My dd's best friend's parents are mad at my dd...

[phillybeth]

I think the kid has problems, going home and tattling when I'm sure she KNOWS her parents' attitudes towards that sort of stuff. It's like if I were at a party and someone offered me a joint- I would say no, but no way in heck would I tell my mom about it, I'd never be able to leave the house again!
She was probably trying to be Miss Goody Two Shoes- "Oh, I was SOOOOO good, I could have had coffee but I didn't!" She didn't think it was going to backfire onto your DD.

 

[MICKEY88]

Moderation is the key
Doctors recommend that people should consume no more than about 100 milligrams of caffeine daily. That might sound like a lot, but one espresso contains about 100 milligrams of caffeine.
The following list includes products and the amounts of caffeine they contain:

Mountain Dew, 12 ounces; 54.0 mg

Coca-Cola, 12 ounces; 45.6 mg

Diet Coke, 12 ounces; 45.6 mg

Pepsi, 12 ounces; 37.2 mg

7-Up, 12 ounces; 0 mg

Brewed coffee (drip method), 5 ounces; 115 mg

Iced tea, 12 ounces; 70 mg

Dark chocolate, 1 ounce; 20 mg

Milk chocolate, 1 ounce; 6 mg

Cocoa beverage, 5 ounces; 4 mg

Chocolate milk beverage, 8 ounces; 5 mg

Cold relief medication, 1 tablet; 30 mg

Vivarin, 1 tablet; 200 mg

Source: U.S. Food and Drug Administration and National Soft Drink Association


based on this a coke isn't as bad as a cup of coffee,

I think one thing everyone might be overlooking is the age/size factor..

what is fine for a 5'10 180lb adult could be harmful for a 5' 100 lb, teenager...

as far as the girl having a problem because she went and told her parents,,I disagree,,,,I hope that my teenagers feel comfortable in being open and honest with me...


the parents may have overreacted, but at least they didn't call the Op and cause a fuss,

if it were me, and I would not have offered the coffee and wished my child had not, I would go talk to the parents, tell them I heard what happened, was sorry it did, and assure them that it would not happen again..

I would not judge them without knowing all the facts, as I stated before I'm fully aware of the risks of caffeine use by teenagers due to the effect it had on my now 23 year old when she was a teen, she had to go to cardiologists, wear a heart monitor and undergo all sorts of tests because of a mysterious problem with her heart racing and feeling like it was going to explode...they finally concluded it was from caffeine,,apparently it is a problem for teens that is more widespread than most people know

 

[JayBee]

Mickey...thanks for the chart...I need to cut back on the caffeine!

 

[slo]

Pick and choose your battles is what I say.

If my DD wants to drink coffee at 15yrs old, I really don't care. I would much rather have her drinking coffee with me, then smoking or drugs behind my back because they want to see what they can get away with.

Would this parent rather have your DD serving Mountain Dew or Jolt at this party? Caffenine is caffenine regardless how it is served. Maybe they would have liked DD to serve Mountain Dew and a big bowl of M&M's with it. Some parents need to just chill out because if they don't their kids will just learn to resent them for it.

You gave good advice to your DD though and I hope this all blows over for her soon.

 

[Mermaid02]

Thanks everyone- I hope nobody thinks I am saying these are "bad" people, I believe I stated a couple of times they are nice people.... they had their daughter later in life... and she is an only. I remember being 15... maybe they are having a hard time relating to the kids (theirs and her friends) now that they are getting older.

My point is this, if being OFFERED a cup of coffee (which she tasted but did not like) causes such a huge commotion, what will the rest of her teen years be like? I know bigger badder things are coming....

 

[MICKEY88]

true caffeine is caffeine no matter how it's served but coffee has a higher caffeine content than soda...


Jolt soft drink
12 ounces
71.2 mg


Mountain Dew
12 ounces
55.0 mg


Brewed coffee (drip method)
5 ounces
115 mg*


referring back to my earlier post, we don't have all the facts, what if she is one of those people who are at risk of heart problems from caffeine, and they've had problems in the past,??

maybe she knows she shouldn't drink it, but gave in to peer pressure....

what if she doesn't want to admit health problems to her friends and was just trying to impress her friends by exagerating what her parents said, or make an excuse for future caffein avoidance..

