My Brother's kids! Help!

[Pembo]

We now live in the same town as my brother's family. My niece is 10, nephew is 8. My boys are 7 and almost 5.

The cousins came over yesterday for about an hour. My 5 year old was the only one home. They convinced him to: put MUD in his hotwheels car wash, steal juice boxes and drink them in his room, they made a HUGE mess in his room, and my nephew broke a handle off of a chest in the basement. And that is what I know about.

Now I know it's partly my fault that I wasn't supervising them. I was chatting with their parents. However, my nephew is quite the instigator and my s-i-l doesn't see that he is just plain BAD. If it's just my niece, we don't have these problems. My mom has noticed that it's my nephew more often than my niece.

So here's the dilemma.......do I just say NO to letting them play? or do I let them play but watch them EVERY second? (hard to do with a 10 month old too.) And what do I say when my boys want to play at their house?????? The nephew likes to blame my boys for everything and my s-i-l believes him. She thinks my boys are a bit too wild, unlike her darling son. ARGH!!!!!!!

Living "back home" sounded great in theory but I knew this was going to be a problem. I just didn't think it would be a problem so soon.

Help!

 

[kejoda]

Sorry this is happening Pembo. We have the same problem on a much more minor scale. Tim's db and his wife let their girls climb all over the furniture. Fine at their house but she goes by our rules at our house aaaand there is no furn. jumping here. Maybe you can explain the house rules to him. You are going to have to keep a closer eye on him though. Who knows what he will think up next.

 

[bobcat]

I don't know how comfortable you feel about it but my sisters and I discipline each other kids. It doesn't happen often but since we do things as a family there are times when each of us have to step in and play "mom". If your kids are going to be playing together now's the time to set those boundaries.

I love living close to my family, most days. It is a challenge sometimes but even when it gets frustrating I wouldn't change it for the world. My kids both have cousins in the same grade in the same school. Our poor high school will have at least 4 cousins at the same time and it won't stop for quite a while. The kids are 11, 11, 8,8, 6 and 4. We may be banned for life once they all make it through! I just think of the strong bonds and extended family my kids are growing up with and what a wonderful thing it is. It is also the town I grew up in so between either myself or one of my siblings we know everyone. Hopefully that will help to keep the little heathens in line as they grow up. LOL

 

[Mishetta]

MOVE!

 

[Buckalew]

I discipline both of my sisters kids too. If I'm not allowed to then I guess I won't be with them. They're all pretty good but, then again, they know Aunt Bren doesn't take any crap. (sorry Dan, only term I could think of )

One of my sister doesn't have any problems with this at all but the other is a bit less happy with me, I think. I'm not hard on them by any means but they'll be respectful of me and each other when I'm around. This attitude of "kids will be kids" has never cut it with me.

 

[jamsmom]

I would say rules at your house goes for everyone. Maybe they will need to limited on the time to spend with each other. Also, if she believes her son, your children may not want to be over there very often.

 

[VickiVM]

I can relate to your situation. I started teaching Sunday School almost 3 years ago. I'm not an educator by profession, so I was somewhat uncomfortable at first dealing with everyone's discipline issues. But I soon realized that if I didn't become firm with these kids, then all heck would break loose. (These kids range from pre-k to 6th graders.) One thing I use often is to chastize the entire group even though my suspicions tell me it's only one or two of the kids that are misbehaving. That way I set the ground rules of what behavior won't be tolerated for everyone to hear. Then if there is a second breach, then I'll talk to the individual this time so that he/she is crystal clear about my expectations. Third time gets a removal from the activity.

Unfortunately, there are parents that not only tolerate blatant misbehavior, but actually encourage it by not setting a proper example and this sounds like what is going on with your nephews. I am now quite comfortable telling 11 and 12 year old boys that tower over me to get their feet off the table and sit on their bottom. I know they think I'm a witch, but hey - like your house- I take pride in my church and the building and don't appreciate a brat treating it with disrespect. So I say, don't be afraid to have behavioral expectations of children that visit your house - especially when you have the same expectations of your own children.

 

[house_of_princesses]

My home, my rules. And I will make them perfectly clear for the dear ones. My kids, my rules, no matter where we are or who we're with.

I love playing by my rule book!!

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

<font color=navy>Maybe you can also start teaching your own to start standing up for what is right, especially at your house.

When my own were little, and someone else would be over and do something, I would tell mine that since it was their house, it was their responsibility to make sure the rules were followed, and if we went to someone else's house, they knew how I expected them to behave. For the most part, it worked for us.

You can also set the rules down next time when they get there, and tell them right out - no drinks - no food - respect the house - respect the toys, etc ... and follow up with checking on them.

After awhile, they'll get used to your rules.

Good luck!!