My DS Proudly Told Me...

[HeyIt'sMe]

.....
He also told me that this weekend he wants to go to the movies with another girl he likes and he already told her that he plans to make out with her.
.....

"Suzie, we'll pick you up at 7pm and head to the movie theater. When we get there we'll buy some soda and popcorn. Oh, and by the way, I plan on making out with you."

 

[declansdad]

You guys are too funny.

A 15 year old boy who kisses girls at the movies and sneaks a friend in to play X-Box.

WOW is this kid out-of-control. OP, you better get the Scared Straight Video before it's too late.

 

[BCV513]

I don't think kissing a girl at the movies is a big deal. And I actually think it's GREAT that he comes home and tells you about it. You want him to be comfortable talking to you about things like that. It's when they're quiet and don't talk to you that you worry.

On the other hand, I'd be really worried about the sneaking friends in. Not so much the playing video games part, but the sneaking. It's YOUR house and for him to ignore your rules repeatedly is so disrespectful. I don't think you should have to alarm your own house. I agree with others who have said you should take away the games. Is there a way you could move the "fun stuff" to the family room or a room on the main floor so you have a better idea of what's going on? I never liked the idea of basements. Too easy to hide things.

 

[AshleyW]

You guys are too funny.

A 15 year old boy who kisses girls at the movies and sneaks a friend in to play X-Box.

WOW is this kid out-of-control. OP, you better get the Scared Straight Video before it's too late.

To be fair, if I'm remembering the OP correctly, her son has had issues before that she's posted about. I believe he at one point stole $6,000 from the OP and her DH.

 

[okeydokey]

Defying my rules by sneaking kids into the house against my wishes 3 times in the last 2 weeks (that you know of) deserves a loss of video game system. Totally disrespectful.

 

[hentob]

You guys are too funny.

A 15 year old boy who kisses girls at the movies and sneaks a friend in to play X-Box.

WOW is this kid out-of-control. OP, you better get the Scared Straight Video before it's too late.

The kissing? No big deal.

The fact that she told him not to do something and he is REFUSING to listen to her And now she has to install an alarm so she knows who is entering her own home That is down right defiant. Yes. It is a problem. A big problem. A major issue.

To be fair, if I'm remembering the OP correctly, her son has had issues before that she's posted about. I believe he at one point stole $6,000 from the OP and her DH.

What?

Well, that puts a new spin on things.

OP. You are going to need some professional help with this child. He is down a bad path for sure

 

[luvmy3]

You guys are too funny.

A 15 year old boy who kisses girls at the movies and sneaks a friend in to play X-Box.

WOW is this kid out-of-control. OP, you better get the Scared Straight Video before it's too late.

I think its great that he is telling the OP that he's making out with a girl and if he senses that she doesn't want to know about that stuff then he won't be so open with her in the future. The sneaking the friend in is definitely worth some punishment but I don't think the kid is out of control. I don't know about any other issues with this OP and her kids so my opinion is only based on this thread.
He's 15, testing the waters and being disrespectful of the rules, is pretty typical behaviors for a teen that age. If you think that your child doesn't or won't then you are fooling yourself.

 

[gonzo76]

To be fair, if I'm remembering the OP correctly, her son has had issues before that she's posted about. I believe he at one point stole $6,000 from the OP and her DH.

You are correct. I don't remember how much but it was a lot.

I agree with Hentob, this is huge deal. I would not only take the xbox and all the games away, I would sell it to pay for the alarm system I would be installing. No respect is a deal breaker for me. It sounds like he has none.

 

[okeydokey]

I think its great that he is telling the OP that he's making out with a girl and if he senses that she doesn't want to know about that stuff then he won't be so open with her in the future. The sneaking the friend in is definitely worth some punishment but I don't think the kid is out of control. I don't know about any other issues with this OP and her kids so my opinion is only based on this thread.
He's 15, testing the waters and being disrespectful of the rules, is pretty typical behaviors for a teen that age. If you think that your child doesn't or won't then you are fooling yourself.

Of course my kids will test the waters, they already do and their is a consequence as a result. If they were sneaking kids into the house repeatedly, you can bet I wouldn't alarm my house.

 

[johnsontrio]

Have you never tested the waters? Not all kids are perfect and do everything they are told just because they are told. Some need to learn lessons the hard way. I can't tell you how many times my sister broke the same rules over and over again and was punished over and over again. The only thing that would have worked with my sister was locking her in the basement for all of her teen years (and that is illegal). It didn't mean that she learned she didn't have to follow the rules. It meant that she didn't learn as easily as the rest of us did and my parents needed to be proactive when it came to figuring out what she was up to and keep one step ahead of her.

Today, she's a hard-working, well-adjusted adult, who clearly knows what her teens are thinking before they even think it.

I'd be willing to be that the alarm is not just because the son has snuck a friend in 2 times.

That's just the thing. No where did the OP discuss any punishment for sneaking in the friend, you are assuming she has disciplined him. It has now progressed to her putting an alarm system in the house. I think her son thinks this is just a game. Sort of reminds me of all the discussion about Lynne and her daughters from Real Housewives of Orange County. I'm betting that this son does not take his mother seriously.

