My heart is so heavy......

[Mommy Of 3]

As far as life insurance goes, for most policies there's usually a two year suicide exclusion. After two years, it will pay out for the full amount.

Prayers for that family. How sad.

 

[DrRae2B]

I cannot imagine the absolute despair he must have felt in order to do something so tragic.

.... I can.


... Back when I was in college, I actually attempted suicide. Now, before everyone starts judging me, I urge you to imagine how utterly desperate one has to feel, in order to actually take that step. It is a desperate, self-centered, and terrifying thing to do.
... I personally felt that I had no other choice-- that there was simply no other way for me to end my pain, than to take my own life. I had been abused for many years as a child and had never disclosed the information to anyone other than my parents (who took little action to prevent further abuse). And then, when my dad died suddenly when I was 18 and my mom's coping mechanism was drinking herself nearly to death (with a 3 year old to take care of, while I was away at college....), I fell into a depression so deep I could barely breathe. And then, my mom was stricken with a fatal vascular disorder that required emergency brain surgery and after 3 semesters of failing school (because I was skipping class from being so friggin depressed) I finally decided I was a waste of air. I thought that if I flunked out of school, I'd never get into med school and I would pretty much be worthless.... so I tried to kill myself.
.... I was in ICU for 3 days on a ventilator. I can remember waking up and hating myself because I couldn't even kill myself right...

... One has to be in a completely self-centered and at a very, very low point in their life to actually make a serious attempt to end their own life. Depression pulls a shroud of pain over one's eyes, and allows them to see nothing but the bleak sadness, with no end in sight. It's a horrible, horrible disease of the mind. It's now been 5 years since my attempt and my own particular situation has changed dramatically, but it has taken a lot of work (therapy, lots of personal reflection, and serious soul-searching... not to mention all the effort to rebuild my academic record in preparation for med school admissions).

I can't imagine how devestated my family would have been if it would have been a successful attempt, and I feel such deep sadness for the family of the OP's neighbor. I pray that somehow they can make it through the difficult holidays ahead, and in time they can heal from this tragic event. My heart goes out to all who has been touched by it.

 

[CLR4321]

That is so sad, especially that the kids saw this. Prayers go out to their family and to you and your family as well. That is going to be so hard for those kids. Just a tip as far as your DD goes, being at the same school. You may want to let her know that the girl's father died (you don't need to explain how). This type of thing often times will start rumors, especially if news gets out that the death was a suicide. Kids can be cruel. You should give her a little talk about rumors and how to handle them, and to be supportive of the children, and to stand up for them if she sees or hears things around school. It is sad, but unfortunately kids will talk, if they haven't been taught about rumors and how they can really hurt people. If your DD asks if it was a suicide, you should be honest with her, and assume that she found out either from the family or from someone at school.

I will also add that I understand the feelings of the family and friends of the suicide victim. On my 17th birthday I took my best friend home, who was distraught over a break up with her boyfriend and had gotten very drunk. I made sure she got into bed and got her a glass of water, and stayed until she fell asleep, then left. Several hours later I got a call from another one of our friends who was so upset she could barely talk, and I found out that after I left she had gotten up and attempted to kill herself. Our friend who called me had found her unconscious and bleeding badly from the wrists. They were able to revive her and stop the bleeding, and she survived. I felt a lot of guilt for having left her house that day, and thank God that our other friend had decided to not only stop by her house, but to also let herself into the house, even though no one answered the door. Had she not, I would have lost my best friend that day - on my birthday. My friend admitted that what she had done was a mistake and that the alcohol was likely what pushed her over the edge. She did opt to get therapy for some underlying problems from the past that she had never dealt with and has done a lot of healing since then.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

.... I can.


