Mum's panic attacks are getting to be horrible and I don't know how to help...

[Ember]

My mother has always had severe panic attacks. They are crippling and destructive. I've spent large parts of my life fruitlessly trying to avoid triggering them. When they happen, I've left numerous events and gone home to try and help sooth them.

But now they've reached new levels. She screams when she lays down because she says she can't breathe. She's seeking things to panic about, real or imagined. Every night there are new terrors and every night I stay up with her for hours.

I don't know what to do anymore. Her fear is uncontrollable and there is nothing I can do to help. Her doctor and home care nurse know about the situation, but they don't seem to be able to do anything either. And what do you say to a terror of dying to someone with terminal cancer?

It's starting to affect my sleep, because I'm waking up to every small sound in case my mum is in distress. I'm so tired and I know that's not helping either. I just don't know what to do.

 

[ZeitgeistDuck]

Ember, I don't know your mom's faith, but is there a clergy person she can talk to to address the fears? I don't know if that would help or not. Also, would she accept medication to help her keep calm? My dad went through the panic when he was battling cancer and honestly medication was the only thing that gave him some relief.

 

[npmommie]

I'm sorry to hear this. Have you talked to her doctor about this?there are meds that can help
I know it sounds like a band aid but there may be something that can help her

 

[Ember]

Ember, I don't know your mom's faith, but is there a clergy person she can talk to to address the fears? I don't know if that would help or not. Also, would she accept medication to help her keep calm? My dad went through the panic when he was battling cancer and honestly medication was the only thing that gave him some relief.

We had a priest visit this morning. I was hoping it would offer some comfort, but it doesn't seem to have done so. She's on medication but it doesn't seem to be helping either. Next time we see the doctor I'm going to have to see if there's something stronger.

 

[ZeitgeistDuck]

I'd call your doctor's office in the morning. The doctor may be able to call something in if he's very familiar with your mom- which I assume is the case.

I am keeping you and your mom in my prayers tonight. You are the most amazing person and what you are doing is heroic.

 

[Disney Doll]

If whatever she is taking for anxiety isn't helping then you need to insist that she be given something stornger or be given a stronger dose of what she is currently taking.

You need to explain what she is going through in terms of screaming, crippling anxiety.

 

[Buckalew11]

If whatever she is taking for anxiety isn't helping then you need to insist that she be given something stornger or be given a stronger dose of what she is currently taking.

You need to explain what she is going through in terms of screaming, crippling anxiety.

I would do this and I'd quote scripture to her--every one I could find dealing with fear, worry, anxiety, 23rd Psalm--everything. I, personally, have always found quoting scripture to help me. When my dad was dying we playing a lot of religious music about heaven for him--I remember him liking a country one by Ricky Van Shelton. I also prayed with him a loud and I think it was very calming to us both.

I am so sorry this is happening and she is so fearful. I will pray for her and hope she can be calmed. hugs to you, Ember.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

I am so sorry this is happening. You need to understand that you are not "triggering" these attacks.

While I am a long-term sufferer of panic attacks I am truly at a loss for what you should do. It is defintely clear that the medication they are giving her is not helping and if I were you, I would ask for her to be admitted to see if they can get them under control. This would also give you a well-needed rest and some sleep. If you continue to do as you are you will not be able to help her properly. My prayers will be with you and your mother for the comfort you both deserve.

 

[Kitty 34]

Some great advice already given so I just want to give you a big

 

[MnMomtoboys]

Your Mom is so lucky to have you. You are truly a blessing to her.

 

[RadioNate]

Do you have Hospice or any sort of respite care there to help you? You and your DH are an amazing blessing to your mother but you can't do it all.

Honestly medication seems to be your only option and that is OK. Can they do a mild sedative at night? You need to rest. You can't be an effective care giver if you start to need care yourself. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your mom.

You have done far more for her than most would do. Hang in there.

 

[monkeybug]

I agree with what others have said, sounds like she needs a different medication. Is there a counselor or therapist she could speak to? I know when my Grandpa was dyeing it was helpful to him to have some one to speak to. I want to say it was someone sent in by hospice? but I don't know that for sure.

So sorry you are going through this.

 

[nmmom95]

You and your husband are amazing people! I'm so sorry you are going through this. I would definitely see if the doctor can change her medication.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I do not know the details of your mothers conditions...

But, really, there is nothing that you, personally, have done to cause this, or can do to treat it.

Everyone is mentioning medication.
Is your mother on medication for anxiety/panic???

