More U9 Soccer Drama

[sam_gordon]

For a more complete background... http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2936109&highlight=academy

Short version... DS is in a U9 'Academy' program. Generally anyone who tries out makes it, but the competition is stiffer than rec. This year our Academy program accepted U7 players (last year was just U8 & U9).

Academy focuses on player development, score isn't kept, players play multiple positions.

There was a big to-do (not in a good way) at our first "play date" from some U9 parents (my son is U9 this year) about the U7's playing. IMO the arguments posed were ridiculous. My son just wants to play.

We've had 4/6 play dates so far. One got rained out and our last one is this coming Saturday. Our teams have gotten beaten handily by teams from larger towns. We've beaten handily the few teams we played from smaller towns. Some U9 parents complained about the coaching, about us accepting U7 players, about conditioning, etc.

This morning we got an email from the parent representative...

Last night, after practice, I was informed that there are some parents who may not be taking their player to xxxxx this weekend as a sort of 'protest' because of the way the teams are formed for our playdates.

This is not a WWYD because our child will be at the game (assuming it's not rained out). It's more of a vent to say "really?" Talk about sending a bad message to the kids (IMO).

We have 27 players in the Academy. We'd normally field 3 teams for a playdate. The parent rep said six parents told her last night they couldn't attend Saturday. When the dates were announced over a month ago, one parent said they wouldn't be able to attend.

 

[caitlinsmom]

At this point I'd be looking for a different soccer club for him to play at. That is ridiculous.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

Too much drama for that age. It doesn't seem as though you are being sucked in, but the kids can feel tension. Too bad for your son. Is there another league you can change to. We had school leagues at that age, do you?

 

[sam_gordon]

I don't understand why you would switch clubs. In my mind, it's the PARENTS who are the problem, not the club.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

I don't understand why you would switch clubs. In my mind, it's the PARENTS who are the problem, not the club.

From experience if the club has parents that are like that there will always be a problem. It never goes away. In the end the children are the ones who suffer.

I would very seriously find a new club for my child as they deserve the best, not petty parents. Yes I do realize there is drama everywhere but this club has TOO much drama and not enough reason to be able to turn it around.

 

[mdsoccermom]

When you say U7s are accepted, do you mean that there is a dedicated U7 team? Or did they stick U7s on a team with U9 players? If it's the former, then I have no idea why anyone would care if they are part of the program.

 

[tvguy]

I don't understand why you would switch clubs. In my mind, it's the PARENTS who are the problem, not the club.

Yes, I agree, PARENTS are the problem. And I would add, parents who have a mindset of switching clubs if we don't like something are ALSO a part of the problem. Sounds like OP is in small town, most likely with no other options.
This is a 9 YEAR OLD, go out, have fun, play hard, do your best, and ignore the stupid adults.
My daughter played from age 8 through high school, she just got so fed up with people saying something wasn't fair, she quit in disgust. Life isn't fair, move on.

 

[caitlinsmom]

I don't understand why you would switch clubs. In my mind, it's the PARENTS who are the problem, not the club.

Because the ciub and the coaches are allowing the parents to behave like children at the cost of other children in the club. If they do not nip it in the bud now it will only get worse and worse as the kids get older.

 

[soccerdad72]

My younger son is in a similar type of situation, except he's one of the younger (U8) players on his club's U9 team. The league doesn't have a U8 division, so they combine U8 and U9 together. Plus, they wouldn't have enough boys to field a decent sized team in either age group.

They're getting killed every week, but my son as well as most of the U8 players are viewing it as a good learning experience, knowing that if they stick to this, they'll be a pretty good U9 team next year.

As far as I know, however, there hasn't been parents complaining, but I know that one parent has chosen a couple weeks not to have his son play because the roster had grown to a point where boys weren't getting a lot of playing time.

Unfortunately, there's always going to be good and bad parents in all sports. Odds are, the parents who are hung up on the competition and results will be the ones who move on and find a better fit, club-wise.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

My younger son is in a similar type of situation, except he's one of the younger (U8) players on his club's U9 team. The league doesn't have a U8 division, so they combine U8 and U9 together. Plus, they wouldn't have enough boys to field a decent sized team in either age group.

They're getting killed every week, but my son as well as most of the U8 players are viewing it as a good learning experience, knowing that if they stick to this, they'll be a pretty good U9 team next year.

As far as I know, however, there hasn't been parents complaining, but I know that one parent has chosen a couple weeks not to have his son play because the roster had grown to a point where boys weren't getting a lot of playing time.

Unfortunately, there's always going to be good and bad parents in all sports. Odds are, the parents who are hung up on the competition and results will be the ones who move on and find a better fit, club-wise.

I would move my child but not for competition, scores, and wins. At this age they are learning the fundamentals of the game. If the coach is constantly working with the parents and trying to keep harmony, coaching is disrupted. If parents are fighting all the time the children can and will pick up on that. For example Johnny's mom might be upset and tell her son to get the ball no matter what and keep it. Don't pass, score. This takes away the real way they should be playing, passing, teamwork, etc.

