Mother forces son to drink hot sauce as punishment

[FireDancer]

Are you kidding? An adult "choosing" to take a cold shower is completely different. This is a 7yo boy forced to stand in ice cold water. It's emotional abuse which is far more damaging than medical damage.

If he was forced to stand in ice cold water that is not a cold shower and I think that too far. I have never had ice cold water come out of my faucet, even in the midst of a Cleveland winter.

 

[sunnyday123]

I haven't watched the video which is why I don't have an opinion on the shower. While an unwanted cold shower may be unpleasant I'm not sure it is causing any medical damage since people take them all the time (especially in areas without running hot water which is much of the globe) without actual harm. It isn't something I'd force a kid to do but just because it is unpleasant doesn't make it abuse IMO until it causes actual physical harm beyond the short term discomfort.

ETA: This is more about the general practice of forcing a cold shower as opposed to this particular case.

It's more about the mental harm than the physical harm to this child.

Absolutely everything she is doing is abusive, and people like that make me sick. How anyone can be on the fence about whether or not she's being abusive boggles my mind.

About 15-20 years ago, there was a little boy in my area who was forced to drink mouthwash by his fathers girlfriend as a punishment. He died from it. He was neglected his entire, way-too-short life and she didn't get nearly enough jail time.

She didn't leave bruises, but it still killed him.

 

[MistressMerryweather]

If he was forced to stand in ice cold water that is not a cold shower and I think that too far. I have never had ice cold water come out of my faucet, even in the midst of a Cleveland winter.

Are you being serious? What a hoot! So, a 7yo would definitely discern the difference and he probably feels much better that it's just a "cold" shower.

 

[FireDancer]

Are you being serious? What a hoot! So, a 7yo would definitely discern the difference and he probably feels much better that it's just a "cold" shower.

I'm not sure if legally his being able to discern the difference matters, just the fact of what is happening. I don't know which is why I am not saying it is or isn't abuse. Why the scorn? I'm not condoning it I'm just not sure if it is abuse under the law which is why I am not a lawyer.

Doesn't the emotional damage count??

Maybe. I am not condoning it, just stating I am not 100% that it is abuse. It might be, I'm not saying it isn't, I'm just not sure. If I were in a position to deem it abuse or not I would have a different background and level of knowledge and be able to make a more educated conclusion.

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

People, really. My kids love spicy food, but that isn't the same as forcing a child to drink hot sauce. To even question that is just beyond belief to me.

Also to take a cold shower, ok maybe nice after a long run, but maybe just maybe she lived in an area that has cold weather, and just maybe it was really cold out side and she forced the child to take a cold shower, sound pleasant, I don't think so. People like this make me sick. I am here with my 9 year old home sick, and I look at him and think how can anyone be so evil to make a child do this. They should be dipped on honey and them have fire ants put al over them. Yeah, I like that idea.

OMG I can't believe the responses on here. How can anyone not know where they stand on this. That is disturbing.

Thank you!
Taking a cold shower after a run is something totally different from throwing kid into icy cold water because they didn't listen, its torture. I for one do not like hot sauce, that would be total torture for me.

Seriously...take away TV, no video games, etc. I agree with the ped. on the today show, she isn't teaching her child any valuable lesson, she is just making her kids scared.

I usually allow DD to watch TV in her bed for 20 minutes before before she goes to sleep. If DD misbehaves or doesn't listen, that privilege is taken away, and I explain to her why its been taken away.
Kids are mischievous and curious, if a kid is totally out of control and there isn't some sort of emotional problem, then perhaps spending some quality time with the kid, having structured playtime may help. Keep the kid engaged so they can't act up.

 

[luvmy3]

I usually allow DD to watch TV in her bed for 20 minutes before before she goes to sleep. If DD misbehaves or doesn't listen, that privilege is taken away, and I explain to her why its been taken away.
Kids are mischievous and curious, if a kid is totally out of control and there isn't some sort of emotional problem, then perhaps spending some quality time with the kid, having structured playtime may help. Keep the kid engaged so they can't act up.

I haven't watched the video because frankly I can't believe its on video in the first place and i don't want to see it.

I just want to say that not all kids respond to taking away priveledges, and explaining why you did. Also keeping a child engaged so that they don't act up doesn't always get to the root of why they are acting up and in the long run doesn't do anything to help the child. Maybe it is purely out of boredom, or a need for attention, however if you as a parent need to keep your child engaged so that they behave all the time, maybe its time to find a therapist to find out exactly WHY you need to. (Not you personally, in general). If the mom in the OP is truly at her wits end with her child, thats what she should be doing, not forcing hot sauce down his throat or pushing him into a cold shower. How awful for her to treat him like that.

