Mulan Is Back

[momlady]

A thought -- instead of trying to "fix" the communications issue which obviously is causing problems, would it be possible for you to say "I will speak to no one from DAMM's camp except his lawyer." Apply for a restraining order in county against ex SIL and GF. The fact that he cannot speak with you is HIS problem not yours...why should YOU be the one having to put up with calls from hostile "strangers" because he has a court order preventing him from threatening you. He and his cronies have shown they can't play nice, I would think you would have good success in your county with this. That would force him to communicate only through official channels and would depersonalize all this. If he doesn't have a lawyer, tough...get one. Not your problem...of course unless Judge Good Ole Boy says his lil buddy doesn't need a lawyer... I can foresee problems with email in that (a) it gives him a direct line to you (regardless of having evidence, it still means he can terrorize you even subtly -- or get others to do so via email), (b) he can always claim he sent an email and that you didn't get it (by, for example, ooops making a mistake in the address so that it's undeliverable) and (c) it is bending over backwards to allow him access to you when he has shown he can't be civil.

The reason this came to mind was I was at the orthodontist's with my DS yesterday and a man was there, talking to the receptionist about the bill. She said something like "well call your ex and ask her about the coverage" and he said "I can't do that, you will have to split the bill and send her half to her lawyer" or something to that effect. he did not have her phone # or her address. It was obviously not a happy situation and the poor kid getting the braces wanted to fall through the floor, he was so embarrassed (dad was quite loud and annoyed). I wouldn't even give him the option of making YOU pay by calling your lawyer -- I would flat out say "the only person that I want communicating with me is your legal representative". End of story. And if the visitation is clearly spelled out then there is no discussion to be had. I mean, really -- it does not take a rocket scientist to figure out EOW!!

 

[maymom96]

Doesn't the DVO you have against him cover third parties? If it does, then it's a violation that he is having 3rd parties contact you and saying what they are saying.

 

[robinb]

I also thought that he could actually talk to Mulan about the kids. Am I wrong?

 

[hematite153]

I think Robinb is right, my understanding was that he was still allowed to make calls that are about the kids, just not allowed to use that as an excuse for harrassment. I'd say that the recent incidents actual suggest he's looking for ways around it or ways to use the DVO to his advantage.

Regardless of any ideas I, or others, may have, I think you should follow your lawyer's advice. You are paying her to know the system and to know the best way around it. If she has suggested that you initiate email contact and maintain records of email transactions, then, you should do so. If she is suggesting that you follow the letter of the court document, then, you should do so--EXACTLY. I.e. you should ALWAYS show up at exactly the right time (even if it means leaving home early and planning for a picnic on the PD steps), you should NEVER ask for or suggest changes, etc.

I've said it before, and I'm sure to say it again, but, I recommend you do what your lawyer tells you!

 

[momlady]

You are so right, hematite. Sometimes things seem so obvious to outsiders but the inner workings are much more fine-tuned. My thought was, as has been said before, once DA gets tired of pushing Mulan's buttons he will fade into the sunset...and having to pay his lawyer to push those buttons makes it far less fun!

 

[Vacation Lover]

I think the e-mail communication makes sense. It's printed documentation of all correspondence, and you can check it at your convenience. Go ahead and set up an e-mail account on Yahoo--set it up as an address that you'll only use with him. Then at the next drop off, give him the e-mail address and tell him that you'll be checking it daily.

You might even type a little note that says something like "Please direct all communication about the children to my new e-mail address (Mulan@yahoo.com) or to my attorney (attorney's name & phone #). I will check the above e-mail address twice each day"

You might also include a line saying something like, "To avoid confusion about summer visitation, I have listed visitation dates below. Please direct any questions or concerns to my attorney at (phone #).

June 6, 2008--5 week summer visitation--FORFEITED due to non show.
June 20-22--weekend visitation
July 4-6--weekend visitation
July 18-20--weekend visitation
(etc.)

Good luck and remember to keep it professional.

 

[jackdis]

I think the e-mail communication makes sense. It's printed documentation of all correspondence, and you can check it at your convenience. Go ahead and set up an e-mail account on Yahoo--set it up as an address that you'll only use with him. Then at the next drop off, give him the e-mail address and tell him that you'll be checking it daily.

You might even type a little note that says something like "Please direct all communication about the children to my new e-mail address (Mulan@yahoo.com) or to my attorney (attorney's name & phone #). I will check the above e-mail address twice each day"

You might also include a line saying something like, "To avoid confusion about summer visitation, I have listed visitation dates below. Please direct any questions or concerns to my attorney at (phone #).

June 6, 2008--5 week summer visitation--FORFEITED due to non show.
June 20-22--weekend visitation
July 4-6--weekend visitation
July 18-20--weekend visitation
(etc.)

Good luck and remember to keep it professional.

I think this is a great suggestion. It documents everything quickly and, most definitely, remember to keep it professional. I especially like that it clearly shows his "non show" for his 5 week visit.

