I don't know if this is just a vent, or if anyone can offer any positive advice to me. I know this is going to get long.
I've been employed at the same place for 18 years. My boss has been here for 20 years. I've reported to him for about 8 years.
17 years ago, he came into a break room in which I was sitting with another coworker. My boss came into that room and acknowledged my coworker and ignored me. I asked him, "am I invisible?" as a joke. He took it personally and has held a grudge against me since then. He even went to my then boss to complain that I was out of line because he was senior to me within the organization.
When I first started reporting to him, I hated every minute of it. As time passed, he turned out not to be as bad as I originally thought he'd be. He, myself and two other managers that report to him worked well together.
Over that time, however, he has made comments to me. He has told me on several occasions that I'm smarter than he is. I think I am, too, but everyone has their own nitch, and his happens to be accounting and numbers. Mine is IT. I don't think a person repeats this over and over unless they are feeling insecure about their abilities. He has also said on a number of occasions that it bugs him that he could never get rid of me even if he wanted to. I married the Chairman's nephew. Technically, he can't get rid of me, but I've attained the level I have in the organization in spite of this familial link and not because of it. I started the IT department back in the early 90's. I wouldn't still be the head of it if I wasn't good at my job. He doesn't like, though, that I have access to the Chairman outside of the organization and that he doesn't. Frankly, if he saw what access is like to this guy, he wouldn't be impressed. I've never spoken to my uncle through marriage about the organization. Mostly about our kids.
So, fast forward to December 23, 2004. This guy tells me that me and my entire staff are "mf'g idiots." He resorted to namecalling, again, because I think he's over his head insofar as my department and our knowledge is concerned. I went to his office on Christmas Eve and told him that if he had to resort to name-calling, especially vial name-calling, that I'd lost all respect for him. I told him that if he pulled that stuff again, I'd hang up the phone on him or I'd walk out of his office. No apology, but he hasn't said that again.
A few months later, he heard a rumor about something I said and blew it way out of proportion. Wrote me up about it. The problem was that his facts were all wrong and the way he presented it to me was illegal. I refused to sign it. After speaking with my attorney, he advised me to write a rebuttal to his memo. I did. I figured he'd be smart enough to go to HR and tell them that he'd resolved the issue on his own and that there was no need to document anything. In my rebuttal, I brought up some things about him that I, as a manager, wouldn't want to have documented about me in someone's personnel file. He gave it to HR, so I have evidence of the hostile environment that he's created for some time now. Evidence that he placed into my file.
So, he was rotten to me for some time after that. He calmed down toward the end of last year, but things have started to boil over again. Basically, he's two-faced. He told me in February that he was impressed by the speed at which my department was attacking projects this year. Then, after a small problem occurred with a cutover on February 27th, he told me that everything I touch goes bad and "can't you ever do anything right, ever?" When does an IT cutover ever happen without any problems? Hardly ever. That has nothing to do with planning or abilities. It is the luck of the draw that some issue will arise when you go live. The problem that occurred was small and was fixed and running at 100% by the next day.
I've started to avoid him at all costs. I don't need him to do my job, except when it comes to his final authorization on what I already know to be right. He's currently sitting on two of my projects because he "needs to review them." It's just so frustrating.
I've gone to our HR department, informally, so far. I've told our HR Manager that IMO I should be in my own division and not reporting to any go-between to the President. He agreed and was floored to find out about some of the things this guy has pulled with me. He told me if I need to file a grievance that he'd take care of the investigation, etc.
Next week, my boss will be at a conference. He's purposely made it impossible for me to attend this, even though I'd gain more from it than him going to it. He takes another one of his managers (a man, who is often invited to his house to watch games and for parties) but won't take me because he doesn't like me. I've given him 3 pages of information that I want him to bring back for me even though every time I've asked him to get information for me in the past, he's conveniently forgotten to do it.
So, what do I do? Do I formally file a complaint against him? I've been tracking his actions for over 2-years now, so I have plenty of dates, times and events to use. Or, because of my position as the Chairman's neice in law, should I keep quiet and not upset the apple cart? Will there be more retribution if I go to HR?
Frankly, if it wasn't for him making me physically ill that I have to report to him, I could see myself at this company forever. Even with these conflicts, I want to be here longer than him. I've invested a lot in this company and have seen it grow, in many ways because of the automations I've put in place, more than 10-fold. I don't want to consider leaving. I just want him to get out of my way.
BTW, my DH also holds a high position within this organization. My boss, on many occasions has bad-mouthed my DH in front of my peers. I think he's also jealous of the fact of my DH's family ties. My DH is a workaholic who makes a lot of money for the organization. He has not been promotable because he's gone to his uncle for favors. He has attained his position through hard work.
If you've read this far... thanks for "listening" to me vent. I don't care if my boss likes me or not. I just want him to respect me and to treat me with fairness and dignity.
