My BFF invited herself and her family along. What do you say???

[pinkprincess30]

We are headed to DLR in just over a month! This is only our second-ever family vacation and our first vacation in FOUR YEARS. We plan to be in California 6 whole days with only 3 days for "just us". The other three days we are with family. On Sunday we have planned a beach day with my BFF who moved to the area a year ago. I see this friend every 6 weeks. She called last night and asked if her and her family could join us for a day in DL! I do not want to do this
I love my friend dearly! BUT this is long-awaited family time. But what do you say??? I feel really put on the spot here. I have thought about adding a 5th day in the parks (we are going 4 days and have already considered a 5th day) and inviting her along on that day instead of going to the beach. Advice please!!!! I don't want to hurt her feelings but I am sure I don't want to have her along and my husband is absolutely adamant about it.

 

[mom2AidanAndEli]

If she truly is a best friend, she'll understand. You're already spending a day with her so it's not like you're snubbing her. Just explain this is a huge deal for your family and you really just want it to be the family. At least she called and asked instead of just dropping it on you and making plans without checking first. That probably shows she knows it might not be the right thing.

I wouldn't be upset if a friend told me they just wanted family time. Friends understand it's family first!

 

[karpy111]

Man, that is a tough one. I know who you feel. Last year we booked our first Disney cruise. We had just lost a baby and wanted to do a family trip to get away from everything. Well my brother in law was going to surprise us and show up on the cruise. I would have been livid. Luckily his wife was over 6 months pregnant and I believe the cruise line wouldnt allow her to travel. Thank goodness.
If you really want this to be family time I would definitely say something otherwise you wont enjoy your trip as much.
Or adding that extra day seems like a win win.
Good Luck!

 

[joannjoe]

Just explain it to her that you have things planned already and it took a lot of time and stress to do what you did and say we need to have some family time while we're together.

 

[gules]

If she's your BFF she should understand if you tell her gently. Just say that you had been hoping for your time in the park to be your special family time, since you all haven't had a family vacation in a while. If your family wants to do the beach, then stick with that plan and tell her you'll see her then. If you think they'd rather do a 5th Disney day, then offer to do that instead with your BFF, but be clear that it's instead of the beach. I don't think this will end up being a big deal unless she is just way too clingy (something I've personally dealt with).

 

[mom2rtk]

You say "this is long awaited family time".

And be firm. The alternative is that you don't speak up and you end up resenting her for intruding. That's no better.

 

[Mousequake]

"I'm looking forward to seeing you too. It's been a tough year for us, and our entire family has been looking forward to our time we've already planned at Disneyland as a family-only time for us to reconnect. If you'd rather switch our planned beach day to another day at Disneyland for both of our families, I'm open to that idea. Which would you rather do?"

 

[rentayenta]

A dear friend will understand; tell her the truth.

 

[RemainSeatedPlease]

I'd take the cowards way out and blame it on the hubby.

But in all honesty, that is part of the reason - your husband isn't comfortable with it, and you understand where he's coming from, since you haven't had a chance to get away as a family in years.

 

[DSNY4ever]

We seem to have this same problem but it's with the extended family/grandparents wanting to come. And they DO take it personally if we say no. I never mind my sister and BIL coming, but my kids act up and throw more tantrums in front of their grandparents because they spoil them, it makes the trip more exhausting for me playing constant bad guy and also having to reprimand the grandparents for spoiling, but they feel like it is their right as grandparents to come on a Disney trip thanks to those darn grand gathering ads.

I would really love just a trip with my little family because this is our only vacation this year.

 

[pinkprincess30]

UPDATE!

So here's what I did:
We text often and since writing it out was easier for me, this is what I said- "Hey, was thinking about the DL thing. We could do DL instead of the beach. Our vacay is only 6 days and 3 of those days are already set aside for family [she's family] so we are only getting 3 days with "just us" so we really can't give up another day. But we could totally do DL instead of the beach! I'll leave it up to you!!!"

Her reply: "No Disney for us. We can go whenever we want but you can't do Malibu whenever you want. I have 6 boogie boards ready to go!".