... Back when I was in college, I actually attempted suicide. Now, before everyone starts judging me, I urge you to imagine how utterly desperate one has to feel, in order to actually take that step. It is a desperate, self-centered, and terrifying thing to do.
... I personally felt that I had no other choice-- that there was simply no other way for me to end my pain, than to take my own life. I had been abused for many years as a child and had never disclosed the information to anyone other than my parents (who took little action to prevent further abuse). And then, when my dad died suddenly when I was 18 and my mom's coping mechanism was drinking herself nearly to death (with a 3 year old to take care of, while I was away at college....), I fell into a depression so deep I could barely breathe. And then, my mom was stricken with a fatal vascular disorder that required emergency brain surgery and after 3 semesters of failing school (because I was skipping class from being so friggin depressed) I finally decided I was a waste of air. I thought that if I flunked out of school, I'd never get into med school and I would pretty much be worthless.... so I tried to kill myself.
.... I was in ICU for 3 days on a ventilator. I can remember waking up and hating myself because I couldn't even kill myself right...

... One has to be in a completely self-centered and at a very, very low point in their life to actually make a serious attempt to end their own life. Depression pulls a shroud of pain over one's eyes, and allows them to see nothing but the bleak sadness, with no end in sight. It's a horrible, horrible disease of the mind. It's now been 5 years since my attempt and my own particular situation has changed dramatically, but it has taken a lot of work (therapy, lots of personal reflection, and serious soul-searching... not to mention all the effort to rebuild my academic record in preparation for med school admissions).

I can't imagine how devestated my family would have been if it would have been a successful attempt, and I feel such deep sadness for the family of the OP's neighbor. I pray that somehow they can make it through the difficult holidays ahead, and in time they can heal from this tragic event. My heart goes out to all who has been touched by it.

I can't imagine why anyone would judge you. I just wanted to say how wonderful that your life was spared and you were able to get to what appears to be a much better place.

 

[DrRae2B]

I can't imagine why anyone would judge you. I just wanted to say how wonderful that your life was spared and you were able to get to what appears to be a much better place.

Thank you so much for understanding. I have unfortunately been judged many times for my mistake (everything from "You know you'd go to Hell for that," from my husband's grandparents to "Suicide is a coward's way out," from various pastors). But it helps when I encounter those who understand that human beings are just that, and make mistakes (AND can come through those mistakes and rise again!).
And yes, my life is so fulfilling... My beautiful daughter, with those gorgeous blonde curls and big blue eyes, literally saved my life. She's what inspires me to be everything I can be and makes me proud of who I already am.

And for anyone else reading this whose life has been affected (in any way) by suicide, please trust me when I say this: There is a purpose for everything... good or bad. We might not know what that purpose or reason is, now, but someday the pieces will fall into place. Not all at once. And usually not soon. But the puzzle WILL come together-- I promise.


Oh, and BTW--- When a CM asks, "What will you be celebrating?" and I reply, "Personal triumph", yep... this is what I'm referring to!

 

[BelleRocks]

.... I can.


... Back when I was in college, I actually attempted suicide. Now, before everyone starts judging me, I urge you to imagine how utterly desperate one has to feel, in order to actually take that step. It is a desperate, self-centered, and terrifying thing to do.
... I personally felt that I had no other choice-- that there was simply no other way for me to end my pain, than to take my own life. I had been abused for many years as a child and had never disclosed the information to anyone other than my parents (who took little action to prevent further abuse). And then, when my dad died suddenly when I was 18 and my mom's coping mechanism was drinking herself nearly to death (with a 3 year old to take care of, while I was away at college....), I fell into a depression so deep I could barely breathe. And then, my mom was stricken with a fatal vascular disorder that required emergency brain surgery and after 3 semesters of failing school (because I was skipping class from being so friggin depressed) I finally decided I was a waste of air. I thought that if I flunked out of school, I'd never get into med school and I would pretty much be worthless.... so I tried to kill myself.
.... I was in ICU for 3 days on a ventilator. I can remember waking up and hating myself because I couldn't even kill myself right...

