My dd2 was called a BRAT today @Walmart:(

[luvmy3]

From the OP


She didn't walk up to the child and call her a brat. She first asked the OP to control her kid, then OP engaged her, then she called the kid a brat.

She did sound bratty to me but I would never say it unless it was grating on my last nerve and the mother was doing nothing to control the kid.

Oh, I didn't realize addressing the mother first, and the fact that the toddler may have been bratty makes it okay to call a toddler a name to their face. Sorry, in my world it takes a *special* kind to call a child a name, and the woman in the OP definitley fits the bill regardless of the circumstances.

 

[luvmy3]

Where;s the curse? Any word that can be used on broadcast television - and that one is, regularly - isn't a swear/curse. Frankly, in this instance, it appears to be the adult-applicable version of "brat".

Well, there's moset assuredly no inherent right for one person to distrub the peace of many. None of us goes looking for children -- or their parents -- to hate on(?); I'm sure the other shopper in this incident surely neither went looking, nore 'hated on' the child or the parent. Instead, the screeching seems to have been going on for more than just a few seconds; for whatever reason, the other customer was bothered by the noise. Maybe it was the constant, annoying screech; maybe it was the decibel level; could be any reason.

It's extremely likely that MANY customers were disturbed or annoyed, but only one chose to speak up.

Respectfully, why not? What, exactly, is holding the parent in the store? Why can the parent not remove the child to the car where only the parent will be disturbed, or at least off to the side out in the open where the noise will dissipate?

If you don't consider the word for a female dog a curse, would you let your child go around calling people that?

As far as your question to me, I think its been answered in the thread somewhere so i won't go into detail. All I'll say is that everyone has a different situation and just because you may be able to leave the store doesn't mean everyone can, surely you can respect that?

 

[ols386]

Oh, I didn't realize addressing the mother first, and the fact that the toddler may have been bratty makes it okay to call a toddler a name to their face. Sorry, in my world it takes a *special* kind to call a child a name, and the woman in the OP definitley fits the bill regardless of the circumstances.

I so agree with you.

I can't even imagine going up to someone in a public place and even saying a word to them about their crying or screeching child. Not my place to do that. The noise may annoy me, but I think I have more important things to be concerned with in my life, than to go up to a perfect stranger and say something to them, let alone call their child a name.

I am amazed by the mean and insensitive attitudes expressed by some on this thread, toward the op.

 

[Aisling]

It's your type of hate and prejudice that lets postings like these show peoples true colors. Try to have a nice day.

OMG lady, it was a JOKE!

And no, I didn't put a winkie smilie, which brought out YOUR true colors, accusing me of "hate and prejudice". But instead of getting all bent out of shape, as you did, I'll just it off. Life is much simpler that way and better for people's blood pressure.

 

[Aisling]

You really believe this? I saw your update and I am glad it was a joke. Next time throw a smilie after and we will all be in on your joke.

THANK YOU for asking before pulling out the shotgun!

 

[Aisling]

This thread is still going?

Has anyone said anything new and enlightening over the night?

I did!

 

[DizBelle]

1 - Maybe the lady didn't go to the toddler and say "you're a brat!" right to her face but rather said it, kind of to the side, as she was leaving the situation.

2 - Maybe the lady wasn't calling the child a brat but rather calling the mother a brat for her behavior.

3 - Unaddressed misbehavior is NEVER acceptable ANYWHERE. Just because it's Wal-Mart doesn't mean "acting a fool" is acceptable.

 

[ols386]

1 - Maybe the lady didn't go to the toddler and say "you're a brat!" right to her face but rather said it, kind of to the side, as she was leaving the situation.

2 - Maybe the lady wasn't calling the child a brat but rather calling the mother a brat for her behavior.

3 - Unaddressed misbehavior is NEVER acceptable ANYWHERE. Just because it's Wal-Mart doesn't mean "acting a fool" is acceptable.

But who's to address it? You....me....who? I certainly don't think it's up to me to confront a perfect stranger, in a public setting, and tell them they are mis-behaving. For all I know, this person who is supposedly mis-behaving, may have mental or emotional issues.....I have no way of knowing how they might react.

I guess if someone has a real problem with another's behavior in a store, maybe the best thing to do is advise someone in a management position, and let them deal with it.

 

[luvmy3]

1 - Maybe the lady didn't go to the toddler and say "you're a brat!" right to her face but rather said it, kind of to the side, as she was leaving the situation.

2 - Maybe the lady wasn't calling the child a brat but rather calling the mother a brat for her behavior.

3 - Unaddressed misbehavior is NEVER acceptable ANYWHERE. Just because it's Wal-Mart doesn't mean "acting a fool" is acceptable.

