My 13yo niece was crushed and publicly humilated

[ilisao]

Temple Solel , which I used to attend in San Diego had Bar mitzvahs at every single Sat morning service, sometimes 2.. I've been to many , many just going to regular services..

Yep. And I've found them to be quite lovely.

 

[punkin]

Yep. And I've found them to be quite lovely.

And no one ever gets turned away IME. That's why this whole thing sounds so strange.

 

[JennyMominRI]

Yep. And I've found them to be quite lovely.

For me it's when the parents speak that get to me... I didn't even know most of the families but as soon as the parents get up there and start to talk I lose it.

 

[allison443]

OP you said another girl was asked to leave along with your neice? Maybe your neice's mom could call that girl's mom...find out a little bit more about how everything happened and how she is handling it.
So sorry that your neice went through this.

 

[Disney Doll]

ahhh ok... You learn something new each day My daughter has I belive 16 others the same time as her.

Maybe they though some kids would be bored or uncomfortable? Especially if it was classmate and they were not inviting the classmates family also.

Wow!!! I live in CT, and have never been to a bar mitzvah for more than one kid at a time!

 

[RitaZ.]

Im afraid I would have had to take granny down.

I would have helped you!

Seriously, how embarrassing for your niece.

 

[LisaNJ25]

Wow!!! I live in CT, and have never been to a bar mitzvah for more than one kid at a time!

Sorry to confuse you.. that is for a communion.. where it seems like they cram everyone in lol

 

[tink_n_pooh]

Sorry to confuse you.. that is for a communion.. where it seems like they cram everyone in lol

LISANJ25 - I love your Hot Dog Johny's pic, I live just a few minutes from there!

This whole situation is nuts, that chick needs to get a life, doesn't sound like she learned much in her religious education classes

 

[Mr. & Mrs. Smith]

You're a minister? Or are you speaking hypothetically?

I am an ordained minister.

Church is alway open to everyone. Now does everyone want to come or just come to the party that is up to them.

Exactly! To me, it would be like inviting people to the wedding reception but not allowing them come to the wedding. Weird.

If people are worried about not getting a seat, come early.

 

[FergieTCat]

And you wonder where these kids learn bullying -- their parents and grandparents teach it to them.

Grandma shouldn't be acting as the kid's wingman. Unless she's used to giving "Princess" whatever she wants.

 

[Cindy B]

See, I'm one that doesn't think the exclusion to the service is any weird thing.

Case in point-- one of my son's friends just had a Bat Mitzvah. The ceremony was private and per the mother only 8 people-- the daughter, parents, siblings, and I think aunt/grandmother.

The family wanted to keep the ceremony private and in the mothers words more "meaningful".

However, the daughter was allowed to plan a private party for 15 friends so they could celebrate with her. The party was a few days after the actual ceremony so the daughter could spend time with out of town guests.

It worked out well.

My son went to another bat mitzvah and he went to the ceremony. A few kids (students) his age were at the ceremony and some didn't make the ceremony but went to the party afterward due to sports, play, music and other type of committments.


The whole aspect of not going to the ceremony is no big deal to me. The fact that she was "uninvited" once she got there is the big red flag.

I have a 13 year old. There is drama.. Lots of drama. I'm sure there was an argument or fight a few days prior.

 

[2girlsmom]

I am an ordained minister.



Exactly! To me, it would be like inviting people to the wedding reception but not allowing them come to the wedding. Weird.

If people are worried about not getting a seat, come early.

Except around here, people do that all the time!

 

[punkin]

So, OP has your sister found out yet what was going on?

 

[ilisao]

See, I'm one that doesn't think the exclusion to the service is any weird thing.

Case in point-- one of my son's friends just had a Bat Mitzvah. The ceremony was private and per the mother only 8 people-- the daughter, parents, siblings, and I think aunt/grandmother.

The family wanted to keep the ceremony private and in the mothers words more "meaningful".
However, the daughter was allowed to plan a private party for 15 friends so they could celebrate with her. The party was a few days after the actual ceremony so the daughter could spend time with out of town guests.

It worked out well.

My son went to another bat mitzvah and he went to the ceremony. A few kids (students) his age were at the ceremony and some didn't make the ceremony but went to the party afterward due to sports, play, music and other type of committments.


The whole aspect of not going to the ceremony is no big deal to me. The fact that she was "uninvited" once she got there is the big red flag.

I have a 13 year old. There is drama.. Lots of drama. I'm sure there was an argument or fight a few days prior.

Just curious, how did he read the Torah? Did they go somewhere else and a Torah brought in? Because you simply cannot close off a synagogue on Shabbat to other worshippers.

 

[punkin]

Case in point-- one of my son's friends just had a Bat Mitzvah. The ceremony was private and per the mother only 8 people-- the daughter, parents, siblings, and I think aunt/grandmother.

Can't read from the Torah if you have less than 10 people and what did they do with the rest of the congregation?

 

[Chicago526]

I have never heard tell of this. Do you need to show your ticket before they'll let you in the church? I think that's absolutely ridiculous. Whoever wants to go to church for anything should be able to attend. It's an open, welcoming, free place to go! I would not tolerate that kind of attitude in my church either as a minister or as a congregant. Who cares if the church is packed? I think that would be wonderful!

I can only speak for my church but it's packed during most normal masses. Add in 1st communion and it's standing room only. If they didn't limit the family/friends of those having their 1st communons there litterally wouldn't be room for everyone (due to building occupancy). It really just depends on the size of the church (the physical size) and how big the congregation is.

 

[JennyMominRI]

See, I'm one that doesn't think the exclusion to the service is any weird thing.

Case in point-- one of my son's friends just had a Bat Mitzvah. The ceremony was private and per the mother only 8 people-- the daughter, parents, siblings, and I think aunt/grandmother.

.

Did he read from the Torah without a minyan?

 

[Breezy_Carol]

This whole situation is nuts, that chick needs to get a life, doesn't sound like she learned much in her religious education classes

Ditto.

 

[NAB]

I can only speak for my church but it's packed during most normal masses. Add in 1st communion and it's standing room only. If they didn't limit the family/friends of those having their 1st communons there litterally wouldn't be room for everyone (due to building occupancy). It really just depends on the size of the church (the physical size) and how big the congregation is.

Ours would be too but believe me the congregation knows when this is going to happen and just goes to another mass.

Like I said Christmas the church is over full and no one is turned away. Your choice to go to another church or mass. Churches know this and have other times set up.

 

[ilisao]

Can't read from the Torah if you have less than 10 people and what did they do with the rest of the congregation?

Good point. I forgot about the minyan.