My reply: "Funnnn! Super excited, gonna be awesome. But honestly, if you want to go my arm can totally be twisted to do another Disney day, lol!"

Her: "Naw, we can do Disney whenever".

See you guys? THIS is why she's my BFF!
Thanks for all the advice!

 

[ludari]

As others have mentioned just be honest and if she is a true friend she will understand. Related story... I'm an AP holder and live local to DLR and go all the time. A close friend of mine, her DH and DD where visiting SoCal and planned a trip to DLR. I told her I could meet them and my friend said they would like to have some family time alone. I said, no worries have a great trip/vacation and call/text me if you want to get together during your visit. We never did meet during her trip and our relationship is just fine. In fact, we have planned a trip together to New Orleans this summer. Honesty is the best policy.

 

[pinkprincess30]

As others have mentioned just be honest and if she is a true friend she will understand. Related story... I'm an AP holder and live local to DLR and go all the time. A close friend of mine, her DH and DD where visiting SoCal and planned a trip to DLR. I told her I could meet them and my friend said they would like to have some family time alone. I said, no worries have a great trip/vacation and call/text me if you want to get together during your visit. We never did meet during her trip and our relationship is just fine. In fact, we have planned a trip together to New Orleans this summer. Honesty is the best policy.

You are a friend of the best kind! LOVE THAT!

 

[Canuck16]

UPDATE!

So here's what I did:
We text often and since writing it out was easier for me, this is what I said- "Hey, was thinking about the DL thing. We could do DL instead of the beach. Our vacay is only 6 days and 3 of those days are already set aside for family [she's family] so we are only getting 3 days with "just us" so we really can't give up another day. But we could totally do DL instead of the beach! I'll leave it up to you!!!"

Her reply: "No Disney for us. We can go whenever we want but you can't do Malibu whenever you want. I have 6 boogie boards ready to go!".

My reply: "Funnnn! Super excited, gonna be awesome. But honestly, if you want to go my arm can totally be twisted to do another Disney day, lol!"

Her: "Naw, we can do Disney whenever".

See you guys? THIS is why she's my BFF!
Thanks for all the advice!

Glad to hear it all worked out.....sounds like you have a great friend.

 

[lorijohnhill]

We seem to have this same problem but it's with the extended family/grandparents wanting to come. And they DO take it personally if we say no. I never mind my sister and BIL coming, but my kids act up and throw more tantrums in front of their grandparents because they spoil them, it makes the trip more exhausting for me playing constant bad guy and also having to reprimand the grandparents for spoiling, but they feel like it is their right as grandparents to come on a Disney trip thanks to those darn grand gathering ads.

I would really love just a trip with my little family because this is our only vacation this year.

Here's my little spin on this issue... About five years ago my brother took our entire family (7 of us) to DLR. We stayed at GCH and it was wonderful. I got a little put out with my dad because he had to be in every single picture with my daughter (she had just turned four at the time). She was his granddaughter and he felt he had every right to be in the pics. I never said anything to him, but boy did it bug me. As soon as we got back from the trip he started saving up to take her again, and "pull out all the stops". About a year and a half into his savings plan (Easter Sunday) he died suddenly and totally unexpectedly. I'm So glad that he was with us for that trip and was in every photo with my daughter. I treasure those photos and feel so guilty for letting something so unimportant get me aggravated. I had those "no spoiling her" conversations with my dad when he would go away on business trips, which he promptly ignored. In the end, the spoiling didn't matter. It didn't hurt her. She knows her Pappy treasured every minute he had with her. It gave him great joy to plot and plan what he would bring back and how she would have to "help him unpack". If it brought him so much joy, who was I to take that away.

We never know how much time we will have on this earth. I encourage my daughter to spend as much time as possible with my mom. If mom wants to spoil her, I say go for it. She'll treasure that TIME with her much more than anything else.

If your parents want to spoil your kids, what is really the harm done? I can understand wanting family time. There shouldn't be a problem with breaking apart into small groups and doing your own thing at times. In the end, is it better to have perfectly behaved kids or treasured memories with you parents?

I'm not trying to tell you what to do, just providing food for thought.

