morbid question

[Disney Doll]

I would like to think I would be an understanding second wife if he said he wanted to be buried next to his first wife and the mother of his children.

Of course the "bury him between both" wives is probably not a bad idea either, especially in the case of the death of both spouses.

My parents had a friend whose wife of about 30 years drowned, he remarried a lady a few years later (coincidentally, my friend's aunt, althought they didn't meet through us), they were married about 15 years or so then he died and he got buried next to his 1st wife...again, mother of his children, no children with the 2nd wife. I think the 2nd wife's nose was a bit out of joint, according to my friend.

The idea of being buried with both spouses is nice if everyone is OK with that.

If I died and DH remarried a nice lady who made him happy for years, I wouldn't mind if she got buried in our plot too.

 

[SereneOne]

I understand your reasoning. However, the OP is not talking about "ex" spouses, she is talking about deceased spouses. There is a big difference. I lost my husband of 34 years last year. I am 57, he was 55. He was cremated, but his remains are in a niche at the cemetery. My remains will be placed there as well. My name is already on the niche with my year of birth. Obviously, year of death is blank.

Even if I were to remarry someday, I still want to be "buried" with my first husband.

If my first spouse was dead, I would STILL want to be buried next to my now husband. We where together six years, my current husband and I are working on sixteen. Again, it is circumstances. I would think if my first marraige was as long as yours was, I would probably want to be buried with him or with both.

My mother's first husband died (my bio dad), but she will be buried with her current husband (also my dad).

Hopefully you will both live a long, long time with good health and joy.

 

[SereneOne]

I would like to think I would be an understanding second wife if he said he wanted to be buried next to his first wife and the mother of his children.

Of course the "bury him between both" wives is probably not a bad idea either, especially in the case of the death of both spouses.

My parents had a friend whose wife of about 30 years drowned, he remarried a lady a few years later (coincidentally, my friend's aunt, althought they didn't meet through us), they were married about 15 years or so then he died and he got buried next to his 1st wife...again, mother of his children, no children with the 2nd wife. I think the 2nd wife's nose was a bit out of joint, according to my friend.

The idea of being buried with both spouses is nice if everyone is OK with that.

If I died and DH remarried a nice lady who made him happy for years, I wouldn't mind if she got buried in our plot too.

I agree. I would want my spouse to move on and be happy with a nice lady. I would want him to be buried with us both.

 

[binny]

ok let me throw another wrench into it.

Say both spouses, who had been married before, were from opposite parts of the country.

I dont know... isnt it weird to think about this stuff? LOL

I know my mum has a plot next to my dad, he died 15 years ago. I have a hard time going there thinking that someday she will be there too. If she had remarried though I dont know how Id feel about it.

 

[SereneOne]

ok let me throw another wrench into it.

Say both spouses, who had been married before, were from opposite parts of the country.

I dont know... isnt it weird to think about this stuff? LOL

I know my mum has a plot next to my dad, he died 15 years ago. I have a hard time going there thinking that someday she will be there too. If she had remarried though I dont know how Id feel about it.

Boy, you are asking some hard ones!

If I put it in the context of me being a second spouse and my husband being married first for many years, I could understand wanting to be buried next to the first spouse. However, for him to be far away would be really difficult. One of my daughters is buried in Florida in the same cemetary where my parents have their plots. She is in Babyland (babies and young children are buried there) and there plots are in the veteran's section nearby. But it really does sadden me that I do not get to visit her gravesite. I have talked to my husband (and her father) about moving her remains close to us.

 

[SleepyMom]

This has happened in my DH's family, only the spouse who died didn't let anyone know his plans. Let's just say wife #2 had a big shock.

The husband (I'll call him H) and wife #1 were married many years and had close to 10 children, when one of those children died they bought several plots all together. Then wife #1 passed away and was buried next to their child.

Wife #2 was married and had 7 children, one that died young so her and her first husband bought 3 plots. They divorced and years later when he died her ex was buried in his plot.

Eventually wife #2 married H and they bought 2 more plots in the row next to her ex and child, so she would be close to her child, but not buried by her ex. The plot bought by H to be used next to his first wife was used when another child of his passed away.

