My DD got ANOTHER nasty, filthy letter in school (update #55)

[MELSMICE]

My DD, a 17 year old senior, texted me from school today telling me she got a very nasty letter from someone. She is on the Senior Class Board, is doing the senior class video & it was found by her co-chair in the video mailbox.

It was filthy beyond words calling her names & insinuating things that are disgusting. I could have never imagined how filthy it was until I read it. It was a one-page typed letter. She was told by the senior class advisor to take it to school resource officer. I also told her to get a copy.

We asked her who she ticked off & she said that she couldn't think of anyone or anything at first, but then the girl who found it reminded her that she danced with a guy at the Spring dance this past weekend that had recently broken up with a girl he had been dating for 5 years (since 8th grade). My DD said the guy danced with a few different girls & that she & him fast danced together - not slow danced.

Anyway, she said that she believes it might be the ex-girlfriend (Kelly) or a friend of hers, (Katie) who was a friend for many years of my DD's. It's a long story, but they really have grown apart. A few weeks ago I asked my DD about her (Katie) & she said that she has just been nasty & DD has decided to distance herself from the girl.

DH & I told DD not to say anything to anyone about the letter when asked & definitely not to incriminate anyone because we really have no idea who did it - just speculation. We told her if asked she is to say that she doesn't know who wrote it, it was turned over to the police & they are taking care of it - which it was & they are - & that is it!!

So, tonight she got a text from the ex-girlfriend (Kelly) saying she heard that DD received this nasty letter & she is so sorry to hear about it, the break-up between her & her boyfriend has been hard but DD did not deserve to have such things written about her & if she should find out who did it she would take care of it. She wanted to know what happened to the letter. DD told her it went to the police.

A few hours later she gets a text from another girl (Ali) stating that Katie called her & was acting "sketchy" about some letter DD got & wanting to know if Ali heard anything about it & did she know anything about DD giving the letter to the police. Ali had not heard anything about the letter but texted DD wondering why Katie was asking about it & to tell her that it was a very strange phone call.

We told DD to save all her texts, but still not to say anything at all when questioned by friends. We told her it's best to let the school officer handle it. We really don't know who did it for sure.

I'm not one to want to cause drama, start trouble or get anyone in trouble, but I told her that she should go to the school officer tomorrow & show him the texts. I'm kind of torn because I do hate drama & trouble, but I also feel that this was just so nasty (you have no idea how nasty this was) that whoever did it should be reprimanded. There wasn't really anything threatening in the letter - just that "Karma is a 'you know what' & you will get yours in the end." Oh, they did say they hope she gets raped & that they would stand by & laugh when it happened because that's what she deserves - nice, huh?

I feel bad for my DD but she's tough & will get over it. It did hurt her feelings very much today though.

 

[Minnie]

Oh, they did say they hope she gets raped & that they would stand by & laugh when it happened because that's what she deserves - nice, huh?

I was very suprised that this matter was turned over to the police until I read that sentence.... Wow what a crazy world we live in.... that this mess is over soon

 

[TheDisneyGirl02]

That really stinks that this is happening to your DD. I truly hope everything gets resolved very soon and they find out who did this and punish that person accordingly.

 

[minkydog]

i think you gave your daughter very good advice. She needs to lie low for now and let the police investigate. It sounds like your hunch may be right, but you can't do anything until she incriminates herself. And believe me, she will. She won't be able to stand it if your DD doesn't talk about it. People like that love to create drama, especially if they can turn it around so that THEY look good ("I really showed that *****. She won't mess with my BF again!") Tell your DD to bide her time...

 

[PixieTopaz]

How would that girl even know about it, unless she wrote it?

 

[disykat]

I think you're doing the right things. Saving everything give to those that are looking into it and keeping quiet is smart. I'm with you that the only good reply is "Thanks for your concern, it's been turned over to the school resource officer and they're taking care of it."