@OP - I am really happy it all worked out for you. It sounds like you have a wonderful friend!

 

[DSNY4ever]

It is funny that you mention this because this is the thought in the back of my mind that always guilts me into letting them come to everything, someday I know I'll be grateful for these memories.

As for the spoiling, on the one hand vacations are for spoiling, but they are the type that after mom or dad says no to something they go behind our backs and buy the treat or toy or let them do whatever we said "no" to, that drives me CRAZY and has taught my son to throw tantrums when they are around because he knows he will get his way. But alas they are coming with us again, so I'll have to get over it and hope for the best

 

[keltiesmom]

Here's my little spin on this issue... About five years ago my brother took our entire family (7 of us) to DLR. We stayed at GCH and it was wonderful. I got a little put out with my dad because he had to be in every single picture with my daughter (she had just turned four at the time). She was his granddaughter and he felt he had every right to be in the pics. I never said anything to him, but boy did it bug me. As soon as we got back from the trip he started saving up to take her again, and "pull out all the stops". About a year and a half into his savings plan (Easter Sunday) he died suddenly and totally unexpectedly. I'm So glad that he was with us for that trip and was in every photo with my daughter. I treasure those photos and feel so guilty for letting something so unimportant get me aggravated. I had those "no spoiling her" conversations with my dad when he would go away on business trips, which he promptly ignored. In the end, the spoiling didn't matter. It didn't hurt her. She knows her Pappy treasured every minute he had with her. It gave him great joy to plot and plan what he would bring back and how she would have to "help him unpack". If it brought him so much joy, who was I to take that away.

We never know how much time we will have on this earth. I encourage my daughter to spend as much time as possible with my mom. If mom wants to spoil her, I say go for it. She'll treasure that TIME with her much more than anything else.

If your parents want to spoil your kids, what is really the harm done? I can understand wanting family time. There shouldn't be a problem with breaking apart into small groups and doing your own thing at times. In the end, is it better to have perfectly behaved kids or treasured memories with you parents?

I'm not trying to tell you what to do, just providing food for thought.

@OP - I am really happy it all worked out for you. It sounds like you have a wonderful friend!

I'm sorry for your loss it's funny how perspectives can change so easily. My parents came on our last trip, and hopefully our next trip. They were the ones saying they didn't need to be in all of the pictures, and I was asking them to be. Once we got home I thought, yeah it is nice having some with just us!

 

[lorijohnhill]

Thanks.

The tantrum issues are tough. I just try to remind myself that it will pass and do my best to teach her good values and appropriate behavior. I have a conversation with my daughter before each trip and explain ahead of time what she may ask for, or not, and what behavior I expect. So far, I have been lucky and it has worked for me. Another thing I have done is make up a coupon book of items I am willing to purchase (snacks, souvenirs, etc). She knows ahead of time what she can expect to receive and really thinks hard before spending the coupons. Different things work for different families though.

 

[cherice95403]

I have learned NOT to go to Disney with friends. It never works out well. We are RD people and I generally have a plan. My saying is that "I wait for no one at Disneyland, so keep up or be left behind" The first time I went with my BFF's family I was totally upfront about our style, but I don't think she truly believed I would leave her behind. Well when my whole family was walking out the door 45 minutes before park opening and hers was still struggling to wake up reality set in and she got a little pissy that I was leaving without her.

Now we consider it treasured family time alone, which it is.

 

[DSNY4ever]

Thanks.

The tantrum issues are tough. I just try to remind myself that it will pass and do my best to teach her good values and appropriate behavior. I have a conversation with my daughter before each trip and explain ahead of time what she may ask for, or not, and what behavior I expect. So far, I have been lucky and it has worked for me. Another thing I have done is make up a coupon book of items I am willing to purchase (snacks, souvenirs, etc). She knows ahead of time what she can expect to receive and really thinks hard before spending the coupons. Different things work for different families though.

That coupon book sounds really cute. What a great idea. DS has actually been REALLY well behaved in Disney on our other trips, not a single tantrum (but the grandparents haven't come with us on any recent Disney trips). I already talked to the grandparents about their behavior, but they pretend to have no idea what I am talking about