My dh (off topic)

[pocomom]

My dh works very hard at a stressful job. And since he moved to this position he has gotten grumpy, and downright unpleasant to be around. He never helps out around the house, he didn't alot before but now it is non-existant just the other day he went to change my son and he didn't know how. The child is 3. That's how many diapers he's changed. I saw a picture yesterday from a couple of years ago of him throwing snowballs with the kids and I was thinking where did that man go? I tried to have patience and gratitude for what he does do for this family by working so hard, but I'll admit it is not easy.
Today is our anniversary. Last night he told me before going to sleep that he had to work late today. The kids are sick, I'm sick, the house is a mess, I've got a pile of work that just came in (side job) , and we have had a horrible couple of weeks here. I had gotten a sitter and made plans for a quick dinner out, it is about the only thing I was looking forward too these past weeks. I assumed he had forgotten, and I was afraid that any way of reminding him would have caused a fight. He left early this morning and didn't say anything. I left a message cancelling the sitter and ran around giving out the tylenol, doing laundry and whatnot and generally feeling sorry for myself. Then I walked into the dining room. There was a card and a big box. I peeked at the box and saw the Kitchen Aid mixer I had been wanting! but like a child all I could think was about the conversation I had with him a few months ago saying as much as I wanted it I NEVER wanted an appliance for a birthday/anniversary gift. I told him it would be like him getting new file folders or a stapler. I was thinking "typical- he never listens to me!" Then I opened the card. Inside:

"You are the most wonderful person I've ever met, and I think every day that I'm the luckiest man alive to have you as my wife. You have hung in there through my worst couple of years with a smile on your face. A beautiful smile that makes every day worth it. I will be forever grateful. The box is something to make your work day easier and more fun, your gift, my love, is a trip for two to Italy. I hope I get to come."



The thing I love best truly is just the recognition that my day is also work.

gosh now I'm thinking about what I got him, gift card to red robin I bought it because I figured I could use it to treat the kids if he forgot completely... I didn't even get him a card.

 

[lucigo]

My dh works very hard at a stressful job. And since he moved to this position he has gotten grumpy, and downright unpleasant to be around. He never helps out around the house, he didn't alot before but now it is non-existant just the other day he went to change my son and he didn't know how. The child is 3. That's how many diapers he's changed. I saw a picture yesterday from a couple of years ago of him throwing snowballs with the kids and I was thinking where did that man go? I tried to have patience and gratitude for what he does do for this family by working so hard, but I'll admit it is not easy.
Today is our anniversary. Last night he told me before going to sleep that he had to work late today. The kids are sick, I'm sick, the house is a mess, I've got a pile of work that just came in (side job) , and we have had a horrible couple of weeks here. I had gotten a sitter and made plans for a quick dinner out, it is about the only thing I was looking forward too these past weeks. I assumed he had forgotten, and I was afraid that any way of reminding him would have caused a fight. He left early this morning and didn't say anything. I left a message cancelling the sitter and ran around giving out the tylenol, doing laundry and whatnot and generally feeling sorry for myself. Then I walked into the dining room. There was a card and a big box. I peeked at the box and saw the Kitchen Aid mixer I had been wanting! but like a child all I could think was about the conversation I had with him a few months ago saying as much as I wanted it I NEVER wanted an appliance for a birthday/anniversary gift. I told him it would be like him getting new file folders or a stapler. I was thinking "typical- he never listens to me!" Then I opened the card. Inside:

"You are the most wonderful person I've ever met, and I think every day that I'm the luckiest man alive to have you as my wife. You have hung in there through my worst couple of years with a smile on your face. A beautiful smile that makes every day worth it. I will be forever grateful. The box is something to make your work day easier and more fun, your gift, my love, is a trip for two to Italy. I hope I get to come."



The thing I love best truly is just the recognition that my day is also work.

gosh now I'm thinking about what I got him, gift card to red robin I bought it because I figured I could use it to treat the kids if he forgot completely... I didn't even get him a card.

Sounds like you have a busy day ahead of you figuring out how to show your appreciation also. Marriage sometimes is work, sometimes when we don't feel the love we show the love anyway, and the love will come back to us and we will eventually again feel it. In the end, showing it is more important than receiving it. Hope you have a great day

 

[thebeesknees]

Aww, I'm so happy to read a sweet post like this! It's so easy sometimes to take each other for granted during the daily grind. I hope that even if this evening doesn't turn out the way you wanted, you have a marvelous time together on your trip! Happy Anniversary!

 

[secretpantssam]

I was so worried about where this was going but that is so sweet! Even if he is overworked and grumpy he still appreciates all you do!

Happy Anniversary!

 

[disneysnowflake]

That is so sweet.

 

[Trish.Glenn]

Lol well at least he knew he was being difficult! Congrats on having a good husband and on going to Italy! Don't worry about any of it, maybe make him a card today and some coupons he can redeem in Italy!!!!!

 

[hsmamato2]

that's awfully sweet of your DH....maybe you can think of something wonderful that he would LOVE to get for his anniversary from you....(ahem! cough cough) you know, one of those gifts that,even if he works late, and comes home after your kids are in bed....he will still appreciate (wink wink)

 

[rock_doctor]

I hate to say it but his stress level isn't good. If he is zoning out on the most simple tasks that is telling you something. Sorry to be negative, but stress will eventually crush anybody. Something to discuss with him.

I do hope you have a great anniversary. Good luck.

 

[pocomom]

He needs a new job. Money is extraordinary important but not when it breaks up your marriage or gives him a heart attack. If he is zoning out on the most simple tasks that is telling you something. Sorry to be negative, but stress will eventually crush anybody. Something to discuss with him. Remember the last line on the card was "...I hope i get to come".

