My 18yo ds doesn't want to go to his HS Graduation

[RN4Babies]

My ds18 has done very well in high school; he's graduating with honors and heading to college in the fall. His teachers have always loved him; I always hear what a nice young man he is, that he has a wonderful, positive attitude, and that he's mature beyond his years. He had a pretty rough time learning early on; he was in birth to three for therapies, then early childhood education. Learning has never been an easy process for him, but he's persevered and really holds himself to a very high standard. He has learning disabilities with anything math related, but has worked hard to get where he is. He has three close friends; one is a junior this year, and the other two graduated last year. He has casual friends at school, but no one he hangs around with outside of school who's also graduating in June. He has NOT liked high school the whole time he's been there; he's constantly complaining how immature the kids are, and how he can't wait to be done. The graduation ceremony is scheduled for mid-June in the high school gymnasium. The school is air conditioned, but mid June here can mean anything from 50 degrees and chilly to 95 degrees and very humid. I've heard from neighbors that the last several graduations have been very stuffy, two of them very hot, and uncomfortable.

My son told me yesterday he wants to skip the ceremony and get his diploma mailed to him. When I asked him why, he said he's always hated it there, and feels it will be a waste of time attending. He also has heat/humidity induced asthma, and is using that as an excuse to skip graduation as well. He doesn't want a graduation party either, so this benchmark in his life would pass relatively unnoticed. I've already purchased his cap and gown (they arrived last week); he's offered to pay me for them so I'm not out the money. I've had conversations with him that sometimes we need to do things in life that we really don't want to, but he's pretty adamant about this.

What to do? Part of me wants to say that he doesn't have a choice, and that he's going, but he is 18, and I want to make sure I'm not forcing him to go just for my benefit. Suggestions?......TIA!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My dd is graduating as well and wanted to skip it. She only did 1 semester there so really she doesn't know anyone.

In addition the graduation is on Memorial Day, in downtown St. Louis.

But DH said she is going. He never graduated HS and he wants to see his dd walk across the stage.

 

[Smileybug]

That's a tough one. If he is that adamant I don't know that I would force it. But have you thought about having his picture made in his cap and gown? Then maybe just your family going out for a nice dinner to celebrate? Even though he was not happy in HS it sounds like he accomplished quite a lot in his 4 years there.

 

[aprilgail2]

I skipped my jr. high graduation and would have skipped the high school one if my parents hadn't shamed me into going for their own benefit. I was happy just to have graduated and gotten out of there to get on with my life- I took 11th and 12 grade in one year just to get out of there sooner!

 

[powellrj]

I would let him skip it. My middle DS is also graduating and is excited about the ceremony, while my oldest DS didn't go to his. He hated school and never really had anything positive to say about it where my middle DS loves school and is also singing at the graduation.

Some kids love school and its important to them while other kids just barely tolerate it and the milestones have no importance to them. Add the heat and crowds and I would just take him out for a lovely dinner and celebrate the event in his own way.

 

[Nie0214]

I don't remember my high school graduation.. and it was only 5 years ago. I didn't want to go either, especially since I had to give a speech. I never really cared for much at my high school, and felt like being "rewarded" with giving a speech to people who didn't want to hear it because I earned good grades was more like punishment. I went, I said some stuff into a microphone, I went out to dinner with my friends after. The only thing I remember about the actual ceremony was that two of my friends weren't wearing anything under their gowns.

I didn't really want to go to my college graduation either, but I did anyway, for my mom, for my student loans to mean something.. I don't know why. Whenever I get my Master's though, I won't bother.

Let him decide. Who knows, in the end he might change his mind. Forcing him to go won't make the night more memorable.

 

[MushyMushy]

I have the same issue with my son this year too. I think he's resigned himself to walking the stage, though. I've really been resolute on that subject.

I just think you should do what's right for your family. If your son has good and valid reasons for not wanting to walk, then you could do something else to celebrate the big day. The reason I'm so insistent with my son is that we have had to always force him to do anything outside his comfort zone.

 

[dumboiu]

I vote to let him skip it.......I never went to either of my HS or college graduations and never, ever regretted it.

 

[Rora]

That's a tough one. If he is that adamant I don't know that I would force it. But have you thought about having his picture made in his cap and gown? Then maybe just your family going out for a nice dinner to celebrate? Even though he was not happy in HS it sounds like he accomplished quite a lot in his 4 years there.

This is a good idea.

Good luck, Mom. This can't be easy for you. I'm sure you want to see him walk, but respecting his wishes will probably be best in the end.

