My brother-in-law died very unexpectedly this morning - prayers for my sister please.

[antkim]

I am so sorry for your loss. Please find comfort in knowing that we are all here for you.

Kim

 

[goofy4tink]

I'm so sorry for you and your sister C Ann. The funeral director should be able to be a great help to you both. Mine was. Don't worry about too much at this point. Nothing, other than the actual funeral, is all that important. It is in the weeks ahead that all that other stuff can be dealt with. Your funeral director will get as many copies of the death certificate as you want. He will most likely notify social security. He did in my mom's case. This is a horrible situation for your sister. How lucky she is to have you. Seems God gives us all that one special person to help us through these unbearable times. Peace and blessings.

 

[meeshi]

C. Ann, I am so sorry I will keep you and your sister in my prayers. I can't even imagine her pain.

 

[Beth E. (NJ)]

My thoughts and prayers go out to your sister and the whole family. {{{{hugs}}}} to you too.

 

[WendyZ]

I am so sorry for your families loss. I will keep all of you in my prayers.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I am sorry for your loss.

 

[BWVDenise]

No advice, but I'm so sorry for your sister. Sure sounds like a pulmonary embolism but I'm not a doctor.... how sad.
Best wishes to you and your sister in the coming days.

 

[Jeafl]

Oh C. Ann, I'm so sorry. You have certainly been through an awful lot lately. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[MickeysMommy]

I am so sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[HappyMommy2]

I am so very sorry. Let us know how you and your family are doing.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Very sorry to hear this, C.Ann. My very best, along with my condolences, to both your sister and you, and all the family. You all are in my prayers.

 

[Amy]

Oh, C.Ann - I'm so sorry to hear about this. You and your family have been thru so much already, and now a sudden death. I don't know what to say other than I'll be keeping you in my prayers. {{hugs}}

 

[Desnik]

I am so sorry this has happened to your family. What a shock. I will be saying prayers for you all. Your sister is very lucky to have you. I cann't even imagine what your poor sister is going through. I have tears just thinking about it. She is going to need all the support she can get. to you all.

 

[Disney Doll]

C.Ann, I am sorry for your loss. Try and stay strong for your sister...she will need you and it doesn't sound as if oyur brothers are going to contribute a lot. Does your sister have children???

As for the practical aspects:
1. Call the funeral home
2. Decide what you BIL will wear if he is laid out. Bring that with you when you go to the funeral home.
3. Try and bring a recent picture of your BIL so that the folks at the funeral home who prepare him will know what he looked like.
4. Get a lot of copies of the death certificate, as others have suggested.
5. Get friendly with one person in the town's probate office, and use that same person as your resource throughout this time. If you speak with multiple people in the probate office each time you call with a question, the waters will get very muddied.
6. Try to find life insurance policies, military records, etc.
7. Pick pallbearers
8. Pick readings for the funeral service(usually your clergyperson has abook with suggested readings that are appropriate)
9. If you want a program of some sort for the funeral service, have someone work on that(if you have a friend or relative that's computer-savvy, this is a good job for them). When each of my ILs died, we had a program listing the pallbearers, the readings, the songs, and a little poem. It was nice. Some people also include a history of the person's life.
10. Write the obituary
11. Determine if you are going to have an after-funeral luncheon or get-together of some sort, and whether it will be at your sister's home or at a restaurant. A small hint based upon personal experience...this is an exhausting time, so if you can see your way clear financially to do it at a restaurant, it makes life MUCH easier. If a restaurant is too expensive, perhaps a catered thing at your sister's house would be more "do-able".
12. Make sure you have plenty of dispoable plates, napkins, silverware etc at your sister's house. People will be stopping by, and bringing foood,drink, desserts etc., or they will be stopping by to pay their respects and it's nice to be able to offer them something. Plus, for you guys, it will be nice to be able to just eat and throw the stuff away rather than worrying about washing dishes etc.

Again, my sympathies on this shocking loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
13. Call your sister's doctor and apprise him/her of the situation, as another poster suggested. You don't want your sister drugged during this time, but a little something to take thee "edge" off might be helpful, especially since she has health issues of her own.
14. Take care of yourself and rest as much as you can. As anothe rposter suggested, call on friends who offer to help and give them specific jobs. People do want to help during times like this, and if you give them something specific to do, they feel better.
15. Consider having someone stay at your sister's house during the wake and funeral period. It's unfortunate, but often houses get robbed during this time because burglars watch the papers and see who died, because they kno that the inhabitatns of the house will be away for an extended period during the wake and the funeral. Also, if you are having people back to your sister's house after the funeral, the person wo stays there can start the coffee, get the table set-up, greet the caterer etc.

 

[CookieGVB]

I'm so sorry to hear this.

 

[C.Ann]

Thanks for all the support and condolences.. It's VERY helpful to know that the funeral director will have some sort of "list" to help me figure out what has to be done..

My DD has taken the next 4 days off from work and will be givng me a hand with all of this stuff.. In a short while she'll be here to take me to my sister's house.. I'm still so tired and having so much trouble breathing from having been sick the past 3 weeks I just don't think I can drive..

Keep the prayers coming for my sister, please.. I'm really worried about her..

 

[MerryPoppins]

Lots of good advice here. I just want to add a couple of things.

It's nice to offer something to drink to the folks who stop by. When my dad died I asked a friend who offered help to get plastic and styrofoam cups, tea bags, coffee, orange juice and assorted pop (diet too). That made the next few days much simpler for me! I just kept the coffee pot and sun tea jar going.

Also, have your sister think about what she wants to wear. My mom needed new hose and to polish her shoes. It's easier to do these things in advance than at the last minute. A friend pitched in and did both for us.

Another option for a dinner would be a church. I know we've had some family meals at our church following a funeral if the family didn't have room in the home for all the family.

Also, we had someone stay at Mom's house. They doubled as a babysitter for my kids and my brother's kids. It helped us, since the oldest of our children was 2 1/2 at the time.

You'll all be in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

 

[Tinks]

I'm very sorry for your loss. No words of wisdom other than what people have given you already....very good advice from kind folks on this board! Be there for your sister...especially after all the services etc.. The shock may be stronger for her when everyone goes home and back to their normal lives..her life will not be "normal" for her anymore and it sinks in when you are finally alone. Hugs and prayers for your family!

I am in the medical field and while I'm no expert, I also kept thinking pulmonary embolism as I read your post. That's a clot that goes to the lung...very quick and hard to diagnose and treat quickly. I hope they find answers for your sister

 

[pumba]

remember that the funeral directors know what to ask and to help you get the proper things in order. you will need at least three copies of the death certificate for the pensions and life insurances. Please tell your sister we are thinking of her at this difficult time

 

[Melora]

Im so sorry.....

I just went thorugh this with my mom..but Jeff did a lot of stuff. The people at the funeral home were helpful.

Basically all I ended up doing that was totally by myself was addressing the cards the funeral home made up for me and sending them out.

Everything else is kind of a blur.

Im sorry you are going thorugh this. You can always PM me if you need help, support or advice.

***HUGS***