... One has to be in a completely self-centered and at a very, very low point in their life to actually make a serious attempt to end their own life. Depression pulls a shroud of pain over one's eyes, and allows them to see nothing but the bleak sadness, with no end in sight. It's a horrible, horrible disease of the mind. It's now been 5 years since my attempt and my own particular situation has changed dramatically, but it has taken a lot of work (therapy, lots of personal reflection, and serious soul-searching... not to mention all the effort to rebuild my academic record in preparation for med school admissions).

I can't imagine how devestated my family would have been if it would have been a successful attempt, and I feel such deep sadness for the family of the OP's neighbor. I pray that somehow they can make it through the difficult holidays ahead, and in time they can heal from this tragic event. My heart goes out to all who has been touched by it.

Thank you for your bravery in sharing your story. Those of us who have never experienced what you have need to hear and be reminded so we can show kindness and understanding when it is so desparately needed.

 

[CRdisMom]

Oh no! How awful for that family! It will be especially difficult for them to deal with because of the holiday. Thanksgiving will never be the same for them. A friend of ours committed suicide at Christmas a few years ago and left 3 young children and it has been so hard for his family. Even if your neighbor doesn't want any help right now, keep offering it. A month or so down the road when others have stopped calling or coming by, she is going to need someone who still cares and is still willing to help her out.

I will second this. You will never know when she needs help just keep offering it. My bf lost her husband unexpectedly in a major traffic accident a few summers ago. We just kept calling and checking in. It took her nearly a year for her to be able to call us back. She said it just helped hearing a friendly voice in those dark times.

We will say a prayer for everyone and pray that they will find solace.

 

[Microcell]

How awful and cruel...

Preyers being said..

 

[a1tinkfans]

there are no words to convey the heartache for that family!

 

[Pixie Princess]

My prayers are with this family and with you. My ex attempted suicide several years ago. I don't think I've ever felt so angry, helpless and guilty all at one time. About six months after that my step-sister committed suicide. Her son would have been the one who found her but for an observant and quick thinking carpool mom. My step-mother is still dealing with the loss. So as couple posters have mentioned, just keep offering help.

 

[Jenvenza]

.... I can.


... Back when I was in college, I actually attempted suicide. Now, before everyone starts judging me, I urge you to imagine how utterly desperate one has to feel, in order to actually take that step. It is a desperate, self-centered, and terrifying thing to do.
... I personally felt that I had no other choice-- that there was simply no other way for me to end my pain, than to take my own life. I had been abused for many years as a child and had never disclosed the information to anyone other than my parents (who took little action to prevent further abuse). And then, when my dad died suddenly when I was 18 and my mom's coping mechanism was drinking herself nearly to death (with a 3 year old to take care of, while I was away at college....), I fell into a depression so deep I could barely breathe. And then, my mom was stricken with a fatal vascular disorder that required emergency brain surgery and after 3 semesters of failing school (because I was skipping class from being so friggin depressed) I finally decided I was a waste of air. I thought that if I flunked out of school, I'd never get into med school and I would pretty much be worthless.... so I tried to kill myself.
.... I was in ICU for 3 days on a ventilator. I can remember waking up and hating myself because I couldn't even kill myself right...

... One has to be in a completely self-centered and at a very, very low point in their life to actually make a serious attempt to end their own life. Depression pulls a shroud of pain over one's eyes, and allows them to see nothing but the bleak sadness, with no end in sight. It's a horrible, horrible disease of the mind. It's now been 5 years since my attempt and my own particular situation has changed dramatically, but it has taken a lot of work (therapy, lots of personal reflection, and serious soul-searching... not to mention all the effort to rebuild my academic record in preparation for med school admissions).

I can't imagine how devestated my family would have been if it would have been a successful attempt, and I feel such deep sadness for the family of the OP's neighbor. I pray that somehow they can make it through the difficult holidays ahead, and in time they can heal from this tragic event. My heart goes out to all who has been touched by it.

No one has the right to judge you. You are very brave for telling your story.

OP - My thought are going out to this family. I feel so terrible for them. Those poor kids.