My 4 year old won't eat!!

[katie111]

I have a almost 4.5 DS who hates to eat. He just seems to have no appetite. He's been this way ever since he went on solid foods. I've been to several doctors including GI specialists and feeding specialists and they cannot seem to find anything medically wrong with him. He's been tested for celiac and is actually having a second biopsy to rule it out but i don't think that's the problem. He just never seems to be hungry. I think he has probably asked for a snack 10 times in his entire life. He's picky but that doesn't seem to be the problem either as I'll make him anything he likes just to try to get him to eat (and this is per the DR's instructions). Meal times for us are just awful. For example tonight we sat at the dinner table for almost 2 hours while he ate one small bowl of pasta. His latest thing is that he chews forever. He can keep a bite in his mouth for about 20 minutes. It doesn't seem to be texture related and he's not allergic to anything. He is on pediasure just to keep his weight up. He's been almost off the charts for the past 2.5 years, currently he weighs 30 lbs and is 39 inches tall. I don't know what to do. I hate fighting with him at meal time but f I just ignore him then he eats nothing. Anyone else have this problem? Any suggestions or anything I am missing?? I feel like I've tried everything. I also have a picky DD but she eats fine.

 

[gibsontrio]

My dd is no a "good" eater so I feel your frustration. I'm sure you worry all the time that he isnt getting the proper nutrition. Is there any foods that he does like more than others? I once had a dr tell me to put my dd on the "french" diet, adding creams and higher fat foods to her meals.
Honestly , if your motherly instinct is telling you that something isnt right I would consult a dr who could tell me what, if something, is wrong with my child till I found a sollution, even if it meant seeing 20 more drs. Your son is in my prayers, let us know if you have any luck!

 

[Perditamarie]

Oh, wow, that has got to be so stressful everyday. Here are a few ideas, hopefully they are a bit helpful!

* take him grocery shopping, let him pick items
* let him help you make b/l/d
* check out kids cookbook for ideas on meals/presentation
* sign him up for kids cooking lessons
* can he eat a bunch of healthy,small snacks during the day instead of
meals? what about food presented in a bento box?
http://www.lunchboxes.com/bento.html
http://lunchinabox.net/

* have a food taste test - try a bunch of stuff to see what he prefers
* will it help if he can dip it, eat it on a stick, eat it spicy, eat it plain, add
cheese, etc
* does he fill up on water/juice/milk?
* is he constipated?
* try special food days - we have McDonalds days a few times a month,
pop tart day on Sunday, muffin day during the week, etc....maybe
something will seem better if it is only allowed certain times?

Keep perservering w/the doctors - sounds like there has to be more to this than lack of appetite for so long!

* have his thyroid and pituitary glands been checked?

Hang in there and I am sure you will get some great advice on these boards!

 

[JackJack08]

I have a almost 4.5 DS who hates to eat. He just seems to have no appetite. He's been this way ever since he went on solid foods. I've been to several doctors including GI specialists and feeding specialists and they cannot seem to find anything medically wrong with him. He's been tested for celiac and is actually having a second biopsy to rule it out but i don't think that's the problem. He just never seems to be hungry. I think he has probably asked for a snack 10 times in his entire life. He's picky but that doesn't seem to be the problem either as I'll make him anything he likes just to try to get him to eat (and this is per the DR's instructions). Meal times for us are just awful. For example tonight we sat at the dinner table for almost 2 hours while he ate one small bowl of pasta. His latest thing is that he chews forever. He can keep a bite in his mouth for about 20 minutes. It doesn't seem to be texture related and he's not allergic to anything. He is on pediasure just to keep his weight up. He's been almost off the charts for the past 2.5 years, currently he weighs 30 lbs and is 39 inches tall. I don't know what to do. I hate fighting with him at meal time but f I just ignore him then he eats nothing. Anyone else have this problem? Any suggestions or anything I am missing?? I feel like I've tried everything. I also have a picky DD but she eats fine.

My DS5 will not eat either. I have tried everything and it is a HUGE source of stress for the whole family. The more people I talk to, the more I think alot of boys are this way. I have never talked to any mom's that have girls that act like this. I am just so jealous, that most of my friends kids actually eat what they make for dinner. I mean the whole family eats the same thing. Amazing concept! Our family doctor tells me not to worry..that he will eat when he is hungry. Although this rarely happens. My guy of course will eat treats of any kind but nothing much else. He is a vegetarian. Will not eat any meat. He does not like anything with a soft or slimy texture either. Wouldn't even eat baby food. And no veggies. Fruits I can get him to eat, if I work at it.

