My Daughter Is Such A Brat...

[FayeW]

I spotted an inexpensive cookie jar at the store the other day and decided against buying it, but told my husband about it after I came home. He went the next day and bought it, and hid it in our 17 yr old daughter's closet, to wrap later for a Christmas gift for me.

For reasons known only to her, our daughter just came into the kitchen and asked why it was in a bag in her closet, naming exactly what the item was. Now, she knew perfectly well it was a gift, as we have been hiding gifts for each other in our childrens' closets for years and she is well aware of it. I am certain she was reasonably sure that it was a gift for me. She was pissed off that her father put it in her room without discussing it with her (she was at work when he brought it home) so she purposely and intentionally ruined the surprise of the gift he had purchased for me.

FTR, I am not upset about knowing about the gift ahead of time. I was 100% sure when I told him about it that he would go and buy it, and really, how excited is somebody going to get about a $15 cookie jar? I am however really steamed that she intentionally ruined her father's surprise for me. It was one little add on gift that he knew I would like and I think that he is hurt that she would deliberately ruin his surprise.

I am pissed off with her for being such a brat, and if I am going to be really honest, my feelings are hurt too, because she did it purposely because she knew it was my gift.

It's stupid, it's just a little gift, but I am really just feeling sad because it just seemed so hateful.

 

[QVCshopper]

She is 17. It's a very hard age. I'm sure she's just annoyed that her father went in her room without asking first. Kids like their privacy at that age.

When I was 17, my mom would sneak and ready my diary. I was a really good kid, but I guess she was checking up on me... Oh, and I buy and wrap my own gifts, for what it's worth.

 

[jfulcer]

Mmmmm, sounds like a teenager.

 

[HannaBelle]

Vent away OP!!!

 

[RNMOM]

I feel both you and your husband should tell her how you feel. Trying not to be angry, however. I would do it separately and try to make her understand how disappointed you are.

 

[angwill]

17 year olds suck. When she moves out and you cry about how much you miss her remember the cookie jar Christmas. It will make it a little easier. lol

 

[dislaney]

Mmmmm, sounds like a teenager.

I have a few of those too!

 

[Buckalew11]

Sorry this happened to you Faye. I have a 17yo DD also. I must say I'm surprised at the replies here: because she is 17, this is expected/excusable/OK? Not in my book. I agree with you--it sounds bratty, and selfish to me.

 

[marsha123]

i would take one of her gifts that she is expecting and give it to charity

 

[castmember19]

I'd be pissed too. Yeah, she's 17 but I don't think it should just be brushed off as "well, she's a teenager."

Frankly 17 is old enough to know better. She's gonna be 18, almost an adult- no excuse for hateful behavior.

 

[angwill]

Sorry this happened to you Faye. I have a 17yo DD also. I must say I'm surprised at the replies here: because she is 17, this is expected/excusable/OK? Not in my book. I agree with you--it sounds bratty, and selfish to me.

I didn't see anyone reply with it being expected/excusable/ok. I see people saying that 17 year olds do these things and explaining why she might be doing what she is but not that it is ok.

 

[mamacatnv]

17 or not what she did was hurtful and she was hurtful intentionally. I would tell her just that.
I understand that teens are often mouthy and don't always think that what they say is even noted however she needs to know she hurt your feelings with her actions. I would not be angry or vindictive, I would not take away a gift but I would make sure she knew that what she did was not right and that it hurt.

 

[agnes!]

"Gee, I don't know why that bag with gift was in your closet, Sweet Teen, why don't you go ask your father and make sure you tell him you asked me first."
or
"Gee, last I checked this was your father's house too, I think he probably put it in there because he thought it would be nice to surprise me with it on Christmas morning."
or
"What exactly is your endgame here, Sweet Teen? Wanna get me upset? Wanna hurt my feelings? Wanna hurt your father's feelings? All because your father didn't ask your permission to hide a gift for me, his wife, in your closet? Oh, ok, just checking to make sure."
or
even nothing. Just look at her blankly and say nothing. Ask her if she's having a particularly bad day. When she says "No, not really" say "oh...ok." and go on with your day.