I can't believe the people here defend the woman's behavior and in the same breath talk about how the toddler and mother were misbehaving.
I'll keep my opinion to myself of what I think about those of you that are, I'll just say the hypocrisy is astounding

 

[surfgirl]

I'll just say the hypocrisy is astounding

Which hypocrisy is that ? The one where the OP was condescending about the woman since the older lady was in an ECV and the OP said, "I didn't complain about her clothing choices ?" (or something to that effect)

The one where the OP engaged her by giving her 'tude back ? ("excuse me ")

The whole situation could have easily been dissolved with a "I'm sorry. I'm having a bad day. I'm really frustrated, too. I apologize for letting my daughter screech. She is going through a phase and this is my first child of 5 who has ever done this. We're quickly finishing up and leaving."

She would have had the older lady on her side.

ymmv. but this is my story and I'm sticking with it : )

 

[KAMKIM]

The next time I am at a store and I see a mom with an out of control child, I am going to look at her, smile, and say "we've ALL been there."

 

[2girlsmom]

Seems to me that most folks here really do agree that the woman was out of line to say anything to the OP. I would agree that the woman should have stayed out of it, and if she felt she must do something, she should have contacted a store employee and allowed them to deal with it. The problem in this thread seems to be that those most supportive of the OP seem to think that no one can possibly truly believe the woman was in the wrong and also believe that the OP was in the wrong. And that's a faulty thought, because I too think that the OP was equally in the wrong. Sure I know that toddlers squeal just to hear their voices, and an occasional squeak I would not think anything of, even in a public indoor place like Walmart. Continuous shrieking? That's an entirely different situation, and one that if I saw happening AND THE MOTHER WAS DOING NOTHING TO QUIET THE CHILD, I would very likely do one of two things; 1) in a friendly tone attempt to quiet the child myself, or 2)contact the store manager regarding the noise level. Several folks seem to think that a Walmart is exempt from the normal social rules, but just because WAY too many people act badly and teach/allow their children to act badly is not a reason to excuse it! So basically you have a baby who is behaving in a normal manner (albeit one that SHOULD be taught not to do in public buildings), the mother who acted badly and the elderly woman who ALSO acted badly. IF the elderly woman started a thread talking about the rude mother with her shrieking child, I would tell her she was in the wrong too. I am NOT excusing the woman for calling the OP and her child names.

By the way, if I could afford to, I would happily stay at WDW all the time, my children were terrifically well behaved there! Of course, they were 7 and 9, and we built in breaks to rest and swim at the hotel, etc, because I don't expect anyone to handle things well if they are overtired, etc.

 

[ols386]

The whole situation could have easily been dissolved with a "I'm sorry. I'm having a bad day. I'm really frustrated, too. I apologize for letting my daughter screech. She is going through a phase and this is my first child of 5 who has ever done this. We're quickly finishing up and leaving."

She would have had the older lady on her side.

ymmv. but this is my story and I'm sticking with it : )

The other thing I was wondering about was, we don't really know what the actual attitude or tone was with the older woman asking the op to control her child.

If someone came up to me in a store, and politely asked me to control my child, I would probably respond in a positive manner, and apologize, and try to get the child under control, and if that didn't work, then take them to the car.

If someone came up to me, and asked me to control my child, and they were real nasty and crappy about it, I probably wouldn't repsond as politely; I would, however, still try to control the child, or else leave.

Me personally, I'd never approach a stranger in a public setting, and tell them to control the behavior of their child.

 

[luvmy3]

Which hypocrisy is that ? The one where the OP was condescending about the woman since the older lady was in an ECV and the OP said, "I didn't complain about her clothing choices ?" (or something to that effect)

The one where the OP engaged her by giving her 'tude back ? ("excuse me ")

The whole situation could have easily been dissolved with a "I'm sorry. I'm having a bad day. I'm really frustrated, too. I apologize for letting my daughter screech. She is going through a phase and this is my first child of 5 who has ever done this. We're quickly finishing up and leaving."

She would have had the older lady on her side.

ymmv. but this is my story and I'm sticking with it : )

Who approached who? The woman could have just as easily went up to the OP and said 'It looks like you are having a tough time, maybe you should ......" Yet she didn't, and there those here are defending what she did because they feel the OP's behavior was wrong.
The OP didn't go up to the woman and say "you're fashion sense is appauling and you need to dress differently because its ruining my shopping experience to have to look at you". So you chatize the OP for her condescending post on an internet message board, but what the woman actually said to the OP is okay
So far its, Rationalizig the woman's behavior score 0, Hypocrisy score 2. I could go on because I see more in this thread, but YMMV

 

[just4today]

Who approached who? The woman could have just as easily went up to the OP and said 'It looks like you are having a tough time, maybe you should ......" Yet she didn't, and there those here are defending what she did because they feel the OP's behavior was wrong.
The OP didn't go up to the woman and say "you're fashion sense is appauling and you need to dress differently because its ruining my shopping experience to have to look at you". So you chatize the OP for her condescending post on an internet message board, but what the woman actually said to the OP is okay
So far its, Rationalizig the woman's behavior score 0, Hypocrisy score 2. I could go on because I see more in this thread, but YMMV

I remember some people saying they would be silently applauding, but I don't recall people saying she (the ECV woman) was right to do what she did. I know this thread is 29 pages long, but I missed where people were defending the woman in the ECV. Could you point me back to the post numbers where that happened? Thanks.

