My Daughter Is Such A Brat...

[jrmasm]

This thread is not about her teen's past behavior. It is about the situation that was described in the OP. Based on the OP's description of that interaction, her assumptions are unfounded, even if the daughter had attitude.

Post #57 by the OP:

She does know that I am angry and upset with how she chose to handle it, and she did confirm that she knew very well that it was a Christmas gift for me. She also admitted to doing it purposely because "you people shouldn't put things in my closet"




Who is assuming what?

 

[sbell111]

Post #57 by the OP:

She does know that I am angry and upset with how she chose to handle it, and she did confirm that she knew very well that it was a Christmas gift for me. She also admitted to doing it purposely because "you people shouldn't put things in my closet"




Who is assuming what?

The OP and her husband are assuming that they can put things in their daughters closet without discussing it with her even though on previous occasions they asked her first.

 

[sbell111]

There should be NO assumption made that what is okay for a 10 - 12 year old is also okay for a 17 year old. That would be one HUGE mistake.

That's what gets me. In previous years, they asked before hiding things in her closet. Now that their daughter's older, they think that they no longer have to ask. That seems very backward, to me.

 

[DVCLiz]

I'm thinking that your memory of raising a 2yo is getting foggy.

My memory seems to be holding up pretty well, but thanks for the nasty comment.

It's very easy to parent a 2 year old because there's never any question about where the boundaries are. That doesn't mean 2 year olds are always easy to manage. It does mean the behaviors of a 2 year old are pretty clear and a parent should expect them. To have a 17 year old behave this way is much more unexpected and I think much more difficult to deal with.

It would be really hurtful if my daughter behaved the way the OP's did. They love to surprise me anyway so they would be much more likely to keep a secret if they discovered something, even if it had been hidden in their personal space.

 

[Robinrs]

Sorry this happened to you Faye. I have a 17yo DD also. I must say I'm surprised at the replies here: because she is 17, this is expected/excusable/OK? Not in my book. I agree with you--it sounds bratty, and selfish to me.

Rudeness is not a teenage trait, it's an ALLOWED trait.

 

[JaneBanks]

Whether or not her father should have put the bag in her closet (which I don't really see the big deal about), the daughter acted like brat. Plain and simple, she acted like a brat.

What kind of person would want to spoil a Christmas present for her parent? She wanted to hurt her mother. She wanted to see the disappointment on her mother's face. That is just down right mean and nasty. Sorry.

I'm sorry for you OP, teens can be mean and hopefully she will grow out of the "terrible teens" soon!

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Whether or not her father should have put the bag in her closet (which I don't really see the big deal about), the daughter acted like brat. Plain and simple, she acted like a brat.

What kind of person would want to spoil a Christmas present for her parent? She wanted to hurt her mother. She wanted to see the disappointment on her mother's face. That is just down right mean and nasty. Sorry.

I'm sorry for you OP, teens can be mean and hopefully she will grow out of the "terrible teens" soon!

Yes...This is the problem I have with the situation as well.

Maybe she WAS upset and angry that they went into her room...But she could have a had an ADULT conversation with them about it. She is about to BE an adult.

 

[TDC Nala]

I think you guys need to find a new place to hide gifts to each other.

I sort of see the point that 2 year olds don't do this sort of thing just to be snotty.

 

[jrmasm]

This thread is not about her teen's past behavior. It is about the situation that was described in the OP. Based on the OP's description of that interaction, her assumptions are unfounded, even if the daughter had attitude.

Yes, he went into her closet... period... Without her knowledge, permission, without her being present

'Close' isn't even a possibility here.
He did it.

He didn't go 'close' to her closet...
He went INTO her closet.

Then the OP daughter needs help is determining what is and isn't a big deal and what truly is an invasion of privacy and what level of privacy she can expect as a minor, living in her parents' home. Since putting presents in her closet is not a new 'tradition' she should not have been so annoyed.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Rudeness is not a teenage trait, it's an ALLOWED trait.

Oh snap...

