Mother's Day... anyone else dread it?

[DebbieB]

Mother's Day is hard for me since my mom passed away almost 5 years ago. Our last Mother's Day was spent at WDW, I have a great picture taken of us that day at Epcot on my desk. Now it's hard. People say "Happy Mother's Day", I'm not a mom and my mom is not here to celebrate with. I just say thanks..........otherwise I would cry.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I am genuinely so deeply sorry to read I'm not the only one who is hurt by these holidays.

I wish I knew what to say to other people to help soften the blow but there are no words just

 

[disneymom3]

I'm dreading Mother's Day because it's the first without my Mom. She died on April 1. I have 7 siblings, 6 here in the Bay Area. All of us local ones and our families are going to an Oakland A's game on Saturday. We arrange to get a "box" every year and this year is "family only". It'll be good to be together. On Mother's Day, my sons and their wives are cooking brunch at our house.

I lost my mom four years ago. The first mother's day was really really hard. I decided I needed to do something completely different than we had ever done before. We ended up going on what my kids call "an adventure." Basically, we all head out in the car and go off with no destination in mind. That has now become our tradition. I still miss my mom, but it's not the heartbreak of that first year.

It's no longer a happy day for me. My oldest son died 16 yrs ago at age 29 & his brother died 2 yrs ago at 38. Am I still a mother, can one be a mother without children anymore?.
I would give anything to have them both with me again.

I am so very sorry for your loss.

I dont necessarily dread it, but I dont like that it's assumed that Mothers Day is all about OUR Mom's - and not really about ME. I am a Mother but that's really sort of not even recognized. My Mom is out of town this year and SIL is planning a cookout for Mothers Day so that she and DH can honor their Mom. That's cool. But when do I get to be the focus of the day? I know this sounds really childish. But every year I make a big deal out of Fathers Day for my DH and I just want the same treatment.

I did tell DH that I would like to go out to Brunch. He said we could go to Brunch (just the 3 of us) and then do his Mom's for dinner. Which is cool but makes for a long day.

Honey, you just have to take control. Tell DH what works for you and what doesn't. The first couple of years after DD was born, we went out to a fancy formal brunch with DHs family. When she was about 4 and I had a newborn in addition to her, I pointed out that hey, I was a mom too and this whole going to a fancy restaurant with a preschooler and an infant was NOT the way I wanted to spend my day. Every year since then (10 years) we have not gone to MILs or out to eat with them. DH takes her out to breakfast just the two of then on another day and calls her on Mother's day itself.

One thing it took DH a long time to teach me but I finally get is that husband's are not mind readers. If you want him to make a big deal out of Mother's day then tell him that. Do NOT wait around for him to do it because he probably doesn't think that way.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I also dread Mother's Day, but not for reasons listed here so far.

We don't have kids and I look like I could be someone's mom, so what do you say when someone wishes you a Happy Mother's Day?

I've said thank you. I've said, "Oh, I am not a mom, but thank you." I've said, "I'll let my mom know your thoughts."

No matter what, it just feels so weird to me.


And this year I can't hide. We're going to the race track for Mother's Dinner (taking my mom and my sister who is a mom).

 

[BEloveDisney]

I don't normally dread mother's day. This year I am. This should have been my first one, but my baby passed away. I'm planning on hiding all day.

 

[luvmy3]

I don't normally dread mother's day. This year I am. This should have been my first one, but my baby passed away. I'm planning on hiding all day.

to you and everyone else having a hard time this time of year

 

[Pea-n-Me]

to all who are hurting.

 

[Planogirl]

It's no longer a happy day for me. My oldest son died 16 yrs ago at age 29 & his brother died 2 yrs ago at 38. Am I still a mother, can one be a mother without children anymore?

My youngest son was on oxygen 24/7 for the last 5 yrs of his life, and couldn't drive anymore. It hurt so much when he wished me Happy Mother's day & then apoligized because he couldn't get me anything even a card. I always told him that his being with me was all the gifts I ever wanted.

I would give anything to have them both with me again.

Wow, there are no words. I'm so sorry.

 

[Planogirl]

I don't normally dread mother's day. This year I am. This should have been my first one, but my baby passed away. I'm planning on hiding all day.

I'm so sorry.

 

[Ember]

My mummy died on March 12. I HATE the thought of Mother's Day. I teach grade one, and we're doing all kinds of Mother's Day things and it takes so much just to get through the days. I get to the end of the day and collapse in tears.

This time last year we didn't even know she was sick. I miss my mom so much. I am not okay. I feel empty. I haven't yet worked out how to be me without the guiding light of my mother. She could take the world and piece it together and make it whole. I haven't figured this trick out yet and my world is broken. I don't believe it will always be like this, I do think it will get better eventually, but right now it sure does hurt.

This year I would cheerfully banish Mother's Day from the calendar.

 

[Robinrs]

I don't normally dread mother's day. This year I am. This should have been my first one, but my baby passed away. I'm planning on hiding all day.

I had to go back and read what happened to you. I am so sorry.

My son died at 3 days old from meconium aspiration. It was 24 years ago... and I still miss him.

Hold onto the memories of your child and know that you ARE a mother. My first Mother's day was hard also, you wouldn't be human if it didn't hurt, but you'll be alright.

Hugs to you....

 

[Robinrs]

What is wrong with some people?

