My daughter is being sent home for wearing a USA headband to school today!!!!

[MerryPoppins]

Tell her that your friends on the DIS are proud of her expression of patriotism. I think the whole situation was silly! What were they thinking? I'm glad she decided to stay at school for the rest of the day. Way to go, you guys!

 

[Breezy_Carol]

Take a deep breath, then ask Lauren what she wants to do. She is almost out on her own and it is her problem. I know how hard that is. I also have a DD who is a junior in high school.

We also have that same ban on hair bands. It makes no sense at all to me. I am certainly not in the know when it comes to "gang" attire, but my DD has long red hair and likes to tie it back different ways. I just don't understand why a hair band is not allowed, especially when you see what others are wearing.

 

[Maleficent2]

this is just not right....

but I agree with Breezy_Carol ask Lauren what she wants to do.

And go from there.

Good for her for not stepping down and taking off her headband.




Mal

 

[Val]

What your daughter did today was stand up for her rights. This is EXACTLY what today symbolizes. Remember those on Flight 93? They stood up and fought. Those at the Pentagon made a career of fighting for freedom. Same with those who fought valiantly to save individuals in the WTC. At today's WTC ceremony, the Mayor read the Gettysburg Address- what was true almost 150 years ago remains true today. Our new priest, who just arrived here from Nigeria, chastized us Americans in his first homily last Sunday. He reminded us that BECAUSE we live in a great country it is our responsiblity to stand up for civil rights. When we don't, we are as guilty as those that harm our rights. While standing up for the right to wear a headband in NO way is as powerful as overpowering hijackers or laying down one's life for one's country, it sets the "behavioral tone" for how one will behave later life.Your daughter represents what is great about this country- that we stand up and fight for freedom. My guess is that she will go on to do great things.

 

[TeresaNJ]

Well, when Lauren came home from school today the first thing she said was that she didn't want to talk about it, so I gave her some space. A little while after that she told me that when she first got to school, the asst. vp was standing in the hall and told Lauren that she had to take her headband off. Lauren said she told her no, that she wasn't going to take it off. Then she said a security guard came up to her and told her to take it off. She again refused. She said she went to homeroom and then got called down to the office, and then was told to call me to come get her. Apparently there is a rule in the handbook that states that no headbands can be worn, along with bobbie pins, hats, scarves, etc. I can't find her handbook, so I looked on the school's internet site to see if the dress code was posted there, but it wasn't. Lauren then told me not to worry about it, because now they are ALLOWED to wear headbands, or hairbands, whatever you want to call it. I still have not heard from the principal or superintendant. I realize that in light of the events of 9-11 this is trivial, but it still bothers me. I want to know WHY girls can't wear headbands. I know the little girls in grade school wear them. What on earth can the HS school board be thinking when they say HS girls can't wear headbands? Also, as I said, no one said a word to her for the past seven days about her headbands. I am totally confused, but I am not giving up until I get an answer from somebody. Especially when I know many girls wear them everyday. The other thing that bothers me is that the asst. vp told me a teacher reported Lauren, yet Lauren tells me the asst. vp came up to her in the hall and told her to take the headband off immediately upon Lauren entering the school. So is the vp lying? Why would she tell me a teacher reported Lauren? Obviously Lauren never even made it to her first class before she was called down to the office. And why all of a sudden is it okay to wear a headband? I don't know, all I know is that I'm glad Lauren didn't back down and take it off. Gee, I wonder if barrettes are okay. How about pony tail holders. I've got to get a hold of one of those handbooks! Initially I thought the reason they didn't want her to wear it is because it was made of fabric and knotted at the base of her neck, and maybe they thought it could be used as a weapon of some sort, like to strangle someone. So I asked the asst. vp if boys were allowed to wear belts to hold their pants up, and she said yes. I didn't understand the reasoning behind it then, and I don't understand it now. I was too upset at the time to delve into the reason, plus the asst. vp kept telling me the reason she had to take it off was because it was a rule in the handbook, and that was that. Hopefully, after I talk to the principal I'll get a concrete answer. I guess that will have to wait until tomorrow though.