 

[SandraM]

Re:

Originally posted by MICKEY88
referring back to my earlier post, we don't have all the facts, what if she is one of those people who are at risk of heart problems from caffeine, and they've had problems in the past,??

maybe she knows she shouldn't drink it, but gave in to peer pressure....

This may clarify:

Originally posted by twinkles6898
She didn't drink it. They were mad it was offered.

Just curious here, as a regular tea and occasional coffee drinker in Ireland, which has the highest rate of tea consumption per capita in Europe, do people in the US feel as strongly against tea as coffee?

 

[MinnieM21]

Originally posted by Mermaid02
Thanks everyone- I hope nobody thinks I am saying these are "bad" people, I believe I stated a couple of times they are nice people.... they had their daughter later in life... and she is an only. I remember being 15... maybe they are having a hard time relating to the kids (theirs and her friends) now that they are getting older.

My point is this, if being OFFERED a cup of coffee (which she tasted but did not like) causes such a huge commotion, what will the rest of her teen years be like? I know bigger badder things are coming....

Don't worry no one thought you were saying they were bad people. I think it's crazy that they flipped out over her being offered coffee. It was offered to her, not forced on her. I can just imagine what the rest of her teen years will be like. These parents obviously don't know what teens do these days.

 

[suzannen]

This thread is putting my whole life in better perspective.

My grandmother started to let me have coffee at her house as a treat when I was 13. And, you know, it absolutely did cause me to have an addiction -

to STARBUCK's Coffee!

She probably should have been jailed for contibuting to the delinquency of a minor!

 

[Kitty 34]

I haven't read all the replies here so this might have already been said but hopefully there's not pop machines at this girl's school 'cause those parents will go nuts over that, too!!

 

[mom2alix]

Originally posted by SandraM
Re:

Just curious here, as a regular tea and occasional coffee drinker in Ireland, which has the highest rate of tea consumption per capita in Europe, do people in the US feel as strongly against tea as coffee?

Sandra M - I think you may be getting the wrong impression about the U.S. I would think the vast majority wouldn't think twice about the coffee, especially at 15 (these are high school kids for goodness sakes). I personally don't drink it because I don't like the taste, but I love the Chai Tea Frappachinos at Starbucks and sometimes share one with my 2 yo DD (I guess the parents the OP is talking about would consider me an unfit mother.) Some parents go a little over the top on the "healthy" food thing and what they consider a "drug". I know we're big tea drinkers in my family, but it's usually over ice!

It's not like the kids were drinking beer and smoking cigarettes for goodness sakes. Caffeine at 2 a.m. would be irresponsible if you wanted to go to sleep, but this was a sleepover, right? The point is stay up and have fun with your friends. I know of a lot of church "lock-in" sleepovers and Project Graduation parties where sleeping is not allowed at overnight events. Would these parents consider that a "bad environment" too?

I think that's what I find most shocking, that these parents said your house was a bad environment for their daughter. How insulting! They don't want their daughter to drink caffeine - their decision, but to say that about you just because you let your DD have it? Kind of rude, IMO. As you said, it's not like it was heroin

 

[MICKEY88]

Originally posted by SandraM
Re:


This may clarify:


Just curious here, as a regular tea and occasional coffee drinker in Ireland, which has the highest rate of tea consumption per capita in Europe, do people in the US feel as strongly against tea as coffee?

actually....

Originally posted by Mermaid02

My point is this, if being OFFERED a cup of coffee (which she tasted but did not like) causes such a huge commotion, what will the rest of her teen years be like? I know bigger badder things are coming....

 

[MICKEY88]

Originally posted by mom2alix
Sandra M - but I love the Chai Tea Frappachinos at Starbucks and sometimes share one with my 2 yo DD (I guess the parents the OP is talking about would consider me an unfit mother.) Some parents go a little over the top on the "healthy" food thing and what they consider a "drug". I know we're big tea drinkers in my family, but it's usually over ice!

over the top or well informed...??

following info found readily online


By definition, caffeine is a drug. It stimulates the central nervous system, causing increased heart rate and alertness.

Caffeine is addictive and may cause withdrawal symptoms -- such as severe headaches, muscle aches, temporary depression and irritability for those who abruptly stop consuming it.

