My DD9 Has a "Date"!?!

[Erin1700]

No way would my DH allow DD to meet a boy there.

 

[sdarwkcabemanmy]

Am I the only one who doesn't think this is a problem? They are in 4th and 5th grade. At that age 'dating' means you hang out on the playground together, MAYBE holding hands and MAYBE getting a kiss if you are VERY lucky. If you have phenomenal luck, your new 'boyfriend' might take you on a 'date' to McDonald's.

I think that 'dating' at that age is very cute and as long as they are well supervised (which it sounds like they will be) there shouldn't be any issues about it.

BUT..that's just me. YMMV.

 

[Zip-A-Dee-Lady]

^^ I don't think it's that big a deal either, TBH. I just never experienced that, nor do I have children, so I really wouldn't know either way.

 

[sdarwkcabemanmy]

I remember going on 'dates' at that age and I do have a DS, although he's only five. In all likelyhood, he's going to be growing up to be the Mr. 5th Grade Hunk. I have to practically beat the girls off with a stick now..I can't imagine how bad it'll be in a few years.

 

[monkey68]

I don't see what the big deal is. It's not like the kids can go anywhere without adults around, anyway. I went on "dates" like that when I was 9. Usually, it meant that his mom would take us out of school for lunch (my elem. school allowed it so long as you had a note). If we were really lucky, the mom would sit at the next table over and we would get a table to ourselves! The horror! And the closest I got to a kiss was a bunch of Hershey's Kisses on V-Day.

 

[barkley]

i'll admit up front that i am 'psycho' about this issue-but then i was 'the one' who dealt with the horrendous 'it will never happen' consequences through my career in social services (and saw it happen with my elementary classmates BACK IN THE EARLY 70's).

i have a huge issue with letting kids begin 'dating' (parent sanctioned-not just 'he's my boyfriend' by virtue of playing dodgeball together at recess) in elementary school (and middle school depending on the age).

unless you know what your child/the other child/the social environment they exist in considers 'dating' you may be setting them up for WAY more than you anticipate.

when i was a kid, 7th grade was the time many of the girls set for the absolute LATEST they could get a boyfriend. boyfriends by parental understanding/beliefs were those you held hands with, ate lunch with, met up with at the dance (parents drove separatly). THAT was NOT the social understanding among the kids. boyfriends were the guys that you 'necked' with (even if you did'nt want to-it was expected-you were titled a 'tease' or a 'baby' if you did'nt) such that by the time you hit your freshman year of high school if you were still with them (even if you only hooked up the last few months of 8th grade) you would be consumating your relationship (if you were'nt with the same guy but had 'dated' in jr. high the expectation was that you'de move to that end allot faster-you were 'experienced' or 'broken in' ).

working in social services in the 90's and this decade i encountered WAY TOO MANY pregnant 12 and 13 year olds whose parents were aghast that their dd was pregnant ("how can she be? she's never had her first period-i never told her about the facts of life cuz i was waiting till she got her first period"). well-a girl's first period just means she did'nt get pregnant the first time she ovulated-if she was having sex before that first time then unprotectected the odds are she was going to get pregnant. it was very telling to me-the bulk of the girls i encountered in this situation began 'play dating' (parents taking 9/10 year old girls to a 'kids movie' to sit in a separate row with an 11/12 year old boy-IN THE MIDST OF PUBERTY- 'just holding hands' (well, momma could'nt see what was happening below her line of vision ). the little girls who were holding hand (and other things) at 9/10 did'nt consider it out of line to go a little bit further at 10/11-and all the way by 11/12 the boys were often caving to the peer pressure of their older sibs/friends-the girls were far to immature to reccognize they were WAY to young to be doing what they were doing (and uneducated in sex they believed it when a boy told them they could'nt get pregnant if they had'nt had a period yet-that it was the way a girls 'showed' a guy she loved him, that 'everyone else does it-you're just a baby if you don't').

i am due to have my 30th high school class reunion this year-it is PATHETIC how many of my classmates have listed on the reunion website children who were born to them in EARLY junior high (and i did not grow up in an uneducated/neglected child area which some might point to as a cause-it was a very wealthy area with a population of parents who fearing being labled as 'uncool' by their kid, not only permitting very early 'dating' but encouraging it).

my dd is 14 and dating is a frequent topic. my dh and i have set the guide line for her and her db (just shy of 12) that no dating until highschool and only then if they demonstrate maturity sufficent to make appropriate decisions fully aware of the life long consequences.