 

[sbell111]

My memory seems to be holding up pretty well, but thanks for the nasty comment.

It's very easy to parent a 2 year old because there's never any question about where the boundaries are. That doesn't mean 2 year olds are always easy to manage. It does mean the behaviors of a 2 year old are pretty clear and a parent should expect them. To have a 17 year old behave this way is much more unexpected and I think much more difficult to deal with.

It would be really hurtful if my daughter behaved the way the OP's did. They love to surprise me anyway so they would be much more likely to keep a secret if they discovered something, even if it had been hidden in their personal space.

You seem to be making the argument that parenting a 2yo is easy because their behavior is predictable. I'm not seeing that, at all. Their behavior is COMPLETELY unpredictable. A 17yo, on the other hand is very predictable. You push them a bit, say by hiding something in their closet without asking them, and they push back rather directly.

 

[jrmasm]

The OP and her husband are assuming that they can put things in their daughters closet without discussing it with her even though on previous occasions they asked her first.

I understand what you are say now and I disagree with you 100%. Again, it's their home. They don't need to ask her anything.

 

[JaneBanks]

There should be NO assumption made that what is okay for a 10 - 12 year old is also okay for a 17 year old. That would be one HUGE mistake.

The daughter shouldn't assume that acting like a 10-12 year old is okay.

 

[Wishing on a star]

The daughter shouldn't assume that acting like a 10-12 year old is okay.

Ohhhh, I agree that the way she handled it was not okay.

But, the correct response is to look at the bigger issues, and not just come off publicly calling her a 'brat'.

As I had said, I do think it is clear that there needs to be a big re-evaluation of respect and personal space for ALL parties.

 

[luvmy3]

Rudeness is not a teenage trait, it's an ALLOWED trait.

Sometimes its a hormonal trait.

I certainly don't allow my teen to be rude, and she isn't however when the hormones kick in I barely recognize her, she is definitely not the child I raised

 

[Wishing on a star]

I understand what you are say now and I disagree with you 100%. Again, it's their home. They don't need to ask her anything.

WOW.....

What a complete and total disregard for a nearly adult person as a human being.

 

[DVCLiz]

You seem to be making the argument that parenting a 2yo is easy because their behavior is predictable. I'm not seeing that, at all. Their behavior is COMPLETELY unpredictable. A 17yo, on the other hand is very predictable. You push them a bit, say by hiding something in their closet without asking them, and they push back rather directly.

The point I am trying to make is that at age 17, most teenagers should have matured into an almost-young adult who could be expected to see a cookie jar hidden in their closet, think "Oh, Dad must have hidden this here as a surprise for Mom" and at the most gone and said, "Hey, Dad, how about finding another place to hide presents? I don't like you guys going in my closet." End of story.

The fact that occasionally a 17 year will will turn into something entirely different and cause a scene the OP described just because she is "pissed off" is what, to me, makes parenting teens unpredictable.

There is nothing in a 2 year old's arsenal that is that terribly difficult to manage. If you have really raised a child from birth to 18 and you still feel that two year olds are harder than teens, then you must have had a terribly difficult little one and you have my sympathies.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I so agree!!!

And, if the personal space thing has been an ongoing issue, and the parents are refusing to acknowledge or respect this, for the umpteenth time... yeah, I can see a hormonal teen reacting exactly the way the girl did!!

 

[jrmasm]

WOW.....

What a complete and total disregard for a nearly adult person as a human being.

 

[FayeW]

That's what gets me. In previous years, they asked before hiding things in her closet. Now that their daughter's older, they think that they no longer have to ask. That seems very backward, to me.

Wrong. He/we never asked permission, simply gave her the item(s) with a "hey, take this and hide it somewhere for your mother/father", OR put it there and told her at some point it was there. He just bought it on Tuesday, and she wasn't home when he came home with it. He put it in her closet and just forgot to mention it.

We have texted a couple of times this morning, and she has apologized, and said she did it because she was "still pissy" at me for something else and that's why she did it. She was being a brat, plain and simple.