Those of you brimming with joy might want to go and start your own thread. You are not funny, you are not cute, whatever you are could you go be that somewhere else? Like the old Motley Crue song goes "Don't go away mad....."

I understand how you feel. Misery loves company. One day I hope YOU are brimming with joy, it's something to look for and believe you can achieve.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

i don't particularly look forward to it, either. my mother and i don't get along very well, and the thought of having to spend hours with her......

and i can't just send her a card or make a phone call, she'll freak out about that. absoutely not, she has to see me....and then it never ends well. and then her birthday is a week or two later, usually.


you're not alone OP!!

 

[Luvchefmic]

It's no longer a happy day for me. My oldest son died 16 yrs ago at age 29 & his brother died 2 yrs ago at 38. Am I still a mother, can one be a mother without children anymore?

My youngest son was on oxygen 24/7 for the last 5 yrs of his life, and couldn't drive anymore. It hurt so much when he wished me Happy Mother's day & then apoligized because he couldn't get me anything even a card. I always told him that his being with me was all the gifts I ever wanted.

I would give anything to have them both with me again.

I am sorry for your losses you most definitely will always be their mother

and to all the others that are experiencing losses I can't name you all but know that I care

 

[bumbershoot]

Sorry you are hurting, OP.

What is wrong with some people?

Those of you brimming with joy might want to go and start your own thread.

Was sort of feeling that way, too.

The question was "anyone else dread it?" My answer was no. I didn't realize only "yes" answers were permitted.

Pretty obvious, however, that the OP was in pain. She said that just the sight of women shopping with their mothers hurts...think that thoughts of "four generation" pictures would feel good to the OP right now?

It's no longer a happy day for me. My oldest son died 16 yrs ago at age 29 & his brother died 2 yrs ago at 38. Am I still a mother, can one be a mother without children anymore?

I also dread Mother's Day, but not for reasons listed here so far.

We don't have kids and I look like I could be someone's mom, so what do you say when someone wishes you a Happy Mother's Day?

I've said thank you. I've said, "Oh, I am not a mom, but thank you." I've said, "I'll let my mom know your thoughts."

No matter what, it just feels so weird to me.


And this year I can't hide. We're going to the race track for Mother's Dinner (taking my mom and my sister who is a mom).

Same thing I say when people say Merry Christmas to me. "Same to you, thanks, bye!" It's a day, people are celebrating, you're out and about...thank them and move along.

 

[usnuzuloose]

Mother's day is a day I dread deeply. Many reasons. To much to tell. I for one do not leave the house or enjoy any of the day. If I could unplug memories I certainly would. to all you ladies that have a difficult time on mother's day you are not alone. Jo

 

[4nana]

This is good you have a place to vent and express your feelings . I'm truly sorry for all your heartaches and sad losses. God Bless

 

[cm8]

It's no longer a happy day for me. My oldest son died 16 yrs ago at age 29 & his brother died 2 yrs ago at 38. Am I still a mother, can one be a mother without children anymore?

My youngest son was on oxygen 24/7 for the last 5 yrs of his life, and couldn't drive anymore. It hurt so much when he wished me Happy Mother's day & then apoligized because he couldn't get me anything even a card. I always told him that his being with me was all the gifts I ever wanted.

I would give anything to have them both with me again.

, and you are STILL a MOTHER!!

 

[LuvOrlando]

I understand how you feel. Misery loves company. One day I hope YOU are brimming with joy, it's something to look for and believe you can achieve.

Thanks for being tolerant. It's not so much that misery loves company and more that the entire world is bubbling over with how wonderful Mother's are and for those of us like me, it's just a big fat reminder of what I don't have. I'm not happy to feel this way, in fact I hate that I feel like this. Mother's & Father's Day are double edged swords for me, I love the half of the time when it is meant for me & DH but despise the other half intended for the family I come from. It's just so very hard to keep shifting gears like this because i never get to talk about it. I never get to talk about it because most of the time the way I feel is so foreign to the people around me. When people experience the tragic loss of a parent due to illness or old age it is acceptable to talk about. They can say whatever it is and get support. I learned long ago my sort of tragedies are not fit for conversation and I've made peace with that, more or less. I just wanted to create a little corner of the world where it would be Ok to not be thrilled over these holidays regardless of the reasons other people share my mood. Does that make sense?

I do really mean Thank you for being tolerant, I know everything about this is rotten and must look awful to the outside world yet, here I am stuck in a place I didn't get to choose. Believe me, I would much rather be on the outside looking in. My mood is going to improve and I will be back to my normal self, I hope sooner rather than later... but just not now.

 

[Missy1961]

I also dread Mother's Day, but not for reasons listed here so far.

We don't have kids and I look like I could be someone's mom, so what do you say when someone wishes you a Happy Mother's Day?

I've said thank you. I've said, "Oh, I am not a mom, but thank you." I've said, "I'll let my mom know your thoughts."

No matter what, it just feels so weird to me.


And this year I can't hide. We're going to the race track for Mother's Dinner (taking my mom and my sister who is a mom).

The first time it happened I understood it--I was with my 18 month old nephew & he looks like me. I was buying him a toy, and he kept asking me when he could open it & I told him "when we get home." Now when it happens, I just smile & say thank you. The cashier has no way of knowing if I have kids or not.