Twenty years went by and H found out he was sick, he went and made all his funeral plans without telling anyone and part of those plans was buying another single plot next to his first wife and 2 children. He told everyone he had made his plans, but didn't say what they were and honestly no one would have even thought to ask about this because he had owned those 2 plots for years and it was just expected. The funeral director knew of his plans, but didn't know he hadn't told anyone, which meant he never knew to talk about where the grave was, he just figured we all knew.

So, the day of the funeral we drove to the cemetary and as we pulled in we could tell there was not a fresh grave where it should be. This is a small town and wife #2's plots were near the front and wife #1 was closer to the back, she was stunned to say the least.

Wife #2 died a few years later and was buried next to her child and ex-husband and she left the 2 plots her and H had bought in the next row to her 2 single sons. Her and H had a different marriage and I think that was his way of getting the last word, because there was nothing she could do by the time she figured it out.

We have a strange situation on my side too, my cousin's wife died and he bought two plots and put on one headstone with both their names. Then he re-married and moved to another state. He's only been re-married a year and he is only in his 50's so we may not know how this one will play out for a long time.

 

[2BigKIdz]

My aunt divorced her husband after 32 years of marriage. He soon re-married. My aunt passed in 1991 and was buried in one of the 3 plots she and ex-husband purchased during marriage. For some reason they did not divide the plots in the divorce. His 2nd wife passed away a few years ago and was buried in one of those plots. He plans to be buried in the middle He is now married again, there were only 3 plots so I guess she won't be buried with them.

 

[ontariomonkey]

I think that if you are married to someone and promise to be buried next to them, then that is a commitment you should keep. That is something that hopefully the 2nd wife knew about.

 

[bicker]

My mother was buried diagonal to her second husband's first wife. When her second husband dies, presumably he'll be buried between the two.

 

[NMAmy]

Did she do that after they were adults and married already? Or when they were kids?

Oh, they were adults and married at the time. It didn't bother me because I knew DH wouldn't use his plot.

 

[Tink888]

DH & I have been married 16 years. I want him buried next to me. If I go first and he marries again (which I would hope he would), the new wife can be buried with us. I have no problem sharing but I had him first - I don't care if she ended up with him, I'm not hanging out there by myself.

 

[Disney Doll]

This has happened in my DH's family, only the spouse who died didn't let anyone know his plans. Let's just say wife #2 had a big shock.

The husband (I'll call him H) and wife #1 were married many years and had close to 10 children, when one of those children died they bought several plots all together. Then wife #1 passed away and was buried next to their child.

Wife #2 was married and had 7 children, one that died young so her and her first husband bought 3 plots. They divorced and years later when he died her ex was buried in his plot.

Eventually wife #2 married H and they bought 2 more plots in the row next to her ex and child, so she would be close to her child, but not buried by her ex. The plot bought by H to be used next to his first wife was used when another child of his passed away.

Twenty years went by and H found out he was sick, he went and made all his funeral plans without telling anyone and part of those plans was buying another single plot next to his first wife and 2 children. He told everyone he had made his plans, but didn't say what they were and honestly no one would have even thought to ask about this because he had owned those 2 plots for years and it was just expected. The funeral director knew of his plans, but didn't know he hadn't told anyone, which meant he never knew to talk about where the grave was, he just figured we all knew.

So, the day of the funeral we drove to the cemetary and as we pulled in we could tell there was not a fresh grave where it should be. This is a small town and wife #2's plots were near the front and wife #1 was closer to the back, she was stunned to say the least.

Wife #2 died a few years later and was buried next to her child and ex-husband and she left the 2 plots her and H had bought in the next row to her 2 single sons. Her and H had a different marriage and I think that was his way of getting the last word, because there was nothing she could do by the time she figured it out.

We have a strange situation on my side too, my cousin's wife died and he bought two plots and put on one headstone with both their names. Then he re-married and moved to another state. He's only been re-married a year and he is only in his 50's so we may not know how this one will play out for a long time.

In this case I have to tell you that if I was wife#2 it wouldn't have shocked me that he was to be buried near wife #1. Mother of the children and all.