 

[themilesfamily]

The next time I am at a store and I see a mom with an out of control child, I am going to look at her, smile, and say "we've ALL been there."

Yes! Thank you! Parenting is hard -- life is hard. I think it's always better to be kind and supportive to people when you can.

My DD who is 5 years old is WONDERFUL -- beautifully behaved. I could take her to a 5-star restaurant without worry, knowing that she would behave perfectly. She is sweet and kind has the patience of a saint.

When she was 2-years old -- totally different story. For reasons I still don't fully understand she would cry, scream, tantrum, etc. CONSTANTLY whenever we left the house. For that entire year we went virtually nowhere. My husband used to call me Boo Radley, (the guy from To Kill a Mockingbird who never left the house!) But the times I HAD to get something at the store and HAD to bring DD, it was a nightmare. She would cry nonstop. I had checkout ladies ask if she had a stomachache or was in pain.

Oh, the other lovely thing about DD was that the entire time she teethed she drooled excessively and her nose ran constantly, so not only did I have a screaming child at the store -- I had a screaming, drooling, snot-faced child.

I definitely got dirty looks, although no one ever said anything to me. If they had, I think I would have burst into tears on the spot. I was already feeling so awful about this dynamic and wondering what I was doing wrong. (And I'm telling you, I tried EVERYTHING -- treats, snacks, toys, pacifiers, a doctor visit to make sure she didn't have some weird medical condition, you name it.)

But I was SO thankful to the few people who took a moment to say something kind to me in a checkout line. Those kind words really meant a lot during that time.

When DD turned three years old, this behavior stopped. The better her speech got and the more she could communicate, the tantrums just went away. It wasn't anything I did or didn't do. She just grew out of that terrible-two stage.

I know my situation isn't necessarily the situation of the OP's, but I just think it's always best to be kind to people when you can. You never know their exact circumstances or exactly what they're dealing with.

 

[surfgirl]

but what the woman actually said to the OP is okay

I don't believe I ever said that. I'm sorry that you misunderstood my comments. I suggested an easy way to diffuse (sorry, not dissolve, my bad) the situation. Whether the older woman was confrontational to start with or just conversational. I don't think either handled the situation particularly well.

In fact, this is what I said earlier, "Having said all that, I agree with the, 'neither was 100% right in this situation'. "

I brought up the point that the OP was condescending since I think it gets to my opinion of how she handled (or could have handled the situation). I think to complain about someone using an ECV does not correlate to a screeching child.

We don't know the details of the situation... only what the OP tells us (or doesn't tell us). She doesn't tell us that she attempted to quiet the child or diffuse the situation. Instead, she came back and complained about the other woman's ECV. And that affects the situation or your behavior, how?

 

[joyjoy]

Who approached who? The woman could have just as easily went up to the OP and said 'It looks like you are having a tough time, maybe you should ......"

Oh, my GOD people. For the 10,000th time - the OP was NOT having a "tough time". Her kid was NOT fussy. Her kid was NOT having a meltdown. She said herself the child was screeching to hear herself screech. That's what has everyone who is chastising the OP is in a snit over..... The child was misbehaving and the mother was allowing it. This had absolutely nothing to do with typical 2 year old behavior. The kid was being annoying, probably knew she was being annoying, the mother found it annoying, and chose to do nothing.

Damn.

 

[wvjules]

Oh, my GOD people. For the 10,000th time - the OP was NOT having a "tough time". Her kid was NOT fussy. Her kid was NOT having a meltdown. She said herself the child was screeching to hear herself screech. That's what has everyone who is chastising the OP is in a snit over..... The child was misbehaving and the mother was allowing it. This had absolutely nothing to do with typical 2 year old behavior. The kid was being annoying, probably knew she was being annoying, the mother found it annoying, and chose to do nothing.

Damn.

A-freakin-men!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Scurvy]

Oh, my GOD people. For the 10,000th time - the OP was NOT having a "tough time". Her kid was NOT fussy. Her kid was NOT having a meltdown. She said herself the child was screeching to hear herself screech. That's what has everyone who is chastising the OP is in a snit over..... The child was misbehaving and the mother was allowing it. This had absolutely nothing to do with typical 2 year old behavior. The kid was being annoying, probably knew she was being annoying, the mother found it annoying, and chose to do nothing.

No, no. . . you must have missed the memo. (Which is okay, because I must have also.) We are apparently supposed to ignore what the OP actually said and just blindly post our outrage on behalf of overwhelmed parents everywhere. It doesn't matter that the OP wasn't one; we have to pretend that she was. And don't forget, the fact that the woman called her a name immediately negates anything that the OP was doing wrong. You can't think they were both wrong - it's an either/or decision! And remember to disregard what the other posters on this thread are saying - just accuse them of saying whatever you'd like to be disagreeing with, whether they really said it or not.