 

[Serena]

I am very confused. I think they need to get their act together.

I'm proud of both of you.

 

[browneyes]

I wonder how the school boards come up with some of the silly rules they put into the dress code sometimes. They had at my kids' school that the kids had to keep their shirts tucked in. Evidentally whomever thought of that rule didn't have to watch 15-20 Pre-K or Kindergarteners! The teacher wouldn't be able to teach because of the constant reminders to tuck in their shirts. Then they HAD to wear belts to school. My kids didn't mind that part of the dress code. But to me, the belts could be a hazard, they could get caught on the playground equipment. I heard in the middle and high schools, if they didn't wear a belt, they put a piece of yarn through the loop holes instead.

How's your dd feeling now, Teresa?

 

[Disney Doll]

While I agree that the school was stupid to make an issue out of a USA headband being worn on September 11th, I think we all need to take a breath here for a minute.

This is junior high. This is a "different" sort of a day, and everyone's emotions are probably running a little high, including the school officials.They are human too, remember.

My suggestion to you would be to make an appointment to calmly discuss with the principal why it seemed that your daughter was singled out, especially since she had 2 other friends dressed the same way who, to the best of your knowledge, did not get into any trouble for their attire. You might want to point out that your daughter wears a head band very frequently to school in different colors to match her outfits, and it has never been an issue before, so why was today's headband any different? I think I'd stay away from negative media coverage of the school. If you want to submit a picture to your local paper of the girls in their outfits because they looked so cute and patriotic, then do so, but don't bring the school into it.

There is an opportunity to teach your daughter many lessons here in addition to the ones already mentioned.

 

[Kallison]

I would write a note to each and every one of her teachers with exactly the points you posted about her wearing a head band and some of the other inappropriate attire that girls get away with. I know exactly what you mean, I just started working in a middle school. Tell them you are addressing it to them all since you could not determine which teacher turned her in for such lunacy! I'm sure the gung ho teacher will think twice before doing something so stupid again. From what you described it seems pretty clear that they had a patriotic intent.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

<font color=navy>I read this earlier, but didn't want to comment right away. When I came back to give my spin on it, I saw that Disney Doll expressed the same thoughts that I have.

There is a good lesson to be had here. I don't think that trying to humiliate someone is the right way to handle any situation, and my opinion would be that going to the media to embarrass the school and its administration would be wrong. However, giving the media a picture of your dd and her frends with a nice editorial would be a great idea.

I commend Lauren for many things - she and her friends took the time to handcraft outfits to show their patriotism at school. In this day and age where so many youth spend their time in front of the computer/ tv, etc., these young ladies did something positive to share. If I had been told to take off the headband, I would have done it and felt embarrassed. Lauren stood up for what she felt was right. I think that took a lot of courage, and good for her. When things got to be too much for her, she went to her mother for help and advice - she could have done a number of things, but she turned to her mother, and I think you gave her good advice, Theresa - it gives us a glimpse of the relationship you have with your daughter.

Lauren will be faced with many situations, and this is one that will help her be strong the next time she has to deal with something that is unfair.

Although I understand your anger, I agree with Disney Doll that a calm meeting with the principal is in order. If there is an underlying reason why the vp/teacher singled her out, then maybe you can nip it in the bud, so that Lauren has a better relationship with that vp/teacher, or at least, a better understanding between you and your daughter and the school administration.

Good luck to you!

 

[vickyBaby]

I think that girls not being able to wear hair ornamentation is utterly ridiculous. I don't understand the ban. What will the headbands be filled with? Explosive?

What I do have a MAJOR issue with is a child defying the school authorities.

 

[supercarrie]

Originally posted by vickylan
I think that girls not being able to wear hair ornamentation is utterly ridiculous. I don't understand the ban. What will the headbands be filled with? Explosive?

What I do have a MAJOR issue with is a child defying the school authorities.

First I would just like to say that I think it is great that your DD put in so much effort to show her support today. And the school dress code rule is ridiculous (we have the same rule at my school.)

