My DD9 Has a "Date"!?!

[ThunderMTexpert]

i don't think hunky football player meant to offend you, mom. i'm sure he just thought your daughter was a nice girl, who didn't make him feel "icky" at school.
it's just like a sock hop type thing. we used to have "skating" parties/dances at my elementary school.. i remember going as young as 2nd grade. it's not a big deal. it's not like going to a high school dance, where to boys are just trying to get in your pants.
if it makes you feel more comfortable, encourage her to go to the dance with a bunch of girl-friends, and if she decides to dance with a boy, (you know they will be an arms length away from each other.. because of the faculty supervision and they'll be nervous, of course!!) let her know how much you trust her. remind her that she doesn't HAVE to accept the invitation from football boy, or an invitation to dance with ANYONE, if she doesn't want to, as long as she is nice in her decline.
i have zero children, but honestly would do this for my daughter- or son- in this situation. i'd tell my daughter, "you are a nice girl going into this, i expect you to be just as respectful coming out of this," or bam, no more dances for you.
every parent is different, and everyone feels differently about this subject. the important part is, you raised a sweet daughter.

good luck!

 

[sdarwkcabemanmy]

I realize I'm as old as dirt but this is what dating was like when I was 15, not 5th grade! I just don't want my girls kissing boys when they're 10.

And you have every right to feel that way and I respect your opinion. I just believe that, as long as they are well supervised and know the rules up front that 'dating' when you're in the 4th/5th grade is really not that big a deal.

 

[dislal]

My DD14 and DD11 have never been out with a boy in any form (school dance or anything like that) They can ask when they are 16 and I will have to meet the boy first, and yes DH and I will both be cleaning our guns on that night.

I'm sorry I see parents in my DD11 grade actually encouraging the kids to like each other and I don't agree with it at all.

 

[Vijoge]

DH and I will both be cleaning our guns on that night.

I don't think guns are necessary-just a little common sense.

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

That seems so young! Our school did not start dances until 7th grade when I was in school. Now they have one 6th grade dance/ party. It's more games and snacks with background music. I just can't fathom letting my DD go to a dance in 2 years (she's 7 now). They grow up too fast the way it is...

 

[EMom]

I don't think guns are necessary-just a little common sense.

Never underestimate the effect on a boy of a well stocked gun rack decorating the living room wall. (Anyone who grew up in Texas and is of a certain age can appreciate this.) Seriously, the fact that boys lived in mortal fear of my father kept many of them very "respectful" of me when faced with temptation......They flat out said so. Thanks, Daddy.

 

[Vijoge]

Never underestimate the effect on a boy of a well stocked gun rack decorating the living room wall. (Anyone who grew up in Texas and is of a certain age can appreciate this.) Seriously, the fact that boys lived in mortal fear of my father kept many of them very "respectful" of me when faced with temptation......They flat out said so. Thanks, Daddy.

LOL I'm not worried about my DGDs being disrespected by their dates because they ain't goin'. Even if their Papa is armed and dangerous I still refuse to let them date when they're 10! I don't think it's harmless and I don't think it's cute. I accept that others see it differently but that's the way we're flying here.

 

[EMom]

LOL I'm not worried about my DGDs being disrespected by their dates because they ain't goin'. Even if their Papa is armed and dangerous I still refuse to let them date when they're 10! I don't think it's harmless and I don't think it's cute. I accept that others see it differently but that's the way we're flying here.

Heck no, I'm with you on the, "It just ain't that cute" bit. Troubling, yes. Cute, no. The day I realized half the girls in my DD's 2nd grade class were wearing bras was one sobering day for me. And let me say, they were flat as pancakes and had NO reason to wear bras, especially the creepy underwire mini-Victoria's Secret looking ones. Yet, some parents think THOSE are cute. I guess thongs were what Santa left in their Christmas stockings that year.

 

[Amy&Dan]

I think the school is insane to have a "sweetheart" dance. They should know better. Our elementary school used to have a sock hop type thing. 1950's type theme, very fun. It was also made very clear, there were no "dates" allowed. It was just a bunch of kids and their parents having fun with a deejay.

I wouldn't allow my dd to date at age 9. I don't care if I was there and her dad as well, I wouldn't allow it. Even though its probably harmless to me fostering the idea of dating at such a young age is sending the wrong message. JMHO.

 

[Pixie Dust for Me!]

I guess thongs were what Santa left in their Christmas stockings that year.

 

[Buckalew11]

If you are dating at 9, what are you doing at 15? 18? That's my way of looking at it.

My DD liked a boy who LOVED her last year (8th grade). His mom says to me, "I hate that they like each other now because chances are it won't last! They probably won't get married!". Huh?! I thought I might need smelling salts.

 

[Colleen27]

Am I the only one who doesn't think this is a problem? They are in 4th and 5th grade. At that age 'dating' means you hang out on the playground together, MAYBE holding hands and MAYBE getting a kiss if you are VERY lucky. If you have phenomenal luck, your new 'boyfriend' might take you on a 'date' to McDonald's.

I think that 'dating' at that age is very cute and as long as they are well supervised (which it sounds like they will be) there shouldn't be any issues about it.

BUT..that's just me. YMMV.

You aren't the only one. I think it is harmless, and I wonder how old all the "this didn't go on when WE were that age" posters are. It certainly went on when I was that age, and I'm staring down the barrel of 30.

Our school doesn't host dances until 8th grade, but my 4th grade DS had a classmate ask him to go to winter carnival (school fundraiser) with her. At this age, that means they'll meet there, play a couple of games together while both sets of parents watch, and then go their separate ways. That's a pretty harmless, well-supervised baby step into male-female interaction IMO, and I don't see any reason to discourage it.

 

[Pixie Dust for Me!]