 

[MELSMICE]

i think you gave your daughter very good advice. She needs to lie low for now and let the police investigate. It sounds like your hunch may be right, but you can't do anything until she incriminates herself. And believe me, she will. She won't be able to stand it if your DD doesn't talk about it. People like that love to create drama, especially if they can turn it around so that THEY look good ("I really showed that *****. She won't mess with my BF again!") Tell your DD to bide her time...

That's pretty much what we told her. We said that her not saying anything will just make the letter writer even more upset & angry because it doesn't seem to bother my DD.

We told that eventually the truth as to who wrote it will come out.

 

[Redpepperflakes14]

i think you gave your daughter very good advice. She needs to lie low for now and let the police investigate. It sounds like your hunch may be right, but you can't do anything until she incriminates herself. And believe me, she will. She won't be able to stand it if your DD doesn't talk about it. People like that love to create drama, especially if they can turn it around so that THEY look good ("I really showed that *****. She won't mess with my BF again!") Tell your DD to bide her time...

Yup. It will eat the offender alive if nobody talks about it, then she'll trip up and out herself.

How would that girl even know about it, unless she wrote it?

I wondered this too, and how coincidental she sends a text to OP's DD the day the incident happened.

 

[buckler]

There wasn't really anything threatening in the letter - just that "Karma is a 'you know what' & you will get yours in the end." Oh, they did say they hope she gets raped & that they would stand by & laugh when it happened because that's what she deserves - nice, huh?

I'd take this as threatening. While I hope it's all talk, I'd caution your DD to use the "buddy system" and be sure she is always with trusted friends and not alone, even while in the school building.

 

[sparklynails23]

Kelly's definitely fishing, but you don't know if it's for herself or her friend.

 

[MELSMICE]

Kelly's definitely fishing, but you don't know if it's for herself or her friend.

I agree.

I think Kelly was fishing by asking my DD questions & I believe the friend, Katie, was fishing when she called Ali. Considering teenagers don't make phone calls anymore, that in itself throws up a red flag!!!

When we got home last night I asked my DD's twin sister what she thought. She said as soon as she saw the letter she said to DD, "I bet Kelly & Katie did this."

We'll see what happens today.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I think you are handling it wisely. I bet the person(s) that wrote it will reveal themselves. They will continue to sweat about the police being involved and ask about it. The curiosity and fear will be their undoing.

I consider what was written a threat as a pp mentioned. You are doing the right thing.

 

[PatsGirl]

Wow, who raises young girls who say things like that? I know it happens (and alot more than we think) but it boggles my mind and I often wonder just what kind of parents they have

I'm not one to say "never" and it has definately come back to get me in the past but I can not imagine DD ever writing or saying something like that, or thinking it for that matterr.

 

[golfgal]

Wow, who raises young girls who say things like that? I know it happens (and alot more than we think) but it boggles my mind and I often wonder just what kind of parents they have

I'm not one to say "never" and it has definately come back to get me in the past but I can not imagine DD ever writing or saying something like that, or thinking it for that matterr.

Unfortunately a lot of people, yet they don't know they are doing it. When parents get so focused on making sure their child plays with the "right" kids, wears the "right" clothes, goes to the "right" preschool, looks the "right" way, you find that they raise shallow, insensitive kids yet parents are clueless because their child is "so popular" and has "so many friends" yet they never see what their child is like away from them. Not to stereotype but there are certain activities where you see behavior like this more often than not mainly because they tend to draw people that are more focused on the shallow aspects of life then others.

 

[MELSMICE]

Wow, who raises young girls who say things like that? I know it happens (and alot more than we think) but it boggles my mind and I often wonder just what kind of parents they have

I'm not one to say "never" and it has definately come back to get me in the past but I can not imagine DD ever writing or saying something like that, or thinking it for that matterr.