 

[BuffettFan]

I think that this little 5th grade Romeo is the only one trying to turn it into a "date night".

Thats the reason that I would say no.
All the other kids are going to a "family" sweetheart dance...I wouldnt want my daughter to be seen as the only girl there for "date night".

Personally, I think its CRAZY that the scouts came up with the Sweetheart theme, and that the school approved it.

Thankfully when my children were in elementary school the "Valentine's Dance" was ALWAYS a father/daughter dance.

Gosh I miss those days !!!

 

[MomofCKJ]

I haven't read the replies but I would not be letting her go if it were my DD. IMO there is plenty of time for dating once kids are older. Elementary school is too young I think to be thinking about that.

Allyson

 

[Justanopinion]

I don't see a problem with it, it's a family dance. I would take this opportunity to teach DD what is expected of a "date". Since you will be meeting him there you can't teach her that he must come to the door but you can teach other things. It opens up the communication and what she should look for in a real man. KWIM?
She may just decide herself that she isn't ready for dating.

 

[JennaTX]

OP again...

The school directory. Everyone is listed.

And, again, I just want to clarify...This is a school sponsored event, hosted by the boy and girl scouts as a "family dance". The whole family attends and dances...even pre schoolers. I think that this little 5th grade Romeo is the only one trying to turn it into a "date night".

Our Girl Scout Troop does a father/daughter dance.

No way would they support a "sweetheart" dance in elementary school. And our Boy Scouts would not support them turning something into a "date night".

If you are happy with it, then don't worry about what other people say.

 

[LisaMommy]

The school nearby (my children don't go there) has two dances every year. One for the younger kids and one for the older. The older kids' dance goes a little bit later. The kids go, meet up with their friends, and huddle together in groups with their friends the entire night. I have no problem with that, I think it's cute and they enjoy dancing with their friends. But something billed as a "sweetheart" dance I would oppose to.

 

[mamamary]

Way too young to be invited by a boy to a dance. I would make my DD say no and explain to her clearly the reasons why.

I have two girls ages 9 and 12.

The school has general dances for the 5th and 6th graders. It has no theme and it's very laid back and fun with a DJ, a big screen TV and games and line dancing lessons etc.... If the school had a dance called Sweetheart or Valentine's dance, I would not let my girls go and I would put in a complaint. There should be no romantic themes at that age, IMHO.

I totally agree!

I help run a girl scout troop for my 9 (almost 10 year old) and I would never have something like this. The closest thing we do to this is the father/daughter dance once a year.

 

[aprilgail2]

Our school used to have a 5th grade dance- wel they had to stop it because the kids were calling other kids to ask them to be their dates and then of course many parents were taking it one step further and hiring limos for the night to take the kids to the school for the dance (everyone lives within 2 miles of the school!!) so they put a stop to that. Now they have a 5th grade bbq outside on the field with a DJ during school hours-no limos, no dating.

 

[Crystal0608]

I wouldn't have a problem with my dd being asked to a champeroned dance nor do I see anything wrong with the Sweetheart theme. Kinda reminds me of the little heart conversation candies... My dd doesn't like boys yet, but my ds has had a "girlfriend" sometimes "girlfriends" since preschool. In 2-3 years, if our school had dances, I could see him inviting a girl and it being completely innocent. He took hip hop dance (mostly all girls inc. dd) for 2 years, so he can dance/ has danced with girls.

