More teen drama....WWYD?

[tammymacb]

I will go by my daughter's decision. However, I am standing by the Jane or no one scenario. I'm not paying anyone else's fare. Beyond that, I will 100% go by what my daughter wants to do.

 

[tammymacb]

And, I was assuming as such... again, the additional info does not change anything,. 'kids' push for things like this...
But, it is the parents who are responsible.
Especially at 12-13 years of age.

I continue to feel very confident in all of the thoughts/concerns that I have posted here.

Good for you Dr Phil. Where should I send the check?

 

[Wishing on a star]

I accept Paypal

 

[Erin1700]

Here is what sticks out to me the most...

your DD spends all that time away with her father, comes home and hangs out with Jane (no problem there) but after that initial get together Jane is no longer around and says your DD has changed.
What did your DD do while she was with her father that she told Jane about??
I think Jane wants to go because she is hoping your DD returns to her old self.

Something your DD said or did has made Jane uncomfortable. There is a reason you do not know specifics.
I dont mean any of this in a mean way towards you, OP, but I really think you may have bigger issues than the cruise.

 

[MouseLover]

You have a few weeks left until your final payment is due. Maybe they will work things out on their own. If they are still not speaking a week from now, I would invite Jane & parents over to discuss the vacation. If the girls do not make up, I would not take Jane. Nobody would have any fun. Teen-girl drama could ruin your entire trip. I would also not take another kid (no matter who paid).

 

[We_Love_Disney]

Tammymcb,

Aren't you glad you came to the wonderful world of DIS for advise? You now know that you are a very bad mother that makes very bad decisions .

That is, of course, according to the posters from the town of Ivory Tower, in the state of Holier than Thou, which has a population that is growing daily.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[MushyMushy]

This wouldn't even be a conflict for me. If my daughter and her friend had a falling out before a trip, I would call the mother, apologize and tell her that the trip is off the table. That's not something I would force my daughter to do herself.

Around 8th & 9th grades, it seems very common for kids who were friends for a very long time to no longer have the same interests. They'll either drift away or have some sort of falling out. I know that's not true in every case, but it happens a lot with kids that age.

 

[tammymacb]

Off topic- My son-12 is going on the Allure with a family friend over Christmas, we paid his cruise fare. The parents are covering else.

If your DD wants to invite another friend, have her pay for part.

If I was going to take another child, I would make them pay their way.

 

[tammymacb]

Jane won't be joining us.

She texted DD and me saying she can't go as they aren't talking. I had a brief talk with DD and explained that I do need to call Jane's mom so we're all on the same page.

I also told DD that I love her and this was her vacation and I just want to have a good time.

Of course, at that point DD threw in that she still wants to bring another friend, so she isn't bored. Because if she's going to be bored, she might as well stay home...

 

[N&B'smom]

All this crap about thinking she's my own child ...is quite silly. We do care about her, the same way you'd care about the neighbors kid you watched grow up and spent time with.

My DD is almost 14. She has been best friends with "Jane" for several years. Quite frankly, over time DH and I have grown to love her like another child.

As one of the people that said it sounded like you thought of this child as your own, I apologize for getting it wrong. It was the bolded above that perhaps gave me the wrong impression.

I'm glad the case is closed now and the issue is settled.

 

[HeatherH]

Jane won't be joining us.

She texted DD and me saying she can't go as they aren't talking. I had a brief talk with DD and explained that I do need to call Jane's mom so we're all on the same page.

I also told DD that I love her and this was her vacation and I just want to have a good time.

Of course, at that point DD threw in that she still wants to bring another friend, so she isn't bored. Because if she's going to be bored, she might as well stay home...

Glad it's resolved, save for talking to Jane's mom.

And guess what, there are usually LOTS of teens on cruises...my own teen has met plenty...so I think it's great that your daughter will expand her horizons a little and open up to the chance of meeting some new friends onboard.