I've been employed at the same place for 18 years. My boss has been here for 20 years. I've reported to him for about 8 years.
17 years ago, he came into a break room in which I was sitting with another coworker. My boss came into that room and acknowledged my coworker and ignored me. I asked him, "am I invisible?" as a joke. He took it personally and has held a grudge against me since then. He even went to my then boss to complain that I was out of line because he was senior to me within the organization.
When I first started reporting to him, I hated every minute of it. As time passed, he turned out not to be as bad as I originally thought he'd be. He, myself and two other managers that report to him worked well together.
Over that time, however, he has made comments to me. He has told me on several occasions that I'm smarter than he is. I think I am, too, but everyone has their own nitch, and his happens to be accounting and numbers. Mine is IT. I don't think a person repeats this over and over unless they are feeling insecure about their abilities. He has also said on a number of occasions that it bugs him that he could never get rid of me even if he wanted to. I married the Chairman's nephew. Technically, he can't get rid of me, but I've attained the level I have in the organization in spite of this familial link and not because of it. I started the IT department back in the early 90's. I wouldn't still be the head of it if I wasn't good at my job. He doesn't like, though, that I have access to the Chairman outside of the organization and that he doesn't. Frankly, if he saw what access is like to this guy, he wouldn't be impressed. I've never spoken to my uncle through marriage about the organization. Mostly about our kids.
So, fast forward to December 23, 2004. This guy tells me that me and my entire staff are "mf'g idiots." He resorted to namecalling, again, because I think he's over his head insofar as my department and our knowledge is concerned. I went to his office on Christmas Eve and told him that if he had to resort to name-calling, especially vial name-calling, that I'd lost all respect for him. I told him that if he pulled that stuff again, I'd hang up the phone on him or I'd walk out of his office. No apology, but he hasn't said that again.
A few months later, he heard a rumor about something I said and blew it way out of proportion. Wrote me up about it. The problem was that his facts were all wrong and the way he presented it to me was illegal. I refused to sign it. After speaking with my attorney, he advised me to write a rebuttal to his memo. I did. I figured he'd be smart enough to go to HR and tell them that he'd resolved the issue on his own and that there was no need to document anything. In my rebuttal, I brought up some things about him that I, as a manager, wouldn't want to have documented about me in someone's personnel file. He gave it to HR, so I have evidence of the hostile environment that he's created for some time now. Evidence that he placed into my file.
So, he was rotten to me for some time after that. He calmed down toward the end of last year, but things have started to boil over again. Basically, he's two-faced. He told me in February that he was impressed by the speed at which my department was attacking projects this year. Then, after a small problem occurred with a cutover on February 27th, he told me that everything I touch goes bad and "can't you ever do anything right, ever?" When does an IT cutover ever happen without any problems? Hardly ever. That has nothing to do with planning or abilities. It is the luck of the draw that some issue will arise when you go live. The problem that occurred was small and was fixed and running at 100% by the next day.
I've started to avoid him at all costs. I don't need him to do my job, except when it comes to his final authorization on what I already know to be right. He's currently sitting on two of my projects because he "needs to review them." It's just so frustrating.
I've gone to our HR department, informally, so far. I've told our HR Manager that IMO I should be in my own division and not reporting to any go-between to the President. He agreed and was floored to find out about some of the things this guy has pulled with me. He told me if I need to file a grievance that he'd take care of the investigation, etc.
Next week, my boss will be at a conference. He's purposely made it impossible for me to attend this, even though I'd gain more from it than him going to it. He takes another one of his managers (a man, who is often invited to his house to watch games and for parties) but won't take me because he doesn't like me. I've given him 3 pages of information that I want him to bring back for me even though every time I've asked him to get information for me in the past, he's conveniently forgotten to do it.
So, what do I do? Do I formally file a complaint against him? I've been tracking his actions for over 2-years now, so I have plenty of dates, times and events to use. Or, because of my position as the Chairman's neice in law, should I keep quiet and not upset the apple cart? Will there be more retribution if I go to HR?
Frankly, if it wasn't for him making me physically ill that I have to report to him, I could see myself at this company forever. Even with these conflicts, I want to be here longer than him. I've invested a lot in this company and have seen it grow, in many ways because of the automations I've put in place, more than 10-fold. I don't want to consider leaving. I just want him to get out of my way.
BTW, my DH also holds a high position within this organization. My boss, on many occasions has bad-mouthed my DH in front of my peers. I think he's also jealous of the fact of my DH's family ties. My DH is a workaholic who makes a lot of money for the organization. He has not been promotable because he's gone to his uncle for favors. He has attained his position through hard work.
If you've read this far... thanks for "listening" to me vent. I don't care if my boss likes me or not. I just want him to respect me and to treat me with fairness and dignity.
For me, it felt like wearing shoes that were too tight all the time. A real pain.