 

[JPN4265]

My ds18 has done very well in high school; he's graduating with honors and heading to college in the fall. His teachers have always loved him; I always hear what a nice young man he is, that he has a wonderful, positive attitude, and that he's mature beyond his years. He had a pretty rough time learning early on; he was in birth to three for therapies, then early childhood education. Learning has never been an easy process for him, but he's persevered and really holds himself to a very high standard. He has learning disabilities with anything math related, but has worked hard to get where he is. He has three close friends; one is a junior this year, and the other two graduated last year. He has casual friends at school, but no one he hangs around with outside of school who's also graduating in June. He has NOT liked high school the whole time he's been there; he's constantly complaining how immature the kids are, and how he can't wait to be done. The graduation ceremony is scheduled for mid-June in the high school gymnasium. The school is air conditioned, but mid June here can mean anything from 50 degrees and chilly to 95 degrees and very humid. I've heard from neighbors that the last several graduations have been very stuffy, two of them very hot, and uncomfortable.

My son told me yesterday he wants to skip the ceremony and get his diploma mailed to him. When I asked him why, he said he's always hated it there, and feels it will be a waste of time attending. He also has heat/humidity induced asthma, and is using that as an excuse to skip graduation as well. He doesn't want a graduation party either, so this benchmark in his life would pass relatively unnoticed. I've already purchased his cap and gown (they arrived last week); he's offered to pay me for them so I'm not out the money. I've had conversations with him that sometimes we need to do things in life that we really don't want to, but he's pretty adamant about this.

What to do? Part of me wants to say that he doesn't have a choice, and that he's going, but he is 18, and I want to make sure I'm not forcing him to go just for my benefit. Suggestions?......TIA!

Tell him that the graduation is not only to celebrate his accomplishments, but also allows you (his parents) to celebrate. Tell him it is a small price to pay, for his parents to beam with pride as he walks across that platform and receives his diploma. Also, he will be glad he did. Good luck.

 

[Pop Daddy]

I didnt want to go either, I was forced, some people just anit into that kind of stuff

 

[JanaNs]

My ds graduates in June as well and I know he won't attend. I'm so sad about it and I'm not sure why. He didn't even get grad photos taken. But I know I can't force him so I'm just going to go with whatever he decides and have a celebration with family anyway. I'm just glad he made it through!

 

[OhMari]

I see you are in Wauwatosa.
It sounds like he knows what he wants.
But tell him, you still want to celebrate his accomplishment of graduating.
Where is he going to school?

I asked my last dd if she wanted a party or take a trip some where. I really wished she would of chose the trip.
So, maybe plan a special weekend and go away for a few days.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You could still have a party or go out to dinner to celebrate. I would let dd skip, but dh won't let her.
She is OK with that.

 

[luvmy3]

Its his graduation and if he wants to skip it then he should. There is no reason you can't celebrate as a family without having to go to the ceremony. Some kids just aren't all into HS, and if he feels that way now its probably not something he will regret not doing later in life. Let him celebrate his accomplishments in his own way

 

[HighClass]

Attending is mandatory at my kid's HS. I never hear of this option to skip

 

[bgirldeb]

I would let him skip it. I didn't go to my HS graduation because we moved during my Sr year, finished it up on a partial day schedule, since I didn't need as many classes in my new state, and I didn't have a lot of friends in the new school. I went on to College on a scholarship and never looked back.

If it's that uncomfortable, and his friends aren't even in his graduating class I wouldn't make him do it.

If he doesn't want a party, maybe you could take him out for dinner at his favorite restaurant or something.

 

[Disney Doll]

Well, you DO want him to do it for your benefit, since he has told you he doesn't care. Nothing wrong with thoping that occasionally a child will give something back to their parents, BTW.

What would upset me is that my kid was being selfish and self-centered. It's a small price for him to pay to do something for a couple of hours for the people who have loved him and helped him through school, to give them a sense of pride.

Ultimately, I'd let it be his choice. But he'd know full well that I was disappointed. If he's old enough to make these kinds of decisions, he's old enough to know about the ramifications of them...that being hurting and disappointing his parents. I wouldn't protect him from that. I wouldn't harp on it for a year, but he'd know I was disappointed.

And I know mine will not be the popular opinion, BTW.

 

[Avalon_toon]

I'd let him skip it - if the ritual isn't meaningful to him, why not find something that is meaningful, and do that instead? After all, the real achievement is completing high school, not the walking across the stage.

 

[Kies99]

I'd let him skip it - if the ritual isn't meaningful to him, why not find something that is meaningful, and do that instead? After all, the real achievement is completing high school, not the walking across the stage.

Couldn't have said it better myself!