And talk to her later when you've had a chance to cool down, keep calm and especially no tears. "That was a pretty sucky thing to do, Sweet Teen, I hope it at least made *you* happy, because I've been awfully upset about it. I've already forgiven you for this and I'm going to try to forget about it. I suggest you do the same. And the next time you have an issue with your dad? I suggest you go directly to him, as if you're an adult and talk to him about it. Don't involve me and try to play me off against him, don't involve him and try to play him against me."

agnes!

 

[PaulaSB12]

I spotted an inexpensive cookie jar at the store the other day and decided against buying it, but told my husband about it after I came home. He went the next day and bought it, and hid it in our 17 yr old daughter's closet, to wrap later for a Christmas gift for me.

For reasons known only to her, our daughter just came into the kitchen and asked why it was in a bag in her closet, naming exactly what the item was. Now, she knew perfectly well it was a gift, as we have been hiding gifts for each other in our childrens' closets for years and she is well aware of it. I am certain she was reasonably sure that it was a gift for me. She was pissed off that her father put it in her room without discussing it with her (she was at work when he brought it home) so she purposely and intentionally ruined the surprise of the gift he had purchased for me.

FTR, I am not upset about knowing about the gift ahead of time. I was 100% sure when I told him about it that he would go and buy it, and really, how excited is somebody going to get about a $15 cookie jar? I am however really steamed that she intentionally ruined her father's surprise for me. It was one little add on gift that he knew I would like and I think that he is hurt that she would deliberately ruin his surprise.

I am pissed off with her for being such a brat, and if I am going to be really honest, my feelings are hurt too, because she did it purposely because she knew it was my gift.

It's stupid, it's just a little gift, but I am really just feeling sad because it just seemed so hateful.

her father put something in a bag in her room and she was supposed to know this was a gift! If her father didn't tell her it was one then its his fault not hers.

 

[mom2maggie]

Sorry, but I don't feel sorry for you. Im sure it has something to do with her being almost 18 years old and not having her privacy respected. Is there no where else in your house that you could hide presents other than snooping around in her closet (what she felt, I'm sure).

 

[Ceila]

her father put something in a bag in her room and she was supposed to know this was a gift! If her father didn't tell her it was one then its his fault not hers.

Did you read the whole op? They have been doing this for years, and the OP's daughter should have easily figured it out.

 

[CaliforniaDreamin]

her father put something in a bag in her room and she was supposed to know this was a gift! If her father didn't tell her it was one then its his fault not hers.

Nah. This sounds exactly like something a teenage girl would do. They can be pretty cruel. I know firsthand.

 

[kellyg403]

Nah. This sounds exactly like something a teenage girl would do. They can be pretty cruel. I know firsthand.

I agree, I was a teenage girl once myself. We can be pretty mean spirited if we think we 'owe' sombody. It most certainly is not an excuse for poor behavior on her part.

OP, once you have calmed down I think I would tell her so too. I probably would just come out and let her know that she was being intentionally hurtful to both her parents and how disappointed you are in her bratty selfish behavior and leave it at that. I don't know that at 17 there are punishments that will affect the outcome but letting a teen know your disappointment usually opens their eyes. They are old enough to 'get' it. I would also expect an apology.

It sucks to be a teen...sure. Sometimes it sucks to be their parents too. There have been a few times my teens have mistaken disappointment with me being angry. I learned a long time ago the best thing I could do is let them know that I was angry for about 2 minutes then just plain disappointed at the behavior they exhibited when I know they know better.

Kelly

 

[Tinijocaro]

Sorry this happened to you Faye. I have a 17yo DD also. I must say I'm surprised at the replies here: because she is 17, this is expected/excusable/OK? Not in my book. I agree with you--it sounds bratty, and selfish to me.

It is bratty and selfish, which is typical behavior of 17 year olds. Maybe even expected from the majority. Of course there are exceptions but I think most parents who have been through those years will agree that attitude sucks at this age.

 

[clarabelle]

I think it sounds typical
But still merits discussion
I would ask her about why she told you? and explain to her how you felt.

I think at that age my Mom had given up having any influence -but actually I think I still needed some guidance. Not on the brushing your teeth part -but on social interactions and dealing with emotion.