 

[juliana_sd]

I wonder if it's psychological? Maybe he knows that if he doesn't eat, he'll get all the attention or something... might be worth a few visits with a therapist who deals with these kinds of things in kids, if you haven't already. Good luck, that sounds really hard on all of you

 

[JackJack08]

I wonder if it's psychological? Maybe he knows that if he doesn't eat, he'll get all the attention or something... might be worth a few visits with a therapist who deals with these kinds of things in kids, if you haven't already. Good luck, that sounds really hard on all of you

In some respects I think it has turned into a game. But DS has been like this his whole life. He get lots of positive attention (he's the apple of Mom's eye ) but I think he likes to try to be in control of his eating. I don't know, it is just frustrating as heck. It is, I think, also an attention thing. I can't get DS to eat at the table but if I let him go run and play and then call him in to eat a few bites, I can get some good stuff into him. I have just started this and it seems to work, better than anything. He would go all day without hardly eating.

 

[brergnat]

He's 4.5?

He's still alive?

He's eating enough.



I know what you're going through, but honestly, I have a 3.5 year old who is 38 inches and 28 pounds. He goes all day like the energizer bunny...the energy comes from somewhere, even though I swear he lives off air. My son is also autistic and has major texture issues, but he does eat a fair variety of foods. We also went through the Pediasure stage for about 1.5 years. There was a time when EVERY day, I would mash up an entire avocado, mix it with whole milk vanilla yogurt and a bunch of honey and call it "avocado cream". He would tear it up (this was between 1-2 years old). This is how I "fattened" him up, enough that I couldn't see his ribs through his skin on his back anymore. He now likes mac and cheese a LOT, so I let him have that about every other day. I bribe him to eat what I make for dinner with the promise of a small dish of vanilla ice cream (super premium). He LOVES vanilla ice cream, enough that he will choke down almost anything I serve him (sometimes gagging along the way), just so he can have it. Believe it or not, his pedi recommended I do this. The ice cream will work double time to provide some essential fat and calories to his daily intake. Plus, it will get him eating other things. It totally works!

At this point, I don't stress about it anymore. He is a healthy happy kid. Unfortunately, his favorite foods are practically zero calorie (he likes raw vegetables, rice, grilled chicken breast, plain lettuce, pretzels, etc).

I still use whole milk and whole milk dairy products for him. He has recently begun liking chocolate milk, so he has some every day now (he previously would NOT drink milk at all...I had to give him yogurt like it was going out of style so he would get enough calcium).

What works best for us is to let him help me cook. He loves it! Today, he was sauteeing peppers and onions for fajitas and he started eating cooked onions and peppers off the spatula he was stirring them with! That was a first. He was very excited to make himself a quesadilla. I let him choose what he wanted and let HIM make it. He chose to put in chicken, onions, and cheese, and he at it ALL! If I had made that for him, he wouldn't have touched it. At this age, a lot of stuff is about control. I find that when my son has control over preparing his food, he is more likely to eat it.

And boy, do I know about the taking FOREVER to eat! My son will eat if given the chance, but really, an hour is too long for the tiny bit of food I put on his plate. He gets SO distracted! I used to follow him around shoving food in his mouth as he played too...but I had a LOT of professionals advise me to stop doing that a.s.a.p.! That kind of thing can cause some serious food issues.

If I were you, I'd just try to relax a bit. I know it's easier said than done, but toddlers have an instinct to survive. They will not let themselves starve. Eventually, they will get hungry and eat. You should establish mealtime rules and routines and stick to them. Tell your son that he needs to eat at the table, and he may leave when he is done eating. Let him go hungry for a meal or two...he will shape up FAST! And, he will start eating if you stay consistent. He knows he is in charge of this situation, and you need to turn it around. Also, I would start keeping a food journal. Write down EVERY item of food/drink that goes into your son's mouth. Remember, a 4 year old only needs about 900 cal/day. That's not much at all. Chances are, he's eating exactly what he needs. I'd stop the Pediasure, unless your doctor advised otherwise. It's super high calorie and is probably making him full. It's like when adults use Slim Fast. Those shakes fill you up and you're not hungry. Pediasure is meant to REPLACE meals for kids. Each one is almost a third of the caloric need for a 4 year old, so I'd stop them and see if his appetite doesn't pick up.

