacant land needing 50% down may be correct. You might want to ask your dh about that. Maybe that will cool him down for a year or two.

Good luck.

 

[AnjieNet]

I'm thankful DH bought (and paid off) his hunting land before we got married. It's definitely not doable now. He does the same thing though. Researches, plans, etc. for things way out of our budget but nothing ever comes of them (mostly!). He knows where we are on our money issues and knows realistically what we can afford and not. I just let him dream and they usually phase out. If they don't, I show him our spreadsheet where we are financially and ask him where he thinks we can cut costs to make his scheme possible. Then it becomes a maybe if we hit it big on the lottery thing.

It's interesting that like your DH, my DH and his brother went in on this land as well, when DH was 26 and DBIL was 32. Isn't that interesting! Their investment was $25K each though and have since been offered $100K total. I'd be a nice little profit but they won't go for it. Darn!

 

[eliza61]

OP's hubs is breaking my #1 rule--never go into business with family, especially into something like "rental" biz.

I'm usually the one with the crazy ideas. My DH is very patient. He's also a CPA. He's turned more than one of my ideas into reality....but it usually takes between 5-10 years.

Whoever posting about vacant land needing 50% down may be correct. You might want to ask your dh about that. Maybe that will cool him down for a year or two.

Good luck.

I think husbands get a bad rap. The guys I work with and granted they don't tell me intimate details of their finances but all of them have crazy dreams and ideas of buying a fishing boat or a 200K maybach but at the end of the day they are all firmly rooted on doing whats best for their family.

I totally admit, I'm the big dreamer in my family!! LOL. I always get those cataloques about the cruise ship that you actually live on 48 weeks out of the year. You travel around the world and then go home for about a month. they've even got financing. They start at 40,000 per person but of course I'll need the 66K verandah suite.

http://www.hollandamerica.com/find-...W&sourceName=byRegion&displayMode=advertising

I love dreaming.

 

[punkin]

I go on realtor.com and look for houses in Florida that I can't afford. My DH knows it and calls it "mental .....hmm, can't really post that word on the Dis. I'm sure your DH knows what you can and can't afford. Talk to him.

 

[yoopermom]

OP I sympathize, since my DH is a "lives to hunt, hunts to live" kind of guy .

After 25 years together, this is what I say to him when he comes to me with that type of idea, "That sounds great, honey, I know you'd love to spend time hunting on your own land with your brother. There is no room in our current budget to pay for it, though, so what are you going to do to bring in the additional income (insert loan amount here) that won't affect your time with me and your child/children?"

My DH does concrete work "on the side" of his regular factory job to pay for his fun. Since I make my WDW $$ in a similar way, we're all good .

IMHO it's not my "place" to say to my DH that he "can't" do something, but it is my place to remind him of potential ramifications if he chooses to do so.

Good luck (and he could come hunt up here if we weren't at opposite ends of the country from each other ).

Terri