I would rather at age nine that my child lose every game and learn to play the game with the proper skills and integrity and than win all games with drama and *******.

I guess everyone has different thoughts on this situation.

 

[mjkacmom]

My younger son is in a similar type of situation, except he's one of the younger (U8) players on his club's U9 team. The league doesn't have a U8 division, so they combine U8 and U9 together. Plus, they wouldn't have enough boys to field a decent sized team in either age group.

They're getting killed every week, but my son as well as most of the U8 players are viewing it as a good learning experience, knowing that if they stick to this, they'll be a pretty good U9 team next year.
.

Well, it works out great for your ds, and the other u8 players, but kinda sucks for the u9 players. We had similar situations in LL baseball, where there were lots of younger kids on the team, that reaped the rewards the following year.

Ds9 plays travel, rec, and club soccer, club being the most competitive (and expensive!). His u9 team practices with the u10 team, but they don't play together. I don't think I'd pay thousands of dollars for him to play with 7 year olds. He is by far the strongest player on his rec team, one of the top 3 players on his rec team, and right in the middle on club. We pay for it, because we want him to play up.

 

[soccerdad72]

Well, it works out great for your ds, and the other u8 players, but kinda sucks for the u9 players. We had similar situations in LL baseball, where there were lots of younger kids on the team, that reaped the rewards the following year.

Ds9 plays travel, rec, and club soccer, club being the most competitive (and expensive!). His u9 team practices with the u10 team, but they don't play together. I don't think I'd pay thousands of dollars for him to play with 7 year olds. He is by far the strongest player on his rec team, one of the top 3 players on his rec team, and right in the middle on club. We pay for it, because we want him to play up.

Yes and no. The U9 team wouldn't be a team without the added U8 players (there's 7 of each). And the better U9 players are also playing with the U10 squad as well, so they're getting ample opportunities to grow as players.

My son also plays on a travel team along with the club team, so he's getting the experience on both sides of the coin. He's a role player on the U9 club team and the leader on his U8 travel team (which, as it turns out, has 4 U7 aged boys).

 

[sam_gordon]

When you say U7s are accepted, do you mean that there is a dedicated U7 team? Or did they stick U7s on a team with U9 players? If it's the former, then I have no idea why anyone would care if they are part of the program.

There is no dedicated "team" in our Academy program (don't know about others). Players are mixed up for each play date. So yes, U7s are playing with U9's. Yes, everyone gets playing time (6v6 and we usually have 2 subs). I don't know that it's fully "equal" time, but I've never noticed anyone sitting more than anyone else.

Before someone brings up sizes... we have some U9 players that are as small as the U7 players. You can't tell age or skill level based on size.

Apparently other Academy programs in our area did not take U7's this year (it was just allowed by the state this year). Of course our program didn't know that at the time of tryouts.

Yes, I agree, PARENTS are the problem. And I would add, parents who have a mindset of switching clubs if we don't like something are ALSO a part of the problem. Sounds like OP is in small town, most likely with no other options.
This is a 9 YEAR OLD, go out, have fun, play hard, do your best, and ignore the stupid adults.
My daughter played from age 8 through high school, she just got so fed up with people saying something wasn't fair, she quit in disgust. Life isn't fair, move on.

We are in a "smaller" town, and aside from going back to rec, we'd have transportation issues going to another club. We could do it, but we'd be sacrificing activities for our other kids, which isn't fair to them.

Because the ciub and the coaches are allowing the parents to behave like children at the cost of other children in the club. If they do not nip it in the bud now it will only get worse and worse as the kids get older.

While I agree with the sentiment, I don't have any idea of how the program could "nip it in the bud". I don't see the club being able to say "if you don't make this play date, you're not welcome back" because how do they know if a child is being held out as a "protest" or for a legitimate reason?

 

[sam_gordon]

FWIW, next fall he would move out of Academy and to a "dedicated" U10 team.

 

[mdsoccermom]

There is no dedicated "team" in our Academy program (don't know about others). Players are mixed up for each play date. So yes, U7s are playing with U9's. Yes, everyone gets playing time (6v6 and we usually have 2 subs). I don't know that it's fully "equal" time, but I've never noticed anyone sitting more than anyone else. ?

Then yes, I can understand parents being upset. My husband runs our club's academy program and foot skills clinics and there is a reason that the age groups are kept completely separate.

There is a huge difference in the learning and coaching styles between U9 and U7 and with some exception, skill level (note I am NOT talking about size). I'd be annoyed if my kids were on teams where the coach had to tailor his style to the youngest while at the same time appeasing parents.

Sounds like the program needs to be reorganized.

 

[sam_gordon]

Then yes, I can understand parents being upset. My husband runs our club's academy program and foot skills clinics and there is a reason that the age groups are kept completely separate.

