My DH doesn't like kids so.....

[Divamomto3]

Originally posted by justpassingby
<p>After reading a number of responses, it reminded me of an incident that happened this summer. My wife and I put on a family reunion with 85 in attendance at our vacation home in New Hampshire. My wife loves her family including all of her nieces and nephews and their children as well. Even though we have been married 20years and are staunchly ChildFree, my wife loves children. I, however, do not.

<p>To make a long story short, my wife’s aunt’s granddaughter, who is 11, was watching my wife’s niece who is 2. My wife’s brother and sister in-law were elsewhere so that left my wife’s aunt to keep an eye on the two girls. Something came up and the aunt had to leave and asked if I would watch them. Now I love my wife’s aunt and I would do anything for her, except watch children so I just politely said “I’m sorry, I do not watch children.”

<p>At first my wife’s aunt thought I was kidding until I explained the “fire rule”. The fire rule goes like this; if your child is on fire, I will be more than happy to put him/her out, however, all other considerations are to be met by the parents. Needless to say my wife’s aunt wasn’t overly pleased with me or my fire rule, but I knew she would get over it and we would once again be friends.

<p>So I’m curious, is my fire rule overly harsh? Keep in mind I use fire as an analogy to any clear and present danger to a child, which I will intervene to save said child. I will not, however, intervene if a child wants a soda, be pushed on a swing, be feed, be watched, or any other host of activities parents deem acceptable to inflict on others.

Someone asked you to keep an eye on 2 kids for a couple of minutes, not adopt them. The fact that you needed an assumed name to come here and post this is proof that even you realize how harsh and strange your "fire" rule sounds.

 

[meandtheguys2]

Originally posted by snoopy
I can't believe I am jumping into the fray here, but I just had to comment on justpassingby's post.

I would have absolutely no problem with you telling me that you want nothing to do with my children. I'd appreciate it, in fact. I also would not attend your family reunions or be a guest in your home, nor would you be one in mine. I'm all for people doing what they like to do, but I wouldn't subject my children to that sort of attitude. Wouldn't need to, there are plenty of people out there, some who have kids, some who don't, that would enjoy the company of my family as a whole. We've known a few people like you over the years, some were old friends, but the relationship fizzled since we have nothing in common with people who feel being around our children is a chore or something that makes them feel inflicted upon.

As for the OP's dilemma, I like Hagred's advice.

Snoopy, you say it so well! My SIL introduced me to DH, and I will always love her for it, but we have very little in common now. It is a shame, because she travels the world, and I would love the boys to benefit (knowledge wise) from her.

I am just amazed that anyone would go to so much work to be flamed! NOT condoning negative attitudes!

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Originally posted by snoopy
I can't believe I am jumping into the fray here, but I just had to comment on justpassingby's post.

I would have absolutely no problem with you telling me that you want nothing to do with my children. I'd appreciate it, in fact. I also would not attend your family reunions or be a guest in your home, nor would you be one in mine. I'm all for people doing what they like to do, but I wouldn't subject my children to that sort of attitude. Wouldn't need to, there are plenty of people out there, some who have kids, some who don't, that would enjoy the company of my family as a whole. We've known a few people like you over the years, some were old friends, but the relationship fizzled since we have nothing in common with people who feel being around our children is a chore or something that makes them feel inflicted upon.

As for the OP's dilemma, I like Hagred's advice.

Very well put, Snoopy.

I would not want to be around someone who could not enjoy pushing a little kid on a swing or playing with them for a short time.

Like someone else said, they were not asking this person to adopt them...they were asking him/her to keep an eye on them for a few minutes.

 

[justpassingby]

I use the word “inflict to denote when a parent decides that you “aught” to do something for their child without first actually asking.

Here is an example. A couple of New Year Eve’s ago we were hosting a party for some friends. As is standard for any party we host my wife cooks and I do all the cleaning afterwards, which includes clearing the table, rising the dishes and loading the dishwasher, empting the dishwasher and whatever else is needed at the time. Once the dinner is cooked and served, my wife doesn’t need to enter the kitchen again and she can enjoy the party with her friends.

While I was in the throes of cleaning the kitchen, our friend Beth came in to inform me that her daughter was about to begin her recital and my presence was mandatory. As politely as I could muster, I simply informed her that I do not do recitals. Why she was trying to process my response, I returned to my duties in the kitchen. She eventually went away and nothing further was spoken about my absence.

Here is my point, if she had asked if I would like to listen to her child sing I could have graciously declined and all standards of etiquette would have been observed. However, she didn’t ask but simply demanded/expected that I sit at the feet of her child with adoring eyes and clap widely after she butchered (I have heard her sing in the past) whatever song she had chosen.

My point is some parents expect you to show the same level of love/admiration/worship towards their child as they do. I’m sorry, but that is totally unrealistic, hence my fire rule.

 

[justpassingby]

For the record, I have pushed kids on swings and I have gotten them sodas and whatever else they needed. That particular reunion was a bear to put together and I was in the middle of cleaning up when I was asked to watch two children.

My wife has a cousin whose daughter I absolutely adore. She has a few minor handicaps that make her stand out when she is with other children and I do everything in my power to make her feel special. I have told her on a number of occasions that she never has to doubt that I love her unconditionally. The 11 year old in my earlier post is her younger sister. She is blonde, blue eyed, and very pretty and works it to a hilt. And takes every opportunity she can to make her older mildly handicapped sister feel worthless, so I was in no mode to watch her.