 

[Keara'sMom]

I think the e-mail communication makes sense. It's printed documentation of all correspondence, and you can check it at your convenience. Go ahead and set up an e-mail account on Yahoo--set it up as an address that you'll only use with him. Then at the next drop off, give him the e-mail address and tell him that you'll be checking it daily.

You might even type a little note that says something like "Please direct all communication about the children to my new e-mail address (Mulan@yahoo.com) or to my attorney (attorney's name & phone #). I will check the above e-mail address twice each day"

You might also include a line saying something like, "To avoid confusion about summer visitation, I have listed visitation dates below. Please direct any questions or concerns to my attorney at (phone #).

June 6, 2008--5 week summer visitation--FORFEITED due to non show.
June 20-22--weekend visitation
July 4-6--weekend visitation
July 18-20--weekend visitation
(etc.)

Good luck and remember to keep it professional.

I also think this sounds great, but before you do something like this, I'd run it by your lawyer...just to be on the safe side.

 

[hematite153]

I also think this sounds great, but before you do something like this, I'd run it by your lawyer...just to be on the safe side.

Agreed
(I sound like a broken record.)

I definitely like the sound of a separate email account just for email from DA, but, once again, what did your lawyer say in terms of which address you should use?

Hope the good karma keeps coming your way.

 

[hematite153]

You are so right, hematite. Sometimes things seem so obvious to outsiders but the inner workings are much more fine-tuned. My thought was, as has been said before, once DA gets tired of pushing Mulan's buttons he will fade into the sunset...and having to pay his lawyer to push those buttons makes it far less fun!

Thanks. I did understand what you were saying and why you were saying it. Email is also easy to fake. But, I trust that lawyers know the law and the judicial system and how to deal with these kinds of situations. So, I start my record...

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

I think the e-mail communication makes sense. It's printed documentation of all correspondence, and you can check it at your convenience. Go ahead and set up an e-mail account on Yahoo--set it up as an address that you'll only use with him. Then at the next drop off, give him the e-mail address and tell him that you'll be checking it daily.

You might even type a little note that says something like "Please direct all communication about the children to my new e-mail address (Mulan@yahoo.com) or to my attorney (attorney's name & phone #). I will check the above e-mail address twice each day"

You might also include a line saying something like, "To avoid confusion about summer visitation, I have listed visitation dates below. Please direct any questions or concerns to my attorney at (phone #).

June 6, 2008--5 week summer visitation--FORFEITED due to non show.
June 20-22--weekend visitation
July 4-6--weekend visitation
July 18-20--weekend visitation
(etc.)

Good luck and remember to keep it professional.

Sounds almost like I have it written.
I'll have to check out the DVO restrictions again. But I think your right, they are 3rd party.
DAMM lost his phone vistation with the kids, but the court order does state that anything involving the kids he is to communicate with me, he uses the phone harrassment charges as an excuse not to talk to me- but it simply boils down to him keeping his mouth shut and not threatening or calling me names- guess he just can't control his BIG FAT mouth!

Karate was AWESOME today and my talk with the support group I think went very well, I hope I was an inspiration to them
Mulan

 

[graygables]

Checking in from WDW... {sorry!} I agree about the email. When I had to start dealing w/ my ex again for child support issues, I set up a yahoo account for that purpose. I also addressed him as "Sgt. Bumhead" (OK, I used his real last name ) and NEVER by first name. Sadly, I cringe anytime I even hear the first name, so I refused to use it. Once he realized that I printed and saved every email along with every letter he wrote (he had no phone contact, either), he wised up and became more business-like himself.

 

[sunnyday123]

Sounds almost like I have it written.
I'll have to check out the DVO restrictions again. But I think your right, they are 3rd party.
DAMM lost his phone vistation with the kids, but the court order does state that anything involving the kids he is to communicate with me, he uses the phone harrassment charges as an excuse not to talk to me- but it simply boils down to him keeping his mouth shut and not threatening or calling me names- guess he just can't control his BIG FAT mouth!

Karate was AWESOME today and my talk with the support group I think went very well, I hope I was an inspiration to them
Mulan

Email is the best way to handle him. He won't be able to control himself-he can't control you, so he'll lash out-and you won't have to listen to his scuzzy voice. And I am sure you are an inspiration to the support group, and every other person out there who may be going through the same thing you have.

 

[LoveKermit]

Also with email, CC everything you write to your atty and forward everything he writes to you to your atty. I would also hit print for all sent and received mail. It's amazing what gets done when someone is CCd on email. I will email my direct boss but then CC his boss. It's amazing how fast my issue is addressed.

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

Email is the best way to handle him. He won't be able to control himself-he can't control you, so he'll lash out-and you won't have to listen to his scuzzy voice. And I am sure you are an inspiration to the support group, and every other person out there who may be going through the same thing you have.

I just want to say I haven't heard the word, "Scuzzy" in so long. I love that word!!

And I agree with all of this!

 

[sunnyday123]

I just want to say I haven't heard the word, "Scuzzy" in so long. I love that word!!

And I agree with all of this!

it's the only one I can use that my DD doesn't charge me a quarter for!! I use it for everything.