But...I agree with Vicky. Perhaps the situation would have been better handled if she had taken it off, but then had a calm, rational discussion with the actual principal (requested to speak with him at that moment) about the situation. I wasn't there, but I know that situations at my school, such as this, are often handled better when you discuss the situation instead of standing completely firm without hearing the other person (and in this case, the authority's) viewpoint. (I wasn't at the school with your DD, so maybe I am hearing the story wrong, though.)

 

[TeresaNJ]

I do agree that I should speak to the principal in a calm, matter of fact manner, which is what I am going to do. I think I reacted the way I did this morning because I was caught so off guard, and completely surprised that this would be an issue. As far as embarrassing the school board or the teachers involved I am less concerned with, as they had no problem embarrassing my daughter. I also don't agree with defying school authorities, but in this instance I'm glad my daughter did, especially since suddenly the rule on headbands has changed. I want my daughter to pick her battles, and I support this one she has chosen.

Maybe if the children who were molested by all those priests had chosen to defy their school authorities, namely the priests associated with those Catholic schools, perhaps so many children wouldn't have been molested. Just because someone is a teacher doesn't automatically make them right.

 

[Princess_Aurora]

First, give your daughter a big hug from me. I know what it's like to be singled out in school and it's not fun. I was sent home once for having pants that were TOO TIGHT once. They were a birthday present and it was my b-day and I wanted to wear them. I got sent to the principal's office and she couldn't even specificly point out where it said I couldn't wear those pants. I walked home in tears.

Second, I think you should let the media know. Every parent that has a child in that school should know what they did to your daughter. Maybe it will teach them a lesson on how not to single out one innocent person. The part that really makes me mad though is the fact that none of her friends got in trouble AND you said she wears head bands ALL THE TIME! If it's so illegal, why couldn't they have told her in kindergarten?!?!?!

 

[KProuty]

There is certainly a time for calm discussion. This wasn't one of them. And it certainly isn't a time to let bureaucratic organizations stifle patriotric sentiments in the student body. (They will get enough of that in college.) If you daughter has consistently worn headbands and has never been told to stop before, then this was NOT about head bands. It was about making a patriotic statement.

I commend your daughter for standing up to an adult. There are situations where it is not appropriate, and I trust your daughter knows when it is and when it is not. (It was entirely appropriate in this situation.) One of the first thing I teach my kids is that they don't ALWAYS have to behave adults. This kind of thinking -- blindly following what adults say, whether a teacher or a priest -- can get your kids abused. If you don't believe me, read Protecting the Gift which outlines EXACTLY how to give your kids a fighting chance against abuse.

If the administration does NOT apologize to your daughter over this, then she just learned that adults are NO better and far more stupid than a lot of teenagers. Being able to admit when you are wrong is something that should be learned by example, including principals and teachers. Our elementary school principal apologized to one student over an obvious mistake in judgement that he made.

And you were more calm than I would have been.

Katherine

 

[Mai Ku Tiki]

I'm really sad today. Several students in my school district lost parents a year ago...a few teachers lost their grown children...all of us seem to know someone who knew someone who..... I probably shouldn't post anything...I'm pretty upset....

But I just have to add one thing here... Rules in most school districts in my state are set up by school boards who are elected by parents and taxpayers in the those towns.

The administrators compose and publish the school rules at the start of each year. This information is always given to parents. If there is a dress code, it is usually included in this information. Sometimes teachers have input into these guidelines, but most times not. If the rule is NO headgear (in my district exceptions are made for anything required for religious observance) then the rule is NO headgear (or coats or beepers or headphones or candy or Snapple...)

As a teacher and employee of the school district (and the administration) I am charged with the responsibility of following ALL school rules. It is not discretionary. My opinion of the rule is unimportant. Therefore, if someone appears in my class in violation of a rule, I address it as mandated. If I'm to send the child to administration, that's what I do. All of us who are in any workplace have rules to follow. If I overlook a rule for someone else's child, don't I have to do the same for yours? If I overlook too many rules, will I still be able to guarantee all my students a safe, positive learning environment? Please don't blame teachers for following the rules.