I do hope you have a great anniversary, I am sorry for being negative. Good luck.

No I completely agree, he's been looking and I told him to accept anything that he thinks would be good even if it is a significant pay cut. Unfortunately job market being what it is he hasn't had too much luck yet.
As far as I the last line, He did already take the vacation time (which he hasn't done more than a day or two in years) and arranged my mom to watch the kids, he was just joking that I might take a friend instead of him

 

[pocomom]

that's awfully sweet of your DH....maybe you can think of something wonderful that he would LOVE to get for his anniversary from you....(ahem! cough cough) you know, one of those gifts that,even if he works late, and comes home after your kids are in bed....he will still appreciate (wink wink)

lol!

 

[donac]

That is so sweet. I know that life gets so crazy when there are kids around but then there are times like this that makes it all worthwhile.

Happy Anniversary.

 

[rock_doctor]

No I completely agree, he's been looking and I told him to accept anything that he thinks would be good even if it is a significant pay cut. Unfortunately job market being what it is he hasn't had too much luck yet.
As far as I the last line, He did already take the vacation time (which he hasn't done more than a day or two in years) and arranged my mom to watch the kids, he was just joking that I might take a friend instead of him

Thank you for responding. I shortened my post because i didn't think i should be commenting on anything beyond the gifts. I wish you guys luck.

 

[goodfood4ursoul]

My heart goes out to you...
you are feeling the love through this heart warming gift, but really concerned to him, his health,and your family.

I'm not going to tell you anything you don't already know.
Clearly your husband treasures your tenacity, and positive attitude and your support with something so simple and also precious- a smile.

I have no idea how many years of marriage you are celebrating,
But Congratulations and I hope you are blessed with many happy, healthy years together.

Life is what happens when our best laid plans go astray.
Circumstances often get in the way of what we desire.
You are right to be concerned about his health.
And concern for your marriage is understandable.

After 24 years together (which is nothing compared to those married 50, 65, and 70 years )
what I have learned is that the commitment is the thing- knowing you can trust one another and love unconditionally and be patient in these trying times.
Emotions are how we feel in a moment,and emotions change.
Love is an action and a choice even more so than an emotion.

Your DH may not know how to change a diaper.
What that means is that you have been doing a great job of taking care of your DS so that your DH can focus on taking care of your family financially.

I have a B.I.L who loves his family very much but has to be reminded to put a coat on his pre-schooler before taking them outside in winter.
Weird- huh?

Everyone has their talents and strengths- remembering coats is not his.
His wife is well aware of this and plans accordingly.
I don't think he's good at feeding infants and toddlers either.
But he can run a business, remodel the house, and is a master craftsman with wood.

he's a great dad otherwise. He's been passing down the skills he does have to his kids.
I don't think my dad every changed my diaper,
and my DH maybe changed 3 in the course of having 2 kids.

Of course, we know they missed out on those precious, rare, treasured moments when they smile, giggle, say something amazing, during a time as mundane as diaper changing.
Never mind the poop, and when DS peed on the wall, 19 years later I only want to remember smiles, coos, etc.

It sounds like you could use a little break from juggling so much too, not just your DH.
You have so much to do, it can be overwhelming and discouraging.
Is there anyone in your family close enough to come give you a break for a few hours?
Is there a reliable, trustworthy teen you could hire to come in for a few hours and help you out?
Maybe a mother's morning out group at your church?


It is understandable for you to be missing your DH and the family things you used to do together.
Family time is precious- kids grow up too quickly.

Something that may help...
I was listening on the radio to an interview with Gary Chapman.
He wrote the book The Five Love Languages
The idea is that we all communicate love in a variety of ways.
Sometimes husbands and wives communicate their love in opposite ways,
which can translate into people not feeling loved well, even though they are, just because their spouse likes to give gifts when what they really want is some quality time together.

There is great info on this website that can be really helpful in understanding our spouses:
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

Seriously, my parents have been married 50 years and I think they need to delve into this issue, lol.
It's easy to feel taken for granted as well as it is to take our spouses for granted.

I hope the kids and you feel better soon,and that circumstances improve for your family so you van spend more time together~
Just remember, this too shall pass...

 

[wiigirl]

So sweet...happy anniversary!

 

[ceecee]

Sounds like you have a busy day ahead of you figuring out how to show your appreciation also. Marriage sometimes is work, sometimes when we don't feel the love we show the love anyway, and the love will come back to us and we will eventually again feel it. In the end, showing it is more important than receiving it. Hope you have a great day

 

[Arielle22]

Happy anniversary! I have been married 28 years and been through some sections like you describe. DH gets in a rotten mood from work and vents to me.

I find explaining to him that he has slipped into the negative place and he needs to be nicer works to pull him out of it.

DH likes to surprise me with presents. Although he hasn't gone so far as to tell me to book a trip. I handle the finances so I don't think he would have any ideas how to fund it.

 

[Cynt]

Two words - VICTORIA'S SECRET! I'm sure he would LOVE a gift from there.

that's awfully sweet of your DH....maybe you can think of something wonderful that he would LOVE to get for his anniversary from you....(ahem! cough cough) you know, one of those gifts that,even if he works late, and comes home after your kids are in bed....he will still appreciate (wink wink)

 

[rock_doctor]

 

[Derby4me]

Wow! That just gave me the chills.

How wonderful that he was able to put his feelings to such beautiful words.

Thank you for sharing.

 

[aimeekdg]

Wow I got tears in my eyes :') such a sweet man!! Make him a wonderful dinner and a massage as a thank you..some guys just like the small things to know you appreciate them. Have a wonderful trip in Italy!! B-)