On average, the smaller the person, the less caffeine that is necessary to produce side effects

Dehydration is a common side effect of drinking too much caffeine. Although you may think you're getting plenty of liquids, caffeine works against the body in two ways: It has a dehydrating effect on the body's cells and increases the need to urinate. It's particularly important for active teens who play sports to drink noncaffeinated beverages each day to avoid dehydration. Finally, large amounts of caffeine may cause the body to lose calcium and potassium, causing sore muscles and delayed recovery times after exercise.

Caffeine has health risks for certain users. Small children are extremely sensitive to caffeine, and pregnant or nursing mothers should decrease their caffeine intake or avoid it entirely because it's been linked to an increased risk of miscarriage. Caffeine can aggravate heart problems or nervous disorders, and some teens may not be aware that they're at risk.

 

[BedKnobbery2]

Actually, most recent studies have shown coffee has more health benefits than detriments:

In recent decades, some 19,000 studies have been done examining coffee's impact on health. And for the most part, their results are as pleasing as a gulp of freshly brewed Breakfast Blend for the 108 million Americans who routinely enjoy this traditionally morning -- and increasingly daylong -- ritual. In practical terms, regular coffee drinkers include the majority of U.S. adults and a growing number of children.


"Overall, the research shows that coffee is far more healthful than it is harmful," says Tomas DePaulis, PhD, research scientist at Vanderbilt University's Institute for Coffee Studies, which conducts its own medical research and tracks coffee studies from around the world. "For most people, very little bad comes from drinking it, but a lot of good."


Consider this: At least six studies indicate that people who drink coffee on a regular basis are up to 80% less likely to develop Parkinson's, with three showing the more they drink, the lower the risk. Other research shows that compared to not drinking coffee, at least two cups daily can translate to a 25% reduced risk of colon cancer, an 80% drop in liver cirrhosis risk, and nearly half the risk of gallstones.


Coffee even offsets some of the damage caused by other vices, some research indicates. "People who smoke and are heavy drinkers have less heart disease and liver damage when they regularly consume large amounts of coffee compared to those who don't," says DePaulis.


There's also some evidence that coffee may help manage asthma and even control attacks when medication is unavailable, stop a headache, boost mood, and even prevent cavities.

(from the article: http://content.health.msn.com/content/article/80/96454.htm

(sorry to go so far OT, but hey--any good news for coffee drinkers is worth sharing! )

 

[MICKEY88]

Originally posted by BedKnobbery2
Actually, most recent studies have shown coffee has more health benefits than detriments:

In recent decades, some 19,000 studies have been done examining coffee's impact on health. And for the most part, their results are as pleasing as a gulp of freshly brewed Breakfast Blend for the 108 million Americans who routinely enjoy this traditionally morning -- and increasingly daylong -- ritual. In practical terms, regular coffee drinkers include the majority of U.S. adults and a growing number of children.


"Overall, the research shows that coffee is far more healthful than it is harmful," says Tomas DePaulis, PhD, research scientist at Vanderbilt University's Institute for Coffee Studies, which conducts its own medical research and tracks coffee studies from around the world. "For most people, very little bad comes from drinking it, but a lot of good."






Consider this: At least six studies indicate that people who drink coffee on a regular basis are up to 80% less likely to develop Parkinson's, with three showing the more they drink, the lower the risk. Other research shows that compared to not drinking coffee, at least two cups daily can translate to a 25% reduced risk of colon cancer, an 80% drop in liver cirrhosis risk, and nearly half the risk of gallstones.


Coffee even offsets some of the damage caused by other vices, some research indicates. "People who smoke and are heavy drinkers have less heart disease and liver damage when they regularly consume large amounts of coffee compared to those who don't," says DePaulis.


There's also some evidence that coffee may help manage asthma and even control attacks when medication is unavailable, stop a headache, boost mood, and even prevent cavities.

(from the article: http://content.health.msn.com/content/article/80/96454.htm

(sorry to go so far OT, but hey--any good news for coffee drinkers is worth sharing! )

more recent study..
Caffeine May Hamper Blood Sugar Control

Caffeine at Mealtime May Cause Problems for People With Type 2 Diabetes

By Jennifer Warner
WebMD Medical News Reviewed By Brunilda Nazario, MD
on Monday, July 26, 2004


More From WebMD


Tasty Tips for Eating Well With Diabetes

Latest Diabetes News, Right to Your Inbox

Like This Article? Email It to a Friend




July 26, 2004 -- Caffeine may cause problems with blood sugar control after meals for people with type 2 diabetes, according to a new study.