 

[Tnkrbelle565]

I'm not saying that you would do this but I noticed a previous poster mentioned that their dr advocated a "french fry" diet. I'm a social worker who has met a lot of pediatricians who advocate the same thing. I know from experience that the kids who's parents followed that advice still have horrible eaters. The kids eventually grow out of the eating issues and they still expect to be able to eat junk food! (This diet is recommended for a lot of my kids who are on meds that cause poor eating/weight loss). I would really recommend that if your pedi is recommending this, seek out a second opinion. I'm sorry that your are going thru this...it's got to be very frustrating! My DD either eats like she's being starved or not at all (depending on her growth spurts). I thought THAT was frustrating! Good Luck!

 

[DevilDuckie]

I'm not saying that you would do this but I noticed a previous poster mentioned that their dr advocated a "french fry" diet.

The previous poster actually advocated a "French" diet, not a french fry diet. While a diet of french fries would certainly be harmful, the Frech as a nation tend to have better eating habits than Americans and emulating their eating habits would not be tragic.

 

[Tnkrbelle565]

OH. I misread it...because I immediately thought "oh god, not another one". I have had pediatricians tell parents to let their kids eat anything they want...french fries included. If I have one more parent tell me that their pediatrician said to let their kids eat junk food for breakfast, I'll scream!

 

[fortheluvofpooh]

this is just a thought but when I was younger I gagged on ham and refused to eat solids, I remember it plain as day. My mom went so far as to buy me jar baby foods. You said DS has been this way pretty much since on solids, why not let him have ground up food? or babyfood? yogurts and such. and how about those nutripals drinks. Just a thought.

 

[adoptionmomma4]

I also have non- eater. I am starting to think there is one in every family It is so frustrating. My DS will actually say "I just do not like food!" He is now 7 and has been this was forever (we adopted him at 2). At 7 years old he is 38 pounds and very short. He looks about the size of a 5 year old. I have also had him tested for everything under the sun and took countless trips to specialists. He is fine. He is just not a big eater. He may never be. My pedi says as long as he is growing on his own curve then he is fine and will eat when he is hungry. That makes me crazy, but I am learning to love with it.

My heart does go out to you though. Sorry I didn't have any advice. I just wanted you to know you are not alone.

 

[Swimmergirl]

I feel your pain! My 3.5 year old won't eat either. My DS is about 38 inches and just under 30 lbs. He has always hated eating. He was a micro-preemie (1lb, 4 oz at birth), and stayed in the hospital 4 months. The last month the only thing keeping in from coming home was the eating. I had to literally force feed him. He now has oral aversion and oral motor problems. He used to throw up anything with texture beyond baby food, and puked 2 or 3 times every day. He's pretty much stopped that, but he doesn't know how to chew properly, so everything he eats has to have very little texture. He still won't eat ANYTHING! I literally have to coerce him into every bite. Everyone says that if I just leave him alone he'll eat/won't let himself starve, etc. But I've tried that and he still doesn't eat. He went 3 days with just water and two or three bites of food! It's like he just never gets hungry at all.

So, I can totally relate to your frustration. It kills me to make a meal and have him not want any of it even though I can see his ribs. We are doing a little better lately because I have started a sticker chart. If he eats a certain number of full spoonfuls he gets a sticker. Once his chart is full he gets a small treat. I sometimes feel like I'm setting him up for further eating problems down the road - but the kid HAS to eat something!

I think my son's problems stem from the preemie thing. Part of it is that since we've always forced him to eat and kept him tanked up on pediasure and the like he doesn't associate eating with being hungry. Part of it is behavioral - he knows that mealtimes are battles, and that's what he expects. Also I think he enjoys the attention of me talking to him throughout the meal, especially now that he has a little brother. The other issue I think might be in his brain. He had a brain bleed at birth, and sometimes I wonder if it effected the portion of his brain that regulates hunger. We've had CTs done, but an MRI would be better. Unfortunately he can't have one since he has a metal clip in his heart. But I do believe that there are people that do not experience hunger in a regular way due to problems with their hypothalamus in their brain or something. Anyway, I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but I just wanted to let you know you are not alone! Good luck!