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

I haven't watched the video because frankly I can't believe its on video in the first place and i don't want to see it.

I just want to say that not all kids respond to taking away priveledges, and explaining why you did. Also keeping a child engaged so that they don't act up doesn't always get to the root of why they are acting up and in the long run doesn't do anything to help the child. Maybe it is purely out of boredom, or a need for attention, however if you as a parent need to keep your child engaged so that they behave all the time, maybe its time to find a therapist to find out exactly WHY you need to. (Not you personally, in general). If the mom in the OP is truly at her wits end with her child, thats what she should be doing, not forcing hot sauce down his throat or pushing him into a cold shower. How awful for her to treat him like that.

Just looking at this mom though...her coldness towards her child (and having her OTHER child tape the whole thing), I wonder how much time she spending playing with her kids as opposed to pouring hot sauce and running cold showers. She just does NOT seem like the nurturing type at all.

 

[U2_rocks!]

I haven't watched the video (can't on this computer) but that sort of treatment sounds awful.

However, although I am more sad for the child, i am also sad for the mother. I can't imagine it is easy to parent adoptive kids with attachment issues. She may have tried all sorts of things before getting to the end of her rope. I know I am not cut out to parent those kinds of difficult children, so who am I to judge? I am just very, very sad for all involved, that it has come to this in order for her to try to gain some sort of control. I hope they can all get the help they need.

 

[Jennasis]

Forgot to mention that. The video was being shot by the woman's 10 year old. It was the mom who sent the video in to Dr.Phil.

 

[luvmy3]

Forgot to mention that. The video was being shot by the woman's 10 year old. It was the mom who sent the video in to Dr.Phil.

Not condoning her methods at all but I assume she did that because this was her way of seeking help? Had she had the boy in therapy prior to this incident?

 

[Jennasis]

Not condoning her methods at all but I assume she did that because this was her way of seeking help? Had she had the boy in therapy prior to this incident?

I would agree with this. .

 

[brockash]

My kids drink hot sauce like water..... my one daughter literally drank about 2 ounces of tabasco sauce to show off to her friends. My kids use habanero sauce almost every other day, it seems.

But I guess the hot sauce is abuse if it is truly hot to the child. My kids have been using it since about age 5.

Now, the icy cold shower is worse, as I see it. That affects your whole body all at once.

If someone wants to drink hot sauce or wants to take hot showers, that's one thing. That's not what's happening here...the mother is torturing her scared to death crying 7 year old son with those things. I saw the Dr. Phil episode, and it was sooo disturbing. It literally made me cry, and I'm not a crier. She's torturing her son with physical pain/discomfort. That is so wrong. I'm glad they charged her. Hopefully she'll wake up and get the help she needs, because she's insane.

ETA: The hot sauce thing, she pours some in his mouth and makes him hold it in his mouth for a certain length of time... I can't remember if she lets him spit it out or swallow it after...either way completely disgusting.

 

[Big Cuddly Bear]

Forgot to mention that. The video was being shot by the woman's 10 year old. It was the mom who sent the video in to Dr.Phil.

Not condoning her methods at all but I assume she did that because this was her way of seeking help? Had she had the boy in therapy prior to this incident?

Couldn't she just have sent a letter to Dr. Fraud, er, I mean Phil, and asked if dousing a child with ice water, or forcing her kid to drink hot sauce was a good idea before actually doing it? < sarcasm >

Seriously, if nothing else, this woman isn't smart. She obviously did not consider the ramifications of showing herself abusing a child on TV. To me, that alone makes her not smart enough to adopt kids.

 

[Trixieplus2]

Really REALLY *** A cold shower they live in freaking Alaska!!! You can hear the child crying/sobbing in the cold shower *** who thinks oh let me make my kid take off their warm hoodie and shirt and stand under a cold shower? Thank God the Anchorage court system saw this as abuse and took her to court although she does now "regret" "sending the tape to a national tv outlet" She adopted this poor kid at the age of FIVE from a Foreign country!!! To top it off her husband is a police officer way to make the kids know that even people in positions of authority can't be trusted.

 

[Jennasis]

Couldn't she just have sent a letter to Dr. Fraud, er, I mean Phil, and asked if dousing a child with ice water, or forcing her kid to drink hot sauce was a good idea before actually doing it? < sarcasm >

Seriously, if nothing else, this woman isn't smart. She obviously did not consider the ramifications of showing herself abusing a child on TV. To me, that alone makes her not smart enough to adopt kids.