 

[barkley]

My DD9 (4th grade) just received a phonecall from Mr. Hunky Football Player 5th Grade Dude With Highlights asking her to go to the "Sweetheart Dance" at their school next Friday night. I am working the refreshment table with the other girl scout moms and her dad is on hall monitor duty. She told him that she has a soccer game that night, but she'll meet him at the dance.

9 years old? 4th grade? Seriously???

I am so not ready for this.

Any advise or words of wisdom for me or her?

curious-do you have any idea how old 'mc hunky' is? reason i ask is, in reality while you may assume 'mc hunky' is at best a year older than her, he could be as much as 4 years older (so how do you feel about your 9 year old 'dating' a 12 or 13 year old?).

i always assumed the kids in my kid's grades were about the same age as mine-maybe 6 months to a year older/younger, but my son is in 5th and has classmates that range from age 10-13 years old. the older end has'nt nesc. been 'held back' in previous grades-they've lived in this state or others where people traditionaly don't start kids in school till age 7 or 8 (and from what the principal at our school sez-that's becoming more common. she used to get lots of calls from parents of 5/6 year olds asking if they could enroll kids which they could, but now parents esp. of boys seem to want to hang on to them and let them 'mature' in preschool/at home that year or so extra).

 

[eliza61]

A 4th and 5th grade dance? Too young. I think I'd decline and not set a precedence. JMHO, though.

Count me in on this also. My kids knew they were not allowed to "date" until 10th grade at the earliest. sorry I would nix this.

 

[paintnolish]

OP- Okay, not so bad since it is called a "family" dance. It kind of weirded me out if it was called a "sweetheart" dance. To me, that implies boyfriend/girlfriend unless it is specified as a father/daughter dance.

 

[Longsx3]

Am I the only one who doesn't think this is a problem? They are in 4th and 5th grade. At that age 'dating' means you hang out on the playground together, MAYBE holding hands and MAYBE getting a kiss if you are VERY lucky. If you have phenomenal luck, your new 'boyfriend' might take you on a 'date' to McDonald's.

I think that 'dating' at that age is very cute and as long as they are well supervised (which it sounds like they will be) there shouldn't be any issues about it.

BUT..that's just me. YMMV.

The above is the exact reason when my then 6th grade DD told me that I was being unfair in not letting her have a boyfriend that I gave for saying no. For her it was just in Theory, there was not a specific boy, but some of her friend were allowed.

I explained to her that when you have a "boyfriend" even in 6th grade if he last for more than a few days, then you would be expected to hold his hand, then at some point to kiss him. Would you want to kiss a boy? NO okay then you don't want a boyfriend. Rather than put an age restriction on the When can I have a boyfriend question? We have said she can have a boyfriend when she is ready for us to meet said boy, as well as his parents and she does the same. We have not been asked in over a year. I do realize at some point she will probably have a boyfriend at school, but for now she is going by what we have said.

Frankly, lets face it Kissing leads to feelings that I don't believe a 10-14 year old needs to deal with, not to mention touching etc. Also most are probably not aware what goes on in middle school but I have worked in 2 different (good) middle schools where oral s** is a problem. Kids don't see the same as S**. I just won't put my child in that situation.

 

[Vijoge]

At that age 'dating' means you hang out . . . . together, MAYBE holding hands and MAYBE getting a kiss if you are VERY lucky. If you have phenomenal luck, your new 'boyfriend' might take you on a 'date' to McDonald's.

I realize I'm as old as dirt but this is what dating was like when I was 15, not 5th grade! I just don't want my girls kissing boys when they're 10.

 

[Scurvy]

I realize I'm as old as dirt but this is what dating was like when I was 15, not 5th grade! I just don't want my girls kissing boys when they're 10.

I don't think I'm as old as dirt (though sometimes I feel like I am!) but that's what it was like for me at 16. I think dating should be a teen thing, not something for children.