Well then, I guess I'm "old" at 41 !

Did I like boys when I was in fourth grade? Yep. Did I date them? No!

I didn't even meet (as in a pre-arranged thing at a party or similar event) a boy at a function until I was in 7th grade for handholding while ice skating. My first "official" boy/girl date was in 9th grade...and even then it was a triple date since I wasn't permitted to one on one date until 10th grade!

I don't consider myself old fashioned (or old for that matter), but I do think that encouraging children to pair off when they are 8 / 9/ or 10 years old is waaaaayyyy too young.

Just my $.02.

 

[mumom95]

OP again...

The school directory. Everyone is listed.

And, again, I just want to clarify...This is a school sponsored event, hosted by the boy and girl scouts as a "family dance". The whole family attends and dances...even pre schoolers. I think that this little 5th grade Romeo is the only one trying to turn it into a "date night".

OP, it sounds like this is just a family even where there will be music playing so people can dance if they want to and it has the name sweethart dance because of its proximity to Valentines day. And it does sound like the little boy is the only one turning this into date night. Your family should go and have a good time. If it makes you feel better, have a talk with your dd and set the rule that the only boy she may dance with is dad.

This might be an opening for a good talk between you and your daughter about how boys and girls start liking each other. I'm not talking the birds and bees kind of talk, but an honest, innocent talk about how people can develop feelings for each other. Open up those lines of communications now and make it seem natural, so that when she is 15, 16 and 17 and really dates, she will know she can come talk to you.

Good luck. I have a 9 year old son and an almost 8 year old daughter. I remember when my daughter came home this year and said that little Johnny "like, likes" her, I almost fell out of my chair. We had a talk about how right now having friends is what is most important. My dh was about to rush out to Home Depot to buy a deadbolt to lock her in her bedroom though.

 

[KNJ Mom]

I was just reading this thread and shaking my head. I must say that I am amazed at how many little ones are soooo into the dating and growing up too early. Our youngest is 12 and came home lamenting the other day that one of his buddies has a girlfriend now so he can't eat lunch or play on recess with them anymore or she gets mad and pouts. His buddy doesn't like it either but he doesn't know how to get her to leave him alone. My son told him to just start talking about Star Trek or World of Warcraft and her eyes would glaze over and she would break up with him. He told me that this works for him every time one of the girls starts asking him to be her boyfriend. The sad thing is some of the kids parents are just thrilled that their kids are "popular" and actually encourage them to go out on dates to movies etc. What happened to letting children be children and not trying to relive your childhood / teen years through your child. JMHO

 

[teacups]

Havent read all the posts... but my opinion is: careful what you encourage at a young age. Let kids be kids, and dont worry about what other parents are doing. Those other parents could end up with real problems in their futures. Take your 4th grader out for ice cream and a movie that night.

 

[aprilgail2]

Good luck. I have a 9 year old son and an almost 8 year old daughter. I remember when my daughter came home this year and said that little Johnny "like, likes" her, I almost fell out of my chair. We had a talk about how right now having friends is what is most important. My dh was about to rush out to Home Depot to buy a deadbolt to lock her in her bedroom though.

I will never forget one day when my daughter was in kindergarten- I was sitting at the computer and she climbs in the bed behind me and starts talking "I got my first kiss today"- I almost fell off my chair LOL. I tried to stay calm and said "oh yea? from who?" and then she says "me and Michael were sitting on the floor playing in school and he leaned across and kissed me on the nose."

 

[Buckalew11]

I will never forget one day when my daughter was in kindergarten- I was sitting at the computer and she climbs in the bed behind me and starts talking "I got my first kiss today"- I almost fell off my chair LOL. I tried to stay calm and said "oh yea? from who?" and then she says "me and Michael were sitting on the floor playing in school and he leaned across and kissed me on the nose."

Same thing happened my DD in K. She used to have some of that "perfume" that smelled like cotton candy and I think that's what sealed the deal, LOL. I'd go in to read to them and he'd always come over to me and say, "Hunter smells so gooood."

 

[dimimi]

My DD9 (4th grade) just received a phonecall from Mr. Hunky Football Player 5th Grade Dude With Highlights asking her to go to the "Sweetheart Dance" at their school next Friday night. I am working the refreshment table with the other girl scout moms and her dad is on hall monitor duty. She told him that she has a soccer game that night, but she'll meet him at the dance.

9 years old? 4th grade? Seriously???

I am so not ready for this.

Any advise or words of wisdom for me or her?

I haven't read the other responses...but here are my thoughts:

My son was 14...going into high school and wanted to go out with a girl, also 14, at the pool. Her father said: "My daughters to not date until 16."

Althought I thought this was excessive, dating at 14 meant you met at the pool...nine years old is young!

I would tell them they can meet at the dance and hang out, but 9 year olds do not date. I think the word "date" means more than going somewhere with a friend.

Who knows, the kids probably only want to hang out! I'll be the boy has older brothers or sisters...or parents who encouraged this.

 

[sdarwkcabemanmy]

You aren't the only one. I think it is harmless, and I wonder how old all the "this didn't go on when WE were that age" posters are. It certainly went on when I was that age, and I'm staring down the barrel of 30.
.

I turned 30 back in Sept.:

I guess I must have grown up in a more liberally-minded neighborhood because my parents/friends parents thought nothing of letting us "date" in the 5th or 6th grade if we wanted to.

Heck..we also rode for HOURS on our bikes without our parents knowing where we were. When I was in HS, I had to take my sister (who is a few years younger than I) around for trick or treating and we would stay gone for 3-4 hours. At night. In the dark. Nothing bad ever happened to us..unless you count being weirded out by that one guy who gave us an entire loaf of bread because he had run out of candy.