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

I have a almost 4.5 DS who hates to eat. He just seems to have no appetite. He's been this way ever since he went on solid foods. I've been to several doctors including GI specialists and feeding specialists and they cannot seem to find anything medically wrong with him. He's been tested for celiac and is actually having a second biopsy to rule it out but i don't think that's the problem. He just never seems to be hungry. I think he has probably asked for a snack 10 times in his entire life. He's picky but that doesn't seem to be the problem either as I'll make him anything he likes just to try to get him to eat (and this is per the DR's instructions). Meal times for us are just awful. For example tonight we sat at the dinner table for almost 2 hours while he ate one small bowl of pasta. His latest thing is that he chews forever. He can keep a bite in his mouth for about 20 minutes. It doesn't seem to be texture related and he's not allergic to anything. He is on pediasure just to keep his weight up. He's been almost off the charts for the past 2.5 years, currently he weighs 30 lbs and is 39 inches tall. I don't know what to do. I hate fighting with him at meal time but f I just ignore him then he eats nothing. Anyone else have this problem? Any suggestions or anything I am missing?? I feel like I've tried everything. I also have a picky DD but she eats fine.

This might sound weird...but here goes... can your son smell okay?
My uncle was in an accident and the part of the brain that smells and tastes has been affected . He never wants to eat anything b/c nothing appeals to him. He eats b/c hes supposed to to stay alive- but he never desires to eat.
He can't smell anything either. Its far fetched- but a thought.

 

[all4fun]

You said he chews forever... has a speech/feeding therapist ever checked him for dysphagia? How is his speech progressing? Often eating problems are associated with other oral motor delays (it's all related). Just a thought...

My ds was also a preemie, IUGR 1lb 5oz at 28wks. He had oral/texture aversion issues since starting solids and also had infant reflux. It is very gradually getting better.

We're one of of the lucky few w/this problem...Despite his eating issues he has never really had growth problems (always maintained his growth curve). We did feed him a high fat diet, not that I would recommend that necessarily but it seemed to work for him. He also wouldn't drink pediasure but does drink Carnation Instant Breakfast (he gets approx 1/2 a serving a day). I was concerned about his fat intake since he does eat meat (sausage & bacon are his faves) so we switched him to 2% milk a while ago. Up until this past year he's always been very tall but very slender (you could see his ribs sticking thru his skin). Now he's jumped up on the weight charts too. The bad thing about this is that when we expressed our worries to our ped he didn't see a problem because ds didn't have a weight issue. Never mind he refuses to eat anything healthy. We're working on it. Anyway I didn't want to make this about us and our problem but just wanted to reach out and say you're not alone! We've had many a night sitting at the table coaxing and cajoling ds into taking one more bite, and watching him chew one bite for what seems like forever. SOOOOO frustrating! I feel your pain. It is so hard not to let it become a power struggle and it's a battle the child always wins.

{{hugs}} I do hope things get better for you. I agree though as long as he's maintaining his weight and growing some - he'll be ok. Keep feeding him healthy stuff otherwise you'll have the opposite problem (hard to believe right now I know) when he gets older.

 

[monorailsilver]

He sounds like what my 4 1/2 yo ds is going thru right now.

He is 39 1/4 inches (can you tell I measure him often for our summer Disney trip!) & finally about 35 lbs on a good day.

But we can sit at the table for hours with him. It is horrible.

He moaned on Monday night that he was getting turkey breast when "I only like the leg". So I told him this was dinner tonight & he ate a bit but he started dinner at 5:10 & finished close to 6:30.

So the next night it was a mish mash of dinner & I made him chicken legs. What did he do? Stare at them for the first 15 minutes of their cooked life.

I make him his favorite, chicken nuggets, and an hour later he still has 4 to eat out of the 6 I originally made him.

My ds does have food allergies & often has an excess of phlegm so there are times he spits up during his meal. Umm..more so when my dh is around though.

The past few am's he has wanted toast but just one piece. So I make him a piece & load it up with a ton of soy butter (like peanut butter but soy since one of his allergies is peanuts).

We don't know what else to do with him. It drives us crazy.

I finally banned tv or instilled the no tv rule if it takes him too long to eat. I don't want him shoveling food down his throat but I am tired of him sitting there for up to 2 hours.

I have also been telling him if he doesn't learn to eat a bit quicker when he goes to K in the fall, he will miss the bus & daddy won't be able to take him to the bus stop so I will have to take him to school.