 

[Mermaid02]

To be fair, if I'm remembering the OP correctly, her son has had issues before that she's posted about. I believe he at one point stole $6,000 from the OP and her DH.

Something BAD would be happening to him at this house that's for sure!

 

[wdwfan16]

To be fair, if I'm remembering the OP correctly, her son has had issues before that she's posted about. I believe he at one point stole $6,000 from the OP and her DH.

This sheds a different light on things. That is not normal 15 year old boy stuff.

 

[luvmy3]

Of course my kids will test the waters, they already do and their is a consequence as a result. If they were sneaking kids into the house repeatedly, you can bet I wouldn't alarm my house.

Neither would I and the OP doesn't have to resort to that, in fact to me thats not really dealing with the issue. My point is, kids that age will do things like this, and they should have consequences for their actions. However a teen defying a parent, and disrespecting rules doesn't mean they are out of control.

 

[iwrbnd]

Hey, at least they have open communication!

 

[Stitchfans]

Being a mom of a 15 yr old girls that made me cringe.

 

[NAB]

Heck I have a 12 year old that acts like this.

Do you know how many times I take the computer, or anything electronic away from him. He doesn't care. Or he will just go to a friends and use theirs. I can not lock him up. He has been grounded just as much. Everything right now is socializing with friends.

He too has a girl friend or should I say many because it really isn't dating just hanging out in the park and kissing. At least I hope that is all. Girls are always dropping him because they say he is "cheating" on them. How can a boy this young be with one girl. They don't go to the show or really date for that matter , they meet at the church dance and live in the neighbourhood.They text and phone each other.

But I have had the respect talk doesn't seem to sink in.

Everyone tells me it is a phase , I hope so. I am so stressed.

 

[RUDisney]

Yeah, that was my DS... stealing about $6,000 two years ago. He was repentent for that and took his punishment like a man. He went for counseling and the therapist said that he was a typical teenage boy who saw an opportunity and took it.

He's been good for 2 years and has paid back about $1,000 of what he took. He works on Saturday mornings, so that is how he's been paying us back. That is also the money he uses for the movies or to go to the Y, etc.

Everyone who knows him thinks he's a good kid that is just going through another phase of being a teenager.

He lost his cell phone the first time he snuck his friend in. That is a huge punishment for him since it meant no texting, etc. Our computer was down at that point, so he couldn't facebook or skype them either. I didn't let him use the phone. He was isolated from his friends.

This time, I've told him that I get custody of his phone when he gets home from school. (Primarily because I was inconvenienced in not getting to have access to him on his walk home from school.) He can have it back in the morning to take to school to leave in his locker.

The alarm system was a knee-jerk reaction to embarass him. Every time the dinger will go off will be a reminder to him that he caused it. Every time a friend hears it and says, "what's that?" he can tell them it was because he snuck his buddy into the house unauthorized.

I called the other boy's parents last night to let them know what our house rules are and what the boys are doing. They were shocked that I didn't know that he was here and said they'd speak to their son about it.

He hasn't acquired a taste for alcohol, but I know that kids being kids, it's a matter of time and I'm not going to be the one furnishing it to him or his friends. That's why I want the locks on the bar.

One of my friends told me that the thing that kids do nowadays is they take 2 pairs of shoes to a sleepover. One pair stays by the door and the other is worn when the group sneaks out.

When my DS got caught, he complained that so many other friends sneak people into their houses our they sneak out of their own houses. "Their parents don't care." I told him that unfortunately for him, he has parents who care and this is not the way things are going to go down in this house.

Overall, my DS respects me. I think he's testing the waters... in a very disrespectful way. The funny thing is that his friends all think I'm the coolest mom out of the group even though I'm one of the most strict. They seek me out to talk to about their problems and for advice or to just tell me what's going on in their lives. Our house is the major hangout on the weekends even though I am up and down the stairs multiple times to check on them.

Oh, and thanks for comparing my parenting style to Lynne's. I don't look like Steven Tyler, I'm not stoned at any time, I consume about 3 alcoholic drinks a month (and not all at once) and my kids know that I will punish them for their actions. I'm not trying to be my kids' friend. My job is to be their parent. I take that obligation seriously.

 

[luvmy3]

OP, it sounds like you have things under control and are managing your family in a way that works for you.

 

[AmyinKY]

OP, it sounds like you are justifing not only your actions but your son's as well.

Honestly, you really think hearing the alarm chime will embarass him when he opens a door?? Really?? From what you have posted before all it seems that he will either ignore it or figure out a way around it. You do know you can program an alarm system to bypass certain zones, right?

Hope it all works out for you.

 

[hentob]

He was repentent for that and took his punishment like a man. He went for counseling and the therapist said that he was a typical teenage boy who saw an opportunity and took it..

The therapist actually said that I can tell you that it is NOT typical for a child to steal thousands of dollars. If the therapist really said that, please know he was wrong.

Overall, my DS respects me. I think he's testing the waters... in a very disrespectful way..

What does that mean? That is quite a spin on things.

I hope things turn out for your son, but I have seen this pattern before

If he learned his lesson from the theft, he would NOT be disrespecting you over and over again. He would be frightened to disrespect you. He is not. He doesn’t care. He will continue to disrespect.

Again, good luck. Something tells me that you will need it in the years to come