mom2boys said:
That's what we'd do to our kids too. One belt away from black belt is too close to quit. He's come too far. At 9 he doesn't fully comprehend what an accomplishment that.
I agree.
We went through almost the exact same thing as the OP. This is our experience, but as kids are all different, take it for what it is worth.
My son went through a period of hating TKD between his brown belt and his conditional black. He was 10. Screamed, cried, didn't want to go.
We also had similar problems with the sensei. My son was not on the competition team and because he was quiet, he was often "forgotten." I gloss over it now, but I remember being rather angry and having many conversations with the sensei. He was an organizational mess, but was phenominal when he taught. The problem was getting him to also focus on working with the "non-competition" kids.
As for being behind on the forms, we actually hired one of the other older black belt students to help him out. Lots less money and our son enjoyed being helped by a peer rather than the teacher.
I struggled with the decision of letting him quit. I was also wondering about whether we should do this at his age. Are we burning him out? Who is this belt really for? But he had already put 4 years in and only had a year left. If he quit, I knew he would never go back because he would immediately drop several belts. It wouldn't be the same group of kids. It just wouldn't be the same.
So, we decided to make him stick it through at least to the next belt. He had made a goal of black belt, and we thought one more year (after 4) wouldn't be so bad. And then, because of his attitude, he failed his conditional black belt test. He was so bummed he wouldn't be getting his black belt with many of his friends. But the sensei had a talk with him and allowed him to put in extra time to make up and do a retest. He did stick with it, got the conditional, was back on track with his friends and his attitude/love for the sport changed back to enjoyment between conditional black and black. The black belt ceremony was beautiful.
Almost 7 years later, as an honor student in high school, that black belt is his most important possession. He tells us constantly that he is so glad we forced him to stick with it. He tells us he learned so much more than just kicks and punches in that class. He learned perseverence. He learned disappointment. He learned respect. And most of all, he learned he could do it.
He tells us all the time that when things get hard and tough for him now, all he has to do is look at that framed certificate and the black belt hanging next to it. He says that it reminds him that if he toughs it out he knows it will get better and the reward will be sweet.
Not all kids are the same, so our approach wouldn't work for all kids. And I felt like the most horrible mother when we made him keep going, when he clearly hated it. But even as a kid, life isn't always easy. For our family, it worked out for the best that we wouldn't let him trash 4 years of hard work. And I just have to hear the thanks our kid gives us to know we made the right decision.
. They only do forms on Saturday morning, and we usually can't make it at that time. The instructor said I should sign him up for private lessons before the black belt test, more $$$.
That is terrifying! We have our tests broken up into three more manageable parts; a 2-mile run one day, a kata (forms) pre-test on another day, then the actual 3 hour test. It's tough for our kids to make it through that; I can't imagine how scared your son must be.