Unfortunately a lot of people, yet they don't know they are doing it. When parents get so focused on making sure their child plays with the "right" kids, wears the "right" clothes, goes to the "right" preschool, looks the "right" way, you find that they raise shallow, insensitive kids yet parents are clueless because their child is "so popular" and has "so many friends" yet they never see what their child is like away from them. Not to stereotype but there are certain activities where you see behavior like this more often than not mainly because they tend to draw people that are more focused on the shallow aspects of life then others.

Exactly, golfgal.

If we're correct in our suspicions then the girl who actually wrote it can never do anything wrong - well, at least according to her parents.

This girl & my DD were the best of friends since first grade when we moved to this neighborhood. They did many things together - sleepovers, joined swim club together, dances, etc. They were great friends, but there was always an edge of "I'm better than you" from the child & "My kid is better than yours" from the parents. She could do no wrong. DD would come home & say, "Katie was so nasty to the kids on the swim team today but on the way home she told her mom that the girls were being mean to her & she started crying" Well, then the mom would console her DD & tell her how horrible it was that the kids were so mean to her. I'm sure you know the cycle. We always just told DD to be nice & keep her mouth closed - that things would take care of themselves.

Believe me - my DD is no angel. She has her shortcomings also, but I can't imagine she would write a letter like that to someone, regardless of how angry she is at them.

DH & I spoke about it again this morning. He said to just let it run it's course with the information they have. I agreed, but said that I think the officer should be shown the texts in order to continue to investigate. I told him that if if was one of our DD's that did this I would want to know so we could reprimand them as their parents. I would be appauled (sp?) knowing that my DD did that to someone.

Before bed I gave DD a big hug, told her I loved her & that everything would be OK. I jokingly said, "I don't believe those things about you anyway". She laughed & I asked if she was alright. She said, "I'd just like to find out who wrote it." It's so difficult to see your kids get hurt & slandered.

 

[java]

Oh that makes me so sad. I am so sorry for your daughter and so sad that someone thought that was a good idea. To send such a letter. I too was thinking it didn't sound too bad until you put the last line
"they hope she gets raped & that they would stand by & laugh when it happened because that's what she deserves "
That just is sick. And clearly they don't know what rape is really like. Some people are just evil and others are just stupid. I am hoping the girls that wrote it were just stupid.
I think everything you did sounds spot on. hugs to your daughter.

 

[Buckalew11]

I think you are handling it well.

As for the comment about girls doing this type thing, this is what we encountered in 8th grade christian school. And, of course, the most offending girl had the wool pulled over everyone's eyes. The school administrator did believe us but I know it was hard for him even.
This type thing is so darned common. And the kids are so sneaky about it all. ugh.

Good luck to your dd.

 

[golfgal]

I think you are handling it well.

As for the comment about girls doing this type thing, this is what we encountered in 8th grade christian school. And, of course, the most offending girl had the wool pulled over everyone's eyes. The school administrator did believe us but I know it was hard for him even.
This type thing is so darned common. And the kids are so sneaky about it all. ugh.

Good luck to your dd.

Which is why it is so hard for schools to do anything.

 

[Jennasis]

Well at least two other people know about the letter...the senior class adviser who foudn it in the mailbox and told DD to go to the resource officer and the co-chair of the senior class board.

I'm not saying they could have written the letter, but that could be how word of it has leaked out. There is no doubt that the letter was written by Kelly Katie. Since they aren't friends of your DD anymore, they have ZERO reason to contact her asking about the mystery letter, or anybody else. You would be wise to alert the investigating officer about your suspicion and let them question the girls...maybe even take a set offinger prints to match against the letter.

And then you press charges for harassment.

 

[ccgirl]

My jaw just dropped reading this. I cannot believe anyone would wish that on someone else. Even if they "used" to be friends. It is so hard to watch your DD so troubled. Mine is in first grade and we already have the drama. I agree with the PP who stated that some parents are so wrapped up in making sure their child is the best and has the best that they forget to teach the "golden rule"....treat others how you want to be treated. To the OP, I hope you are able to get to the bottom of this. Keep us posted.