Why do some people of a certain age think they have the right to say whatever they think/want?
DS5 has special needs. I've been working really hard to get him the evaluations and help he needs. He was recently officially diagnosed with nonverbal learning disability. It's a low incident disability that can have some extremely negative long term outcomes. I know DGM doesn't understand all this and ultimately doesn't think he has a disability, but up until now has kept her opinions primarily to herself.
I consider it my full time job to take care of my family (DH, DS and DD), and to act as DS's advocate to make sure he gets the help he needs. DD and DS are twins. I've been a SAHM since before they were born (bedrest). I've given up a lot to be at home, and I always try my best to be a good mom. I don't have any outside activities and haven't been away from the kids for more than a night since they were born (they stayed with my mom on DH's and my anniversary).
I recently signed up for a symposium on Nonverbal Learning Disability in San Francisco. DH encouraged me to go. He too feels that helping ds (and DD) is my full time job and as such should attend conferences that can help educate me. He's a great dad and will have no problem taking care of the children alone for four nights. I am staying an extra night past the conference to visit with a highschool friend, but I'm taking the red eye back so that I'll be home when they get out of school on monday.
Well, when my mom told my DGM (mom was excited for me and proud), DGM went ballistic. She said I was being selfish and unfair. When my mom asked just who I was being unfair to she said the children and my DH. That a good mother wouldn't leave her children. She also went on to say that I'm only looking for problems with DS and that there's nothing wrong with him. That I just compare him too much to DD. She also said it would be unsafe for me to travel alone and that I wasn't thinking about my children and what would happen to them if something happened to me (I traveled alone extensively before I was married..I somehow survived).
I'm hurt. If you knew me you'd know that I make many of my life decisions based on my children's needs (sometimes too much so some would say). I've always been a good granddaughter, and always repectful. My mom only told me, because she knew Nana was on a rant and I was planning on calling her later that day. She didn't want me to be blind-sided by Nana's attitude). I didn't ask for Nana's opinion and I didn't ask for her help. I know we're blessed to have her (she's 86), but she has this thing where she thinks she can say whatever she wants because she's "an old lady" (her words). She doesn't have dementia and I don't think attaining a certain age gives someone the right to say hurtful things.
I won't be confronting her. I don't think that would be appropriate. But I hope she doesn't decide to confront me. I've decided to be as blunt as I can while still being respectful. Sorry for rambling, I just had to vent.
DS5 has special needs. I've been working really hard to get him the evaluations and help he needs. He was recently officially diagnosed with nonverbal learning disability. It's a low incident disability that can have some extremely negative long term outcomes. I know DGM doesn't understand all this and ultimately doesn't think he has a disability, but up until now has kept her opinions primarily to herself.
I consider it my full time job to take care of my family (DH, DS and DD), and to act as DS's advocate to make sure he gets the help he needs. DD and DS are twins. I've been a SAHM since before they were born (bedrest). I've given up a lot to be at home, and I always try my best to be a good mom. I don't have any outside activities and haven't been away from the kids for more than a night since they were born (they stayed with my mom on DH's and my anniversary).
I recently signed up for a symposium on Nonverbal Learning Disability in San Francisco. DH encouraged me to go. He too feels that helping ds (and DD) is my full time job and as such should attend conferences that can help educate me. He's a great dad and will have no problem taking care of the children alone for four nights. I am staying an extra night past the conference to visit with a highschool friend, but I'm taking the red eye back so that I'll be home when they get out of school on monday.
Well, when my mom told my DGM (mom was excited for me and proud), DGM went ballistic. She said I was being selfish and unfair. When my mom asked just who I was being unfair to she said the children and my DH. That a good mother wouldn't leave her children. She also went on to say that I'm only looking for problems with DS and that there's nothing wrong with him. That I just compare him too much to DD. She also said it would be unsafe for me to travel alone and that I wasn't thinking about my children and what would happen to them if something happened to me (I traveled alone extensively before I was married..I somehow survived).
I'm hurt. If you knew me you'd know that I make many of my life decisions based on my children's needs (sometimes too much so some would say). I've always been a good granddaughter, and always repectful. My mom only told me, because she knew Nana was on a rant and I was planning on calling her later that day. She didn't want me to be blind-sided by Nana's attitude). I didn't ask for Nana's opinion and I didn't ask for her help. I know we're blessed to have her (she's 86), but she has this thing where she thinks she can say whatever she wants because she's "an old lady" (her words). She doesn't have dementia and I don't think attaining a certain age gives someone the right to say hurtful things.
I won't be confronting her. I don't think that would be appropriate. But I hope she doesn't decide to confront me. I've decided to be as blunt as I can while still being respectful. Sorry for rambling, I just had to vent.
and prayers.
You're hurt by the meaning behind your Nana's words, and do agree with Dawn about her being in denial--and maybe ignorance about his diagnosis, and it's treatment or manageability (I apologize if those are not the appropriate words). You love your Nana (and I bet your Nana adores your son!), but that only exacerbates the hurt from her words. But you know in your heart that what she says isn't true, and I agree that her age does not give her an excuse to be hurtful--she's very wrong in that instance. You are being the absolute *best* parent you can possibly be. At this conference, you'll be gaining knowledge and wisdom about your son's diagnosis; and along with that, helping to give him and the rest of your family the brightest of futures. I worked with children with disabilities at a place called United Cerebral Palsy for years, and have known many parents who give 200% when it comes to the love and care of their children--you are one of those parents, and you have my admiration and respect. From the outside looking in, I know how hard you work. 
Poor thing.