Although more research is needed to confirm these results, researchers say their findings show that people with diabetes who have problems with glucose and insulin control should consider cutting back on caffeine in their diets.


The study showed that after a large dose of caffeine, blood glucose and insulin levels surge in response after meals in people with type 2 diabetes.

 

[LadyBears]

You should have told the parents it was DECAF!!


Seriously, don't worry about it. If that is the worst that is happening to her - a 15 year old being OFFERED coffee, they should be thrilled. There are worse things to worry about in this day & age - such as a few years ago, my SD was invited to a baby shower - for her 13 y/o classmate!

They should be happy she told them about the "coffee incident". That means they have good communication. After this, they would be extremely lucky if this kid ever told them anything about her life at all!! Then again, after this incident with your DD, that girl will be lucky if any of her friends "hang out" with her again. All the other girls (& boys if they find out) would be afraid that they would get repremanded for offering her ketchup for her fries.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

Ketchup for her fries?!? Oh, the HORROR! ROFLMAO!

 

[auntpolly]

My DD had a friend whose mom and dad were very nice people but, in my opinion, overprotective. That's my opinion - but it is none of my business. Everyone has a right to make these decisions about their children. But she was always calling me and complaining about things that DD was allowed to do -- for instance, her DD , I'll call her Kara, was the only kid in their group who was never allowed to see an R rated movie until she was 18. So, Kara started buying tickets to G rated movies and going to see the R rated ones with the rest of the kids. Somehow this was my fault and the fault of the other parents who were too "permissive", according to her. She said we were making it harder for her to raise her kids. Finally I told her, "I respect every decision you make for Kara but don't ask me to change the way I raise my DD to make things easier for you!"

At your friend's daughter's age it is going to be up to her to accept her parent's wishes or rebel -- what you do in your own home with your own kids will not have anything to do with that.

 

[SnoWhiteRabbit]

Originally posted by BuzznBelle'smom
Ketchup for her fries?!? Oh, the HORROR! ROFLMAO!

Isn't ketchup a vegetable? (according to a favortie Reagan quote of mine....)

 

[SnoWhiteRabbit]

Sounds like an over-reaction to me!

Sure we can all argue that caffeine should be avoided, all things in moderation, etc. but it is not completely unreasonable for something with caffeine to be offered to a 15 year old.

And a once in awhile offer should not cause heart problems or addictions...at least in almost all cases.

It is also not *completely* unreasonable for the parents to prefer their child to not have caffeine. But, if they wish for their child to avoid caffeine, they need to express those wishes to anyone who is given an opportunity to be responsible for her. A simple, will you be serving anything with caffeine or sugar? would do. And then the parent could choose whether or not their DD or DS should attend or BYO or whatever.

Of course being overly protective can have draw backs down the road (the rebellions mentioned...). Not being protective enough has other draw backs, which most of us are also aware of....balance, balance, balance....

Honestly, whatever parents wish to protect their children from, they should protect their children from...(Me, I make sure there isn't any guns where my children play - must admit I've been a bit lax on checking the premises for caffeine even though we do avoid it at home). What kind of parents would we be if we didn't protect our children what we believe (rightly or wrongly) is dangerous!?

As for the teen telling her parents, sounds like an unstable household. IF this is the environment in which she was raised for 15 years, how can you judge or blame her for her actions?! SHe's lived with kooky people for 15 years -- she may do some kooky things herself.

My statement about the parents over reacting isn't so much about whether or not caffeine is ok - it's about the fact that they could have and should have inquired in advance if it's something they feel strongly about and it's about that fact that they could use this as a learning opportunity with their DD to reinforce their believes, rather than throw a fit over it.

Oh well. Sounded like a fun sleepover to me. My DD5 loves to bake and I'm sure she would do it at all hours if I let her (she is a tad bit young to bake all through the night, but I sometimes do!) And my DD 3 loves coffee. I mostly drink decaf so I share. When I do have regular, I don't share...so she asks, in her 3 year old voice, "Is it decaf?" Too cute.

Hope my DDs have fun get togethers like this at my home with their friends when they are older!