There is a huge difference in the learning and coaching styles between U9 and U7 and with some exception, skill level (note I am NOT talking about size). I'd be annoyed if my kids were on teams where the coach had to tailor his style to the youngest while at the same time appeasing parents.

Sounds like the program needs to be reorganized.

And it might be. However, I don't see that happening before DS "ages out" of the program. The way I see it, this is the hand we were dealt. For good or bad, I think parents should look more at whether their child is becoming a better soccer player.

The arguments (from some U9 parents) before the first play date...
1) We were told our kids (the U9) would always play together.
2) My child will be upset if he doesn't get to play with his friends.
3) My child might "hold up" going up against a U7 player (how would players know the age of a player from another town?)

 

[DopeyDame]

So if I'm understanding you correctly, parents are "protesting" because their precious little kid, on a team where everyone makes it, may have to play with a child not exactly their same age? HUH? I truly do not even understand. You have a group with 7 - 9 year olds instead of a group of 8 and 9 year olds. And this is somehow a big enough travesty to cause people to be upset?
In all my years of playing sports, most teams were 2 or 3 year age ranges. I wasn't aware of any team that's only one age. Clearly I'm old and out of touch, though.

As for the arguments:
The arguments (from some U9 parents) before the first play date...
1) We were told our kids (the U9) would always play together.
Is that true? If so, clearly there was some miscommunication, and I could understand some intial confusion and disgrunteldness. Which grown adults should get over in about 45 seconds.
2) My child will be upset if he doesn't get to play with his friends.
That's when you tell your child "Suck it up buttercup. Life is about learning how to get along with everyone, not your hand selected friends." Isn't that one of the very best benefits of playing sports?
3) My child might "hold up" going up against a U7 player (how would players know the age of a player from another town?)
Well that's by far the most ridiculous thing I've heard? Kids play together of varying ages all the time. Unless a parent puts that thought into their head, no kid I know would ever think that. Plus, as you say, how would they even know. I am 100% confident that there are 7 year olds taller than some 8 and 9 year olds and vice versa.

My son is only 3, but all I can say is "Please God, never let me become one of those parents."

 

[sam_gordon]

So if I'm understanding you correctly, parents are "protesting" because their precious little kid, on a team where everyone makes it, may have to play with a child not exactly their same age? HUH? I truly do not even understand. You have a group with 7 - 9 year olds instead of a group of 8 and 9 year olds. And this is somehow a big enough travesty to cause people to be upset?

Yes. Please don't get me wrong, neither DW nor I are part of the "protesting parents". Because of the timing of birthdays, adding the U7 means the age range could be 6yo playing with 10yo.

As for the arguments:
The arguments (from some U9 parents) before the first play date...
1) We were told our kids (the U9) would always play together.
Is that true? If so, clearly there was some miscommunication, and I could understand some intial confusion and disgrunteldness. Which grown adults should get over in about 45 seconds.
2) My child will be upset if he doesn't get to play with his friends.
That's when you tell your child "Suck it up buttercup. Life is about learning how to get along with everyone, not your hand selected friends." Isn't that one of the very best benefits of playing sports?
3) My child might "hold up" going up against a U7 player (how would players know the age of a player from another town?)
Well that's by far the most ridiculous thing I've heard? Kids play together of varying ages all the time. Unless a parent puts that thought into their head, no kid I know would ever think that. Plus, as you say, how would they even know. I am 100% confident that there are 7 year olds taller than some 8 and 9 year olds and vice versa.

My son is only 3, but all I can say is "Please God, never let me become one of those parents."

I agree with all of your answers. That's exactly what went through my mind when parents proposed them.

I get it's no fun (for parents or kids)to be on the losing side of a "beat down". What I think is fun (aside from simply watching DS do something he enjoys and do it well) is the "glimpses" of the team playing well together.

 

[DopeyDame]

Yes. Please don't get me wrong, neither DW nor I are part of the "protesting parents". Because of the timing of birthdays, adding the U7 means the age range could be 6yo playing with 10yo.

Oh I get that! Your posts seem very reasonable.
However it turns out I hope your son has a fun time this season.

 

[caitlinsmom]

While I agree with the sentiment, I don't have any idea of how the program could "nip it in the bud". I don't see the club being able to say "if you don't make this play date, you're not welcome back" because how do they know if a child is being held out as a "protest" or for a legitimate reason?

DD's softball club has a rule that if you do not go to practice (aside from being sick or injured) you risk reduced playing time in the next game/tournament. If you do not go to a game/tournament you WILL have reduced playing time in the next game/tournament.

All this is because it isn't fair for one kid to miss practice or a game/tournament to go to another sport or a birthday party when everyone else has been training or playing.

That being said, she is older than your son and when we joined the club we signed a parent contract that spelled this out along with how to handle coaching issues etc. The expectation is that if you are playing a club level sport the level of dedication needs to be there and that club comes before rec or any other sport.