And I would agree with this too!

 

[brockash]

I haven't watched the video which is why I don't have an opinion on the shower. While an unwanted cold shower may be unpleasant I'm not sure it is causing any medical damage since people take them all the time (especially in areas without running hot water which is much of the globe) without actual harm. It isn't something I'd force a kid to do but just because it is unpleasant doesn't make it abuse IMO until it causes actual physical harm beyond the short term discomfort.

ETA: This is more about the general practice of forcing a cold shower as opposed to this particular case.

Any concern about the psychological harm done to this child? You should watch the video; I think you may see the abuse at that point. The mother is acting like a completely bullying monster to the 7 year old son. It's really heart-breaking.

 

[bgirldeb]

This sort of treatment makes me sick to my stomach. I'm glad she got charged with abuse. They live in Alaska. I can't imagine how cold that water is.

I've never adopted a child, so I can't speak to how hard it would be, but it seems so sad that the child has been so neglected in life already, and is now subjected to this sort of torture. I worry for her other children.

P.S. That Janet Taylor expert on the Today show is an idiot. She said that Shelby County TN with a population of almost 1 million has no OB/GYN's on a Today show segment about the Teen pregnancy explosion at a local high school.

 

[EMom]

If I did to this "mother" what I wanted to do to her after watching that video, I'd probably get arrested. She's evil. It seemed to me she had a sense of satisfaction about what she was doing. She's twisted. And having the other child TAPE the torture? That in itself is abuse, only a different sort. She's teaching that child to be the "power" child, the one in control, the one who is taught child abuse is okay. Study abusive parents.....Targeting one child and one child only is not unusual. Often, they get the other kids to join in against the targeted child. Sound familiar?

Hot sauce? That's just sick. Cold showers? Let me clue you in. The child was adopted at age 5 from a Russian orphange. For those who have not been in a Russian orphanage, let me share that the water can be so freaking cold that your hands start to go numb when you wash them after going to the bathroom. When we adopted DD, she was less than a year old, and very well-adjusted. However, she HATED bathing. Screamed her head off. No duh. When she got showers or had any contact with water, it was likely pretty dang cold. She had negative associations with being in water, to say the least. We had to teach her that bathing could be fun.

So this boy has been in a Russian orphanage for 5 of his 7 years and I'll wager he has very negative memories of cold water. Traumatic even. And what does this sorry excuse for a female do? She puts him in cold water as punishment. She's mean, through and through.

Maybe he does have some attachment disorder. I don't know. But I do now you don't deal with that by torturing the child. And when I hear of parents who do this kind of twisted thing (especially when adopting "older" kids) I tend to wonder if they aren't "savers" and the kid didn't live up to their expectation of the devoted, thankful, adopted child. In the adoption community, we're all too aware of "savers" and what they expect (unrealistically) from their kids. As I said before, the video made me sick partly because of her smug sense of satisfaction. I think she liked what she was doing and the effect it had on the child.

And thanks, toots, for potentially ruining the chances of so many people who simply want to adopt a child from Russia to love and not abuse. I can only imagine how many parents-in-waiting are now cringing, terrified that this incident will threaten their adoptions. She's worse than dirt. And I'm being kind.

 

[bgirldeb]

Cold showers? Let me clue you in. The child was adopted at age 5 from a Russian orphange. For those who have not been in a Russian orphanage, let me share that the water can be so freaking cold that your hands start to go numb when you wash them after going to the bathroom. When we adopted DD, she was less than a year old, and very well-adjusted. However, she HATED bathing. Screamed her head off. No duh. When she got showers or had any contact with water, it was likely pretty dang cold. She had negative associations with being in water, to say the least. We had to teach her that bathing could be fun.

So this boy has been in a Russian orphanage for 5 of his 7 years and I'll wager he has very negative memories of cold water. Traumatic even. And what does this sorry excuse for a female do? She puts him in cold water as punishment. She's mean, through and through.

unbelievable! That makes it even worse!

 

[luvmy3]

Couldn't she just have sent a letter to Dr. Fraud, er, I mean Phil, and asked if dousing a child with ice water, or forcing her kid to drink hot sauce was a good idea before actually doing it? < sarcasm >

Seriously, if nothing else, this woman isn't smart. She obviously did not consider the ramifications of showing herself abusing a child on TV. To me, that alone makes her not smart enough to adopt kids.

I would say her treatment of her child means she isn't smart enough to adopt kids. Its bad enough that you have kids being born to parents who can do this stuff, but he was given to her. Maybe the screening process should be more stringent.