 

[tammymacb]

wow...and your quote is something about the difference between what is right and what is easy...and yet you had a problem with my concerns...The "right" thing was DD telling Jane she'd changed her mind, the "easy" thing was letting me do it..

Hummm pot, meet kettle.

 

[HeatherH]

wow...and your quote is something about the difference between what is right and what is easy...and yet you had a problem with my concerns...The "right" thing was DD telling Jane she'd changed her mind, the "easy" thing was letting me do it..

Hummm pot, meet kettle.

Is this directed at me?

 

[AC7179]

Here is what sticks out to me the most...

your DD spends all that time away with her father, comes home and hangs out with Jane (no problem there) but after that initial get together Jane is no longer around and says your DD has changed.
What did your DD do while she was with her father that she told Jane about??
I think Jane wants to go because she is hoping your DD returns to her old self.

Something your DD said or did has made Jane uncomfortable. There is a reason you do not know specifics.
I dont mean any of this in a mean way towards you, OP, but I really think you may have bigger issues than the cruise.

Have you thought about this, OP? I think the reason your daughter isn't forthcoming with information is because it's not going to be in her favor---or in other words, she's at fault for something.

Now, that doesn't mean it was something terrible, but have you considered the thought your daughter did something over the summer and told her friend about it, the friend exressed disapproval, and now your daughter is running with a different group of kids?

I don't know your daughter or your daughter's friend, of course, so this could be WAY off course, but worth considering---the teen years are so hard!

 

[tammymacb]

Is this directed at me?

Not at all. I'm sorry. Was just responding to the little jab posted by the poster above you...

 

[tammymacb]

Have you thought about this, OP? I think the reason your daughter isn't forthcoming with information is because it's not going to be in her favor---or in other words, she's at fault for something.

Now, that doesn't mean it was something terrible, but have you considered the thought your daughter did something over the summer and told her friend about it, the friend exressed disapproval, and now your daughter is running with a different group of kids?

I don't know your daughter or your daughter's friend, of course, so this could be WAY off course, but worth considering---the teen years are so hard!

I've actually thought a lot about this. DD made several new friends this summer as well as a new little boyfriend.

I think something did happen, regarding new friends made and jealousy between the old. That's the basic answer I get from DD when I try to talk to her about it...I don't think anything "major" happened, and that's why I've waited a month for things to work themselves out. But now time was running out regarding the deposit/room assignments.

 

[shortbun]

We have two 'like our own children' friends who hang around here, go on vacations and have their own keys. However, I would never force my child to vacation with someone they clearly are not getting along with if that child was NOT my child and did not live in my home. If you plan to do this, better lock the two in a room for a weekend and make them fight it out as THAT is exactly what you are planning to do on vacation.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I wouldn't make my child vacation with someone she didn't want to. Talk to Jane's Mother and explain the situation. Unless of course you talk to both girls and they decide to be friends. I also wouldn't take another friend. The three of you can share a room and vacation without friends. It would be nice I am sure to just be your own little family. I am also confused as to why Jane would tell you anything about it. You may love her and all but she is not your child. I don't think I would have even got involved and asked Jane anything. Good luck.

ETA- Of course Jane wants to go. Heck with all the places you have taken her and paid for I would want to go and I don't even know you!

 

[HeatherH]

Not at all. I'm sorry. Was just responding to the little jab posted by the poster above you...

Ah, okay, thanks.

 

[N&B'smom]

wow...and your quote is something about the difference between what is right and what is easy...and yet you had a problem with my concerns...The "right" thing was DD telling Jane she'd changed her mind, the "easy" thing was letting me do it..

Hummm pot, meet kettle.

NOOOOOO!! I'm truly saying that I misunderstood your relationship based on your statement. I was just explaining why I had thought that. Wasn't being snippy at all, I promise the tone of my post was not that at all.

I'm GLAD things have been put to rest for you! I apologize again if my post came across wrong!! That was not my intent.