And that he will miss going on the rides in WDW this summer since he will still be eating. So he will sit in the room with me & stare at the wall.

My oldest dd was a picky eater so she just nibbled & was also small in weight. My ds isn't as picky as she was/is. And my youngest is the best eater. She just turned 2 & will eat pretty much anything & quick too!

(((Hugs))) but I am glad to hear someone else is going thru this too.

 

[JodyLynC]

I have twins. One was a strong eater. one was a poor eater. Here are some things that encourage Vicky to eat better.

1) Allow your kids to help pick out meals. Offer them choices, but let them choose, for example: If Tuesday is Chicken night ask if they would like Chicken Parmesan or Baked Chicken strips. Which side: rice or pasta? Salad or Broccoli?

2) Let them help cook as much as possible. For salad, let them tear the lettuce or separate brocolli. You cut up the veggies. Let them add them to the bowl and toss. Let them choose the extras (croutons or nuts?)

3) Instead of fixing plates in the kitchen, put everything in serving dishes and let them serve themselves at the table. (I know, more dishes. But Vicky really loved this!!)

4) Give them a specific number of bites. Our pedi said that per meal each child should have a bite for each year of age plus one to grow on. For our then 4yo that meant 5 bites. So Vicky had to take one bite of each item (protein, side, veggie). The other 2 bites were her choice.

This gives the illusion that the child is in control of the food which in our case, was needed. She was more willing to eat foods that she chose, helped to prepare, and served to herself. And although we specified the number of bites, she did have some control over what the bites were.

For the most part, we rarely have a problem anymore. Once in awhile she will lapse, but she is much easier to negotiate with now.

 

[letsgoagainsoon]

Same thing here, I'm so glad to hear I'm not alone. DS4 never wants to eat. For awhile we would sit at the table for hours trying to get him to eat. It was very stressful, so the last week or so we just try to get him to eat a certain amount of bites. This has been going better, plus I ask him what he wants...usually pasta, pancakes or a plain piece of toast, but I am so happy he actually says anything, that I make it for him. He hates all meat and anything soft, he won't even try ice cream! He does drink milk often, so I guess that is good. The Dr. says he will eat when he is hungry. Like a pp said, I don't see how he can have so much energy for not eating much. I'm so hoping he gets over this soon.

 

[CapeCodMouse]

I feel your pain - DS6 (almost 7), only weighs 40 pounds - been like this since the day he was born when the nurses in the hospital called him a "lazy eater". The pediatrician always said he was hitting all his developmental milestones, had boundless energy and was still growing. I stopped worrying about it after he turned 1 year. He eats when he eats and what he eats, and sometimes he doesn't eat at all and I wonder that he doesn't die of starvation. But - that's the way he is. Can't change him - stopped trying to. Less stress...

 

[MSSANDRA]

DS was about the size that your son is when was at four. In fact a little smaller) He was premature and while we escaped a lot of the issues that many parents face, he was a picky and very light eater. Our salvation was a wonderful doctor that assure us that he would not starve himself. Easier said than done .We hnowever never played the eat what ever he wanted game. We made sure to keep junk out of the house so he was not even aware that was an option.Our doctor did not encourage adding calories for the sake of calories but to make sure that any bite that did go into his mouth was dense in both calories and healthy for him. We added peanut butter to everything.

We somehow took a more relaxed path and while we certainly encouraged him to eat and cattered quite a bit to his likes, we were able to avoid the battles. Dinner lasted until we were all done and then he could get down too. It might have been two bites or 0 bites. A snack was offered before bed. He did grow SLOWLY. He was not yet 40 lbs when he started school at 6 years old ( a year late). Somewhere in that year however he started eating and gained like 10 pounds that year!!!

For your son; look at him overall. Is he energetic, has a good disposition, can he keep up with his same age peers?

If you still think that there is something physical, I would encourage you to seek out a doctor that could lead you an answer or peace. I taught a child years ago that was diagnosed with a childhood form of anorexia.

Another thought; does he eat for other people any better than you? At preschool, grandparents, play dates? We have children at our school that parents tell us they NEVER eat but they eat well at school.

Hope that life gets better for you but know you are not alone and most of these kids turn out just fine. DS is almost 16 and bigger than me and can eat an AMAZING amount of food!!!