 

[Disney Doll]

My aunt divorced her husband after 32 years of marriage. He soon re-married. My aunt passed in 1991 and was buried in one of the 3 plots she and ex-husband purchased during marriage. For some reason they did not divide the plots in the divorce. His 2nd wife passed away a few years ago and was buried in one of those plots. He plans to be buried in the middle He is now married again, there were only 3 plots so I guess she won't be buried with them.

Maybe if the 3rd wife dies first she can be uried in the middle and they can do an addendum to the headstone:

"The Wives of Uncle Joe"

 

[Disney Doll]

Oh, they were adults and married at the time. It didn't bother me because I knew DH wouldn't use his plot.

So your MIL bought burial plots for her children when they were adults and already married!

Wow!

 

[2BOYMOM]

Okay, here is the situation in my family.

My Mom died October 1, 1989. Her and my Dad had been married 30 some years and there are 4 of us children. My parents had bought 2 plots (for each of them) in the cementary in the town we live in. My Dad's name and year of birth are on his side of the headstone.

My Dad remarried in June of 1990. Okay, we really, really tired to like this woman but she made that impossible to do. I'm not going to go into the details here. My Dad had a heart attack and died March 1, 2008. So Jean (wife #2) produces paperwork for 2 plots her and my Dad had purchased in Raleigh, about 20 miles away. She produced these with a gleam of joy on her face that we wouldn't be able to bury my Dad next to my Mom.

Our intentions are to move my Dad next to my Mom when the evil one dies. We have already checked into the legal aspects of this (without her knowledge) and will be able to do this. It will be expensive, but to us, it is worth even dollar.

 

[NMAmy]

So your MIL bought burial plots for her children when they were adults and already married!

Wow!

Can you tell she was a bit controlling? I really loved her and I was able to get along with her mainly because I come from a family of very domineering women so I didn't really take it to heart. I found it more amusing than anything else. Plus the fact that we were separated by an ocean probably helped a lot.

 

[SleepyMom]

In this case I have to tell you that if I was wife#2 it wouldn't have shocked me that he was to be buried near wife #1. Mother of the children and all.

Oh, she was shocked! I think because they had bought 2 plots together and he never mentioned secretly buying another next to his first wife. She literally found out as we pulled into the cemetary that he wasn't being buried in their spot. She hid it fairly OK that day, but those of us who knew her knew she was fuming mad to be embarrassed that way. Like I said, it was H getting the final last word and there was nothing she could do.

She had found out he picked his pallbearers and wanted them to be his grandsons and she changed that after he died to be her sons instead, so if she had known she would have changed the burial plot as well.

Later on she tried to pass it off that she did know and it wasn't a big deal, but it was.

 

[ols386]

I would think that if the deceased man and his current wife had both been married BEFORE, for any length of time, that each would be buried beside their first spouse, especially if they had children with the first spouse.

My Dad was married to my Mom for 40 years, then she died. He re-married, and was married to his second wife for about 15 years, and he was buried next to my Mom. I think my Dad and my step-mom (his second wife) had already talked about it before he passed away, and agreed that he would be buried next to my Mom.

I can see, depending on the circumstances, where it could be a tricky thing, deciding who's buried next to who?

 

[Plantlady]

My grandma was widowed young, in her early 50's. She remarried a wonderful man. He had been widowed as well.

They were happily married for 30 years. They passed away within 6-8 months of each other. Each were buried next to their first spouse. Same cemetery, a couple rows from each other.

I know, when my grandpa died (The man that grandma married) one of his children took a stem of flowers from his flower arrangements, and went and put them on my grandma's plot. I am tearing up typing that even now.. three years later, because it was such a touching thing. I may of been the only one to see it happen.

Anyway. Both of them already had a plot. No big deal. No one in the family found it strange.

 

[DawnM]

Yeah, that would be hard.

My Grandpa's first wife died and they had 2 kids. He married again and had 3 with my Grandma. They are buried next to each other (second wife.)

I don't think I would buy plots right now though.....I don't even know where I will BE when I die!

But I do have 3 kids with my DH and even if he died and I remarried I would not be having any more kids!

Dawn