Also, I don't know about your state, but here we can tape record conversations. ( this may have been covered) I would even tell X I was taping, and it didn't stop him. Stupid is as stupid does.

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

it's the only one I can use that my DD doesn't charge me a quarter for!! I use it for everything.


Also, I don't know about your state, but here we can tape record conversations. ( this may have been covered) I would even tell X I was taping, and it didn't stop him. Stupid is as stupid does.

I tape record almost everything, thats how I got DAMM convicted on phone harrassment and terroristic threatening charges

The kids go to him today I am worried that he may not return them on Sunday night The kids KNOW that they are to come back to me Sunday night NO MATTER WHAT DAMM tells them. I just hope come Monday I won't have to drive to co with custody papers and fight that out!
We have done the kissing hand, their "snapfish" scrapbook just in case....

Just pray all goes well. Saturday I start my new job working the floor (RN)
I have been avoiding working through the week at my old job- out of site out of mind, right? WRONG. Everything has been going well, then yesterday I got called in the office, they said they had another patient complaint on me. All I could do was say- REALLY? That is a total surprise. The patient that they say complained- I took care of him a total of 3 days all non consecutive, I was the ONLY nurse who got him to eat and take his meds- his family complimented me. He fell on several nurses but NEVER once on my shift! He was discharged over 2 months ago AND they (the bosses) had the nerve to say that the complaint came 5 days after he left the hospital and I hadn't took care of him for like a week before his discharge. I told them, this really sounds all too fishy to me, and that I think they need something since that 'team leader' who started all these false complaints went on medical leave and that's why I have been working so many weekends.
Sorry, but that floor is RIDICULOUS. We have more fresh nurses out
of school now then experienced nurses. They are slowly but surely leaving or quitting and they have fired 3 all within the last 4 months. Yesterday they even had 5 NEW nurses orienting the newer ones fresh out of school- We had 3 experienced nurses (including myself on the floor) none of us had an orientee? What's wrong with that picture!
Its just time for me to hurry up and pack my bags and say goodbye to that BS I just have to wait a few more weeks to get my feet implanted into this newer, higher paying job!
Sorry I just needed to vent

Now off to spend a GLORIOUS afternoon with my babies before they go to DAMM

Mulan

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

Ok, here is a copy of the letter I wrote to DAMM- I think its pretty straight to the point.

DAMM,
Obviously communication with you has become increasingly difficult. 3rd parties such as GF, ex SIL and co S.O. are unaccepatable. In order to make communication work my atty has sugg the following: atty to atty, which is not cost effective, or we can go to email communication.
The rules for email are simple: No derog statements are to be made, It only involves comm about DD and DS and you can use this as a way to communicate your 30 days notice of change to the visitation schedule.
Also, since ex SIL communicated to you the wrong information which in turn, caused you to miss a weekend with DD and DS. Here is the following schedule until we go back to court to clarify.
Fri June 20- Sun June 22
Fri July 4- Sun July 6th
Fri July 18- Sun July 20
Fri July 25- Sun July 27
And every other weekend thereafter.
My email address is as follows and I will be checking on iot 2x a day for messages from you. This is a special account for this purpose only. My email address is XXXXXX@XXX.XXX

Mulan

So what to you think?
Mulan

 

[HappyDznyCamper]

Ok, here is a copy of the letter I wrote to DAMM- I think its pretty straight to the point.

DAMM,
Obviously communication with you has become increasingly difficult. 3rd parties such as GF, ex SIL and co S.O. are unaccepatable. In order to make communication work my atty has sugg the following: atty to atty, which is not cost effective, or we can go to email communication.
The rules for email are simple: No derog statements are to be made, It only involves comm about DD and DS and you can use this as a way to communicate your 30 days notice of change to the visitation schedule.
Also, since ex SIL communicated to you the wrong information which in turn, caused you to miss a weekend with DD and DS. Here is the following schedule until we go back to court to clarify.
Fri June 18- Sun June 20
Fri July 4- Sun July 6th
Fri July 18- Sun July 20
Fri July 25- Sun July 27
And every other weekend thereafter.
My email address is as follows and I will be checking on iot 2x a day for messages from you. This is a special account for this purpose only. My email address is XXXXXX@XXX.XXX

Mulan

So what to you think?
Mulan

I might change that first few lines to something less confrontational(I know, but...)

Something like,
In order to facilitate communication regarding visitation and eliminate 3 rd party confusion(ex SIL) getting wrong dates, my atty has recomemnded we both set up email accounts.

Ok mine needs work too, but maybe someone else can polish things better.

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

I might change that first few lines to something less confrontational(I know, but...)

Something like,
In order to facilitate communication regarding visitation and eliminate 3 rd party confusion(ex SIL) getting wrong dates, my atty has recomemnded we both set up email accounts.

Ok mine needs work too, but maybe someone else can polish things better.

No, no thats great! Ok scratch the first few lines..."In order to faciliate communication reguarding DD and DS and to elimainate third party communication errors, my attorney has suggested the following:"...

Your right, what I had, sounded confrontational. Gosh, what would I do without you guys!
Mulan