My daughter is being sent home for wearing a USA headband to school today!!!!

[Val]

It is important to teach children that SOMETIMES it is okay to stand up for what you believe. Not disrespectfully, not rudely, but firmly to stand up. Children also need to understand that there are consequences for standing up- being sent home, losing priviledges or ability to be part of a group. Sometimes it is worth the effort, sometimes it is not. The children must carefully weight their options and decide if the issue is important enough for them to pay the consequences. If we do not teach children to do this, we do not stop social injustice or wrong. Think what would have happened if individuals did not stand up in the back of the bus, did not defend thosse being persecuted, did not stand up to prevent wrongdoing. Fortunately (or unfortunately), we learn as we grow up what is worth standing up for. In three years I would love to ask your daughter if this was one of those times. Sometimes we "stand up" for really stupid ideas. Other times the ideas are of tremendous importance.

As a university instructor, one of my huge frustrations is in getting students to question rather than just accept. I have tried to get students to stand up for what they believe by giving out incredibly (and VERY obviously) one-sided ridiculous arguments. My students just SIT there and when questioned tell me that since I am the teacher they are to just repeat what I said! No wonder some of my colleagues get away with what they do!!!! Students need to question (albeit politely and appropriately) what they feel is wrong. Sometimes it turns out that they are wrong and they learn a broader perspective or accept a teacher's reasonings. Other times it is us teachers who learn from our students. I am hoping that the VP learned tolerance from your daughter (although it sounds like she might need a little practice on the "gracefully bucking the system" behaviors!)......I remain proud of your daughter for standing up with what she believed in, and more importantly, for a willingness to pay the consequences for her beliefs.

 

[TeresaNJ]

Mai Ku Tiki, as I've stated repeatedly, my daughter did not think she was breaking a rule. If she thought wearing a headband was breaking a rule, she wouldn't have done it, nor would I have allowed it. OBVIOUSLY, it wasn't a RULE, or the asst. vp WOULD NOT have been able to tell her it was okay to wear the headband within fifteen minutes of my calling her, it would have had to gone before the schoolboard, wouldn't it???? As far as I know, teachers, principals, vp's etc., cannot change a rule on a whim. Therefore, I maintain as I did before, that there was NO RULE on wearing headbands.

Also, I am not comparing complying with a school dress code issue to the molestation of children. I am comparing teaching children to BLINDLY obey authority figures, no questions asked. I wish people would really read what I've written before they make comments. I am talking about teaching children to stand up for what they believe in, and not be afraid to speak up for fear of punishment or retaliation.

Also, I have never viewed a school or teachers as the enemy, and I would never tell my children such. I have great respect for anyone who is a teacher, I'm sure it is an incredibly hard job. Not all teachers are good teachers though, let's face it, as not all nurses are good nurses, etc. I can't tell you how many patients I have who blindly follow what their doctor tells them, because he is THE DOCTOR, even though the advice may not be good for them.

I don't think anyone hear advised or suggested to teach children to resent all authority figures, that is not what I interpreted the message to be.

Also, do you tolerate blatant disrespect to a child in your school by a teacher? That is the way I perceive my daughter was treated by the vp, as I was myself. Initially she wouldn't explain to me why Lauren couldn't wear her handband, she just kept saying, "It's in the student handbook, which by the way, it was not", and she left me on hold for fifteen minutes, after which I hung up and called back, and then she told me it was okay to wear the headband. As I also said earlier, she lied to me when she told me she was just investigating a teacher's complaint, when she was the one who initiated the whole incident. Is that showing respect or showing my daughter that it is OKAY for an authority figure to lie?

The bottom line is my daughter DID NOT break a RULE, as there was never any rule to be broken. If it was a rule, and the vp bent it so that my daughter could wear her headband, who is setting the bad example?

I assume you consider it disrespectful for a student to say no to a teacher or authority figure's demand, no matter what that demand might be. I don't consider it disrespectful. I do respect everyone's right to their opinion though, and I thank you for taking the time to state it.

 

[Disney Doll]

Wow!!! This is quite a discussion over a headband, huh?

 

[shortbun]

As one who staged a sit in at her school so
we could change silly rules...I applaud the
"defiance" to this one. Also, as it was a salute
and tribute to 9/11, I feel comfortable in
saying that anyone asking this girl to remove
her headband was anal and their ability to
invoke respect and authority should be questioned.
Last...to all you who think it is so important for
our children to obey the rules and authority; Adam
Walsh was kidnapped and murdered because as
a young child he had been programmed to obey
grownups, people in uniform and people who
seemed to be in authority. The authority in the
Adam Walsh case was another person not using
good or any judgement while flexing their
authoritative muscle and she put him at risk, fatally.
My child is being raised to
be a risk taker and to question authority for his
own safety-mental and physical. The bumper
sticker on my bulletin board reads "Question Authority".
Many rules are bad and many authority figures
don't use their power wisely. Even me.
The headband is just the tip of the iceberg; simply
a vehicle to drive the discussion.

 

[hentob]

I agree with you 100%. I am reading this thread and thinking "WOW! There are a lot of "Yes Sirs" here". I think that the whole "you must follow and never challenge rules, they are for your own good" mentality is, well, weird. Of course, there are common sense rules. Rules that prevent us from getting injured, injuring others, being rude to others etc. Then there are rules that should be, MUST BE challenged. Imagine back to the "rule" that all blacks had to sit in the back of the bus?!?!? <sarcasm> Oh well, it should not have been challenged. Rules are there for a reason. Some higher authority made that rule...must be right<sarcasm>. What about "Women can't vote"? Great rule! I think back to when I was a kid and teachers hit students left and right. You mean that should NOT have been challenged b/c it was an adult making a decision? I will teach my children to respect EVERYONE. But, if something doesn't seem fair or safe...stand up for yourself. Always.

Hentob
7 more days until AKL & BC!!!!!!