If a parent (or student, for that matter) objects to certain school rules, there are ways to effect change. Go to your Bd of Ed meetings, speak up. Meet with administrators and talk. Make an appointment with a teacher to get information. But please don't encourage or congratulate your children for 'standing up to authority'. So many criticize some schools for allowing too many students to flaunt authority...the place seems out of control and no learning takes place in chaos. Yet often these same people want the rules bent when it is THEIR child who is held accountable.

I AM NOT SAYING THAT THIS IS THE CASE WITH THE FIRST POSTER HERE WHO WAS UPSET ABOUT HER DAUGHTER!

I'm only responding to the caustic tone so many have posted here...
I just wish that everyone understood how hard it is to please EVERY parent and help EVERY child learn EVERY day!

I guess I have to chuckle...every August my neighbors are always saying "I cannot WAIT for school to start"..."These kids are driving me CRAZY!!!" And we've all laughed at those great commercials of parents dancing gleefully as they get the kids ready for school.... Well...where do you think those kids go? They are in OUR classrooms for the next 10 months!!!!Please, temper your criticisms with just a bit of compassion.

I have to tear myself away from here now and the TV. The presentation on the DIS homepage was awesome, IMHO. Tomorrow morning by 6:45, I'll be readying my class to receive your kids...152 of them...sad, confused, anxious, scared, lonely, happy, excited, apathetic, cool, needy, confident...It will be 9/12...the day after AGAIN...and we have a lot to learn.

'night all and God Bless. Thanks, Pete, again for these Boards!

 

[vickyBaby]

But please don't encourage or congratulate your children for 'standing up to authority'.

*golf clap* for Mai Ku Tiki

 

[RumpleMom]

Please congratulate your daughter for standing up to authority to protect her patriotic freedom.

The sermon in church this past Sunday was, "When good people do nothing..."

 

[Mamu]

Theresa glad to hear this problem was resolved.

At a time when everyone is proud to be an American. It's wonderful to see teen's show so much emotion. For some reason this teacher has a problem with public display. Thank God the rest of the world doesn't. Some of the most moving tributes came from other countries. There's nothing wrong with displaying how proud we are to be Americans on this day. That we will never cower, that we will stand tall and fight the evils and wrongs in our world.

"I am an American" and proud of it. If you do no like my patriotic clothing then don't look. "I am an American" with the freedom to wear RED, WHITE and BLUE.

 

[ckr]

but I've got to ask: Why is her DD considered a hero for not following the rules of her school?

a.) Because she hadn't been made to follow the rules for the first 7 days of school, she should not have to ever follow them? I don't think so.

b.) Because she was only asked to take off the headband because it said USA? No, she wasn't told she had to change the rest of her outfit. Apparently the rest of the patriotic outfit was within the guidelines.

c.) Because she refused to have her patriotism squelched by removing her headband? No, according to the mom, at least part of the reason she didn't want to remove it was for purely fashion purposes: (and I quote) "she had her hair styled in accordance with the hair band, so her hair would have looked silly to her with the hair band off, as the top of her hair would have been flat with curls all around the sides and back." Since we really don't know whether she refused for patriotic reasons or for fashion reasons, I think it's a HUGE jump to cry out Heroism.

While I know this post is going to be unpopular, I hope you'll be able to step back and see this more objectively. The girl openly refused a valid request from the Asst. Principal. If she had not wanted to comply, she should have spent time in discussions with the Asst. Principal and or Principal to see what options/compromises they could work out. Perhaps the administration would let her slide that day due to the patriotic nature of her headband, but she could not wear a headband in the future. Perhaps she could be allowed time to restyle her hair and continue the day in her patriotic outfit without the headband, then go on to "work the system" to get the rule changed.
There are many things that COULD'VE happened and been "good". Openly defying the Asst Principal and going on to class as if the request had not been made, is IMO the WORST thing that could've happened. Further, calling a student in this position a hero, threatening to sue, etc. only reinforces a teenager's idea that the world revolves around them.

Sorry, but that's my Honest Opinion. I do not think the OP or her DD are bad people, but I do believe they did the wrong thing. I hope that they'll see this as constructive critism and not a flame. That is my intent.