I have to wonder if her physical conditions, or the medications that she is taking to treat them, are what is causing/triggering this level of panic??
Before my mother passed away she had a major surgery, and one of the medications that she was given cause some very odd effects... Of course the doctors just kind of shrugged it off, but fortunately my sister began to notice that the strange side-effects or maybe allergic type reaction was really hitting after she was given her dose of the one medication... Thank goodness!!! We requested that they pull her off of that immediately, and it was very clear that this was what was causing the whole problem. And, my mother could then rest peacefully.

Is your mother just under the care of Oncologist (medical doctors) or has she been under the care of a good psychiatric doctor?

Other than these thoughts...
I can only offer

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

My wife helps take care of a woman in her 90s who has this problem. She takes a medication for it, but the doctor has told my wife to give her an extra pill if/when she starts to feel a little extra nervous. That extra pill, only rarely needed, really helps her.

I would talk to the doctor about the possibility of implementing a similar strategy...

 

[pilotwife_02]

I'm sorry you and your mom are going through this.

I'm not sure how old your mom is, but this past weekend my grandmother passed away and before she did they had her on a sedative for her anxiety (she had the terror you are describing your mom is having about dying ) but it had the opposite effect on her and she became agitated.

The next day when hospice came in we told her and she said that the med sometimes can cause that in older people and they switched her to something else.

So that might something you may want to look into also. Perhaps something she is taking is causing her anxiety.

You and DH are such wonderful caring people and I can tell how much you guys love her.

 

[Octoberbride03]

I do not know the details of your mothers conditions...

But, really, there is nothing that you, personally, have done to cause this, or can do to treat it.

Everyone is mentioning medication.
Is your mother on medication for anxiety/panic???

I have to wonder if her physical conditions, or the medications that she is taking to treat them, are what is causing/triggering this level of panic??
Before my mother passed away she had a major surgery, and one of the medications that she was given cause some very odd effects... Of course the doctors just kind of shrugged it off, but fortunately my sister began to notice that the strange side-effects or maybe allergic type reaction was really hitting after she was given her dose of the one medication... Thank goodness!!! We requested that they pull her off of that immediately, and it was very clear that this was what was causing the whole problem. And, my mother could then rest peacefully.

Is your mother just under the care of Oncologist (medical doctors) or has she been under the care of a good psychiatric doctor?

Other than these thoughts...
I can only offer

Oncologists are for cancer. Unless her panic attacks started after being treated treated for a type of cancer I don't think they would be able to do anything. A primary care physician is a better choice maybe in consulting with a psychiatrist.

My mother had panic attacks over the years, and she never knew they were panic attacks. She always thought they were heart attacks, as they symptoms were pretty close to 1. Her tests always came back the same. Perfectly healthy heart. It wasn't till after i got married that her Dr figured out it was panic and put her on anxiety meds. Fortunately, they've been very helpful to her. I hope you find what she needs.

 

[DisneyJules]

I used Lucinda Bassett's program www.stresscenter.com All the infomercials and radio spots give it a bad rap because it looks like some quack program but it's really not and is actually a VERY well rounded program for people who suffer from anxiety and panick disorder. It's somewhat expensive, but I know you can buy copies on Ebay as well

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I used Lucinda Bassett's program www.stresscenter.com All the infomercials and radio spots give it a bad rap because it looks like some quack program but it's really not and is actually a VERY well rounded program for people who suffer from anxiety and panick disorder. It's somewhat expensive, but I know you can buy copies on Ebay as well

I am not sure that "senior" anxiety is caused by the same thing as normal anxiety. I could be wrong, but it is usually associated with dementia and other issues associated with mental decline in old age...

 

[Wishing on a star]

Oncologists are for cancer. Unless her panic attacks started after being treated treated.

I KNOW that....
I was asking of her mother was "just" (only) under the care of an oncologist and or medical doctor. (and no psychiatric care)

This type of anxiety would require the care of a good psychiatric specialist.

And, yes, as I and another poster have mentioned, this anxiety can possibly be being triggered my other medications that she is being prescribed by the regular 'medical' doctors. Meds can have differing and even the direct opposit effects on some people in some situations.

In my mother's case, none of the medical doctors even recognized or admitted that any the meds that she was being prescribed post-op were causing these types of side effects. Even when we asked directly...

It was my sisters lucky observation that alleved the situation.

I am sure a good psychiatric specialist my know a lot more about the anxiety and the affects of different meds, etc...