 

[IceQueen777]

Originally posted by justpassingby
While I was in the throes of cleaning the kitchen, our friend Beth came in to inform me that her daughter was about to begin her recital and my presence was mandatory. As politely as I could muster, I simply informed her that I do not do recitals. Why she was trying to process my response, I returned to my duties in the kitchen. She eventually went away and nothing further was spoken about my absence.

Well, I think it is rude to not listen to any recital by any guest in your home, child or not. Sorry, I just think that it is one of those chores that comes along with being a host/hostess. Though I agree that parents shouldn't expect you to worship their children, walking into the other room, listening for a few seconds, then returning to your chores would have been a polite thing to do for any guest in your home.

Now, if you were a guest at a party (not at your home), I would feel you have no obligation to "do recitals".

 

[IceQueen777]

Originally posted by justpassingby
The 11 year old in my earlier post is her younger sister. She is blonde, blue eyed, and very pretty and works it to a hilt. And takes every opportunity she can to make her older mildly handicapped sister feel worthless, so I was in no mode to watch her.

I would have probably reacted the same way, then. I have a soft spot for the underdog, and I just can't stand anybody who thinks they are better than someone else.

 

[snoopy]

Well you are comparing apples to oranges here, justpassingby. In your first post you are telling us that you could not be bothered with having any interaction whatsoever with a child, save the case of an emergency. In your second post, you are telling us you cannot commit to the same level of devotion to a child as the child's parents. That is to be expected, I'm sure most parents don't want you to fawn over their child. And then you go on to tell us the kid on the swing was a brat. So which is it, you don't "do kids" or is it only "this" kid?

Either way, you don't sound like the type of person I would hang with, but that is only because you sound like the type of person who dwells on the negative. Then again, I'm probably not your cup of tea either. In all honesty, I know parents that go overboard bragging about the accomplishments of their children and expecting other people to be as interested in those accomplishments, but I really do think they are few and far between. Most people would no more want to inflict on your personal boundries anymore than you would wish for them to.

 

[goofygirl]

Love the "fire rule"! Makes sense to me!

And YES, feeding, watching, pushing a child on swings and catering to its every whim IS too much to ask.

Reminds me of a T-shirt I am about to purchase of off cafepress.com, its a take on the "it takes a village to raise a child." thing. Its says:

WARNING: This "Villager" is not responsible for your children!"

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Originally posted by Divamomto3
Someone asked you to keep an eye on 2 kids for a couple of minutes, not adopt them. The fact that you needed an assumed name to come here and post this is proof that even you realize how harsh and strange your "fire" rule sounds.

 

[snoopy]

Hmmmm, trust me, GG, the village of ME doesn't want you anywhere near my kid's swing, so no worries there!

 

[goofygirl]

The 11 year old in my earlier post is her younger sister. She is blonde, blue eyed, and very pretty and works it to a hilt. And takes every opportunity she can to make her older mildly handicapped sister feel worthless, so I was in no mode to watch her.

This sounds like a "red flag" that her parents should address. She sounds resentful of her handicapped sister because her sis probably needs and gets more attention than she does, therefore she acts out this way to get attention on HER. Its a cry for attention.

Hope the parents are aware of this problem and try to fix it!

 

[RitaZ.]

So I’m curious, is my fire rule overly harsh? Keep in mind I use fire as an analogy to any clear and present danger to a child, which I will intervene to save said child. I will not, however, intervene if a child wants a soda, be pushed on a swing, be feed, be watched, or any other host of activities parents deem acceptable to inflict on others.

For the record, I have pushed kids on swings and I have gotten them sodas and whatever else they needed.

You are contradicting yourself. Which is it?

You know, these kids will become adults some day and hopefully you won't have to rely on any of them to hand you a glass of water or help you in any way.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

What a surprise, but justpassingby just registered today! Ironic that he/she signed up for a Disney discussion board and immediately went to a community board to discuss a thread about not liking children. Wouldn't you think that most people would first look at information about Disney?

T&B

 

[IceQueen777]

Originally posted by justpassingby
[BSo I’m curious, is my fire rule overly harsh? Keep in mind I use fire as an analogy to any clear and present danger to a child, which I will intervene to save said child. I will not, however, intervene if a child wants a soda, be pushed on a swing, be feed, be watched, or any other host of activities parents deem acceptable to inflict on others. [/B]

Well, since you asked....yes, I think your fire rule is overly harsh. Though I agree you should not be expected to watch any kids, play with them, etc., I think you DO have to get them something to eat or drink if they are in your home. Wouldn't that be what you would do for any other guest?

 

[airhead]

....do you know kidsrstinky,cuz they just joined today too!! Wow,how 'bout that,2 new DIS members!!!!

 

[goofygirl]

Hmmmm, trust me, GG, the village of ME doesn't want you anywhere near my kid's swing, so no worries there!

Oh, no worry for you, either, I wouldn't go near your kids or anyone else's.... if you remember way back at the Philly DIS Meet we were both at, I stayed way on the other side of the room from your kids. I don't know if you noticed that, but that's exactly what I did.

 

[meandtheguys2]

Originally posted by airhead
....do you know kidsrstinky,cuz they just joined today too!! Wow,how 'bout that,2 new DIS members!!!!

Hey I did see that! Do you think they are realated?

 

[snoopy]

LOL, nope, GG, didn't notice. I wasn't the slightest bit interested in what you thought or didn't think about my kids. But for the record, I had only one kid with me, and he was a toddler at the time.

However, I do remember you being very close to Pete during that meet, was that perhaps to discuss your role in Give Kids A World? I gotta say, that was one of the more bizarre appointments we've had on the DIS over the years.

 

[Bob Slydell]

Really starting to feel the love on this thread!